A/N: aHEm...firstly i'd just like to say to i DO NOT own any of the characters from random anime series that appear in this fic. They all belong to their respective creators, yadda yadda yadda. so now that i've said that, you all cant sue me. ^_^

A/N 2: this is my first semi- fan fic. . . i say semi because i've written it to include myself and my muse. . . which is kinda interesting in my opinion. . . anyways, as this is MY fic, i can do whatever i like, so just keep your shirts on if somone seems OOC, k? * smiles sweetly * enjoy!

Chapter One- The Papaya of Doom

A form sat, unmoving with eyes closed on the top of a grassy hill. The gentle breeze tugging it's flaming hair and matching guard's-like uniform. It sighed inwardly. Peace. Suddenly it's pointed ears pricked, and it could detect someone moving closer to it, trying to remain unheard.

"You know I'm going to kill you one day if you keep doing that. . ." Authoress Phoenix opened an eye to look at her muse.

"Meh! You always say that, but you haven't actually done it, now have you?"

"One day. . ." she muttered. The purple skinned muse grinned and crashed heavily on the grass next to her.

"Well, what now?" The muse lay stretched out on his back while lazily watching Phoenix's tail flick around of it's own accord.

"Firstly, baka , shut up for five minutes so I can think!" Tarka ( the muse) smirked and hummed a tune, while putting on an air of innocence.

Just as Phoenix was seriously considering taking rather drastic actions to keep him quiet , she heard a yell in the valley below. . .

"NOOOOO!!!!! PAPAYA!!!! PLEASE, COME BACK!!!!!!!!" She turned to Tarka, a quizzical expression on her face. He returned her look, then stood up, trying to see who was coming around the valley's bend.

"GAHHH!!!! PAPAYYYYYAA!!!" A young boy came into view, around fifteen years of age. His eyes were the size of saucers, his hands were out-stretched, and for some very strange reason, he was running at top speed screaming like a lunatic about a.....papaya?

Phoenix felt intrigued and disturbed as she hovered three feet above the ground. This felt like it needed some. . . investigation. She arched an eyebrow at Tarka.

"Coming?"

"You bet! he chuckled as he blasted off from the ground behind her. This should be amusing. The boy hadn't gotten very far, screaming while running makes it somewhat difficult to inhale oxygen, and his breath became ragged and uneven. Finally, sank to the ground in exhaustion.

"Noo!.." he sobbed into his chest.

Phoenix touched down in a crouched position a few meters away from him, while Tarka stood beside her. After minutes passed, the boy noticed someone staring at him, and he scrambled backwards in alarm when he dared to look up.

"Wh.. who. . . what are you?" he stammered. Phoenix blinked, then smirked.

"Funnily enough, I was just about to ask you the same question!" She rose and moved forward a few paces, her purple cat's eyes burning a hole right through him.

"Well. . . ummm... my name's..." He was beginning to feel a little scared of that smirk she had plastered all over her face. "...Van." he said with a squeak.

"So. . . Van, care to inform me why you were running through this valley, disturbing my peace (at this point, she glared) and raving about a papaya?"

"Not really."

He shuddered at the death glare Phoenix sent him then changed his mind.

"Well, it's like this, you see. . . I haven't eaten for three days!!" Tarka gasped in horror. Van nodded sadly and continued," I was sitting in my zoid when suddenly I saw this amazing flying papaya!! But before I could grab it, it flew away, so I went after it, and here I am!"

"I see. . ." Phoenix murmured as she frowned at him. Van's pupils dilated as he saw the papaya of his visions floating inches above Phoenix's swishing tail. Unaware of why he was drooling, Phoenix resumed speaking her thought aloud ,"It appears that, under lack of nutrition, you have started to hallucinate and imagine seeing this flying. . ." She rambled on while Van zoned out. All reason and common sense left his body. He only had one thought. Get the papaya! With a cry, he lunged forth and sunk his teeth into her furry limb. Phoenix felt pain ripping through her body like a storm, as she stood with one eye twitching, Van attached to her tail.

All went quiet.

A low growl rose in her throat as she sent an enormous ki blast right at her attacker's chest. Van flew thirty through the air, then skidded another ten as he hit the ground.

"YOU DARE TO TOUCH MY TAIL?!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!! I'LL F*****G KILL YOU!! She was outright screaming now, and her purple eyes glazed over to become red.

Shimatta! Tarka thought. He was looking forward to the guy being knocked around a bit, but whoa! Anyone who messed with that girl's tail generally didn't live to regret it. . . he squeamed inside as edged towards his authoress, whose hair had left it's plait and was flailing violently around her face in the non-existent breeze. Yep, this was definitely going to hurt him more then her. Literally.

Phoenix began to stalk towards Van's unconscious body, when Tarka landed in front of her, blocking her path with a sheepish smile.

"What. Do. You. Want?" Phoenix growled through gritted teeth. Tarka cringed.

"C'mon, I know you don't really want to kill the guy...Do you?!" he added tentivaly.

Silence.

"Perhaps. . . this once, you're right," she sighed as she powered down. Tarka smiled in relief. Phoenix looked at her muse straight in the eye as the biggest, evilest smirk in the history of the world spread across her lips. "But I sure as hell want to embarrass the crap out of him!!" Her tail thrashed wildly as Tarka smirked in unison.

"Yes, let's." They covered the remaining distance in seconds, and landed with a soft thud.

"What to do, what to do? " Phoenix said happily, "So many choices. . ."

"Might I make a suggestion?"

"Certainly!"

"Well. . . we could always take his clothes and. . ." he looked at his Authoress, who was hanging on his every word, "burn them?"

"Ahhh!" Phoenix exclaimed, "Perfectly fitting!" As if they went around doing this to everyone they met (A/N: which we don't, otherwise we'd have no friends left! ~_^) the pair systematically had Van stripped of his clothes and lay them in a heap beside him. Phoenix zapped a small ball of ki from her fingertips and watched with satisfaction as flames began to lick the material. Revenge was sweet. . . but I'm not done yet!. . . Delving into her uniform's pocket , she withdrew her magical artist's sketching pen and un-capped the lid. Kicking Van onto his stomach with her foot, she began to write, hunched over her work and laughing softly to herself all the while. When she finally re-capped the pen and drew back to let Tarka see, he understood. . . Scrawled in huge capital letters across Van's back were the words:

'WHY AM I NAKED? WELL, I'M PROTESTING AGAINST THE SLAUGTERING OF FLUFFY BABY ANIMALS, IF YOU SUPPORT ME, JUST SLAP MY ASS!' Tarka thought he'd nearly die from trying to contain his mirth, when Phoenix signalled they should leave. Giving a parting kick to Van's gut, she streaked off into the sky, Tarka chuckling as he tailed after her. . .

~ ~ ~

A/N: ehhehehehe....*hides from all the death glares behind Tarka* no, i don't have anything against Van!!!! i think he's cool! what?!! you dont believe me?!! * gets hit in the head by a candy cane * ouch! mutter mutter *phe rubs her head* :P I don't plan for this ALL to be about Zoids. . . *shrugs* i guess you'll all just have to kick back and see who turns up. . .^_^

A/N 2: * starts dancing around the room * ^_____^ i got the dbz dvd where trunks & vegeta beat the crap out of one another in the cell saga!!!!! *sniffs* im so happy, i could cry!...^_^

ps: that maybe the reason for my wanting to kill things in this chapter! ehehehe.....sigh. ^_^

if you liked what happened so far, or have any suggestions as to who can have their asses kicked next chapter, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pretty please? ^_^ Arigato gozaimasu!!