Title: Into the Arms of Strangers

Author: Zappy Zaps

Category: Drama/Action/Adventure P, P/T

Summary:  An officer who had gone MIA six months earlier is found in an alien order serving on their security force but has no memory of anything prior to six months ago.  His new life is also plagued with new responsibilities, duties and promises.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: All the Star Trek characters are Paramount's.  I don't own them (yet). ;)

Archiving: Please do, but tell me! zappyzaps@hotmail.com

Author's note: I had to try and amnesia/loss of memory story, just for fun! ;-)

Dec02/Jan03

Chapter 4

            The image of the scorched planet on the viewscreen didn't do justice to the events that had occurred there only hours earlier.  Voyager pulled into orbit as scans of the surface began.  There was an unusually high concentration of thoron particle but it was not at a dangerous level.

            "I've found him Captain," Harry said, nearly jumping in excitement.  "Initiating transport," which was rather difficult due to the particles in the atmosphere but he succeeded, sparing an away to team the horrendous sights of a war that was only a loss.

            "He's in sickbay," Harry announced.  B'Elanna smiled at him briefly as she headed for the turbolift, Janeway on her heals.  Harry would have joined them but knew that he had to finish his duties on the bridge.  He could handle a bit of a wait.  They had gotten Tom back and things would be better now, right?

            The Doctor scanned his patient again feeling almost happy that he'd be the one treating Mr. Paris' future injuries.  Of course he'd be happier if Tom didn't injure himself at all but, that's probably too much to ask for.

            He administered a hypospray to the man's neck and began the process of putting him back together.  He had only just started when Torres and Janeway practically exploded through the entrance.  The doctor had been anticipating their arrival and already had a short oral report ready.  B'Elanna went right past him and to Tom's side as the Doctor informed them of Tom's numerous but thankfully not life-threatening injuries, including, three broken ribs, concussion, bruised kidney, fractured arm, weapons burn, smoke inhalation related traumas and some other cuts and bruises.

            "He'll make a full recovery though." The Doctor concluded when he remembered something else he wanted to inform them of.  "It appears Mr. Paris did not remain on the planet willingly." The Doctor said as he moved to show then what he meant.  Moving away a piece of the uniform he had already started to cut away, revealed a bruise in a very familiar position.  "It seems he was subdued in a manner similar to a Vulcan neck pinch, however, this method would have caused near instant paralysis and a slow loss of consciousness."

            "So Tom may have seen who rendered him unconscious," Janeway asked and the Doctor nodded.

            "My guess, it was most likely a friend."

            Halia received a small container of Nate's possessions the next day.  The objects had been cleared out of his locker and office and delivered to her address since her name was listed as his next of kin in Nate's file.  She sat on the edge of her bed and slowly opened the container wondering what she'd find inside.  There wasn't much, a few data padds, some data chips, a few items of clothing and a souvenir he had picked up on one of his earlier excursions.

            She looked through the data padd and at the bottom of the pile she found two interesting ones.  One was his file from Voyager and the other was a message addressed to her from Nate.  She pressed the button and his image popped up on the screen.

            "Hi Halia," he began with a smile.  "if you're watching this, then….well let's just say things haven't worked out as planned."  He looked off to the side for a moment before continuing.  "I guess I'm not much of a good luck charm and I'm sure you'll be fine without me." He smiled gently at her. "Thank you, Halia.  Tell your child that I'm sorry I didn't get to meet them.  Good luck and I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother."

            Halia had a mix of emotions in her and only found one worth identifying, anger.  She was angry at Nate, at herself, at the Security Forces, at his subordinate officers but mostly she was angry at Iyin.  Whenever something bad happened to Nate is was always her fault and Halia suspected that this time was no different.

            He awoke with a start in an unknown room.  The lights had been dimmed making seeing rather difficult but he managed.  The room was familiar and so was the feel of the bed but he didn't bother to try and understand his faint memories, there wasn't much of a point to trying now.  He examined his attire; grey shirt, black shorts, not what he last remembered wearing.

            Throwing the comfortable sheets off his legs he stepped onto the carpeted floor and treading softly and carefully, he moved to the next part of the room.  He recognized the room.  He had been here before when he had last visited Voyager.  These were his quarters, or so he was told.  He looked to the window where the stars streaked by providing sparse amounts of light softly shadowing the form lying on the sofa.

            For many minutes he didn't move.  He hadn't expected to see her again and now that he's gotten this chance, all thought left his head and he just stared.

            "B'Elanna," he breathed, unsure whether he should approach her.  The last time he had seen her was when he visited Voyager.  He approached her slowly and knelt at her side, wanting to touch her but fearing he'd wake her.  He gently grasped her hand and a few minutes later sleep claimed him once again.  He still had no idea what had happened to him but he was too tired to care.  He fell asleep with his head resting on the soft surface of the couch, his hand still grasping firmly his wife's.

            Hours later when he woke again feeling more alert his questions were answered, most anyway.  They updated him on what had happened, or at least what little they new.  Despite his favourable change of location, he was still conflicted.  There had been no euphoria when he learnt of his freedom and return to his family, only numbness fraught with doubt.

            "Tom, are you alright?" Kathryn asked him?  He was unusually quiet and introverted, but they might just have to change their conceptions of who Tom Paris is.  He had no doubt changed due to everything that had happened to him and lets not forget the small war on Osikar.

            Tom looked up at the auburn haired woman from where he was seated.  He nodded once and tried to return his attention to the small group of assembled officers.  Only Janeway, Torres and Tuvok were present.  They didn't want to overwhelm him so they had limited the number of people present.

            I suppose I'll have to get used to my new name, Tom thought.  So many thoughts were mixed up in his head that he wasn't sure he was alright but he would find a way to deal with it.  How he dealt with his new situation would, more than likely, not include seeking support or help from his new friends, which any counsellor would have advised him to do.

            The three stared at Tom wondering what was going through his head.  This morning Tom had seemed fine.  He had talked with B'Elanna, mostly about their daughter but his mood had bee so light and carefree that B'Elanna hadn't seen the sudden change of mood coming.  He was a little less talkative than she remembered but she was so glad to see him that she hadn't noticed

            Their conversation had been interrupted when the Captain asked them to meet her and Tuvok in the conference room.  At the sound of the Captain voice Tom had tensed as if he had remembered something that he would have rather ignored for as long as possible.  B'Elanna noticed this change and he became more distant as they walked through the corridors.

            People had greeted him and welcomed him back but Tom didn't now how to take it.  He responded politely to them, if he responded at all but by the time they got to the conference room, Tom had fully realised how out of place he was.  He couldn't still fit in with these people after all that he had lost, or so he had convinced himself.  He had also been making himself feel guilty about abandoning his duties to the Fourth Order.  He may not like it there but isn't it wrong of him to leave his responsibilities behind when they had trusted him, made him a part of their society, and more than that they had given him an identity?

            He didn't want to go back but he couldn't deny his feelings of guilt.  He couldn't quite explain it to himself.  He looked at the worried gazes directed at him.  He wouldn't be able to explain it to them either.  He sighed. "I need to send a message to some friends back…there," he said tiredly.

            "That would be unwise.  If they are made aware of your situation-"

            "What that I'm not dead?" Tom responded bitterly. Taking a deep breath he apologized. 'What's wrong with me?' he asked himself silently.

            "You can send them a message, Tom, but be careful.  If it leaks that you're here they may come looking," Janeway warned in a soft tone.

            Tom stood up from his seat, ready to leave. "I'll be careful Captain," Tom said as he left.  B'Elanna glanced at Tuvok and the Captain before following him to the lift.

            The next day Tom handed the messaged to Harry who would send them to the Fourth Order.  It would take about a day for the messages to reach their destination since they were moving away from it rapidly.  It also meant that Tom won't be able to get any replies to his messages.

            "I'll send it to for you right away," Harry said as he accepted the padd.

            "Thanks Harry," Tom said sounding rather tired.  He turned to leave without another word.  Harry watched him go, wondering if his friend would ever be the same.

            "Tom are you coming to bed?" B'Elanna asked, stifling a yawn.

            "Uh…"Tom was seated on the couch reading up on the helm controls.  As long as he was on Voyager he would have to be useful.  There was a lot for him to know but it provided and distraction from the rest of his life.  He was trying to distract himself from worrying where he was going to be sleeping that night.  Was he ready to sleep in the same bed as B'Elanna?

            "You can get your own quarters if you'd like," B'Elanna suggested.  She knew she wouldn't understand how Tom felt no matter how hard she tried.  She could barely understand him before but now he was hardly the same person so she'd have to get to know him all over again.  If it meant that they had to start at the beginning then she would.  There was a long stretch of silence as Tom contemplated his answer.  Before he could formulate one B'Elanna walked over to him.  She bent down and kissed him gently.  She had missed the feel of his lips on hers and his arms around her.  She had missed him more than anyone, even she, could have imagined.

            "Good night, Tom."

            Tom watched her silently walked to the bedroom and turn out the lights.  He wondered for the hundredth time whether he should have come back.  He couldn't see how things were going to work out. He imagined this was just one large mistake to add to the long list of ones he couldn't remember.

            B'Elanna woke up the next morning feeling better rested than usual.  She soon became aware of the warm body behind her and the arm around her.  She knew immediately it was Tom and smiled.  Things would work out somehow.  It had to.

            Duties carried on in their usual fashion.  The incident of Osikar was far from forgotten but they were all forced to move on.  Fashi, the new head of Fleet Arriah 9 sat in Nate's former office.  It had been emptied of Nate's possessions though he didn't have many.  Fashi sighed to himself hoping that Nate was fairing well.

            He was about to leave the seclusion of his new office when a message beeped on his computer.  It probably wasn't anything important but Fashi's curiosity got the better of him and he opened the message.  It was partially encrypted but a simple algorithm was enough for the message to be unlocked.

            Fashi nearly fell out of his chair when he saw who it was.  He had expected Nate to completely forget about the life he had in the Order and focus on his new one.  There was a large part of him that was glad that Nate hadn't forgotten him.

            There was little an expression on his face as he began. "Fashi..." there was a long pause and Fashi imagined that if Nate were here in person he would have knocked him into next week.  "You had no right to do what you did.  It was my choice to make.  I know now that I was about to make the wrong one, so I guess I owe you."

            Fashi was expecting a 'thank you' but instead Nate changed the subject.  Nate proceeded to give him an update on his status on the ship.  It sounded to Fashi that Nate was having some trouble on Voyager but he was confidant that he would make it.

            "I've got to go." Nate said.  "I suppose you're wondering when I'm going to say thanks."  Fashi only waited but for many moments Nate just stared off to the side of the screen.  He looked back and a smile curved his lips. "Thank you, friend."

            Halia played the file over again her young daughter cradled gently in her arms.  She had given birth recently and been allowed to return home.  The baby was two week premature, the early labour possibly brought on by undue stress.  When she had arrived home there was a message waiting for her.

            She had ignored it for a very long time before something in her gave in and she opened it.  The message was decoded easily enough by her computer and she noticed that it wasn't a standard message.  It hadn't gone through the proper channels of communication and there was only one thing in it.

            Nate's face had appeared on the screen and Halia's heart hurt just seeing him.  At first she thought it was just an amendment to Nate's earlier message she had received but as she listened and took in his surroundings she soon knew better.  He was alive.

            The weight of a thousand worlds lifted from her shoulder and tears of joy threatened to fall as she listened to him speak to her.  He apologized again for not being there when she needed him but Halia felt that there was nothing to forgive.  Maybe for once Nate could work on keeping a promise to himself.  Just be happy….

            Weeks droned by on Voyager and Tom slowly got back into the swing of things.  He had a shift and Voyager's helm every so often but he had no intentions of taking his former position of chief helmsman.  There was still a near deafening urge to be at the helm but he knew he'd have to find another place to fit in on Voyager.

            Sickbay was a dead-end.  He couldn't remember enough of the training the doctor gave him to be of any use.  The Doctor was more than willing to have Tom as his assistant again and even more willing to retrain the man but Tom's frustration at his own sorry predicament swayed him from taking that path.  The only thing he had been useful for in the Fourth Order was commanding his fleet and here he didn't even have a shuttle of his own.

            He walked into his quarters dejectedly.  B'Elanna was asleep, taking an afternoon nap.  He gently kissed the top of her head before moving to the couch not far away.  He hadn't known what to expect when he first arrived here except for the tough times to come but he thought he'd be settled by now.  Nearly three weeks had passed and he was still an outsider.  The crew was friendly to him and they welcomed him but he needed something to anchor him, a routine to follow, he needed to find a way to live his life.

            "Any ideas?"  Kathryn asked not looking at her companion.

            She heard him sigh and glance up from the padd briefly.  "He liked to work in the hydroponics bay from time to time." Chakotay suggested.  "But it would be a waste of his true talents."

            "He has a lot of command experience; maybe I should be looking into replacing my first officer." She tried to hide her smile behind the padd but Chakotay snatched it out of her hand with a smirk on his face.

            "Threats at my job not withstanding, maybe we could use some help keeping Voyager running." He gestured to the stack of pads that lay strewn across her desk.

            "Tom never liked paper work," Janeway said but didn't totally disregard the idea.  The next sound in the room was of Captain Janeway's commbadge chirping.  "Janeway here."

            "Captain, I want to inform you that Lieutenant Torres will not be available for the next several hours," he said hurriedly.  In the background the heard muffled curses in Klingon.

            "Doctor what's wrong?" Janeway asked, concern in every word.

            "She's in labour. Oh, and Mr. Paris will not be available either."  The Doctor cut the link leaving Chakotay and Kathryn to stare at each other before they both started grinning like idiots.

            Many exhausting hours later sickbay was quiet.  The Doctor was in his office listening softly to some classical music. B'Elanna lay in an exhaustive sleep and Tom watched over her and the crew's newest member.

            He couldn't remember being so nervous or happy but then there were a lot of things he didn't remember.  At the moment that fact didn't bother him the way it had so many other times before.  He stared down at her trying to regain his grip on the situation.  The hours seemed to have slipped by in minutes.  A whirlwind of people had invaded sickbay to welcome the second child born on Voyager.  Only when the Doctor insisted that B'Elanna needed to get some rest had things slowed down.

            A small whimper from the baby brought Tom out of his thoughts.  She moved ever so slightly and was beginning to cry.  Without a second thought or even a first, he picked her up gently from her crib and cradled her lovingly in his arms.  She stopped crying before she had even barely started and Tom was glad to see that B'Elanna had not been woken.

            He whispered to her softly and gently rocked her back to sleep.  He couldn't take his eye off her.  She was so perfect, so small and so fragile.  She was totally dependent on her parents and Tom wondered if was ready for this.  He didn't know if most people could say that they were totally prepared to become parents but his situation was uncomfortably unique.

            He sat down in a nearby chair and gently rocked is daughter.  Somehow he felt more sure of himself and of his future.  It was lying in his arms, asleep.  Things would work out in time.  They always had.

            He gently stroked the soft tuft of hair on top of her head and whispered to her.  The soft words drifted to her waking her gently from her slumber.  She opened her eye but didn't move afraid to spoil the moment.

            "I love you," he whispered. "both of you." He glance up briefly to where his wife lay, in the dim light not noticing that she was awake.  They would be his anchor, his guiding star, his family.  He was home and no longer among strangers.

            She continued to watch them, all doubts in her mind erased.  The tears in her eyes perfectly matching the ones in his own.

Two Years Later….

            The Fourth Order was in a new state of being.  Things had changed so much that it was hard to comprehend.  Social classes were in the process of being removed, new prosperity had graced their lives and they had their leader to thank. A leader that many except the wealthy elite had despised, now revered by all.

            It was an understatement to say that she had learnt many valuable lessons when Nate had died the first and greatest was knowing when she was wrong and from their she had grown.  Iyin was no longer the spoiled child she had been.  She was the Vodierre they had hoped she would become.  Amending her mistakes and never failing to admit when she was wrong.

            Still his memory plagued her.  Tears still fell from her eyes when she recalled him and what she had done.  Guilt was her constant companion, until today.  She had her weekly visit with a friend; an unlikely friend at that.  She was a Deneran single mother of one but she had been Nate's dearest friend and when Iyin had changed her ways she knew the first person she needed to see was Halia, Nate's friend.

            Halia had felt nothing but abject hatred for Iyin but the other woman sincerity had slowly melted away the ice from her gaze and she became one of her trusted friends.  Halia now felt she needed to share something with Iyin.  A secret that only one other person besides her was aware of.

            During the visit while Iyin amused Halia's daughter, Halia retrieved a file.  Walking back into the living room Halia stared at Iyin.  The seriousness in her eyes made the smile on Iyin's face vanish.

            Halia sent her daughter to play in her room while she talked with their guest.

            "I trust you enough now to share this with you." Halia handed her the datachip.

            Her face was a mystery as she tentatively accepted the chip.  "What is it?"

            "The truth."

            Glancing between the small data wafer and the woman who had given it to her Iyin got up and went to the computer.  With slow and deliberate movements she instructed the computer to open the single file on the wafer.

            His handsome face faded onto the screen and Iyin looked away briefly unable to hold his gaze even if he wasn't really there.  Halia hadn't moved.  She stood a safe distance away watching.  An angelic smile crossing her face as she thought about Nate.

            The file played through and ended the screen going black.  She stared at it.  Her reflection in the dark surface staring back at her.  Tears flowed unobstructed down her face.  She began to sob, softly at first but each one after shaking her body.  She hung her head down and brought her hands to her face.

            She knew now he was still alive and the guilt receded but did not disappear.  She couldn't forgive herself for what she had done despite the outcome.  She would never have the chance to apologize to him, tell him how sorry she was and it was those missed opportunities that hurt the most. She had squandered the precious moments she had been presented with Nate and she was the only person to blame.

            Halia left the room leaving the Vodierre alone with her new knowledge and her new grief.  A part of her smiled but the tears on her face told another story.

Meanwhile on Voyager….

            "Two years," the Doc said to himself.  "My how things have changed."  The doors slid shut behind his colleague leaving the doctor alone in Sickaby. 

            Tom Paris, former Lieutenant Paris, former Fleet Commander Nate was now Doctor Paris.  Tom still had to take the final tests required for him to become a fully licensed doctor but the Doc knew that would be done in a matter of time.  Tom would be a phenomenal doctor, comparable to the holodoc himself, although he'd never admit it.  The Doctor was looking forward to the more frequent time off when Tom covered Sickbay.  However, even his medical studies could not keep him from the helm.  His soul still ached for the freedom that piloting Voyager brought.  His one shift per week at the helm would usually not be enough but before flying had been the only thing that had given him a feeling of self-worth.  Now his small family filled that void.  Every time he looked into his daughter's eyes he was reminded of what he had gained.

            Looking at the doors that Tom had just left through to go see his daughter now that his shift was over, the holodoc wondered what the future might hold for Tom.  He hoped it would be far less distressing than the last ordeal.  What he had discovered today however may change some things, maybe for better or maybe for worse.

            The Doctor walked into his office calling for his log as he did.  He spoke to the computer that recorded his every word.

            "The latest scans of my colleague reveal that his cerebral cortex is again undergoing neuro-genesis but unlike two years ago the rate is far slower and thus more easy for his body to accommodate."  The Doctor sat in his chair and leaned back. "I've been expecting this for sometime.  I had always known that Tom Paris was a smarter man than he lead people to believe but the rate at which he memorized and comprehended the medical information he was given was astounding.  Much of it was a review from his earlier, forgotten training and therein lay the answer.  Information and situations that Tom had experienced before his memory loss seemed to more often guide his judgements these past years and make relearning those things far more rapid.  I hadn't noticed it at first but the remarks, sometimes his attitude and the way he treated others without judging them, all reminiscent of the Tom Paris who had known too much pain and seen too much horror in his lifetime.

"In short I believe Tom Paris will regain some of his memories if not all, but it's a matter of when. End log."

The End

Well that's it.  After too many months it's done.  I hope it was worth the wait and I would appreciate some feedback.  zappyzaps@hotmail.com