Buffy awoke with a nasty taste in her mouth. She remembered she had fallen
asleep without brushing her teeth the night before, and the leftover beer
taste was none to pleasant. She tried to move but felt something
obstructing her. Buffy reached behind her and discovered that a large
cushion from the couch had fallen out of place, trapping her where she lay.
She let out a large groan and yanked as hard as she could, trying to free
herself. 'Shit,' she thought as she heard a huge ripping noise coming from
beneath her. She sat up to see that she had torn the cushion by the seams,
thus detaching it from its permanent place on the couch. 'Angel's going to
kill me,' she thought, worry crossing her face. 'Well, it's his own damn
fault. If he had given up his bed for me, like a proper gentleman, his
couch would still be in one piece.' She rose from the couch and tucked the
cushion back in where it belonged. Smiling to herself she thought that it
looked pretty good. 'He'll never even notice.'
Stretching her body, she felt her back crack in a dozen different places. 'Now would be a good time for Spike's masseur skills.' She froze mid- stretch, remembering her sloppy smoochy-session with Angel the night before. Things didn't get too far. And the kissing, if one could call it that, only lasted for about ten or fifteen minutes tops. Sitting back down on the couch, Buffy put her face in her hands. "What am I doing?" she asked herself quietly.
"Morning sleepyhead." Buffy looked up to see Xander walking towards her from the long hallway. "Slept like a baby again, I hope," he said looking at the girl warily.
"Not so much. This couch may look pretty, but as far as comfort-factor goes - it rates a big fat zero," she said, rubbing a sore spot in her neck, breathing a sigh of relief when it popped back into place.
Xander joined her on the couch and helped her work out one of the knots in her shoulder. "Did you sleep with Cordy in the guestroom?" Buffy asked, after realizing what direction Xander had entered from.
Xander sputtered out a few 'errs' and 'uhhs' before finally admitting that yes he had.
"Wow," Buffy said shocked. "This is a new development. Where have I been?"
"Well snuggling with Angel for one. . ." the brunette said sharply, continuing his massage.
Buffy froze, "Yah, well . . . you and Cordy had the couch . . . so, Angel sat with me. There wasn't a lot of space on that thing." She said trying to cover her ass. She hoped he bought her story, but realized he wasn't going to let her off that quickly when she felt him turn her shoulders until she faced him.
"What's going on Buffy?" he asked, voice calm, yet stern at the same time.
The girl shrugged. "Nothing. . ." Off his skeptical look she huffed. "Fine. Angel and I kissed a few times last night. No big deal." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Satisfied?"
"Not really . . . are you?" Buffy blushed at his question and looked away. She really couldn't handle any judgments right now. Especially from someone who just spent the night with Cordelia.
"Is this what you really want Buffy?" He asked softly, placing one hand on her knee. "Because if it is. . . I'll drop the subject. . .never bring it up again." Buffy remained silent. "But if it isn't. . .I would suggest you stop whatever it is you're doing - pronto - before things get to a point where you can't go back."
Buffy digested his words for a few moments. Her chosen response was sharp and cold. "What I do with my life is none of your business Xander." The boy felt stung as he watched her rise from the couch and walk to her baggage.
'What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?' a voice in her head said frantically as she pulled a towel from her suitcase. She tried to calm down as she passed Xander again in the hallway. Looking down at her feet, she wasn't prepared to bump into Angel in front of the bathroom door. Glancing around nervously, she caught Xander staring at them. Trying to prove him wrong she tilted her head up to the tall man, and said sweetly, "Good morning," before leaning in for a wake-up kiss.
"Sorry Buff," he said backing away with a chuckle. "You might want to brush your teeth first. I'm not big with the morning breath." Buffy gaped at him. "And you might want to check out a mirror, you got some sort of black gunk . . . ." he added, pointed to a clump of mascara that had accumulated in the corner of her right eye. Buffy gulped, and nodded weakly at Angel. She pointed at the bathroom asking if he wanted to use it first. After he declined, she walked in, locking the door behind her.
Xander watched the scene, embarrassed for his friend. 'Why are girls always so stupid when it comes to relationships? It's like they all are masochists and want to be treated like dirt.' Interupting his train of thought, Cordelia exited the guest bedroom, already showered and dressed in her staff t-shirt and shorts. "Out of my way Harris," she said, as she roughly shoved past him. 'What was that about dirt?' he thought glumly.
Buffy leaned against the bathroom door and let out a huge sigh. She walked toward the sink, and examined herself in the mirror. "I don't look that bad," she muttered, wiping the tiny speck from her eye. "And my breath does not . . ." She breathed into her cupped hand and lifted it to her nose. "Ok. He was right on that one."
She shrugged off her clothes and stepped into the large tub. Turning the knob to scald, she stood there for a few moments, enjoying the feel of the hot water against her aching body.
As she stood underneath the spray, she couldn't help but remember a conversation she had the day before - although it seemed like weeks ago:
"You don't think we just snap our fingers and look perfect do you? Without all the extra junk, as you call it, we look like I do now. . .pale and yucky."
"I think you look beautiful."
Running the shampoo through her hair she imagined Spike's fingers massaging her scalp as they had yesterday afternoon. His soothing voice filled her head once again.
"I want to just hold you and talk. Feel out the situation . . .Let it be about us for awhile."
Buffy ran the bar of soap over her body, pausing briefly as she passed over the back of her hand, remembering the way he drew little circles on it, while walking her to the car. She pictured watching him fade away as Angel drove further and further away from camp.
"Suddenly, three years ago, they just stopped coming. Nothing since then."
"He's a fool."
She was scrubbing her body roughly now, causing red marks to appear on her delicate skin.
"In our last few. . . encounters, I've felt more than I ever 'ave before. The things you do to me. . .It burns."
Salty tears spilled from her eyes as she allowed the water to wash the soap from her body.
"I wish that just once someone would ask about my plans. Ask me what I want."
"And what's that, luv?"
"Funny thing is, I really don't know. . .Stupid right?"
Buffy slumped down to the floor of the tub, choking on the sobs that ripped through her body.
"It's not stupid to not know what you want. You're twenty-years old. You don't have a bleedin' road map telling you which path is best."
The water began to run cold as she rocked herself back and forth, waiting for the guilt to wash away.
"Stay as long as you like."
"How does forever sound?"
Stretching her body, she felt her back crack in a dozen different places. 'Now would be a good time for Spike's masseur skills.' She froze mid- stretch, remembering her sloppy smoochy-session with Angel the night before. Things didn't get too far. And the kissing, if one could call it that, only lasted for about ten or fifteen minutes tops. Sitting back down on the couch, Buffy put her face in her hands. "What am I doing?" she asked herself quietly.
"Morning sleepyhead." Buffy looked up to see Xander walking towards her from the long hallway. "Slept like a baby again, I hope," he said looking at the girl warily.
"Not so much. This couch may look pretty, but as far as comfort-factor goes - it rates a big fat zero," she said, rubbing a sore spot in her neck, breathing a sigh of relief when it popped back into place.
Xander joined her on the couch and helped her work out one of the knots in her shoulder. "Did you sleep with Cordy in the guestroom?" Buffy asked, after realizing what direction Xander had entered from.
Xander sputtered out a few 'errs' and 'uhhs' before finally admitting that yes he had.
"Wow," Buffy said shocked. "This is a new development. Where have I been?"
"Well snuggling with Angel for one. . ." the brunette said sharply, continuing his massage.
Buffy froze, "Yah, well . . . you and Cordy had the couch . . . so, Angel sat with me. There wasn't a lot of space on that thing." She said trying to cover her ass. She hoped he bought her story, but realized he wasn't going to let her off that quickly when she felt him turn her shoulders until she faced him.
"What's going on Buffy?" he asked, voice calm, yet stern at the same time.
The girl shrugged. "Nothing. . ." Off his skeptical look she huffed. "Fine. Angel and I kissed a few times last night. No big deal." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Satisfied?"
"Not really . . . are you?" Buffy blushed at his question and looked away. She really couldn't handle any judgments right now. Especially from someone who just spent the night with Cordelia.
"Is this what you really want Buffy?" He asked softly, placing one hand on her knee. "Because if it is. . . I'll drop the subject. . .never bring it up again." Buffy remained silent. "But if it isn't. . .I would suggest you stop whatever it is you're doing - pronto - before things get to a point where you can't go back."
Buffy digested his words for a few moments. Her chosen response was sharp and cold. "What I do with my life is none of your business Xander." The boy felt stung as he watched her rise from the couch and walk to her baggage.
'What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?' a voice in her head said frantically as she pulled a towel from her suitcase. She tried to calm down as she passed Xander again in the hallway. Looking down at her feet, she wasn't prepared to bump into Angel in front of the bathroom door. Glancing around nervously, she caught Xander staring at them. Trying to prove him wrong she tilted her head up to the tall man, and said sweetly, "Good morning," before leaning in for a wake-up kiss.
"Sorry Buff," he said backing away with a chuckle. "You might want to brush your teeth first. I'm not big with the morning breath." Buffy gaped at him. "And you might want to check out a mirror, you got some sort of black gunk . . . ." he added, pointed to a clump of mascara that had accumulated in the corner of her right eye. Buffy gulped, and nodded weakly at Angel. She pointed at the bathroom asking if he wanted to use it first. After he declined, she walked in, locking the door behind her.
Xander watched the scene, embarrassed for his friend. 'Why are girls always so stupid when it comes to relationships? It's like they all are masochists and want to be treated like dirt.' Interupting his train of thought, Cordelia exited the guest bedroom, already showered and dressed in her staff t-shirt and shorts. "Out of my way Harris," she said, as she roughly shoved past him. 'What was that about dirt?' he thought glumly.
Buffy leaned against the bathroom door and let out a huge sigh. She walked toward the sink, and examined herself in the mirror. "I don't look that bad," she muttered, wiping the tiny speck from her eye. "And my breath does not . . ." She breathed into her cupped hand and lifted it to her nose. "Ok. He was right on that one."
She shrugged off her clothes and stepped into the large tub. Turning the knob to scald, she stood there for a few moments, enjoying the feel of the hot water against her aching body.
As she stood underneath the spray, she couldn't help but remember a conversation she had the day before - although it seemed like weeks ago:
"You don't think we just snap our fingers and look perfect do you? Without all the extra junk, as you call it, we look like I do now. . .pale and yucky."
"I think you look beautiful."
Running the shampoo through her hair she imagined Spike's fingers massaging her scalp as they had yesterday afternoon. His soothing voice filled her head once again.
"I want to just hold you and talk. Feel out the situation . . .Let it be about us for awhile."
Buffy ran the bar of soap over her body, pausing briefly as she passed over the back of her hand, remembering the way he drew little circles on it, while walking her to the car. She pictured watching him fade away as Angel drove further and further away from camp.
"Suddenly, three years ago, they just stopped coming. Nothing since then."
"He's a fool."
She was scrubbing her body roughly now, causing red marks to appear on her delicate skin.
"In our last few. . . encounters, I've felt more than I ever 'ave before. The things you do to me. . .It burns."
Salty tears spilled from her eyes as she allowed the water to wash the soap from her body.
"I wish that just once someone would ask about my plans. Ask me what I want."
"And what's that, luv?"
"Funny thing is, I really don't know. . .Stupid right?"
Buffy slumped down to the floor of the tub, choking on the sobs that ripped through her body.
"It's not stupid to not know what you want. You're twenty-years old. You don't have a bleedin' road map telling you which path is best."
The water began to run cold as she rocked herself back and forth, waiting for the guilt to wash away.
"Stay as long as you like."
"How does forever sound?"
