I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. It belongs to its respected owners.

Author's Notes: You know how Ranma 1/2 has all these people going after one guy? Asexual... hee hee that's funny!
Anyway, I've been feeling weird lately, so to express my "emotions" I'm wrote this chapter! Be afraid.

WARNING: VERY WEIRD CHAPTER... you have been warned... actually, you're supposed to sing every other scene in any particular tune... don't ask. *I really shouldn't be allowed to write songs...*

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It was morning! It was morning! Hum dum dee dum! It WAS morning anyway dum dee dum!

The redhead (*opera voice* yes, the redhead!)
was sleeping on the messy sheets.
With his unnatural pool of limbs at the edge of the bed,
and the white turkey with feather stuffing (pillow) at his feeeeet!!!!!!!!!!

And then the door slammed open! (Nuriko comes in the room wearing a Viking outfit and two braids) "Time to get up, BAKA! Chichiri's been waiting forever!"

"... NO." *cymbal crash*

"No?"

"Thas right... NO." (Tasuki does not seem too anxious to sing...)

"Oh well, I guess I'll have to think of something creative to do..."
And the purple-haired one with the tiny muscles made of steeeeel...
stalked up to the bed to make the redhead squeal!!!

But just in time that helpless man
saw what the Nuriko had in plan.
Jumped up on the edge of the bed
and ducked under the sheets to hide his heeeaaaad!!!!!

"I'm up! Just stay the fuck away from me!"

"Good."

(AU: this is such a disaster... *rubs temples and takes generic brand headache medicine*)
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So the redhead was dressed in his room and waited for his almost-fiancŽ to finish whatever the hell he was doing. "I thought ya said that I had ta get my ass down there."

"Just wait a sec, Geez." Nuriko moved a few more shelves over. "Ah! Here it is! To think, I didn't even have to move the bed! It was RIGHT here on the dresser!" The cross dresser let out a sheepish feminine laugh to make out that he remained indeed, feminine. Tasuki frowned.

"Ya found yer thing."

"Not just any 'thing', Tasuki chan." The redhead gritted his teeth at the title. Nuriko smiled and continued. "I know how much you like liquor so I got you some old wine!"

"Eh?? I can have it?"

The feminine figure nodded.

"Really?"

"Hai."

"Really, Nuriko SAMA???!!!" Tasuki turned into a happy four-year-old kid and started to happily dance around while happily wappily whisking the wine bottle from his companion's hands.

"Ehhhh, you're so cute when you're happy."

Tasuki hugged and hugged the bottle.

"You should be going now, Tasuki chan."

Tasuki glanced over and jumped up. "Hell yeah! I won't waste your wonderful deed!" he vowed solemnly while holding up the life-dependent alcohol. He suddenly felt a strong tug on his shirt.

"Well, good luck on your journey."

"......"

"Remember me by that bottle okay? Don't go cracking it and using the thing as a weapon out of your complete state of drunkenness, alright?"

The redhead chuckled. "Hai, fem boy."

"Anta...!!!" They both fell silent for a moment. The feminine figure pulled him into a desperate hug and squeezed tighter and tighter.

"Stop... choking..."

"Tasuki, I'll miss you when I'm gone and I don't know how to say this..." Nuriko blabbered on and on while Tasuki struggled... "... But I think I really DO care for you but to a certain EXTENT of course not like this marriage business..." ... and struggled... "...Anyway, good luck on your journey and come back sometime so I can pound you when you say something stupid... but maybe... just maybe I do have some sort of feelings..." and struggled and struggled.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! YOU LOOK LIKE A CORPSE!!!" The feminine man released him and he fell to the floor. "Oh ho ho! But of course it's because you had a long day yesterday! My my, it was a long race..." The purple haired man of course purposely didn't mention the fact that it was the hug that made him look dead.

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"Daa... I've been waiting since morning no da."
Chichiri frowned at the presence of the redhead no da.
Did you know no da?
That Chichiri is easy to perform an unprofessional rhyme because his sentences end in "no da"
Na no da!!!

"It wasn't MY fault."
Tasuki growled once more.
"Don't let him get you in trouble, Chichiri!"
The almost-fiancŽ yelled out before the two companions went out to explore.

(AU: ... and I thought it couldn't get any worse...)
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They walked on for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours until the redhead had finally had it with all this HOURS crap!

"Can't we take a rest, Chichiri!?" He complained loudly.

"We're going to get to Mitsukake's village by sundown no da." The blue-haired man frowned. "Don't tell me you're tired already with a young body like yours no da!"

"Yakamashi! Don't tell me that my fuckin legs can't walk!" He plopped to the side of the road and pouted stubbornly (...like he usually does in fanfics). "It's inhuman to have someone walk so fuckin' far!"

"Stop wasting time no da!"

"Nuh uh! I'm not moving!"

Both of them had a sense of de ja vu briefly from both the series and other fanfics ^_^.

"I'm leaving without you no da." Chichiri resumed down the path.

"Ya can't do that! That King o' yers said that you HAVE to take me to my hometown!"

"You're right no da. I'll be waiting for you at the village then we can walk to where you live no da." He was further down the path.

"I'm staying here!"

"Alright no da!"

The redhead gritted his teeth. The stupid mage knew that he didn't know his way around this world and would HAVE to submit sometime. "Well I'm not gonna..."

It was sundown by the time Tasuki had FINALLY opted to follow the mage. But it was too late. The blue haired man was out of sight and here he was, still in the same stubborn position, sunburnt and pouting. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that the mage would come back for him the following morning, probably feeling pretty damn good about humiliating him like this.

He walked toward the pond and sat there watching the damn sun go down. "I wish I had a fucking lighter goddamnit..."

"I thought that you would still be here no da." The redhead almost acknowledged the fox-faced man's presence. Instead, he kept his position, pretending not to hear. "Let me help you no da." Something out of the man's vision was tapped against his shoulder blade.

*pout*

"Just turn around and look no da."

Still nothing.

"Or I can leave you here again no da."

The redhead scowled and turned his head around.

"What the hell's that?" He turned and saw a weird shaped metal object.

"It's a Tessen no da. If you yell out a special incantation, fire will come out of it."

"Ya gonna cook me?"

"... Daaa. It's for you no da."

The redhead eyed his companion out suspiciously. "Why're ya givin' it ta me?"

"You look like the type to appreciate it no da."

He stared down at the object. "It won't burn me, will it?

"It won't do such a thing. Hold it by the handle no da." Chichiri pushed the object into the redhead's hand. Tasuki held onto it hesitantly. "Now, yell out the words, Rekka Shinen, and point the Tessen to that pile of firewood there na no da."

After hundreds of tries and thousands of piles of firewood, Tasuki finally got the hang of toning down the pyromaniac feeling enough to make a small fire.

"I think we should take turns sleeping no da... the trees aren't happy that you burned some of them and wasted a lot of wood no da..."

The younger man pointed and roared with laughter. "Geez, Chiri' yer saying the trees can talk!?"

The fox face turned white as a few branches were reaching down to the redhead. "D... d.... d...."

"The hell's wrong with ya?"

"Da!" The redhead was yanked away from his spot by the hair.

"Whaddya do that fer, Chiri!!!!??" He looked around and the dark landscape seemed as still as ever.

"Daa... you should sleep first Tasuki no da."

"Sleep? On the fuckin' grass you mean!? Hell no! I might get lice!"

"You've slept on the ground before no da..."

"Because ya made me, aho!!"

"Not when Mitsukake and I found you no da."

"I wasn't sleeping! And what about YOU! YOU probably have a hundred of um or somethin'..."

"I can't get them no da!" He took off his straw hat and revealed the short blue hair (It's not as if he didn't before...).

"GRRR..."

"Use my kesa as a pillow then no da."

"A... are ya sure?"

"Hai no da."

"...grrr thanks..."

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It was Tasuki's turn to watch out for the trees!!!
But since he didn't believe in them, he watched the mage fall asleep!
Then he took his chance and went to sleep too!!
And the next thing both of them knew...

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"Tasuki... tell me again why I'm hanging upside-down, bound tightly by my own kesa, immobile, and on the highest branch of the one of the tall trees no da..." Not to mention his prayer beads were balancing heavily on his upturned chin.

The redhead was tied rotisserie-style on a branch next to his companion's. He scowled. "Just shut up, Chiri."

"Didn't I specifically warn you about the trees being angry at us no da?"

"'The hell am I supposed ta believe that fucking firewood could do this to us, Chiri!!"

"Am I a liar no da?"

"Shut the hell up! No fucking tree from MY town could bound us up here like this!"

"You're such an idiot no da."

"Yakamashi..."

Chichiri sighed. He struggled until his two hands could meet together and he chanted softly. In an instant, the kesa unraveled itself and he gracefully sat on the branch. The fox face smiled and stared expectantly at the redhead.

"What're you waitin' for aho!"

"Maybe I should leave you like that until noon no da."

"Let me go damnit!!"

The fox face stuck out a tongue.

"Pleeaase, Chiri?" He let out a puppy dog expression and sniffed.

Chichiri contemplated a minute before saying no again.

This time, Tasuki started a flirty approach (Moonraven...:P). "Chiri' you're so cute from down here! I feel so tortured! Being all tied up to only admire you from a distance!"

The blue haired man raised an eyebrow and hopped down to Tasuki's branch. He brought up a stick and began to poke the redhead in the head. "That isn't funny no da!" *poke* *poke* *poke*

"Ahhh!!! Stop it, aho! That hurts damnit!"

*poke*

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Author's notes: PLEASE don't ask. ^0^ oho ho ho ho!