Fatherhood Chapter 8

Floating between the unknown forces of living and dying, Sanzo stared blankly, skyward to the darkened space. Visions of Azami were drifting in and out of the darkness, closing upon him, pressing her cerise lips against his with bitter sweetness. Guilt danced wickedly in his heart. With all the knowledge and experience he gained during the years, he should be concentrating his effects into getting Azami towards safety. He shouldn't have stopped. If he hadn't, they wouldn't have argued…

Knowing a fight was inevitable, Sanzo wanted at least to assure himself that the village was accessible enough for Azami in case the wolf demons outnumbered him like they did before. Peering down, he saw his baby boy sleeping peacefully in his arms. For a second, there was a sense of fatherly pride in him.

"Tired?" He asked Azami, whose sweat was drenching her face & back.

"I can manage," she replied. "Don't forget we used to have walks together, remember?"

"Yes, I do," He cast his eyes into the distance in all directions. "However, we had the leisure of time, which we don't have at the moment. While the others deal with the wolf demons, we should reach the next town by then."

"Will your friends be alright? Three people can't do much damage against a pack of wolf demons."

"Who said they are friends?" Sanzo grunted. "They are servants." Azami giggled. "What?"

"Friends or servants, it's good to know you aren't traveling alone anymore." She took his hand. "Although I wish I could be the one to be with you."

Sanzo curled his fingers around hers. "Listen, Azami. There are things I cannot ignore or pretend they don't exist. Whatever the consequences, I will bear them upon myself…"

"We will bear them together," Azami interrupted, pressing her fingers onto Sanzo's lips. "Please don't take things upon yourself like you are some kind of a savior or something. You are human not a god. So stop blaming yourself like it's your fault." She was quiet for a while. "Ne, Genjo. Do you think there's a chance for us to be together?"

"There could be a chance…" Azami's face nearly brightened. "In the future."

"In the future?" She repeated incredulity. "Why the future? Why not now?"

"The gods have commanded me to go to the West to stop the revival of the demon of destruction, Gyumao. After dealing with the wolf demons & assuring your safety, I'll be leaving for the West."

"Demons again?" Azami was frustrated. "Don't you get the picture? You are becoming to be a killer under the pretence of priesthood."

"It's kill or be killed, Azami. Get used to it."

"Does it also mean that our son has to kill someone someday?"

"There are facts I cannot hide from him as he grows up in this world & there are things I don't wish him to learn from me. As much as he needs a father, I'm not even sure whether I can be a role model for him."

"This is what being a father is!" Azami snapped. "This is what Fatherhood is all about. Learning as you go along. I wasn't too sure whether I could be a mother when I found out I was pregnant. But I did it and I believe you could too," Azami took her son back into her arms. "If you put your mind to it!"

"Azami…" Sanzo sighed.

"Genjo. Please," She lashed back. "Enough of this roundabout. Permit me to say what you don't want to say. After the wolf demons, you will continue your mission to the West and never come back. You don't want to be with me. You don't want others to know about our son. Fine! I can live with that!"

"That's not true!"

"Then, what is it? I don't understand what's holding you back and why you are talking in circles."

"Put yourself in my shoes. One day, you bumped into an ex-love & she's having your son…"

"Ex-love?" Acorn eyes flashed. "Is that what you think of me? Ex-love? A one night's stand?" Her face darkened. "Juiko's right. I do know nothing about you!"

"You unreasonable woman!" Sanzo spluttered. "Do you want me to say broken promises that would hurt you even more? Do you want me to let you down twice or triple times more than I did to you last time?"

"If you can't break the news, Genjo," Azami icily replied. "Then tell me to my face because what you don't want to say is written all over your face in black and white!"

"What do you know what I want to say?" Sanzo finally exploded. "I'm in dilemma worse than Hell. My mind is telling me to leave you but my heart is telling to stay! I'm torn between my heart & my mind and it's driving me crazy! Either way, it's going to hurt both of us and our son will be victim of it." Looking up in the sky desperately. "I don't know which decision is the best..."

Then, allow me to make the decision for you, Genjo Sanzo!

At the dreadful sound, Sanzo was shocked to find a wolf demon right behind him. How the hell did he pass by Hakkai & the others? Why couldn't he detect him? How long had they been listening? Splitting into a bloodlust smile, one of the wolf demons, Wovism, moved forward. His red hue eyes gleamed madly in the noon light as his paws clawed deep lines on the ground as he continued.

You can break all the rules of your religion, Genjo Sanzo but there are borders that cannot be crossed. Once broken, deplore will follow after…

"Azami," Sanzo whispered, passing her the Sutras. "Whatever you do, never take off the Sutras. I'll give a split second for you to put them on and run the hell out of here."

"Are you crazy? There's no way you could fight them off by yourself!"

"Don't squabble with me, woman!" Keeping his eyes on the ravenous wolf demons. "It's me that they want. After me, you are next on the menu. Now, go!" He shoved her aside and fired. Stunningly, Wovism went past the bullets with such speed that Sanzo thought that time went completely still. The next thing he knew, he was knocked flat onto the ground. Brutal fangs and claws bore into his flesh and veins, shutting down his body into deadness. He fought back, firing continuously, surfing his conscious above the red sea. He heard Azami's raging screams. Then, a bullet whizzed across his cheek, like a furious bee, skinning off a bit of fur from Wovism's coat. The wolf demon snarled and roared in a language he could not understand. A wolf demon responded and charged towards Azami.

"AZAMI!!!" Sanzo coughed out blood and bile as he struggled to his feet but Wovism's heavy weight held him down like a hammer onto a nail. In a lightening speed, he dragged mercilessly into the forest. Grass, twigs, trees… all flashed past his eyes in rainbow colours crusted in red. One moment, he saw the clear blue sky, the grass and then, black and excruciating pain triggering all over him, hammering him like uncontrollable waves of a storm. Suddenly, the world went silent and still. In the midst of the throbbing sting in his skull, he saw the sun shining brightly as the orange paper planes that his mentor loved to make during his free time. Breathing in the little air left in his lungs, he barely moved his eyes and saw Wovism sloppily chewing meat, its juices dripping down his mouth.

"Eat me when I'm dead, bastard!"

Cursing, he held up his gun and feebly pulled the trigger. Once again, Wovism evaded the bullet. He smacked his lips in glee. Suddenly, an ear splitting scream severed through the air. It went higher and higher till it stopped sharply. A cold horrendous thought shook Sanzo. Wovism smiled devilishly at the bloodcurdling scream. Seems like my brothers are onto your woman. The next meal will be your son. An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth and son for a son… As soon as he said that, everything turned black.

Suddenly, the darkness was swept into a crystal blue sky. Sanzo blinked and saw a familiar face smiling at him. Brown hair structured the high cheekbones and gentle eyes in him. A red charka was on his forehead, accompanying his yellow priestly robes. It was Kyomo & he was cradling a baby boy in his arms.

"Koryu Kawamono, the river drifter," he said. "The river always flows endlessly in a steady beat, never altering from its path because it knows it's wiser to choose the smooth and sturdy path. To stray is to head for trouble, uncertainties, dilemmas and sorrows." He turned towards the cubby little boy. "The sorrow for losing Azami, the dilemma to acknowledge the boy as your son…" Turning back at him. "Features like his mother and yet in him is his father."

"Am I…"

"Dead?" Kyomo finished for him. "No, not yet Koryu. You still have uncompleted business to finish," Kissing the cubby little boy on the forehead. "For instance, your son."

Sanzo stared speechless at the little boy, who waved his hand like a windmill, giggling happily. Kyomo laughed as he patted his messy mop of blond hair. "You used to laugh like him. Regrettably, you cease to laugh, as you grow older. Perhaps you have spent too much time around adults than with children." Sighing. "It's wonderful to find someone willing to bear you a child."

"Have you…" Sanzo mumbled.

"Fallen in love with a woman?" Kyomo smiled amusingly. "I have scant experiences with women." Locking his eyes at Sanzo. "However, I do know this. It is almost impossible in the heat of the moment to think of the long-term consequences of unresolved quarrels and tragic regrets. Nevertheless, her love for you never wavered, even to the cost of her own life."

"Azami…" His throat went dry. "I told her to get to safety!" Fighting against his stirring emotions. "Why did she have to get herself involved?"

Kyomo, patiently as always, lifted up his hand and caressed Sanzot's cheek. "When woman gives a man her most sacrosanct mark of her purity, she does it out of love. When she gives birth to his child, she does it out of love. When she lays down her life for him, she does it out of love. Do not ask why she did this or find any logic reasoning for her actions. Azami did it all of these because she loves you." Moving his hand down to the baby boy whose acorn eyes innocently fixed onto Sanzo's in almost an unspoken daunting way. "In hopes you will give her the security she needs not so much for herself," Pausing. "But for her child whose birthright may never be recognized in the eyes of men."

A blanket of suffocating hush covered the two men for some time. The boy gave a disturbing daunting look. Forcing himself, Sanzo said the question that he longed wanted to ask. "Are Sanzos permitted to have children?"

"What are your thoughts on this, Koryu?" Kyomo said after a while.

"I don't know," Sanzo was taken back at the honesty of his voice. "I was hoping you could tell me."

"You will make your decision based on my answer?" Kyomo smiled understandingly. "Frankly speaking, I don't know when the vows of celibacy were implemented or the reasons for doing so. Maybe, the monks at that time, thought that forbidding themselves from intimate earthly pleasures would differentiate themselves from others. As much as I avoid politics, generally most people would prefer to pass on their heritage through their kinsmen to outsiders. For your case, the father lives in the son."

"I don't understand…"

"No matter how many demons there are, they have one common enemy – Sanzos. If the Sanzos were to have any offspring, they will be a threat. Were they not after you on the night I died?"

"Yes but..." Glancing at the boy. "You are not my maternal father."

"Yet I adopted you as my own flesh and blood. Nonetheless no less significant than the bond between father and son," Kyomo ended sternly. He stopped and studied his student carefully. Softening his voice, he continued.

"Are you afraid?"

Sanzo barely nodded.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of making the wrong choice. If I don't acknowledge him, he will probably end up in an orphanage or some place worse. He will grow up probably the same way as I did. The boys will pick on him, people will gossip behind his back and I don't know what kind of an adult he will turn out to be. On the other hand, if I acknowledge him, the demons will be after him for he will be my greatest weakness…"

"A weakness, you say? Is Azami also a weakness?"

Sanzo couldn't reply.

"That is the cause, Koryu. You fear the future so much that you couldn't hear what Azami was trying to tell you. Both Azami & your son are your strengths yet you took them as your weakness."

"How can they be my strength? Azami is killed and the boy will be the demon's dinner."

"They are your strength to open your eyes to see another path in Life. After my death, you have been occupying yourself with demons. After Gyumao is subdued, I want you to spend your remaining years on something else fulfilling."

"How can I?" Sanzo resentfully argued. "They killed you & Azami. It's my fault I couldn't protect you and her."

"Every man is responsible for his own destiny. Azami understands the risks she's taking & so did I. We both accepted our deaths because we wanted to. You may not be able to resolve your conflict with Azami, yet the least thing you could do is to resolve the conflict in you & appease her soul with every thing she has been asking you to her last breath."

In a blink of an eye, Sanzo found himself alone with his son in a wrap ambiance, its vortex spinning around and around in a hazy amethyst light. His son, ignorant of the new environment, stood up and walked towards Sanzo wobbly. The deep daunting look was still in his acorn eyes.

"You look so much like your mother," Sanzo spoke after a long eerie silence. "If I knew Azami's days were few, I would have made her happy instead of upsetting her. In return, I let the wolf demons killed her," Stretching out his hands. "I'm sorry. Can you forgive me? You can hate me now but please give me the strength & the spirit to avenge your mother's death."

Will you give me that?

Watching Sanzo lying in the darkness, Hakkai hoped against hope. He had closed the wounds but the damages were too great beyond his healing abilities. The initial bite wound on his neck had punctured the blood veins. If the fangs had gone deeper, it could snap Sanzo's neck in two. Hakkai believed a quick kill wasn't what the wolf demons had intended. There were deep abrasions and bruises all over his body, broken bones and skull factures. Chances of Sanzo surviving through this were thinner than the cotton bandages he used to wrap his wounds.

Suddenly, Hakkai sensed a breathtaking amount of dharma power bursting within the room, its atmosphere concentrating on Sanzo. At that moment, golden light emitted from Sanzo, blazing all over his body. In an instant, the golden light vanished. Hakkai rushed over to check Sanzo. To his amazement, the light restored Sanzo's body to almost complete healing. He couldn't understand when or how the light came about. Cupping Sanzo's wrist, he tested his pulse. Then, Sanzo's eyelids opened.

"Sanzo… Sanzo…" Hakkai's heart beat ten times faster as he felt his pulse going stronger. "By the gods, you are alive!"

"Isn't it obvious?" Sanzo get up. "I have a score to settle with those blasted demons. They murdered Azami. Do you think I'll let them get away with that?"

"Of course not…" Hakkai stammered at the hostility. "It's that I don't understand how the golden light that healed you came about..."

"The Sutras."

"What?"

"Before Wovism attacked, I passed my Sutras to Azami as means for her to escape," Turning his face to the shadows. "It was a bloody mistake."

"Don't blame yourself. At that time, it could have been the best strategy."

"Best strategy for Wovism, you mean," He swallowed a lump in his throat. "I thought my feelings for Azami & my fears clouded my judgment but they didn't. It was my pride. My pride cause my fall."

"Yet, you can pick yourself up again. Azami must have probably placed the Sutras on your son while attempting to help you. If our conclusions are the same, then the Sutras are protecting him as we speak. To be able to use the Sutras would mean that the user has strong dharma power… Still, it doesn't explain how the Sutras healed you…"

"Does it matter?" Sanzo cut him short. "My son has dharma power & is a threat to demons. Hakkai, tell Goku & Gojyo to be ready by dawn," His lips quivered. "I want to be alone for a while." Hakkai nodded, opened the door & walked out.

As soon as the footsteps faded away, a tear streamed down Sanzo's face.

Arigatou, Tōkon (闘魂). My son, my fighting spirit!

To Be Continued


GeneWeiß's thoughts:

Err... Minna-san. The sentence 'By dawn, the cemetery may have two new tombstones in its keep'. Doesn't it indicate that Sanzo is still alive??? Hmm... guess it was a extremely vague hint.. Bummer...

Apologizes for any grammatical errors for this second last chapter!!! Maybe GeneWeiß should get a editor to check GeneWeiß' works... In case you didn't know, for this fiction, GeneWeiß is experimenting an unconventional style that go against the mould of 'how-a-plot/person-should-be-like' types & is totally pleased with the mixed reviews given so far...

Is Genjo Sanzo really getting OOC (out of character)? GeneWeiß doesn't let fan-based work to sway GeneWeiß's opinion of Genjo Sanzo. Seriously, GeneWeiß doesn't see as Genjo Sanzo as a composed, emotionally detached demon slayer who couldn't possibly get himself involved with women & ended up with illegitimate children. Fine, reviewers might this fiction too OOC to read but it doesn't bothered GeneWeiß a bit. Might not suit everyone's tastebuds and so, you may blame it on the weak plot.

Thanks to:

@noon for telling GeneWeiß that 'half a pair of glasses' is a monocle.

Coolpriss: (sighs wearily) You know, GeneWeiß always receive comments on the similarity between GeneWeiß & T.Brooks' style whenever GeneWeiß writes fantasy stories *sniff* (man, this is depressing... going to pep myself with cookies 'n' cream ice cream...) *sniff* It's time to return to gothic dark stories.... Yami no Matsuei? Twilight of the Dark Master? Hellsing?

Genki Genjo, Ruishi, Kuroi Neko-kun, Cutie-pie16, M-i: Relax people (creating a shield barrier from cutie-pie16's bullets) GeneWeiß is not that cruel to let Sanzo die so easily. Where's the fun in that?

Meethzoonk: Sanzo coming back from the dead & gets his revenge? (laughs) that might work! Your fic 'The Monk & the Feline' always manage to get a smile on GeneWeiß's face. Enjoy the part when Sanzo interrogate Sunny with garlic in chapter 4!

sf, XiaoLi: (Whew!) Thanks for your reviews. It helps balance GeneWeiß's view of this fic.