Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me, it belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

TOO LATE
By Rian

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I love him.

I realize that now. It took me a long time, but now I see how much I really care about him. Too long.

When I first met him, I mean *really* met him, I thought he was a weak, cowardly brat, barely able to duel anybody worth shit. Then I realized how wrong I was. He may appear weak and pathetic, but he is strong inside. He cares deeply for those close to him, and is willing to sacrifice anything for them. Maybe that is why I love him.

But now--now I realize I'm the one who is weak and cowardly. I'm... I'm afraid to tell him how I feel. How I really feel. Will he love me back? I really don't know. Will he reject me? I don't know that, either. But I'm afraid he will. He sees me as a partner, a friend to help him out when he's in trouble... nothing more. At least, that's what I'm afraid he sees me as. But I can't help hoping that someday... someday, gods help me, he'll love me back.

He comes into my room, asking me to go to Kaiba Corp. with him. He won't tell me why, but he seems nervous. Very nervous. I can tell.

He's grown from a short, young-looking boy into a handsome, medium-height young man. He's about my size, which makes it all the more easy to dream of kissing him. But I don't think he would return my kisses, my proclamations of love. I really don't. But that doesn't mean I can't dream.

As we walk to Kaiba's place, I finally demand an explanation for his nervousness. He won't look at me, won't answer. I fume, but there's nothing I can do. He utterly refuses to tell me, and that bothers me, more than I care to admit.

I feel cold inside, though, as we near the main building of the corporation. It is a dark, heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away, simply getting heavier and colder every step I take. He seems to be getting even more nervous, which for some reason I don't think possible, and the cold feeling grows even more.

We walk inside and stop at the front desk, asking to see the president... Kaiba. Seto Kaiba. As I think the name I feel a cold dread seeping into my heart. The cold feeling gets stronger still until I think it is choking me. I need out, but I can't leave. I won't leave him alone with Kaiba. I won't. Whatever he has to say to Kaiba, I will be there with him.

As if I could ever be somewhere without him.

We get directed to Kaiba's office and the cold feeling chokes me with fear. Something is wrong, wrong on an elemental level, and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. What is going on? Why does he have a look on his face that says he'd rather be somewhere far away? I want to shake him, yell at him, slap at him. I want to demand we leave this instant--but I don't. I can't. I love him too much. I could never hurt him. Never. I love him too much. Gods help me, but I love him. I would do anything for him. Anything.

We walk into Kaiba's office, and there... there he is. Kaiba. I'm nearly choking now, frantic with worry and fear. What in the seven hells is going on?! Why won't anyone tell me? I feel faint, but I keep on my feet. I won't show weakness in front of Kaiba. The only one I'll show weakness to... is him. My love. He is the only one I will put my mask down for. The only one.

He walks over to Kaiba, who gets up and motions for him to sit on a couch. Then Kaiba sits on the couch, a couch for two people, and he sits next to him, that... that bastard, very closely... to closely for my liking. Then the cold feeling chokes me, and I have a sudden fear, a sudden panic. I think I know what is going on...

Kaiba looks at him, and he looks back at Kaiba. Kaiba asks, in his deep, sweet, *freaking* voice, what he needs. My love answers that he has something very important to tell him, and that he wants him to listen. My heart beat is racing; faster than my eyes can dart between the two of them. I feel like I am going to faint or crumble into a dead husk of nothing, but I can't. Something is keeping me here, keeping me concious, keeping me to see this... this abomination.

I feel something creeping into me, into the corner of my mind, screaming at me to just *listen*, damn it, to what's going on, but I can't. Seeing them together... I don't know why, but for some strange reason, I feel... fear? Terror? I don't know, but... when I see them together, I get this feeling of... rightness, or something. I don't understand it, and I don't want to. They don't belong together; they *can't*! He's mine, damn it all! *MINE!*

Then he says it. My love, my only love, the only one I will ever care about, says it. "I love you." But not to me. To Kaiba.

To Kaiba. That son of a bitch. What has he done to me? To my love?! What the hell has he done?!

My heart stops. I can't breath. I look at the two of them, back and forth, my eyes wide with horror and understanding, begging my ears to be decieving me. But they are not. My love's eyes fill with tears, the beautiful purple orbs begging the same declaration, and Kaiba smiles. And leans forward to gently kiss my love on the mouth.

Then he says it, too. Damn him. "I love you, as well. I always have."

Is this it? As I watch them, kissing and embracing on the couch, my mind is void of anything. I can't hear. I can't see. Or perhaps that is a lie--I can see them, over and over, kissing and hugging. I can hear them, over and over, telling one another they love each other. My heart has not beaten in nearly a minute. I haven't breathed in twice that long. I can't stand it.

And now... now I know I have to leave. Kaiba is about to... too... he's embracing my love in a very... intimate manner. If I stay, I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life... I'd probably end up throttling both of them, strangling them in my desire to... to...

I have to leave. My love, the only one I would die for, the one I let my mask down for, loves another. I can't stand there a moment longer. I run down the stairs, all sixty of them, and sprint back to the house, my eyes shut tight. As I slam the door behind me, the door to my room, I finally realized that I was crying. No; not crying. Sobbing. Wailing. Weeping. My heart is in tatters, my mind an aimless orb of screaming, massive confusion and pain.

As I sit on my bed, finished with my weeping, listlessly staring out my window, I hear my door being opened. Him.

He sits next to me, his face shining with joy. I can't help smiling at his expression, at the pure rapture I see there, even though I want to see that look directed at me. As we sit there, he finally turns to look at me. "Have you been crying?"

Crying? Wailing is more like it. Screaming. Sobbing. Weeping. "No."

He looks at me suspiciously for a moment, then he smiles again, like the sun breaking out from behind the clouds. "He asked me to marry him. Finally asked; finally! I said yes, of course, but...! Oh, this is like a dream come true!" he jumps up and twirls in the air, his face glowing with love. But not for me. Never for me...

Wait. "*Marriage?!*" They're going to get *married?!* "How long have you two been...?" I trail off, deathly afraid of his answer. I knew that he and Kaiba were seeing each other, but in my naive, stupid, thick-skulled hopefullness, I thought they were just hanging out. Why do people not tell me these things?

He beams at me. "About five months. Why?"

I can't breath. *Five months?!* "Why... why didn't you tell me?" I finally choke out.

He blinks. "Un? I thought you knew! Everybody else does."

I snort to myself. Naturally I'm the only one who doesn't know. Typical.

Then he blushes, shaking me out of my reverie. "We've been, um... together for nearly six, though."

"*WHAT!?*" They were doing more than hanging out together?! Oh, gods! Why didn't I see it?! How could I be so blind?! It was so fucking obvious, and I didn't notice! I'm such an idiot!

He gives me a funny look, probably for my outburst. Then he shrugs, smiling at me again. "I didn't really think I loved him, though... the idea of actually *loving* him--a man, not a girl! A man!--shook me up, at first, but then I realized that I do love him. With all my heart and soul. I would die for him."

I feel numb. He keeps talking, but I can't hear him. All I hear is 'Kaiba this, Kaiba that', over and over. All about Kaiba. Not me--Kaiba. That bastard. I'm gonna kill him... I'm gonna...

He interrupts me. "So, we're finally getting married, after all this time! Do you think we should have the wedding in the spring? Seto actually prefers the summer, but..."

What do you expect me to say? I'm so glad! Wow! Can I be part of the wedding party? "That's... great."

He blinks. Obviously I'm not reacting like he thought I would. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy for me!" He pouts, that adorable, sad look that always melts my heart appearing. I want to tell him that I would do anything he wants, forever and ever. But I can't. Not now. He'd hate me.

He's waiting for a reply. "Well?"

What do you expect me to do?! What do you want me to do? I know what I want to do... I want to jump up, grab you, and shake you till you can't breath. I want to yell that he's not good enough. I want to scream until my throat becomes bloody. But I can't. Then he'd know. And I'll be damned if I think he's reciprocate my feelings now.

But he still wants an answer. "What do you want me to do?" I finally ask. What else is there to say?

He screws up his face, a thoughtful look appearing. "I dunno." he looks at me, then frowns. "You have been crying. Your eyes are all red, and you have a half-glazed look in them." he glares at me. "What's wrong?"

Damn him! I can never refuse him. What, does he want to hate me? Dammit! "What the hell does that mean?!" I scream at him, finally. "He's all wrong for you! He's... he's *Kaiba!* Kaiba isn't good enough for you!"

His voice is icy. "Then who is." It's not a question, I realize. It's a statement. Does he really mean it?

"...I... uh..." What to say? Do I tell him? If I do, will he reject me? Hate me? He has an impatient look on his gorgeous, perfect face, and I realize he wants an answer. "...I don't know."

Hah! What a load of crap. Of course I do. I'm the only one right for him, but I'm not about to tell him that. "What, don't tell me you're in love with me or something," he says gently, teasing me, hoping to get me to smile.

I can't look at him. I can't face him. So I turn away--and hear him sharply suck in a breath. "No. You can't. You don't..." I still can't bear to see his face. So...? I want to ask. Do you hate me? Well, there you go. You wanted to know. I hope you're happy.

But seriously--what can I say to relieve this situation? "Why didn't you tell me?" He finally says.

What?! What the hell does he think? He's in love with Kaiba! That's why I didn't tell him! "I don't know."

He loses his temper. I can tell, even without seeing his face. "What does that mean? Well, I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, but I'm getting married to Seto! I can only hope you don't do anything stupid while you wallow in self-pity!"

Stupid...!? What does he mean by that?! "Excu-u-u-use me?!" He has pushed me too far. I am gone. "What do you mean by that? I hope you enjoy your wedding, you fuckup, I really do! Now get lost! I never wanna see your fucking face again!"

There. That got him. His eyes widen. "You... you can't mean that...!"

I sure as hell don't, believe me! But just you try me, buddy. "I sure as hell do! Now get lost! Leave! Go off with that bastard, Kaiba, and fuck him till you fucking drop! I don't care! Get lost!"

There. It's complete. His face loses all colour, then turns red. Red with anger. No; not anger. Rage. "How... how could you...?" he whispers mournfully, then he narrows his eyes. "I-I hate you," he whispers in a low, raw, hoarse voice, then runs from the room, tears in his eyes.

I don't care. I really don't. I don't care about anything, really. I have nothing to live for.

He hates me.

He fucking hates me.

I go into the bathroom and stare at my face in the mirror, the face I see every day. I hear crying, pacing, from the other room, but I ignore it. I reach down and grab his grandfather's razor; a green model. Not that I can tell the difference with razors... I sure as hell don't need to use them.

As I look the razor over, a sharp smirk comes to my face--sleek, smooth, and deadly. Perfect.

I sit on the counter, balancing myself with my arms, then take hold of the razor, preparing myself.

Why do I live?

The answer comes quickly. To feel pain. Or is it? I really don't know. The gods must be busting a gut, laughing at my fucking predicament. It's not fair. I love him...! All I wanted was for him to love me back! Is that too damn much to ask?

Well, no more. No more pain. No more. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to live. Period.

I take hold of the razor, holding it firmly, then rip it down my left arm. The pain is excruciating, but I welcome it. I welcome the pain. It gets my mind off the pain in my heart.

I stare in fascination as the long, angry-looking scratch seems to glow for a moment, the rips open, letting the rich, crimson blood flow out. I revel in the pain. It keeps me from breaking down.

After watching myself bleed for a moment, I quickly rip my right arm up. The blood comes faster then before, and I feel my heart slowing. I feel faint.

Why do I have to suffer? The pain is roaring in my head, screaming at me, but it's so hard, so incredibly fucking hard, to move. I feel myself falling, but I can't stop myself. I can barely move my left arm to break my fall, but the pain darkens, growing, and I simply roll over, landing in the damnable bathtub, the pain darkening the edges of my eyes.

My vision is leaving me. It feels so dark. Even the pain in my arms is decreasing. I hear footsteps, and the knocking on the door, and I hear him call my name. I can't answer. Why is it so damn hard to think? I can't think... so... damn... hard...

I hear the door opening, but I can't turn my head. Too much effort. Too much. 'Pain is a real bitch,' is the only thing that comes to mind, a favourite remark of one of his friends. Not mine--his. I have no friends. I never have.

Then I hear him gasp, running towards me, but I can barely see. Until he comes into my line of sight, like a light in the darkness. My angel. My light. My love.

"*HOLD ON!*" he screams, supporting my head. But it's no use. I can barely even see him anymore. Everything is so hazy... I can barely do anything. It hurts to think. To move.

But I have to let him know why I did it. I have to let him know how I feel. Even if he doesn't feel the same way.

Weakly, with all the last strength in my body, I raise my hand to his face, trembling uncontrollably, my hand soaked with blood. I stroke his cheek, and whisper my last words to him, filled with all my heart and soul. "I love you, my precious... my... I... I love..."

My vision is fleeing from me, now. I can no longer keep my arm up, and it falls from his cheek, streaking his face with blood. My blood. Blood... mingled with tears.

"Oh, by the gods," he whispers, his voice choked and husky, pleading, "Don't leave me!" I see tears pouring down his face, gradually washing away the blood. then I can't see anything, my eyes rolling back. My hearing is going as well. The only thing I can hear, as my heart finally stops, is his last word, his last scream, the only thing I can hold onto before I go...

*"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"*

...And then there is only darkness.

FIN

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By Rian
Kawaii_Nekochan21@yahoo.com

Hey, I hope all you liked my fic. This story was influenced by the band Underoath and the song 'What Is Love' by Haddaway--a sad song, if you ask me. I was a bit depressed when writing this fic--could you tell? ^_^

By the way, in case you couldn't tell, I redid this one, too. As I've said before... whenever I reread a story I've written, I always find something (usually several somethings) wrong with it. And I can't help but fix it. So here's the end result. Hey, I've got another fic like this, only in his... other's... POV. Read it, please! Ja, ne, Rian~