A/N: Heya guys! Wow. I was so impressed with the *cough*...quality of the reviews for the last chapter, that it inspired me to actually get off my lazy butt and start this one....but before that.....
Maelgwyn: *returns big hug* ^_^ Missed you too buddy! The weather in Australia sucks as well....DAMN HUMIDITY!! . Maybe our next project should be to kidnap some meteorologists and force them to give us bearable weather....^_^;;
Wolfpup: *hands over a closed shoebox with a belt around it* uhhh....I think this leprechaun belongs to you.... *a loud & slurred voice is heard cussing in an Irish accent* after swiping all of my parents liquor, it went on a burning rampage, and then tried to chat up a potted plant....-_-()
*Wolfpup grins and tips the leprechaun into a fire-proof cat cage*
Tyger: That's right!!! There's some sort of weird conspiracy going on, and they're all out to get me!!!!
RECAP
"I have been issued with a warrant for your arrest. You have been charged with crimes of vandalism, two counts of assault, bribery, being a Raven stalker & pyromaniac and being insane in general. You do not have the right to speak, protest, sneeze or cough. You may be allowed to blink every 30 seconds...
_______________________________
Chapter 10- Prison food sucks
Phoenix was thrown into the corner of a prison cell, the iron bar door slamming shut and locking behind her.
"Heh. You just try and get out of here 'ya no -good wench" A pudgy guard jeered at the bound Authoress- whose tail was rearing and thrashing like a real ticked off cobra snake.
The first thing I'll do when I get out of here is land a punch right in your temple, lard-gut asparagus....
"Whoa, Mikie! Would 'ya take a look at that tail-thing it's got on it...." A taller guard ambled up and peered through the bars.
"Oooo....do 'ya think we made it mad?" The taller feigned terror.
"Don't let it get me Bob!" The pair shuffled off, chuckling deeply.
Note to self: When free, remember to incinerate the asparaguses 'Mikie' and 'Bob'...mwehehehe...
*A sharply dressed reporter pushes his way onto the screen*
"Welcome to the Courtroom of Judge Jud- errr...Jeremey! The cases are real, unfortunately for us, the people are real. On trial today is the Authoress Phoenix.
*a picture appears in the corner of the screen showing Phe-chan pulling a face*
*The camera moves past the reporter to the doors*
"It appears the Jury are coming in now...." An assorted collection of multi-coloured writers shuffled to their benches, each cradling a mug of liquefied sugar and a clipboard. Those who weren't tripping over their own feet from sleep deprivation grimaced at the anti-anime people which had somehow made their way into the courtroom. Needless to say, they had the bailiff relocate them to a nice pit of rabid lions. The reporter fought his way back to the camera gestured dramatically to the doors.
"Here she is ladies, gentlemen, whoever else....The one on trial...."
*Phoenix is dragged out by her feet and dumped in a cage in front of the stands*
"OWW! I'm not a sack of potatoes, you BEEEP-ing BEEEEEP."
The last of the audience files in, and the bailiff commands everyone to stand.
"Order for Judge Jeremy. Parties have been sworn in....you may be seated." The sound of chairs scuffing around could be heard as the Judge shuffled through papers on his desk.
"Authoress Phoenix....I understand you do not have a lawyer. If you wish, we can provide one for you."
"Can I-"
"No. You can't represent yourself." Phoenix sighed dejectedly.
"Can't blame a body for asking...." The Judge beckoned a cop over to the bench, exchanged a few words with him, and then the cop scurried away. A few minutes later, pounding feet were in the hall and the door burst open, sending papers flying everywhere.
"Sorry....*gasp* I'm....late Judge...*cough*....came....as quick....as...I could!" The odd young man with lavender hair dragged himself before the stands.
"Never mind Mr. Briefs, just go and sit with your client. I'm sure you have a lot to discuss before we proceed."
"My...client? Where??"
"Over there," said the judge while pointing, "No...there. The one in the cage." Mirai Trunks turned pale as Phoenix smiled weakly and waved to him.
"Why Kami? Why me??"
'Because Trunks, I enjoy making you squirm....' Ooo yea, even the Guardian of the Earth can have his little evil moments....
Trunks forced the voice out of his mind and hurried to the other side of the room.
"You've done it this time, you know that....don't you?"
"I do not know of this 'it' that you speak of.....mayhaps it is some sort of edible substance?" Trunks stared at her and began to massage his temples.
"Look, I'm going to try and win this thing for you....if you're really, really lucky, you might just come away with some community service time. Understand?" Phoenix nodded glumly.
"Are you ready to begin Mr. Briefs?" Trunks stood up.
"Errrr...I suppose so, your honor...but is the cage really necessary?"
"I'm afraid it is, for the protection of the masses."
"I see...." Trunks threw a glance at Phoenix who smiled her best innocent smile and shrugged.
OUTSIDE THE COURTHOUSE.....
A giant mutant asparagus and an evil chicken took turns to share a pair of binoculars focused through an open window. They looked at each other, then chuckled diabolically.
BACK TO THE TRIAL.....
"Do you swear to tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so damn you Kami?" Phoenix struggled to maintain a straight face as she held her right hand over a bundle of sacred Pixie Stix.
"I...........do."
The Judge looked grim, "Very well. Prosecution, you may begin."
"Thank-you your honor." A young female blond lawyer in a black business suit made her way to the front of the room, cat-calls and wolf-whistles following her every movement. She glared at the males responsible and turned her back on them.
"Sir. What we have here is clearly an open and shut case. That...thing over there in the cage is-"
"Objection!!!!!!"
"Authoress Phoenix, you aren't allowed to object yourself."
"Oh....right."
"As I was saying, it's either malicious or insane to commit all of those horrible crimes against the peaceful inhabitants of Zi. Just to prove that it was the one who started all of this, I'd like to call my first witness, Van to the stand." After having taken a similar oath Van was seated comfortably in the witness box." The female lawyer smiled, causing Van to cough nervously.
"Now...Van....could you please tell the courtroom and I how you first came in contact with the defendant?"
"Sure... " Van related the whole incident, making sure to include all of the 'traumatizing' and 'vicious' things that were inflicted upon him through no fault of his own...
"Thanks, Van. You've been a real help. All yours, Mr. Briefs." She smirked as she walked past the Jury, who were half-heartedly scribbling down snippets of information between sips of liquefied sugar and thumb wrestling matches. Mirai Trunks death glared at his opposition, and straightened his tie.
"Hmmmm......now...Van, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it you who were the one who latched onto my client's tail in the first place?"
"Yes...but she-"
"AHA!! There you go ladies and gentlemen, he admitted he was responsible for-"
"Objection!!! He didn't give the witness a chance to finish!"
"Yes. Mr Briefs, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, shall we?"
"Sorry you honor.."
"Very well....Van, you may return to your seat for the moment." Van jumped down and sat beside Irvine who gave him a thumbs-up.
"If I may, your honor, I'd like to call my first witness to vouch for my client's sanity...." Mirai Trunks paused and gestured to the crowd ,"The Author Maelgwyn!" Maelgwyn smirked as he strode to the witness box, roughly elbowing aside the prosecution lawyer.
"Now...Author Maelgwyn....how well do you know the defendant?" Maelgwyn half closed his eyes and yawned.
"......"
"Author Maelgwyn! You are obliged to answer!" The armor-clad author opened an eye and muttered,
"Sugar."
"Huh?"
"I. Need. Sugar. Now."
"Oh...." the jury begrudgingly supplied a mug of their liquefied supply and Maelgwyn sat sipping it with his feet on the witness box rails.
"What was the question again?"
Mirai Trunks gritted his teeth, "How well do you know the defendant?"
"Hmmm.....not long I guess....a month? Three?"
"I see, and while you were in the presence of Authoress Phoenix, did you see her act in an insane manner?"
"....No." Heh. I saw her act in an insanely evil manner.
The blonde lawyer walked over to cross-examine the witness. Only three feet away from the witness, and CW randomly appeared and started screaming to the audience,
"THIS WOMAN IS AN ILLEGAL IMIGRANT FROM CUBA WHO EARNS EXTRA MONEY AS A CONCUBINE!!!!!!!" He winked at Maelgwyn who covered his face with his hands, hoping no-one would notice he knew the out of control muse.
"........uhhhh....Maelgwyn....is this....whatever an aquantince of yours? Remember, you're under oath."
".....Unfortunately, yes."
"HEY, YOU PITIFULL LITTLE INGRATE!!!! Hmph..I'LL REMEMBER THIS NEXT TIME YOU WANT IDEAS FOR A FIC!!!!"
"Author Maelgwyn, muses are not permitted inside the courtroom. Please remove it immediately."
"Yes sir, you honor sir...." After CW had been lured out into the foyer with a trail of biscuits, the prosecution's questioning resumed.
"Why did you hesitate before answering the original question, Author Maelgwyn?" Maelgwyn looked to Phoenix nervously who just shrugged, wishing desperately she had the power of telepathic communication.
"I....uh....."
"Well?" Maelgwyn coughed, trying to stall for time.
"You see Jury and Judge? You can all tell that from this vagabond's manner that he did see the one on trial displaying insane behavior, and don't doubt she corrupted his impressionable young mind to do her evil bidding." She leaned over to Maelgwyn and patted his head, speaking in way one would do to a toddler. "There, there. The scary mean crazy lady won't hurt you anymore..." She snapped her fingers and two burly cops came tromping over.
"Wha-? What the HFIL do you think you're doing?!!!!! LET GO OF ME!!! GAHHH!!!" Pretty soon, Maelgwyn was sharing a cage adjacent to Phoenix's.
"They got you too? Tough break, man." Phoenix tried to stretch in the cramped space, but only ended up causing more injury to herself. "Damn human bakas....."
Maelgwyn kept himself occupied by glaring daggers and any other pointy object he could think of into the head of the prosecution lawyer. Hehehe....
Mirai Trunks ran his fingers through his long purple hair. Things weren't going too well....Shimatta! My last witness! Kami, I hope this works!
Kami: 'I seee you!' mwhehehehe....
Mirai Trunks: Stop doing that!
Kami: 'Make me, monkey boy!'
Mirai Trunks: Grrr..*slaps hand to forehead*
The Judge cleared his throat impatiently.
"Are you quite alright, Mr. Briefs?"
Mirai Trunks jumped. "Who me? Opps...sorry your Honor. AHEM....for my last witness....I call....the AUTHORESS TYGER!!"
A hush rippled through the collected assembly as the main doors slammed open and a rather irritated looking being with blue wings stomped over to the witness box. She had been searching for Phoenix for hours and was frankly not impressed....even more so when she saw that her friend was in a cage- tapping an Easter egg she had somehow managed to get hold of and looking at it expectantly.
"Now...Tyger..."
Tyger raised an eyebrow, "You're here?"
"Yes...well...a last minute call...I'm Authoress Phoenix's lawyer."
"(Muttering) Figures..."
Mirai Trunks coughed once or twice and then turned to the Jury with a big loud voice.
"Authoress Tyger....would you care to tell the court how you can vouch for the defendant's sanity?"
"...No." Was the reply in a flat monotone, "that would be impossible."
"WHAT?!" Mirai Trunks was flabbergasted, "But, but-"
"However....you will be letting her go. Now."
The Judge appeared amused.
"Oh? And why would we do such a thing?"
"Because if you don't release her now...peacefully, I'll simply come back and take her anyway- at the expense of any guard's miserable life."
Furrowing his brow, the Judge waved his hand at the Jury.
"Jury please leave the room and make your decision." Muttering to themselves, they shambled out- some of them twitching from the overload of sugar in their systems.
Phoenix devoured her unwrapped chocolate in two seconds flat.
Tyger rolled her eyes.
Phoenix fell asleep while waiting to hear her fate, and the bailiff (using a ten foot pole) prodded her awake.
Phoenix growled.
Maelgwyn shuffled around in the cage next door.
Tyger looked distinctly bored.
The clock ticked.
A fly buzzed around the room.
The Judge coughed.
Someone scratched their head.
Finally after three whole minutes of waiting, the Jury returned- a writer by the name of Illusion stepped forward and pushed their teal hair out of their eyes.
"We, the Jury, find the defendant........guilty for all charges, but we are releasing her into the custody of Authoress Tyger because we're afraid of her."
Slamming his head-whacker-thingy on the bench, the Judge bellowed,
"Very well. CASE DISMISSED!!" As the Bailiff shooed the annoyed audience out, Tyger forced the locked cages containing Phoenix and Maelgwyn open.
Tyger spoke forcefully,
"Now, you are not going to do ANYTHING like this again? Do you promise?" Phoenix smiled sweetly,
"But of course!" Tyger gave her a suspicious look that said plainly, 'Liar.' Holding both of her shoulders, Tyger wheeled Phoenix around and began marching her out of the room. Just as she passed through the door, Phoenix caught Maelgwyn's eye. She was smirking and he could just see her index and middle finger of her left hand crossed behind her back.
'We'll met again, Insane-one....we'll met again...'
With an amused smile on his lips, Maelgwyn watched as Phoenix's brown furry tail vanished out of the door- the same tail which a young boy tragically mistook for a papaya one sunny summer's morning....
~~~~
A/N. Yes, I am sorry to say that this is the last chapter of DTMDT!!.......But what a chapter!!! My heartfelt thanks are extended to everyone who took a couple of minutes out of their day to read & review. Without you, this ficlet wouldn't have gotten where it is. THANKS!!!!
But not to worry....this isn't the end of me....mwehehehe...
*edges towards the Z-senshi who are shifting around uncomfortably & looking nervous*
Phe: *smirks*
To all my anime & manga comrades: Sleep late, Eat plenty of sugar and FOR KAMI'S SAKE, DO NOT LET PYROMANIAC LEPROCHAUNS RUN AMOK IN YOUR HOMES!!!
Till the next fic......
Phoenix.
*balloons rain down from nowhere*
