Song is: San Andreas Fault by Natalie Merchant

~*~

Part 9

you'll be the brightest light
the world has ever seen
the dizzy height of a jet-set life
you could never dream

your future bright
beyond compare
it's rags to riches
over there

San Andreas Fault
moved it's fingers
through the ground
earth divided
plates collided
such an awful sound

Giles says there's no way to know why the First attacks when it does. Buffy watches Faith sleep in her bed, having blacked out back in the cemetary. She looks tortured even in her sleep. And Buffy wants to make it go away, and she doesn't really know why, and doesn't know if she really wants to know. All she is sure of tonight is that Faith matters, because she isn't what she was and she...

Spike knows. He gave her a look when she checked on him after she had taken Faith up to her room, and Buffy knew that he could sense it. Then, he had said, "You two. She's always wanted you, you know. And...you want her now. Don't you?"

She hadn't answered him, instead ignoring the statement all together and asking, "Any problems?"

"No." He had answered, "The First seems to like Faith a bit more today."

Buffy had nodded and left, and now here she is, watching Faith sleep. The radio is on, playing some old REM song. Downstairs, she can hear the Trainees eating dinner and laughing. Faith stirs every so often, sometimes making a small whimpering noise in the back of her throat, like she's afraid of something that only she can feel. Buffy would pay to know what the First is using to make Faith this way. If the damn thing weren't so intangible, she'd be kicking it's ass right now.

And why? She asks herself, Because it touched your Faith? Right. Admit it Summers. You are getting very much involved in something with Faith and you *like* it.

She hasn't forgotten her senior year--the parts not involving murder and a very psychotic version of Faith. She remembers the night Faith killed Alan Finch, how they had danced, the way the rest of the Bronze had blurred until all she saw was Faith, and how when they broke into the store, and were arrested, and when they broke about fifty laws in an hour, how she had wanted more than what was in that store. Want. Take. Have. Hand't that been what Faith had said?

And isn't it about time to take?

Faiths eyes open slowly and she looks up at Buffy for a moment before she speaks, "This has to stop, this invading my head shit. I can't handle it, B."

"I know. What...what does it say, Faith?"

"I...don't remember."

"Yes, you do."

Faith closes her eyes and sighs, "It tells me that I should just give up and do what I was born for. Killing. That I'll never be good, that I'll always be nothing but trash....That I'll never have you. And sometimes it shows itself, as the Mayor, as Finch, and sometimes it sounds like my mother. Sometimes, it's you."

Buffy feels the tears well up but blinks them back. Faith looks very small and very unFaith and it gets her more than it should. "We're going to get it, Faith. And after it's over, you're going to stay here and you are going to be fine."

"I'd like to believe it, I really would." Faith whispers, "But let's face it, Buffy. The chances of defeating the First are slim to none...and even then what's to keep my old self from popping by to say hello? What if I snap again? I don't know how to--"

"Don't think about it now, Faith, or you're going to drive yourself crazy. Right now, we need to focus on figthing the First and keeping you safe."

"Why? I mean...what makes you care? Why are you not feeding me to the First? It's what you *should* be doing."

"No. Even if...even if you weren't getting better, I wouldn't let it just have you. And even if I didn't..."

"Even if you didn't what?"

"Have...feelings...I wouldn't just hand you over to the First."

"You said you had feelings."

"I did."

"For me?"

"Duh."

Faith let herself smile, "OK."

"OK?"

"Yeah, OK. That's what I said."

"Smart ass." Buffy mutters.

"You love it."

"I do."