Song is Don't Slide by: Dido
~*~
Part 4
Staring at the same four walls, have you tried to help yourself
The rings around your eyes they don't hide, that you need to get some rest
It's all right to make mistakes you're only human
Inside everybody's hiding something
She fights the same, only harder, Faith thinks, watching Buffy while at the same time trying to stake a vamp of her own. Buffy still has the same inventiveness, but now it's personal, and she flies at the vampire at full throttle. *Like you used to* something murmurs, but Faith chooses to ignore the voice that has been haunting her all night. Finally, she slams the stake home, and is showered in dust moment before Buffy does the same.
"You were really wailing on him." Faith said, inwardly fighting off the adrenaline that had reached a high she hadn't let herself tap into for years.
"Well...I guess I'm a little tense." The other woman admits sheepishly, "You're still doing good. Did you work out all the time or what?"
"Nope. I tried to stay away from it as much as possible."
There is a long silence. Faith held her arms around her waist, as if holding herself back with her arms. For a moment, Buffy wants to comfort her, a strange urge to touch her shoulder, her hand, something... then Buffy stops walking, angry at herself now, for weakening against the woman she hated, the woman who'd almost killed her "Faith, we need to clear a few things up."
"What?" Faith turns around, re-crossing her arms nervously. The prison shrink also said that Faith's need to fidget could be either a defense mechanism or ADHD that went untreated in childhood. Faith called it standing.
"You...you're only out because of the council. I didn't request you. You are still a murderer and I am still one of the people you tried to kill. This is not the good ole days. Got it?"
"I never thought it was 'the good ole days'. Were there ever any in the first place?" *Could've been...but you took care of that* Faith cringes against the hissing voice in her ear and the words from the one person whose forgiveness really matters to her.
"I just wanted to make myself clear."
*She'll hate you forever...*
"Do you hear that?" Faith asks, placing her hands over her ears. *You'll be a killer forever. Once a murderer always--*
"Hear what?" Buffy is staring at her, a tiny wrinkle between her eyebrows, just above her nose. "What are you trying to pull?"
"That voice." Faith snaps, "How can you not hear it?" *She thinks you're crazy. How far off is she?* "SHUT UP!"
"Faith, stop."
"I can't...it isn't me...it's--"
*Your mother said you were crazy the night you told her about the men with the strange faces...The ones that turned to nothing right in front of you. How far off was she?*
Faith is doubled over as the voice gets louder.
*Crazy Faith...Crazy. You belonged in that cage, didn't you? Yes...*
"Faith?"
"B, I swear. It's...I'm not faking anything."
Buffy stares at her for a long moment, weighing the options in her head. She wants to be pissed off forever, to not care if Faith hears evil voices. But she has a job to do, she rationalizes. "The First."
"What?" Faith whispers, her hands dropping from her ears. For now, the voice is silent.
"The First, it's gotta be messing with your head." Buffy looks sympathetic for a moment, "What is it saying?"
"I...nothing it's, just, nothing." Faith shakes her head, "Why don't we get back. Giles probably wants to know.."
"Yeah." Buffy looks like she might reach out and touch her, but doesn't, instead walking ahead. Faith follows, the voice saying nothing more, save for one soft phrase *Do you remember my face when you killed me, Faith?*
~*~
Redemption. Giles had deduced that The First was targeting those on a quest for redemption, or who have had guilt shoved upon them. Angel and Spike with their souls, Faith and all her guilt, Casey showing herself to a guilt-ridden Willow. It made sense that The First would target the weak first. And, to a large evil, those working towards redemption were weak. It had targeted Dawn's insecurities by appearing as Joyce and to the Slayers In Training as one of their own because they were scared already, so they would naturally seek to trust a member of their group. But an explanation didn't make anything stop. Faith has her own spot on the floor of Dawn's room, along with three slayers-in-training. The voice keeps talking, on and on. She shuts her eyes, screwing them up tight until she sees colors behind her eyelids.
*Open your eyes*
And she does, almost screaming when she sees the the face in front of her. Alan Finch, who is dead, dead for almost five years, crouches in front of her, resting his head in his hand. "I probably would've died, anyway, in the ascension." He says, holding her gaze with those same eyes that had looked up at her so long ago, filled with so much fear and disbelief as his blood poured from his chest. "But you know, at least then, it wouldn't've been in an alley. At least then, I wouldn't've been tossed in the ocean. Thanks, so much." He leans even closer, "You really are quite the masterpiece, Faith. No wonder the mayor loved you so."
Faith cries out, shutting her eyes again, wills it to just go away. When she opens them, there is no Alan Finch. One of the Slayers picks her head up from her pillow, "Are you all right?" She asks in a lilting British accent.
"Yeah...I'm...yeah."
"If you say so." The girl's curly head drops back to her pillow and Faith closes her eyes.
*Well, gee.* a new voice says, *Look at my girl now.*
"No." Faith whispers, opening her eyes and looking up at the man pacing the room. He walks between sleeping bags and steps over sleeping Slayers, but they don't notice him.
"Well I must say, I'm not happy." Richard Wilkins says, stopping at Faith's feet, "I thought you would follow in my footsteps, take the Summers girl down. But look at you, Faith. Aiding her? That...that...bimbo? Don't you remember? She had Angel, whom you wanted so...But maybe you didn't. Did you, Faith? Was it Buffy you were so jealous of?" He crouches down, much like Alan Finch had appeared, "Or was it Angel you envied? Hmm? You wanted her, and you still do."
Faith closes her eyes, grinding her teeth until she is sure they will crack.
*You will never have her.*
