My little twisted mind: OK just to let all you people know that fist one wasn't a chapter it was an intro! It's not supposed to be all fancy and every thing. On another note I'm sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up, and sorry again for the misspelled words I'm a moron and have a dyslexia so just deal with it.

Sauron-in-a-Globe

Chapter One

In the land of Mordor the normally charred black sky was bright and sunny, which was quite unusual for Mordor. But much has changed since the new queen of darkness had concord Sauron lord of darkness. The first change was that the great tower was painted a washed out pastel pink while all the other castles and forts (and those that the dark queen had build) were painted a variety of pinks, purples, yellows, greens, and sky blues. The once dark world was now bright and colorful. The orc armies had also changed, when the dark queen had come the orcish armor was thrown aside and they now adorned new armor. Consisting of light purple chain mail, light pink half plate armor, with yellow helmets which had fluffy feathers covering the top and rim of the helmet making it look more like a head dress then a helmet. The half plate armor was adorned with glitter and beads glued onto it with finger paints also each chest plate had two small pompoms glued on either side giving the impression of nipples. All together the newly rearmored orc army looked like a army of transvestites. At first the orc's rebelled agents the new changes but once they were force fed happy pills they just sat on once place staring off into space and drooled a lot. In addition to the orc army the dark queen called forth from her world the dreaded fan girl army. Their numbers were few at fist but then they soon out numbered the entire orc army seven to one. They along with the orc's were the mindless stock troops of the dark queen. While the orc's stared off into their happy place the fan girls though simple minded thinking of only their obsession they were quick to run after deadly elves ignoring the danger of their pointy and painful weapons thinking of only getting some sweet Elvin ass. Fearless (or stupid) as these fan girls were they were clumsy and couldn't form a plan if their lives depended on it, so they used their shear numbers to mob their enemy.

While the transvestite orc and fan girl army attacked the surrounding lands of Mordor the dark queen sat in her throne room. She would spend hours, days, weeks just poring over maps and statistics to win battles. But now she sat on her dark throne with a smirk on her face. In her hand was a snow globe inside that snow globe was that former dark lord Sauron. He cursed in Mordorish as the dark queen shook the globe causing the glitter in it to stir and stick in his eye.

"Heh heh heh I bet you wish you had an eye lid now huh?" She asked Sauron, as she gave him another whorl and more glitter got in his fiery eye.

Then suddenly the doors of the throne room burst open and a fan girl hassled in fallowed by two orc's clad in their battle/transvestite-bitch-fighting armor who fallowed. The fan girl who's name was Cassie was also the girl who was the first to come thought the portal. The orc on Cassie's left as the leader of the orc's and easily identified because of the big light purple fro wig he wore as a symbol of his statues. With each sep he took the fro swayed being about 4.5 feet in circumference it stick out among the other orc's helmets/head dresses. The three stopped in front of the dark queen.

"Important news!" Cassie screamed.

"Of what?" The dark queen asked, but Cassie just stared at the queen with a blank expression.

"Um... I forgot..." She said blinking.

"Your highness" The orc with the oh-so-fluffy-fro said. " We have news that an alliance of men, elves, dwarves, and even a few hobbits are to attempt to take on your power and challenge you. The armies-"

He tried to go on but was cut off by Cassie screaming. "Yes! That's it I remember Frodo will be there! Oh my little sexy midget will be there. Oh no I have to save him from the fighting I don't want him to get hurt."

the orc commander and his suburbanite stared at Cassie blinking while the dark queen sighed at her outburst.

"Well then." The dark queen said putting her Sauron-in-a-globe in her gig baggie gothic pants pocket. "We wont want to disappoint them now will we" She then stood up and looked out the window. "Prepare the orc and fan girl army!" she screamed.

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