Chapter Twenty
May 1st, 1945
Minerva found herself walking along the path that connected Hogwarts with Hogsmeade. It was almost pitch dark. There were no stars overhead to guide her steps. She wondered why she didn't just take her Animagus form to see better. Then she wondered why she was there at all, walking away from the castle in the dead of night.
Then Minerva spotted a man moving through the shadows before her, neither near nor faraway, but simply there. She knew that she was following him and quickened her steps. Something about this seemed both familiar and different. It was unpleasant and eerie too. She felt very anxious, almost afraid as she passed through the entrance to the school and continued after him as he exited the grounds, squinting to determine his identity.
"It must be Albus." she decided, growing more calm and less fearful. "I must be following Albus.
When they had reached the edge of school grounds and the point from which people often apparated, he stopped and removed his wand from his within his robes. Minerva knew that he was going to apparate. She leapt and caught him from behind.
But then she realized that this was not Albus Dumbledore. This was a man with a sinister, insane smile and beady eyes. It was Grindelwald. He flung her to the ground and stood over her, holding his wand aloft in preparation to cast a spell.
"Avada ..." he began.
Someone was shaking her by the shoulders, but Minerva didn't want to open her eyes. She was afraid that he would be there, leering down at her and preparing to use the killing curse. Cool water splashed upon her face. She gasped sharply and wrenched her eyes open. Trudy and Daniel were standing one upon either side of her bed and looking positively pale with worry. The other girls of her year could be heard talking quietly and anxiously from across the room. What was Daniel doing there, she wondered absently. He wasn't allowed in their dormitory unless it was an emergency.
"Minerva, you were screaming. Tell us what's the matter." said Trudy with wide and concerned eyes.
"I was what?" she mumbled, sitting up and pulling the covers around herself. It was so cold, and Daniel was looking at her in a very odd fashion.
"Screaming. You woke everyone." Vector informed her.
"I'm sorry." she said, rubbing her eyes. "Can I go back to sleep?" That was the only thing she could think to say to them. She wasn't in any position to answer their questions, which she knew that they had.
"Minerva!" said Trudy in an admonishing tone. "I think we deserve to know ..."
"Can it wait until morning, Trudy? I missed out on one night's sleep. I don't want to make it two." said Minerva.
Vector frowned, realizing that she was being deliberately evasive.
"I will have to inform Professor Dumbledore." he warned her.
"I would rather you didn't."
"Then tell us what's happened." Vector urged.
"I don't want to talk about it." she said firmly.
"Suit yourself." he said, frowning even harder. "Everyone back to bed." ordered Vector, exchanging glances with Trudy Weasley.
Minerva had been missing all the day before. They had presumed that she had managed to go with Dumbledore to the continent. What had happened that was so terrible that she woke up screaming and would not tell her best friends why? Vector for one shuddered to think. Minerva wasn't faint-hearted, not by any stretch of the imagination. She was one of the most dauntless people he had had the pleasure of knowing. So why this?
Minerva lay awake in the darkness for a long time after her roommates had gone back to sleep. She could hear Trudy softly snoring in the far corner of the room and the tick of someone's magical clock in another part of the dormitory. She was incredibly sleepy and bone tired, but she could not stand to shut her eyes. She could see his face in her mind. The madness in his eyes not at all concealed by his dark lashes and heavy eyelids. The twisted facial expressions that changed from grimaces to leering grins, pulling his lips thin across his teeth.
The images would not go away, and interspersed between them were scenes from the city in ruins. Bodies. Devastation. More corpses. Uniforms. Shell casings littering the streets. Blood and ruin. Carnage and destruction. And him sitting like a king upon a thrown, unconcerned and removed, and yet in the middle of it all. Everything she had witnessed tormented her in the stillness and silence of the night.
Tears ran from the corners of Minerva's eyes. She knew that none of it would be forgotten. Every image would remain clear and present in her mind until the day she died. And perhaps even beyond. The horror that she felt was very deep and almost consuming. How could any of that be forgotten? She had experienced one terribly real nightmare and felt a cold shiver as she realized that it would not, could not be the last.
And she knew then that she no longer wished to be an Auror, to follow in her brave and noble parents' footsteps. She knew that she didn't have the stomach for such things. And what was more, she didn't want to. Minerva closed her eyes briefly, imagining herself in her twenties or thirties and in an Auror's robes. She saw herself pull an intricate little dagger from within her clothing and whet its blade. She thought of the look in Moody's small, dark eyes and saw the same look in her own. She shuddered and pulled her knees up. It was just as horrific as everything else. That was not what she wanted to become, a vengeance- and blood-thirsty witch who found some sort of perverse pleasure in killing, even if that killing could be justified.
What would become of her then? Who would want or accept her now? She perceived herself as being damaged beyond hope of repair, schooled now in too much darkness and horror to be normal again. She knew too much, had seen too much.
"If only I had not gone with him." she thought.
Then Minerva felt ashamed. Her beloved mentor and dearest friend might have died without her assistance. Whatever the consequences ... she had done what was right. His life was worth much more to her than her own happiness or even her own life.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered the kiss. It was the only good thing that had happened to her since the beginning of this miserable affair. If only he had returned her affections ... If only Albus felt the same way ... If only they could be together ... Then none of this would matter. It could be overcome perhaps. But he didn't. He had returned the kissed, but then he had pulled away so suddenly. Even acknowledging that her timing wasn't the best, Minerva could only feel miserable and disconsolate as she closed her eyes.
"If only he loved me, as I love him." she thought sleepily.
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A/N: *winces* I don't think that turned out like I had hoped.
stoneygem: Moody as a Slytherin was not my idea. The credit for that goes to the brilliant writer Ozma. She convinced me. I can't see him in any other house now. I never knew that about the Swiss. Very interesting. Thank you for reviewing!
Metallicafangirl: Yep, that would be kind of nice. Thanks for the review!
Child-of-the-Dawn: Not all villains can be charming. Thank you for reviewing!
Serenity Raye: The Moody question ... I should have anticipated that. First an assumption must be made. Barty Crouch did a perfect imitation of Alastor Moody (who is one of my favorite characters even thought that makes no sense). So anything he did (case in point: the amazing bouncing ferret) could easily have been attributed to the way Moody really behaved. Minerva had no problem believing that Moody could punish a student by transfiguration and what probably amounted to a good beating. Humiliating and beating up a fourteen-year-old boy in front of his peers was something he would do. Why do I feel like this (as it pertains to his character) would bother/scare Minerva? Because I think Minerva is a very nice person. What a long-winded and mildly nonsensical explanation! And, no, I don't have any plans for destroying all evil forever. That would be weird. Thank you very much for reviewing!
Sanguine Quill: Learning how to write something longer than a couple thousand words took a long time. I shudder whenever I look at the stuff I wrote last spring. Thanks for the review!
Michelle: Thank you!
May 1st, 1945
Minerva found herself walking along the path that connected Hogwarts with Hogsmeade. It was almost pitch dark. There were no stars overhead to guide her steps. She wondered why she didn't just take her Animagus form to see better. Then she wondered why she was there at all, walking away from the castle in the dead of night.
Then Minerva spotted a man moving through the shadows before her, neither near nor faraway, but simply there. She knew that she was following him and quickened her steps. Something about this seemed both familiar and different. It was unpleasant and eerie too. She felt very anxious, almost afraid as she passed through the entrance to the school and continued after him as he exited the grounds, squinting to determine his identity.
"It must be Albus." she decided, growing more calm and less fearful. "I must be following Albus.
When they had reached the edge of school grounds and the point from which people often apparated, he stopped and removed his wand from his within his robes. Minerva knew that he was going to apparate. She leapt and caught him from behind.
But then she realized that this was not Albus Dumbledore. This was a man with a sinister, insane smile and beady eyes. It was Grindelwald. He flung her to the ground and stood over her, holding his wand aloft in preparation to cast a spell.
"Avada ..." he began.
Someone was shaking her by the shoulders, but Minerva didn't want to open her eyes. She was afraid that he would be there, leering down at her and preparing to use the killing curse. Cool water splashed upon her face. She gasped sharply and wrenched her eyes open. Trudy and Daniel were standing one upon either side of her bed and looking positively pale with worry. The other girls of her year could be heard talking quietly and anxiously from across the room. What was Daniel doing there, she wondered absently. He wasn't allowed in their dormitory unless it was an emergency.
"Minerva, you were screaming. Tell us what's the matter." said Trudy with wide and concerned eyes.
"I was what?" she mumbled, sitting up and pulling the covers around herself. It was so cold, and Daniel was looking at her in a very odd fashion.
"Screaming. You woke everyone." Vector informed her.
"I'm sorry." she said, rubbing her eyes. "Can I go back to sleep?" That was the only thing she could think to say to them. She wasn't in any position to answer their questions, which she knew that they had.
"Minerva!" said Trudy in an admonishing tone. "I think we deserve to know ..."
"Can it wait until morning, Trudy? I missed out on one night's sleep. I don't want to make it two." said Minerva.
Vector frowned, realizing that she was being deliberately evasive.
"I will have to inform Professor Dumbledore." he warned her.
"I would rather you didn't."
"Then tell us what's happened." Vector urged.
"I don't want to talk about it." she said firmly.
"Suit yourself." he said, frowning even harder. "Everyone back to bed." ordered Vector, exchanging glances with Trudy Weasley.
Minerva had been missing all the day before. They had presumed that she had managed to go with Dumbledore to the continent. What had happened that was so terrible that she woke up screaming and would not tell her best friends why? Vector for one shuddered to think. Minerva wasn't faint-hearted, not by any stretch of the imagination. She was one of the most dauntless people he had had the pleasure of knowing. So why this?
Minerva lay awake in the darkness for a long time after her roommates had gone back to sleep. She could hear Trudy softly snoring in the far corner of the room and the tick of someone's magical clock in another part of the dormitory. She was incredibly sleepy and bone tired, but she could not stand to shut her eyes. She could see his face in her mind. The madness in his eyes not at all concealed by his dark lashes and heavy eyelids. The twisted facial expressions that changed from grimaces to leering grins, pulling his lips thin across his teeth.
The images would not go away, and interspersed between them were scenes from the city in ruins. Bodies. Devastation. More corpses. Uniforms. Shell casings littering the streets. Blood and ruin. Carnage and destruction. And him sitting like a king upon a thrown, unconcerned and removed, and yet in the middle of it all. Everything she had witnessed tormented her in the stillness and silence of the night.
Tears ran from the corners of Minerva's eyes. She knew that none of it would be forgotten. Every image would remain clear and present in her mind until the day she died. And perhaps even beyond. The horror that she felt was very deep and almost consuming. How could any of that be forgotten? She had experienced one terribly real nightmare and felt a cold shiver as she realized that it would not, could not be the last.
And she knew then that she no longer wished to be an Auror, to follow in her brave and noble parents' footsteps. She knew that she didn't have the stomach for such things. And what was more, she didn't want to. Minerva closed her eyes briefly, imagining herself in her twenties or thirties and in an Auror's robes. She saw herself pull an intricate little dagger from within her clothing and whet its blade. She thought of the look in Moody's small, dark eyes and saw the same look in her own. She shuddered and pulled her knees up. It was just as horrific as everything else. That was not what she wanted to become, a vengeance- and blood-thirsty witch who found some sort of perverse pleasure in killing, even if that killing could be justified.
What would become of her then? Who would want or accept her now? She perceived herself as being damaged beyond hope of repair, schooled now in too much darkness and horror to be normal again. She knew too much, had seen too much.
"If only I had not gone with him." she thought.
Then Minerva felt ashamed. Her beloved mentor and dearest friend might have died without her assistance. Whatever the consequences ... she had done what was right. His life was worth much more to her than her own happiness or even her own life.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered the kiss. It was the only good thing that had happened to her since the beginning of this miserable affair. If only he had returned her affections ... If only Albus felt the same way ... If only they could be together ... Then none of this would matter. It could be overcome perhaps. But he didn't. He had returned the kissed, but then he had pulled away so suddenly. Even acknowledging that her timing wasn't the best, Minerva could only feel miserable and disconsolate as she closed her eyes.
"If only he loved me, as I love him." she thought sleepily.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: *winces* I don't think that turned out like I had hoped.
stoneygem: Moody as a Slytherin was not my idea. The credit for that goes to the brilliant writer Ozma. She convinced me. I can't see him in any other house now. I never knew that about the Swiss. Very interesting. Thank you for reviewing!
Metallicafangirl: Yep, that would be kind of nice. Thanks for the review!
Child-of-the-Dawn: Not all villains can be charming. Thank you for reviewing!
Serenity Raye: The Moody question ... I should have anticipated that. First an assumption must be made. Barty Crouch did a perfect imitation of Alastor Moody (who is one of my favorite characters even thought that makes no sense). So anything he did (case in point: the amazing bouncing ferret) could easily have been attributed to the way Moody really behaved. Minerva had no problem believing that Moody could punish a student by transfiguration and what probably amounted to a good beating. Humiliating and beating up a fourteen-year-old boy in front of his peers was something he would do. Why do I feel like this (as it pertains to his character) would bother/scare Minerva? Because I think Minerva is a very nice person. What a long-winded and mildly nonsensical explanation! And, no, I don't have any plans for destroying all evil forever. That would be weird. Thank you very much for reviewing!
Sanguine Quill: Learning how to write something longer than a couple thousand words took a long time. I shudder whenever I look at the stuff I wrote last spring. Thanks for the review!
Michelle: Thank you!
