Sauron and the Ringwraiths (A Love Story)

Chapter 5

Sauron sat deep in thought, toying with the swizzle stick in his cocktail.  "Are there any Evil beings that neither of us has slept with?" he inquires.

"You want us to list them?" Bob snorts.

"No, no, Bob, not at all… although I was surprised to hear you'd been with Saruman too…"

Bob stabbed the olive in his martini.  "You too?  Maybe we should start a list!"

"I don't think so…" The Dark Lord was evasive, giving Bob reason to suspect more than the Wizard caught his Eye.  Sauron was a Roving Eye, evidently.

Bob changed the subject back to the party.  "So.  Who to invite if we have this party?  Saruman's a big NO, as is Shelob and the Balrog…"

"And cross of Morgoth and Ungoliant," Sauron added.  "And let's leave the Watcher as well… fire and water don't mix," he mused.

Bob's eyes widened.  A little too much information there, he thought.

"Old Man Willow?  No, nor Bill Ferny…" Sauron went on.  "Easterlings and Haradrim?  Certainly not the Cave Troll.  It's a pity Smaug snuffed it…."

"OK.  Stop right there.  You're basically saying that between us we've gone through the entire forces of Evil in Middle Earth?"

"And Beleriand."

"Geez, Sauron!  There's no-one to invite for your little party!"

"What about the rest of the Wraiths?"

Bob looked disconcerted.  "No, I don't think we'll be doing that."

"Why not?  They're Evil.  Or are you telling me…?"

"Of course not!" Bob laughed.  "I certainly don't go for the tall, dark and Wraithy types!  Even if I did, workplace relationships don't exactly work out, do they?"

"What are you saying Bob?"

"Oh, we're different!"

Sauron shot a glance at his Witchking, but said nothing.

From above, the strains of ABBA drifted through the sound system:  'Mamma Mia'.  "Our song," smiled the Eye, singing a few bars.  "And when you go/when you slam the door/I think you know/that you won't be away too long…" he laughed.  "How very, very true, isn't it Bob?"

Bob gave a rueful laugh.  "Damn this hold you have over me.  How can I resist you?"  He too sang the last line.

Sauron came and stood before the Wraith.  Cupping Bob's face in his hands, he gazed deep into his liquid eyes.  "You can't," he said softly, then kissed him.  Bob put his arms around the Eye's waist and drew him closer.

"Oh, Eye…"