Rub-A-Dub-Dub

Disclaimer: Vandread belongs to Gonzo
Timeline: after the first stage, some days before the second stage started
Notes: Dedicated for bath-haters everywhere around the world. The title came up from an Enid Blyton novel passage I read around six years ago. I forgot the novel's title.


Chapter 1:The STENCH

"Doctor," but Parfet quickly stopped mid sentence. She smelt such a disgusting odor from the medics room. "Ugh! What is this smell??!!", she groaned. Duero came out. "Yes Parfet, I have troubles in this.." Suddenly Parfet inched away from him a little bit. "Doctor, don't you keep hygiene as the priority?" Duero blinked, confused.

***

Jura's Vandread, homecoming from battle

Silence. Hibiki was controlling the steer. Other Dreads fly inside Nirvana. Sniff Sniff. Jura face faulted. "P.U!! " she looked to Hibiki. His hair was a mess, his clothes were dirty. "Argh!", she mentally grumbled..

***

Canteen

The whole bunch of Nirvana crew are getting used to the boys now. Celtic Midori (a.k.a The Teddy Bear Girl) was not as disgusted as before, Barnette was calmer than before, Paiwei even has gotten closer to her counterpart, the doctor. Duero entered the canteen. The managing staff greeted him, "Good eve-" They stopped and started to cover their noses. "Gug Ebeding Doctor." Duero nodded. They sure are acting pretty strange today, he concluded to himself. He picked up his dinner package, curried rice with salad and fruits as the dessert. He was later on joined by Hibiki who picked up a large bowl of fried rice and salad. And for some reasons, the femmes are trying to get away from their table. "Oh Hi where's Dita?, said the doctor. "She's getting something called a bath or so.", Hibiki answered. He started shoveling his food to his mouth. Dr. Duero started eating too. Then, Dita came, all in fresh clothes and clean skin. "Uchuujin-san!", she screamed. She quickly sat in the table, in front of Hibiki. A moment later, she covered her nose and asked, "Uchuujin-san, when is the last time you took a bath?"

The boys just stared at her, cluelessly.

********

The bridge was not really bustling with Belvedere Coco, Celtic Midori, Ezra and Amarone Slainthev. Only B.C and Magno were there. "Why don't you go eat the dinner with all the others B.C?" Magno asked as she slurped her instant noodles (AN: Yum!). "The enemy could be attacking at any times. Especially in times like this.", the sub-commander reasoned. Magno mumbled ,"Why can't you just relax for a moment?" She slurped her noodles again.

*PYON*

The com screen appeared in front of them. It was Jura. "Nani?" Magno inquired. "Okashira! We can't stand it any more!", she started. Behind her more crews nodded in agreement. "It's about the men!" B.C looked up seriously. It could be as complicated as before. "Whatever your personal reasons, minna, you'll have to stand them. They are after all the crew too.", she interrupted. "Mou! Hear us out! It's nothing like before, it's THAT STENCH they have these days.", Barnette screamed.

"STENCH?", B.C twitched her eyebrows.

"WHEN is the last time they took a bath???!!!", Jura complained heartily. B.C paused. "Well, the first time they joined us", answered B.C. Jura counted thru her fingers.

She face-faulted

"WHAT!!!??!!!IT'S LIKE one and a half years!!!!??!!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????????!!!!!", cried the other females.

All the females started to jibber and jabber. They all have the very same word to describe it, "EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW"

"Okashira..", Meia talked, "I have a proposal to make."

"Oh?"

"Why don't we bath them. But not like the previous bathing, we have to bath them in the jacuzzi full-blown with shampoo and soaps and all. Perhaps maybe even give them manicure and pedicure."

Silence

Everyone nodded.

"Demo, we might get some objections from them", B.C pointed out.

"DO IT BY FORCE!!!! WE CAN'T STAND IT ANY MORE!!!!", shouted all other femmes.

Magno Vivan, the pirate leader sighed. This is really ridiculous. But she must admit to herself, even Bart now STINKS. She turned to B.C. "So?", she asked B.C. B.C looked at the girls rather disapprovingly, but some seconds later, B.C nodded. Magno inhaled and exhaled. "Well, you have my word girls", she agreed.

"YAY!!!"

2BCONT'D

Coming next:

"Parfet, I have an important question to ask you."

"Nani?"

"What exactly is a 'bath' "

Otanoshimini, ne? (subtitle:please wait for the next chapter)