Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".
Part: 05/12
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).
Pairing: In-Canon.
Disclaimer: The-Powers-That-Be own everything. 'Nuff said?

Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...

*

Part Five - 'Crazy Little Thing' - Captain Beefheart.


"But...?"

"Don't tell me", Xander said brightly. "'Houston, we have a problem'".

"'Say again?'" Spike asked.

"Quiet, you two. What is it, Giles?"

"Xander's right, Buffy. We do have a problem. It's what this handwritten passage at the bottom of the page says are the conditions for using the 'Spear of Longinus'".

They all looked impatiently at him while he took off his glasses and polished them, to give himself a little time to think.

"Well, this Agol, whoever he really was, and it's quite obvious it's a pseudonym, wasn't very good at writing in Latin. And that in itself is rather strange. Normally all scholars of that period would have been educated in Latin, so I'm not quite sure why his is so poor, but what he writes is capable of more than one interpretation".

"But people writing anything to do with magic always used to do that", Willow pointed out. "Being cryptic, I mean. It was to stop outsiders from discovering what they were really up to".

Tara nodded in agreement.

"Yes, we're always having trouble interpreting things, understanding what they really mean, when we're doing magic we haven't tried before. That's why spells can go wrong, or fail entirely", she explained. "Most of the time nothing happens at all, and then other times we can get all sorts of results we didn't expect. It can take ages to figure out what some simple seeming instruction actually means".

"Unfortunately we don't have a lot of time", Michael said. "I would think a few hours at the most".

"So tell us, then. What does this flaming book 'seem' to say?" Spike asked.

"Um. Well here's what the text actually says", Giles responded. "It's pretty bastardised, that's the problem - it could mean a couple of things..."

"Oh come on, shopkeeper, before everyone dies of old age, even me".

Buffy scowled at the vampire, and toyed meaningfully with her stake which she had again produced from concealment somewhere on her person. He took the point, and scowled back but shut up.

"All right. Here it is. It reads 'Puella virgine sola hastam tenebit'".

"Snappy and to the point, I'd say", Xander joked, but he shut up when Anya glared at him.

There was a short period of silence, broken at length by Spike, of all people.

"Well, I know I'm a bit rusty with the old 'Amo, amas, amat' thing, but that seems to be reasonably clear if you ask me, my old ex-librarian", and he sat back with a smile to watch their reaction.

"Oh yeah? And who cares what you think it says, dead boy?" Xander demanded.

"No, let him speak Xander. Come on Spike, show off your traditional English education", Giles said, "however long ago that was", he added.

"Well", said Spike, looking slowly round the table, "taken literally, which I suppose we must, given that we have to start with exactly what it says..."

"Get on with it Spike, or it won't be old age you die of - again", Buffy said, balancing Mr. Pointy on her forefinger and glaring at him meaningfully.

Spike slowly and irritatingly pulled himself upright in his chair and wriggled himself around to find a more satisfactory position. Even an undead backside needs a comfy chair.

"'Puella virgine sola hastam tenebit' translates, as literally as I can make out, as - 'A girl child virgin alone the spear carries', or in modern English - 'Only a virgin girl child carries the spear'. What he actually means..."

"...Is that only a virgin girl 'can' handle the spear", Giles finished for him. "Thank you. Michael, do you understand it the same way?"

Michael nodded.

"Well, that lets me out", Anya said brightly after another moment of silence.

"In fact, all of the guys too", Buffy said. She paused, and then added "and I'm afraid I don't qualify either", and anyone looking closely would have been able to see she looked mildly embarrassed.

Michael and Giles both turned to look at Willow, who went bright pink and stuttered, "No, oh no. Sorry. Me and Oz, you know. I'm sorry, Tara".

So of course then they all looked at Tara. The poor girl shook her head and she too turned red with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry too, Willow". She turned to Willow and took her hand. "It was when I was fourteen, visiting cousins. Well, you can guess the rest".

Willow squeezed her hand and nodded reassuringly and an unspoken message seemed to pass between them.

"Well, that seems to count all of us out. So now what do we do, Giles?" Buffy's question seemed to unfreeze everyone and they all looked at each other.

"Michael, you definitely agree with Spike's translation? I should say he concurs with mine".

Michael nodded again.

"In which case it would seem that you're buggered", Spike said coarsely. "I fact, I think we all are".

"Are you quite sure?" Buffy's little sister asked, sounding a trifle doubtful, disappointed even.

"I'm afraid so, Dawn". Giles said without looking up, as he studied the text of the book for any further material which might help them in their dilemma.

"You need a virgin?" she said.

"Yes, Dawnie", Xander said. "But don't worry your pretty little head about it".

"I know where to look", she told them, and started digging in her backpack, searching for something.

Surprised, everyone looked at her. Sitting next to her, Spike suddenly grinned broadly. Seemingly unconcerned, Dawn was now apparently innocently checking her makeup with the help of a small pocket mirror.

"Oh look", she said, calmly examining her reflection and smiling, "there's one!"

*

"Dawnie?" said Buffy, confused, and then stopped to scowl at Spike who had sat back and started to laugh.

"I don't see what's so funny, Spike".

"All you live people are really slow tonight, Slayer. Compared to the rest of you, your kid sister is so quick off the mark that she's like greased lightening".

"Dawn, you can't..." Tara started to say, and then all the others seemed to realise what was being suggested.

"Dawnie, this is grown-up stuff. You're not involved".

"I am so too!" Dawn exclaimed indignantly. "I never get to help with anything. I'm never allowed to go out on patrol. If anything happens it's always me who's left at home with Mom - when you do all the cool, exciting stuff I'm in bed asleep! Well it's not fair!"

Buffy opened her mouth again to shout at her sister, but then Dawn stopped them all dead in their tracks. She leaned forward and looked her big sister straight in the eye.

"Slayer", she said earnestly, using Buffy's title (something she never ever did), "this is something none of the rest of you can do, only me - isn't it? And anyway, who else have you got?"

*

While Willow and Tara were discussing with Michael what was going to be needed in the way of magical assistance, Buffy drew Giles into a distant corner of the Magic Box so that she could talk to him without being overheard, particularly not by her sister.

"Do you really think we're doing the right thing, letting her help Michael?" she hissed in his ear. "After all, we don't really know that much about him, do we, only what he's told us".

"I've just been doing a bit more research, trying to find some sort of prophecy that refers to this situation", Giles said quietly. "Although there are one or two vague references that might be relevant, Michael seems to be quite right - there's nothing really definite that I can say actually covers all this".

"What about him, though? Is there any mention of him?" Buffy persisted. However, Giles reply was not quite what she expected.

"Oh, you needn't worry about Michael. I'm absolutely sure we can trust him implicitly", he told her, which surprised her completely.

"Oh, really?" Buffy said, her expression obviously somewhat doubting her Watcher's statement. "So who is he then, and who is he really working for?"

"Oh, it's quite obvious who he is. I really don't know why it took me so long to see it. I'll explain it all to you later, Buffy, that is if you haven't worked it out for yourself before then", he said enigmatically.

Her exasperated reply was cut short by Willow calling her over. Buffy looked round the shop for her little sister, and saw that she was standing talking excitedly to Xander and Anya, and looking as if she was about to go on a special treat.

'I suppose that from her point of view perhaps she is', Buffy thought.

Quietly she said to Giles "Do you think this is really going to save the Universe, sending Dawn off with him to get this spear?"

Giles shrugged.

"For the moment we have no way of knowing. We'll simply have to do what Michael deems necessary to deal with this crisis. Just follow his instructions and try not to get into an argument with him, OK? He knows what he's doing - we don't. This whole situation seems to be way beyond anything we've ever faced before".

Buffy opened her mouth to object to Giles's comment about her argumentativeness, when a thought struck her.

"Giles, how can Dawn possibly know what to do? Should we be putting her at risk like this?"

What Buffy was actually thinking was that her 'sister' had really only been in existence for a few weeks, and wouldn't have a clue how to look after herself. And if anything happened to The Key, what then? But she couldn't say anything to Giles in the current situation, there just wasn't the time.

"Buffy, you're forgetting. She's fourteen years old and has a Slayer for an older sister", Giles replied. "She has a pretty good role model, I would say", he added and looked sideways at her.

Startled, Buffy looked back at him in her turn.

"D'you really think so, Giles?"

He nodded and said "Don't worry about Dawn. She'll be fine. She has a large helping of the Summers intelligence, and if push comes to shove, I'm sure that'll see her through. Anyway, what she has to do doesn't seem to be all that hazardous".

"Buffy, Giles!" Willow beckoned them over. "Michael's ready for us to start the incantation".

"Everyone gather round the table in a circle", Michael told them. "The first part is the opening of the way to where the Spear is. Then those of you who remain behind must keep open the way for us to return. Otherwise it's a long walk back to Sunnydale".

"Where is this 'Spear of Longinus' hidden then?" Anya asked.

"More to the point, who goes on the expedition, and who stays home?" Xander asked, a very reasonable question in the circumstances.

"Three of us go, everyone else is needed to maintain our return path", Michael told them. "Those three are myself, of course, Dawn, naturally, and..." he paused briefly "...and Spike!"


End Of Part Five. To Be Continued...