"I'm all out of bullets," said John, an arbitrary soldier.

"Me too!" shouted Billy, another arbitrary soldier.

"Dude, we're FUCKED!" said John.

"NOT JUST YET!" boomed a voice from the shadows.

"Oh my God!" shouted Billy. "It's JESUS."

"That's COMMANDO JESUS to you, Billy. And no one's fucking you today except ME, after we win the battle. I want to feel my hot cock blow a load in your ass so bad."

"I do too, Jesus!" said Billy. "But what about the unholy demons?"

Jesus moved in to take a peak above the shattered wall the two men were crouching behind. As he raised his head above the barrier, he eyed a moving wave of an uncountable number of demons.

"No problem!" said Jesus. "My dad gave me something for just this occasion!"

Jesus pulled a grenade off of his commando vest. The two men suddenly realized this wasn't any ordinary grenade.

"Is that..." began John.

"Yes, my child." said Jesus. "This is the HOLY HAND GRENADE!"

"Bah, you stole that from Monty Python!" shouted Billy.

"Sounds like SOMEONE wants my cock to blow a load in his mouth too." said Jesus.

"I do!" shouted Billy.

"Well whatever. Get ready lads, because this is going to be one mighty burst of holy energy."

Jesus pulled the cross-shaped pin off the top of the grenade and chucked it at the oncoming demon wave. He crouched, as did the men beside him. A brilliant flash of white light engulfed them, burning through their eyelids. The men braced themselves, and waited for the energy burst to subside.

"Can we open our eyes now?" asked John.

"Sure," said Jesus.

The men opened their eyes and stood up. The broken carcases of thousands of demons littered the ground. Already grass and wildflowers were growing around the piled bodies. The sky was no longer overcast... the sun radiated and warmed everything around them.

"Jesus, you did it!" said John.

"Hooray Jesus! Can you fuck me now?" said Billy.

"I was just kidding about that, Billy," said Jesus. "Jesus doesn't swing that way. But that reminds me... there is something that Jesus would like to experience... POONTANG..."