Song is: Brick by Ben Folds Five

~*~

Part 8

Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before

Faith wonders, as she and Buffy take the Trainees out for a quick patrol, when this became the norm. Wearing jeans, talking to non-convicts, watching TV, nearly making out with Buffy. The last bit is what she is the most confused over. It isn't so much the actual part where she kisses Buffy, but the part where Buffy actually responds in a way that is not beating Faith to a bloody pulp. Then, there's the fact that every time (all three of them) has reduced Faith to wobbliness, a feeling she hasn't had since she was thirteen and being felt up behind a 7-11 by someone whose name she really can't remember, which is depressing in itself when you ignore the fact that she is currently turned upside down.

Kennedy keeps giving her knowing looks, too, and it's pissing her off more by the minute. Faith has been straying from the violent side of herself so far. When she patrols, she holds back, it keeps her from getting that full-on rush of slaying and the fear of picking up where she left off before Angel put her on the path to redemption keeps her from letting herself go. But she's really wanting to haul off and slap Kennedy's smile right off her face.

"OK." Buffy says as three figures become visible ahead of the group, "Looks like a party. You all, watch Faith and I. Don't try to jump in. Just watch. Stay here, we'll draw them closer."

Faith follows Buffy up the path where two vamps are holding onto either arm of a young woman, doing the usual taunt-before-you-eat bit.

"I want you to go full force." Buffy says as they approach the vampires.

"No."

"Faith, yes. You'll be fine."

"No! B, I can't. I can't, I'll--"

"No you won't. I'll make sure you're OK."

Faith looks over at her, "Please."

"You need to do this, and not just for them to see you in action. You need to learn how to control it, and I can help."

Faith can't argue anymore, because the vamps have abandoned their former meal, who is now running off in the other direction while the vamps advance on the two Slayers, who run off towards the Slayers in Training, luring them close enough so that the girls could observe. Faith forces herself to ignore the part of herself that was screaming at her to just run away and launches herself at one of the vamps, and there it is. Her muscles hum and her brain is working in that familiar way. She knows what punches to throw, when to duck, where to land her kicks, and she's doing it all with every instinct she's always had, and it God but it feels good. He's good, but she's better, just like it always was, and she has him pinned, and he's dust in under a minute. But it's enough, and she feels so high, the adrenaline really pumping. And she turns to see Buffy finish off her own vamp. The other Slayer looks at her and smiles.

"You did it." She says, "You were excellent."

Faith lets out the breath she hadn't realized she's holding and tries really hard to relax, "I...woah. It's...been a while."

Her knees are buckling but Buffy's catching her, and whispering"You're OK." very close to her ear. She pulls herself back up and Buffy is still holding her, and it's a tight hug now and Faith is letting her arms wrap around Buffy's slighter frame and Buffy is very softly placing a kiss on her neck.

"Wow." One of the Trainees murmurs and Kennedy nods.

"I knew it." She says, arms crossed.

Buffy and Faith back away and Faith takes a deep breath, "Just a little freaked out."

"Understandable." Buffy replies, "You're OK?"

"Yeah."

"Time to move out." Buffy says, directing it at the Trainees, "Bedtime for all Slayers."

"I bet." Kennedy mutters to another girl who hides a giggle under her hand.

But they haven't gone more than a few feet when Faith is hit with a screaming rush in her head and she hits the ground, knees first. The pavement breaks skin through her jeans but it's nothing compared to the pain in her head.

Oh, so close, Faithie dear the voice sings in her head. Faith squeezes her eyes shut, "NO!" Oh come on, babes, you didn't think I'd give up that easy. Please It's her mother, now, in her head, talking in that scratchy way of hers, acquired from years of cigarettes and booze and God knows what else. She's pretty, Faith. Skinny, but cute. Way too good for you. Maybe she buys this redemption bullshit right now. But what happens when the old you takes over? Hm? What happens with your little Buffy then?

Faith is vaguely aware of Buffy and the Trainees trying to help her up, but she can't even see through the pain and the voice.

She won't stick around, that's for damn sure. Back to the slammer you go my dear, and forgotten once again. The Council won't pull anymore strings, and chances are, Angel will give up on you the second time around. Poor fucked up little Faith will be nothing but a fading inmate.

"Shut up." Faith sobs, her hands over her ears.

*Oh come on, you know better than to hope for anything but what you really deserve. Don't tell me you actually thought you would lead the happy life with blondie in Sunnydale? You're trash, Faith. You will always be trash. Accept it."

"No..."

Buffy is shaking her now, "Faith! Come on, baby, fight it. Faith, look at me."

And Faith can hear her now, and the pain is fading slowly. She called me baby she thinks offhandedly in the back of her mind, but now she's sobbing and Buffy is holding her, and it's all just a little too much, and she just goes black.