Title: Yogurt Covered Pretzels - Part 3

Author: Chloe-Bee

It was 12:05 pm , and Jessie had departed from school - still dressed in her black track pants, and soccer uniform - face muddy, and hair stringy with sweat.

Her stomach ached so much, and she sat nervously on the public bus, one leg hopping up and down in nervous anticipation. The swelling of her abdomen made her feel sick, and she nearly stumbled from the vehicle when it came to her stop.

Trotting down the street, she made her way to the family's back porch, and scrambled for the key under the Berber welcome mat before letting herself in and running upstairs.

When she got to the bathroom entrance, she shut the door softly - aware that Lily would be home for at least another hour before she was required to go to the radio station.

Pulling up the edge of her shirt, she took in a gasp of air. Her belly and uterine region were almost puffy, but contrasted starkly with the general near-emaciation of her frame. Bloated belly, but stick thin arms, and a prominent rib cage.

"Stupid Grace", she thought miserably, remembering how the older girl had met up with her at break, and had not-so-subtlety made her eat by shoving off peanut butter sandwiches on her.

She had eaten two then, just to appease her stepsister, before trudging off to gym.

But something had changed. Eating the food had awaken her sense of hunger. She could go days - weeks really - on such a little bit of food, but when forced to eat something substantial, she realized how much she had craved 'it'. 'It' being nourishment - taste - fullness.

Hiding out in the girl's locker room, she had slipped out of class, and had made her way to the north wing of the school - feeling jittery and nauseous with the knowledge of what she was about to do.

After buying five or six chocolate bars from the vending machine, she had retreated back to the washroom, and had devoured them quickly. Such behavior was unlike her. She never binged - even in a 'small' sense, but instead, employed such great control - such powers of restriction. She usually ate slowly - cutting her food into miniscule portions, and downing every bite with a swig of water or diet pop to help 'fill her up'. This time, she nearly inhaled the Twix, and the Reeces Pieces, and the Aero bars. Such need - such hurry and franticness. As if she could never have chocolate again, or as if someone could come by any second and take her foodstuffs from her. Usually, it was as if two people were wagging a war within her body - one, the rational individual - scared by her reluctance to eat - her self- starvation. This 'being' she often thought of as the weak part of herself - a part that usually allowed her to munch on an apple or a carrot stick. The other part of her was the regimented mind - ignoring her bodily requests for food, and feeling nothing but sick with guilt if she ate. Obsessively training her to enjoy the feeling of hunger, and to hate the feeling of fullness.

When she realized that she WAS full - full of the sticky, concrete feeling chocolate confections, she had started to panic. WHY had she eaten it - knowing she'd feel this out of control later? This scared?

She had to have known how weak and miserable eating so much would have made her. So she had raced to her locker, and had searched for any remaining change, before hightailing out of the school with her jacket and backpack, and taking the 'el' into the city.

Once there, she had seeked out the nearest drug store, and had purchased an 18 dose box of chocolate Ex-lax, and had actually eaten half of the contents in the pharmacy car lot.

Now she was experiencing the painful cramping and temporary bloating that too much laxative use generally causes. Not to mention that, for her size and body weight, she should have taken ½ the recommended dose.

Luckily, she made it home before she was sick. The pain was starting to increase however, and sweat coated her face.

'Think. If you can get it out, you might feel better', she spoke softly to herself.

She had never tried to make herself vomit before, but now she was doing just that - to her own disgust. With pink toothbrush in hand, she plunged it down her throat, trying in vain to retch up the contents of the laxatives and the chocolate.

Unfortunately, only bile came up, and a second frantic attempt left her with a cut on the upper portion of her mouth and tongue, and as a result, a mouth of blood.

Hot tears slid down her face, as she gave up, and stripped her body of clothes, before stepping into the shower.

It always helped her nerves to feel clean.

Lily Sammler made her way to her daughter Zoë's bedroom. Her arms were occupied with rolled up clean socks, underwear, camisoles, and t-shirts. Smiling lovingly at the child's crayoned drawings of a tree and a butterfly, she opened the oak dresser and deposited the clothes.

She stopped abruptly upon hearing the squeal of the shower being turned off, and ascended the staircase before stopping in front of the washroom door.

Knocking softly, she puzzled at who could be using the shower at such a time, and quickly decided it must be Eli. His hours at the bookstore always varied, and she queried, "Eli? Are you going to be done soon? I've got to get ready for work."

"It's me."

The young, high pitched, girlish voice of Jessie cut through the air. The sound was cut up - hitched - as if she had been crying.

"Jessie? Honey? Are you okay?"

Lily glanced at her watch. It was 1:22.

The teen was supposed to be at school.

Quietness permeated her senses for a few seconds, and then a resounding, "I think I have the flu."

"Well, why don't you come out of there so we don't have to half yell at one another, k?"

The door creaked open to reveal a towel clad Jessie - shivering and pale. Her damp light hair was pulled tightly into a bun, and the small white straps of the sports bra could be made out from beneath the terry cloth.

"I don't feel well", the young girl muttered shyly - her eyes darting to the ground.

"Oh sweetie - you look sick! Why don't you get changed into your pj's, and I'll make you some soup?'

Motherly concern, and Jessie almost blanched at the mentioning of food.

"I don't think that would be a good idea", she muttered, before limping off to her attic bedroom.

She knocked three times on the wooden handrail.

"Can I come up, sweetie?"

"Yeah", the young voice coughed.

Lily made her way up the stairs to find Jessie cloaked under blankets. Her green sheep pajamas mirrored the color of her face.

"Okay. Here's the deal. I've phoned your school and informed them that you have the flu. The vice-principle said that she'd contact your teachers, and that your friend Katie will grab any assignments for you. I also contacted your Dad. He told me that Eli should be home within a few hours and will check up on you then. So - just try to get some rest sweetie."

Jessie visibly relaxed, and muttered a hoarse, "Alright. But - but I don't need Eli to babysit me. I AM 15."

The youth seemed to be a good deal younger as she argued this point. Her elfin features were drawn in pain, and her thin form was clearly highlighted by the light fabric and material of her pajamas. She seemed, in Lily's mind - so delicate. So fragile.

"Oh sweetie. I know that. If I thought you needed a babysitter, I wouldn't be going to work. I just meant that Eli will be home in a little while as it is, and I phoned him up, and he's going to grab you some Gravol and some heat packs, just in case the flu gets worse."

Another nod, before Jessie let her small head plummet back to the softness of her pillow.

"Right", she muttered sleepily.

Lily had started to rise, but stopped as Jessie added, "I want to feel better - I don't want to miss the party."

*The anniversary. 'THE' party."

And all at once Lily started to wonder if the girl's nerves were the cause of her fatigue and nausea.

"Honey - it's going to be just a small thing with the family, and everyone would understand you not being present if you were sick."

Lily made her way back to the bed, "Rick and I agreed on Boston Pizza", she laughed earnestly, "not some schmancy fancy restaurant. But a place where us and the kids could just go for some grub, and then I think we were going to drop everyone off and go and see a film. And on Saturday, we are going - all of us - to the fair. And I'm sure you will feel better by then. So you won't miss too much, hon. Just sleep."

And Jessie did just that.

"Jess - I'm home!"

Eli called through the house, before jogging up to her room.

"Hey sis. Lil' said you felt like crap, so I got you some stuff. This stuff here - it tastes like CHERRIES", Eli made a funny face, trying to convince his little sister that the medicine actually tasted good.

"God Eli. I'm not four. So please don't launch into the "here comes the cho- cho" speak."

Eli laughed, and chucked the package of Gravol towards Jessie, who picked up the cardboard package before starting to read the medical contents list.

Eli frowned at this, and tried to break her concentration.

"And item number 2 today is - da daa - miiiiiint gum."

That too went flying - nearly hitting the prone Jessie in the stomach.

"Watch it!", she laughed, before stretching a peeked arm out towards her tumbler and swallowing some of the tepid water that lay within.

"Now for the real kicker - and only because I'm such a wonderful, compassionate."

"Cuckoo", Jessie muttered.

"Hey! That's the thanks I get for buying you treats? Fine, I think I'll keep these", he read the titles of the objects now in his possession, "Seventeen and YM magazines for myself! It has an interesting article in here about how to redecorate your room using animal print designs."

Jessie giggled, and opened her arms, while Eli trotted over to her side, and deposited the reading material into her hands.

"Here you go, Stinky!"

"Hey! I do not smell. I took, like, umm, 3 showers today."

Eli grinned, "Yeah - I know. You're a neurotic clean freak."

"Shut up!"

"Oh - lip balm. I got this for you too."

Jessie smiled, and took it graciously, before piping up. "Why are you spoiling me? You didn't have to do all this. Plus, you are acting kind of strange. How much coffee have you had?" She laughed again.

"Wha-me being generous is STRANGE?", the older teen asked in feigned outrage.

"No - I mean - what's the catch?", she clarified.

Eli sighed. "Oh Jess. There IS no catch. I just felt badly for giving you a hard time the other day."

Jessie's face must have registered her confusion, for her brother clarified by adding, "You know - about the pretzels?"

"Oh."

"See - you may not believe this. But I'm just - scared - for you. I don't want you to get sicker. No one does. But, I know how badly I'd feel if people were always watching me - always trying to get me to do something that I didn't want to do. Something that made me feel sick."

His voice had become soft, and Jessie felt tears prick her eyes, and averted her gaze.

"Oh", she voiced. It felt as if she had swallowed a frog.

"Just - rest up, okay?", Eli uttered in a sotto voice. "I'll try to back off. I know you are doing your best."

She felt guilty then. She had been lying so much. She didn't have the flu. She was binging and then trying to make herself sick. She was restricting and fainting at school. She was deceiving her family. And they were buying her 'treats', and trying to make her feel better.

She was scaring them, and they were trying so hard.

The reality hit her hard, and she tried to not cry then and there.

"Thanks Eli", she winced at her own voice - hating everything about herself right now.

Eli took a deep breath - the earlier silliness and jokiness of his mood now eradicated.

"Grace told me how she, well, basically cornered you. How she made you eat those sandwiches."

Jessie offered up a weak smile, "She didn't FORCE me to eat them Eli."

"No, no", he shook his head, "but she made it hard for you to refuse. You know - in front of your friends and all. She phoned me up after lunch. She wanted to apologize to you, but couldn't find you - she was worried."

*Grace was worried?*

"Why?", Jessie asked cautiously.

"Jess - she said you seemed - kind of, restless after. That you ran off. She knew you were upset. I-just-just rest up okay? I'll bring you up something to drink a little while later."

And she managed to avoid crying.

At least, she did while in his presence.

But, upon his departure, the tears came full force.

*You are so pathetic!*

How she hated herself right now.

Three Days Later

Red, blue and orange balloons loomed around the gates entrance.

Jessie could smell the cinnamon mini donuts, and the candy cane apples, and the popcorn, and steeled herself for the night ahead.

*You aren't going to have any. You are going to have some water. You aren't going to eat.*

A silent mantra. A prayer.

She hoped it worked.

Rick came up behind her, and clouded her eyes with his hands.

"Guess who?"

"Dad!", she spun around, "Cool - I didn't think you'd make it!"

"Where are the others?"

Rick scanned the grounds.

"Oh - they gave me the old high-ho, and told me to get in line and to get the bracelets. I think they are still at the car, getting the cooler and everything", her voice trailed off.

Rick Sammler waited patiently with his daughter in one of the fair entrance lines. Upon getting to the tickets booth, he passed over two twenties to Jessie. "Okay little lady. How many?", the carnival worker questioned the teen.

Jessie scanned the ticket requirements. "Umm - one all day pass for a child, one for a youth, and four adults please."

Yellow, blue and white plastic bands were passed back to her, along with $2.50 spare change.

"Boy that's expensive."

Rick laughed, "Too bad Grace and Eli are considered 'adults'. Otherwise we could have saved $10.00 They don't act like it, but we gotta pay full price for them!"

Jessie grinned, before trying to strap on her youth bracelet. "Hey - in two years you will have to pay full fare for me too!"

Rick muttered, "Yeah. I can hardly believe it. My little girl - growing up so quickly."

Jessie smiled serenely, "But at least I don't act immature like E!"

As if on queue - "Hey Stinky!" Eli called out, and Rick's face scrunched up.

"Don't ask", Jessie informed him, before holding out her bracelet, and indicating that she was having difficulty strapping it on her wrist with one hand. "Dad, can you clip it on?"

Rick did so quickly, feeling the brief fluttering of fear in his stomach as he rolled up his daughter's cuff.

She was getting thinner by the day.

Jessie half turned at the sound of Zoë and Grace's approach. "Here are your bracelets, you guys. Yours is yellow, Zoë."

"No way! You can't ride the Ultimator if you have a child fare bracelet! This sucks!"

Jessie shrugged non-combatively. "Don't tell me. Tell God. It's his fault you are 11."

"Why didn't you ask for TWO youth bracelets?"

Jessie shrugged, "Because only *I* am youth age. According to these guidelines. So I only asked for ONE."

The idea of deception hadn't arisen in Jessie's mind.

Zoë looked up at her mother, "MOOOOM - can't we exchange it for a youth one? I can pass for 13!"

Grace took her white bracelet with a laugh, "With that stunning display of maturity, you can't even pass for 10!"

"Shut up!"

Rick held up his hands in a gesture of 'time out', "Okay - cool it! We will get another bracelet. Would everyone just relax, please?"

"You are still going to be too short to ride the Ultimator anyway", Grace muttered, while Eli laughed and marched off towards a booth that proclaimed, OLD FASHIONED BURGERS.

The group sashayed over towards the stand.

Rick quickly scanned the contents on the marquis, which were being offered, while the kids told him what they wanted.

"Ohhh - can I have one of those mini-donut specials, honey? I haven't had carnee donuts in so long!"

Lily wagged her eyebrows at her husband, while Rick responded in a sweet falsetto, "Certainly 'dear' - Jess, what do you want?"

*Think fast!*

"I'm good", the young blonde waved her hands in a motion of dismissal.

"Honey.", there was a note of pleading. Grace and Zoë looked uncomfortable, and Eli's features were strained.

"Jess", Eli began.

"No - I mean, can't I eat later? Isn't it stupid to eat supper and THEN go on roller coasters and ferris wheels and bumper cars?"

Her laugh sounded strained as she tried to appease their better sense.

Rick looked defeated, "But aren't you hungry, sweetie?"

"Look Jessie - they have candy apples. You like candy apples", Zoë began, doing her best to sway the older girl.

"Fine", Jessie muttered darkly. "I'll have a candy apple."
TBC? - Please review ;)