Title: Lord of the Things

Rating: tentatively rated PG-13

Summary: In a time of peril, many characters converge with a common goal in mind. What is this goal? Who cares, there's lots of violence, silliness, and downright oddities which can never be explained. What's not to like?

Disclaimer: We don't attempt to belittle the Lord of the Rings trilogy. We just attempt to make it silly! Stay away, you nasty lawyers you. You and your lawsuits can kiss my anus! :-D Ok.....second disclaimer: We don't attempt to belittle lawyers......etc. Sorry. Ok seriously. We really love LOTR. We've read all of the books and intend to see all of the movies. This is not meant to poke fun at the LOTR trilogy. Rather, it is to poke fun at the entire fantasy genre, by means of the LOTR story, which is one of our favorites. It is only a figment of our wild and crazy imaginations!

Authors' Notes: No flames please. Just criticism.....CONSTRUCTIVE!!!!!! Don't singe us or we will sick our extremely large "bouncer" friend Garth on you. (Dude, he bench presses, like, 500 lbs.) This is our first Humor/Parody fic so be gentile.

Here are the characters names in our story:

Hobbits are Nobbins
Frodo Baggins: Mojo Scraggins
Gandalf the Grey: Randolf the Maroon
Strider: Pacer the Ranger
Sam Gamgee: Ham Sandwie
Merry Brandybuck: Very Randyduck
Pippin Took: Hippin Stook
Bilbo Baggins: Elbow Scraggins
Legolas: Legomyeggolas
Gimli, son of Glóin: Smimly, son of Groin
Boromir: Borrowbeer
Galadriel: Obesedriel
Elrond: Smellrond
Arwen: Darwin
Saruman: Sorrymom
Sauron: Moron
Isildur: Bran Muffin (why not?)
Gollum: Pete

The World is changed....why? Because otherwise there would be no story, no sequel, and no Oscar. I mean let's face it: What's a movie without conflict? A piece of crap! Anyway....
I feel it in the waters.
I feel it in the Earth.
I smell it in the air. Yuck, what is that smell? It must be change. It smells like throw up.
Much that once was is lost.

It began with the forging of the Things of Power.....what things? Many things! Three were given to the Elves, the super models of the ancient world. Seven, to the Dwarf lords, short ugly stinky guys. And nine, nine were given to the race of men, who above all desire more things....what things? Many things!
But they were all of them deceived. For another thing was made. In the land of Snoredor, in the fires of Mount Vroom, the Dark Lord Moron forged a master thing; an oven mitt, which he would use to control all other things.
One Thing to rule them all....
Then a bunch of other stuff happened.....but let's get to the good part.
A last alliance of men, elves and bakers marched on the armies of Snoredor. A battle ensued between the allies and the Morks (and Mindys too).
*clang clang clang.....AHHHH! clang clang. Shing.....Woopie!*
They were winning....can't ya tell? Woah! Who's that guy? He's big, scary! I'm gonna go hide! Ok, sounds pretty nasty out there.....lots of screaming. Yup, sounds like it's over. Woah, Moron was defeated. Looks like the kings' son, Bran Muffin, defeated Moron. How, you ask? With his father's broken sword and some pretty nifty special effects.
There was much silence thereafter.....Smellrond turned to one of his soldiers and said, "Dude, I think Moron ripped one before he died. It smells like scorched animal carcass....oh and crap too!"
With these words of wisdom from Smellrond, the battle ended.
Then a bunch of other stuff happened.....blah blah blah......Bran Muffin dropped the oven mitt in the river. Time passed. Spring became winter and all that good stuff. But they were all of them deceived....Oh, man I'm on the wrong page. Ok, here we go. Then the creature Pete found it...but he's not in this version, so ignore that. Elbow Scraggins found it. And thus began the time when Nobbins shaped the fortunes of all....and stuff.