My Shackles
(A/N: The song "Shackled" is the copyrighted property of Vertical Horizon, and not me. This isn't a good thing to read if you people are Goku/Chichi fans. I really despise the woman, myself. She's always so mean, and an all around bitch. But anyway, if you don't mind them breaking up, read on!)
{For so long my life's been sewn up tight inside your hold. It leaves me there without a place to call my own...}
"Gohan! I hope you've got your homework done!" Chichi's voice echoed through the house and even outside of the house.
Gohan and Goku both winced as they walked in the door, both sweating and breathing laboriously from training. The little half-saiyan looked up to his father and Goku nodded. Gohan ran off to his room to finish his studying.
Goku sighed and walked into the kitchen, only to be greeted by his disgruntled wife. He looked down at the small woman who stood with her hands on her hips and put on a grin. "Hey, Chichi!" He tried to sound cheerful, just for her.
"Don't you "hey Chichi" me, Goku! You took Gohan out to train again before he was done with his studies, didn't you!" Her voice was angry and she was accusing rather than asking.
"Chichi..." He was about to make his usual apology, but a different idea came to him. He should tell her what he really thought rather than what she wanted to hear. "Yes, Chichi, I did take him out before he was done with his studying. And I'm not sorry I did it, either."
She blinked. "What?!" Chichi shrieked.
The saiyan stood tall. "You heard me, Chichi. I'm tired of always doing what you tell me to. And I'm sure Gohan is as well. The only reason he takes any abuse from you is because I have for as long as I can remember."
The black haired woman's jaw dropped in shock. "How dare you talk to me like that!" She moved as if to slap him, but Goku caught her wrist and held it gently, not wanting to hurt her.
"I'm not going to live the way you want me to anymore, Chichi. And if you can't accept that, then I'll leave."
{I know now what shadows can see. There's no point in runnin' less you run with me. It's half the distance through the open door, before you cut me down again. Let me introduce you to the end...}
"Goku, let go of my hand." He did so without any argument. Chichi was trying to stay angry, but the look in her eyes was filled with fear and anxiety. She rubbed her wrist with her other hand unconsciously.
Goku's looked at her hand in concern. "I didn't hurt you did I?"
She shook her head. "What did you mean when you said that you'd leave?" she asked softly.
He shrugged. "I've been hanging on your every word like some lost little puppy for a very long time, Chichi. I don't like it, and I never have. If I have to leave you so I can be my own person and do what I want to do, then I will."
"You wouldn't..." The way she said it sounded more like a question than a statement.
He raised a dark eyebrow. "Wouldn't I?"
{And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings. It always leads me back to suffering. But I will soar until the wind whips me down, leave me beaten on unholy ground again.}
"Goku! How can you even say something like that?! We've been together for a long time! We have a son who'll soon be a man! How can you think of leaving that all behind?" Her anger was fading fast and becoming replaced with fear. He was being serious, and she knew that wasn't a good thing.
{So tired now of paying my dues. I start out strong but then I always lose. It's half the distance before you leave me behind. It's such a waste of time, again...}
"Do you know how I can think that? Because I'm tired of this, Chichi. I do everything you ask of me, and all it does is wastes my time. All you ever give me in return in more reprimands and more commands." He sighed and put his hand gently on her shoulder. "Do I ever do anything to deserve all the attacks I get from you?"
Chichi was speechless. Her jaw worked, but no sounds came from her lips. "Goku..." she finally said hoarsely. He could tell that she was trying not to cry, but he made no move to comfort her.
"What is it, Chichi?" He asked gently.
"I love you. All I do for you and to you is because I love you." She whispered softly, wiping a tear that slid from her eye with the back of her hand.
{'Cause my shackles, you won't be. And my rapture, you won't believe. And deep inside, you will bleed for me...}
"Chichi, I'm not going to be shackled by you anymore. You keep me here and keep me going down the road you want me to follow. But, believe it or not, I'm glad that you did for a time. It's made me realize how much I need to go out and find that which truly makes me happy."
"Goku, are you saying that you aren't happy being here with me?" Her hand unconsciously formed a fist.
{So here I slave inside of a broken dream, forever holding onto splitting seams. So take your piece and leave me alone to die. I don't need you to keep my faith alive...}
"Yes, that's basically what I'm saying, Chichi. I stay here and keep your little world in one piece, but that world has been falling apart for some time. I don't want to hold it together for you any more if you can't let me do some things on my own."
"But, Goku...!"
"No, Chichi. Listen to me. I think that a part of me will always love you. But I'm not in love with you anymore. I haven't been for a long time. But keeping Gohan's home life in good shape was something I wanted. And now that he's old enough to understand, I think he should know what's going on."
Chichi nodded slightly, fighting against the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. "Gohan!" She called shakily and the boy came running.
"What is it, mom?" The black haired child looked up at her and blinked curiously. "Mom, are you... crying? What's wrong?"
"Gohan, there's something your mother and I need to talk to you about."
"What is it, dad?"
"Well, I'm going to be leaving, Gohan. I'm not as happy here with your mom as I should be. So I'm going to go find the person who will make me as happy as I can possibly be."
"Will you be coming back anytime, dad?"
Goku nodded. "I'll come back to visit you and your mother, now and then. And if it's okay with your mom, you can come and see me when you want to."
{I know now what trouble can be. And why it follows me so easily. It's half the distance through the open door, before you shut me down again. Let me introduce you to the end...}
Chichi nodded. "Do you really have to leave, Goku? There has to be something that I can do..."
He shook his head sadly. "You've had a long time to change, Chichi. I'm sorry, but this is the only way I can find what makes me whole."
{Cause my shackles you won't be. And my rapture, you won't believe. And deep inside, you will bleed for me. Though you know you care...}
"Dad, I'm going to miss you."
"I know you will, son. But remember this... No matter where I am or what I'm doing, a part of me will be here with you and your mother. Always."
He nodded and Goku ruffled the boy's hair affectionately. "Take good care of him for me, Chichi. And take care of yourself as well."
"Goku, I'm sorry..." He wiped her tears gently and kissed her forehead softly.
"I hope you two will be alright without me here."
{And my laughter, you won't hear. The faster, I disappear. And time will burn your eyes to tears.}
Goku walked out the open door and looked back over his shoulder once. He waved to his family with a bright smile on his face and he took to the air, flying off to search for the missing pieces to his life.
Chichi put her face in her hands as her eyes began to sting with the tears she was holding back. She let them free and they flowed down her cheeks. Gohan hugged her tightly and she sank to the floor, her son holding her tightly as she cried. He rubbed her back soothingly and let the tears run their course.
//Take care of yourself, dad...// Gohan thought, hoping that his father could hear him, wherever he was.
