Song is Twinkle by: Tori Amos
~*~
Part 6
but, I can see that star
when she twinkles
and she twinkles
and I sure can.
That means
I sure can.
That means
I sure can
so hard.
So hard.
Patrol that night is not as eventful as the night before. Faith doesn't hear any voices and she doesn't see any dead people. She appreciates this. On top of that, there is next to no vampire activity.
"Well this is disappointing." Buffy says as they come up through the playground in the park, "I was really hoping to kill something tonight."
"Ditto." Faith says as Buffy sits down on a swing. She takes the one next to her, pushing a little with her feet so she swings slightly. "But...all in all, a good night for me. It's quiet."
"I'm glad." Buffy says, then "Look, Faith, I'm sorry for pushing about the redemption stuff earlier...and for saying what I said last night. I didn't know..."
"Don't worry about it. I deserve it, OK?"
"Maybe you do, maybe you don't."
"Whatever you say, B."
They watch the merry-go-round turn slowly in the wind. Buffy sighs, "I remember Hansel and Gretel being "dead" on that merry-go-round."
"Huh?"
"A long time ago, mom went patrolling with me, and we found two dead kids...but they weren't real. It's a long very odd story. It basically ends with a big hairy guy and a rat."
"Ah." Faith tries to remember is she was around for that, but finds that she can't. She thinks for a while, then "What happened to Joyce? I mean...how did it happen?"
"Well...where to begin, I guess. About two and a half years ago, they found a brain tumor. It was operable, and she got better...then she just...it was an aneurysm. I found her lying on the couch, and she was so cold..." Buffy looks down and blinks hard, "I was too late."
"Jesus."
"She liked you, even when you kind of tried to kill her."
Faith smiles a little and shakes her head, "Your mom was a real lady, B. I wished she was my mom sometimes. On Christmas when she had me over for no reason, just to give me a good holiday...I wanted to be you so bad that day."
"Meanwhile, Buffy is off saving her boyfriend from a sunny death."
"OK, so maybe not that bad."
They both laugh and Buffy shakes her head, "And then it all just went to hell, huh?"
"Pretty much."
"I wish we had never gone out that night, Faith. I wish Alan Finch hadn't been in that alley. I wish so much had been different. I almost wish they had never called you. You would be a normal girl somewhere in Boston right now not--"
"That's not true, B. We both know that. If I hadn't been called I would've screwed up and either be in jail anyway or wind up dead in a ditch with a needle in my arm or something. It was bad before I got to Sunnydale and you know that so don't play the guilt card...And yeah, I wish it was different. Who knows how it would've went, right?"
"Yeah." Buffy reaches across the two swings and grasps Faith's hand. Faith looks over in surprise, then down at their hands. Hers with practically no fingernails to speak of, Buffy's somehow perfectly manicured despite all the chaos around her. As usual.
They stand up after a few minutes, hands still joined and they head down the path towards the park exit. Faith is very much aware of the soft palm against hers, and the not-so-subtle thumb tracing back and forth over her skin. It's a comfort thing, that tiny stroke against her skin and she wonders if her dreams had ever focused on such a tiny movement, because she sure as hell is now.
When they get back, the house is dark. The Slayers in Waiting are camped in the basement and second floor, leaving the kitchen, dining room and living room empty and wonderfully quiet.
"Well, despite the lack of slayage, I'm starving," Buffy says, letting go of Faith's hand and heading to the kitchen, "You?"
"Yeah." Faith replies, shrugging out of her denim jacket. She had borrowed one of the girls' clothes. She can't remember her name, there were too many to keep track of now. She just knew Kennedy and the new one, Sonya. Sonya; tall, Amazonian, pretty, with long blond hair and sad aqua eyes. Faith could practically feel the power in the girl, just like all the other potentials--but Sonya had it coming out of her pores in waves, and all of it was tinged with a guilty sadness. Faith can definitely relate.
"Ice cream?" Buffy asks, coming back from the freezer with a carton of chocolate chip cookie dough.
"Oh yes." Faith says, "I haven't had ice cream in...ages, maybe forever."
Buffy smiles and takes out two spoons.
After quiet and companionable eating, Faith suddenly looks over at Buffy, "Look, don't forgive me, OK?"
"What?"
"Don't do me any favors, I don't want you to forgive me just because I got a little over-share-ish earlier."
"There hasn't been any forgiving Faith, there may never be. But I get it...Why don't you want forgiveness, anyway? Isn't that the goal?"
"I haven't earned it yet."
Buffy looks down at the ice cream and takes a bite, "After this thing with the First is over...I want you to stay. Earn it then."
"They'll send me back to the pen, B. This is all temporary."
"No. I'll get you out permanently. What's left of the Council can still make the Earth rotate backwards if they want...we'll keep you here."
"Buffy..."
"Faith, shut up, OK? If you want to earn forgiveness, take this chance."
"Fine." Faith takes another bite of ice cream and smiles, "This is so good."
"What do they feed you in prison?"
"Whatever it is, it ain't food. I've thoroughly enjoyed the food the past few days."
Buffy laughs for the second time in one day, "Sometimes, Faith, I see you."
"Pardon?"
"The you from those first few months in Sunnydale. I see her, sometimes."
"I can't see you, B."
"Neither can I." The blonde looks away, "Maybe I never will."
And then Faith just...does it. Reaches out, and puts her hand on Buffy's cheek, and turns her so they're facing eachother...and kisses her. Leans over the counter, over the open ice cream carton, and just gently brushes her lips over the other woman's. Like she's done it before...like it's not just something flying out of left field, but from somewhere acutely left of left field. And, maybe even further out of the park, is Buffy leaning into her and kissing her back.
And then, it ends and Faith feels dread in her stomach. Oh. Shit. That fight or flight thing the shrinks talk about all the time is kicking in big time, and she's picking flight at the moment because Buffy is looking at her like that...like she's only looked at her once before, when Faith has blood on her hands and she's crouched in a dark alleyway, the same feeling of *what have I done?* in her chest.
"I'm sorry." She tries to say, but it doesn't get the chance because then Buffy is kissing her again, and using the fact that Faith had opened her mouth to speak to her advantage. Buffy tastes like vanilla ice cream and cookie dough. *Oh my god...Oh...* and she's really not sure what to do with her hands. That's usually not a problem for Faith. She's Faith for Christ's sakes, she's a pro at this. But this isn't Xander or some random girl (boy, man, woman, has it ever really mattered to Faith?), it's Buffy, and it's something she's wanted and she's just a little thrown off.
It all falls back into place, though, and her hands are in long blond hair and she's half on her stool and half off, and it's all very surreal. There are people above them and people below them and a good third of those people would probably kick Faith's ass if they walked in...and she'd maybe let them because someone really needs to get her back to reality. The kiss tapers off into so many smaller ones until they are barely touching and both slowly open their eyes. And for a split second, Faith sees her in those eyes. For a moment, Buffy is 17 again and still so innocent despite it all. She turns back into the Buffy of the now very quickly, but that tiny glimpse is enough.
