Shinji.
- 2 -
I woke up with familiar music sounding in my ears. It was Day. Uninvited sunlight poured into my room.
Every pore on my body was howling pain. My pillow and sheets were drenched in cold sweat. Nightmare, again.
Nightmare was a frequent visitor these days, but I never recalled his face. Did something happen yesterday? I wiped the sweat off my forehead and tried hard to remember, but nothing came up.
I looked into the mirror. There were dark lumps on my bottom lip and black smears across the side of my mouth. They were dried blood. Calmly, I smoothened my lips with my tongue, faintly savoring a small taste of my own vital of life.
They were as alive as I would ever be.
I fetched my uniform from my closet and headed for the shower. I could hear Misato snoring away in dreamland. Passing by Asuka's door, I noticed her room was unusually quiet. Normally at this time, she would be fumbling around, creating decibels in her room while trying to get ready for school before I do.
Was she still asleep? I tried hard not to care and kept walking, but halfway down the hall, I stopped.
I can't just leave her in bed.
I turned back with a sigh, unable to understand why I would feel guilty for someone like Asuka. Unwillingly, I knocked on her bedroom door.
"Asuka, it's morning!"
No answer.
I knocked on the door again, this time harder. "Asuka! We need to get ready for school!"
Silence.
Puzzled, I slid open the door.
The room was empty. The sheets were carefully put away, leaving the bare floor exposed to the powerful sunlight. Everything was neatly in place, as if nobody had ever touched the room at all.
I was confused. Did she already leave? Normally she'd head to school with me, even though she would speed-walks ahead of me half the time. This is unusual.
I opened the door to the bathroom. Sure enough, the floor was warm and damp, and there was still traces of fog left on the bathroom mirror. The bathroom smelled pleasantly like soap, shampoo... and something else familiar.
She had left. Silently, I undressed myself and stepped into the shower. The scent became clearer.
Trails of Asuka's sweet aroma lingers in the shower stall, and slowly made its way into my mind.
I quickly turned the shower on at full force. Powerful jets of water bombarded my body, forcefully rinsing away the physical stains. However, they were unable to cleanse away my fatigue and the shameless thoughts in my head.
Do you hate me, Asuka? I turned around and let my face catch the fierce streams of water.
Pervert. Asuka's mockingly sneer was burnt deep into my thoughts. I felt defeated, weak, and helpless. I slumped against the shower wall.
The water was freezing cold. Asuka had used up all the hot water.
* * *
"...the Second Impact, as you all know, is what resulted the current scene in the world today..."
I could hear the droning voice of the teacher as I approached the classroom. I entered through the back door.
The teacher stopped his lecture when he saw me come in.
"I... " I staggered nervously, "I'm sorry for being late, sensei... I... I was..."
The teacher gazed at me momentarily, then returned his vision to his materials and began to drone on again.
I hurried and sat down at my desk, and turned on my terminal. After I settled in, I took a glanced around the classroom. Toji had his legs crossed on top of his desk, spellbound by some unknown shoujo manga. Kensuke, unconsciously hunching his back in concentration, was punching keys on his keyboard at a ferocious speed. The class rep had a small gathering at the right side of room, examining some new feminine accessories I couldn't possibly name. Nobody seemed to notice that I came in.
I turned around to look behind me. Sure enough, there was Asuka, chattering away with a girl beside her. She caught my glance and made a face at me; then, in a slow motion, mouthed me the word "idiot". Her friend giggled.
Somehow, I wasn't aggravated by Asuka's insults. She didn't look angry, even though I couldn't exactly imagine why she would. I felt as if a load had just been taken off my chest. I breathed a sigh of relief.
A small, comforting breeze brushed silently across my face. I looked out of the window into the azure sky. If the Second Impact never took place, now would be the midst of the spring season. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eyes, I realized someone else was staring up into the very same cerulean skies.
She was looking fixedly out the window. Strands of her blue hair danced gracefully in the currents of the light breeze. Sunlight settled on her pale skin, and reflected back into my eyes in a glowing, angelic hue. Her cool, nonchalant expression seemed to be unmindful of any pain and torment, but at the same time she seemed to carry all the weight of the world.
Ayanami Rei.
It felt as if there was a invisible wall surrounding Rei. The river of time strikes the wall, and dissipates into nothingness. She, Rei, Ayanami, Ayanami Rei, would simply sit there, motionless, undisturbed, isolated, alone, until the river itself dries up, until the end of eternity.
I looked at Ayanami, trying to grasp her soul with my vision.
...tell me... What do you want?
...
....
.....
......
.......
........?
... don't you want anything, Ayanami?
A small, powerful burst of wind kissed Ayanami's face. Surprised, she blinked twice and drew back. I snapped back to reality. The bell rang. It was a half day today.
Cheerful chattering could be heard throughout the classroom; eventually, one by one, they'd all leave. I sat still in my seat. Asuka left without even saying goodbye.
"Ikari-kun," A bright, cheerful voice called. It was the class rep, Horaki Hikari.
"You're on duty today."
I nodded.
Hikari smiled, "Please do a good job. Don't be sloppy like Toji and Kensuke."
I tried to smile back, "Of course."
She grabbed her books, waved goodbye and left the room.
I turned back to the window. Ayanami was gone. Her terminal was still on, sounding solemn hums.
I walked to her desk and turned off the terminal. The warm, soothing breeze was still drifting through the open window. I felt relaxed, and everything was forgotten. I sat down in Ayanami's seat.
For a split moment, I seemed understand Ayanami. I felt closer to the skies than I had ever been. I wanted to be one with the clouds. I wanted to be without form, be without burden, without restrictions. I wanted to be embraced by the warmth of nature, and return to the wombs of Gaea once again.
I want to be one with everything.
I want everything to become nothing.
Then I would never, ever be lonely, again.
