Chapter 48

The dark duplex greeted Clarice as she stepped out of the cab, she breifly wondered if Ardelia would be home as she walked up to the door.

She retrieved the key from under the mat and opened the door. Clarice cared for nothing else then making it to her bed.

Later:

Clarice was wakened by Ardelia voice softly asking if she was sleeping. "Not anymore." Clarice's voice was muffled and still filled with sleep. "What are you doing home girl? You should still be at the hospital" the concern in Ardelia's eyes was not lost to Clarice. "I know, I just couldn't stand the place." After a deep breathe she continued. "Or the people." Ardelia offered her a laugh. "Yeah I know, I'm just glad to have my C back. Are you up for coffee?"

Just as soon as Ardelia had said the word coffee, Clarice felt that what she indeed could use was coffee. She notice how the grey morning light was quickly disappearing to be replace by the golden sun light. Clarice was grateful for this morning, she wasn't sure why, but it felt like a new beginning, a second chance, and she was going to make most of it.

Ardelia was already making the coffee, and it's aroma was spreading through the house, Clarice sat at the table grateful for the silence that surrounded them. It didn't last long though. Ardelia sat a steaming mug in front of Clarice and sat across from her.

"so how are you feeling?" Clarice wasn't in mood for another one of these foolish talks about how she was feeling. "fine" her answer was short and cut, and Ardelia felt slightly hurt that her best friend wouldn't let her in on her state. But it was understandable she had been through alot.

Clarice wondered when she could return to work. "So, has anything interesting happen?" Ardelia knew that she was asking to the job. "you know Clarice, that you are on sick leave. Crawford had it arranged, so that when you came around, you could relax for a while, get your strength back." Ardelia feared Clarice's reaction when she found out just how long she was to be on sick leave. And therefore deliberately kept it from her line.

"How long?" Clarice already knew it to be awhile, and she dreaded the answers, how could she be anything without the FBI, it was her life.

Clarice didn't notice that she had used past tense to describe her marriage to the FBI. "3 months with pay." Clarice was shocked again, what was she to do for 3 months. Whatever outburst Ardelia had expected didn't come, Clarice just looked into the air, wondering what to do next.

3 months was a long time, and she did have some things, no feelings to sort out. Maybe time off, was just what she needed, but still she couldn't help the rage she felt towards Crawford for doing so with out asking if it was what she wanted.

Ardelia noticed how engrossed Clarice was in thought and thought better off it, she left the kitchen and made her way to the bathroom, getting ready to leave for work.

Clarice didn't notice Ardelia leaving, as she didn't notice the front door of Ardelia's side of the duplex open and close.

Clarice, sat in the kitchen for the better part of 2 hours before, she came back to reality. She had been thinking about HIM, about work, how those two could never coexist. But the question was not whether they could or not, no the question was, which did she want the most. She had for so long been denying it, but somehow she had known since their faithful first meeting.

Maybe that could be the explanation to all those dates that ended with the first one. Was he the answer to her life? Was that what he dream was all about? To rid her of her fears to run off with him. It seemed ludicrous even now.

But she wasn't fully ready to admit it. Oh she would let it rumble in the back of her mind, and there it would stay, what she needed now was a bath.

Clarice let the water run into the bathtub, while pouring some scented oil in as well. And shortly after stepped in and let the water close around her much sore body. Her thoughts went back to the FBI.

She couldn't right say if she wanted out. But she knew it was dead end, she had reached the glass ceiling and it was only a matter of time before she would suffocate. They didn't want her there, she knew as much and she had been surprised that she was still there after the events at Chesapeake. She remembered how she had wished that they had thrown her out. That she didn't have to make that decision her self. But now she was forced to do so. She had 3 months to figure it out. She wanted a new start so badly, and she felt bad that she had let her daddy down. Tears started to fall down her cheeks again, and she resented her lack of strength. She hated being vulnerable.

Clarice closed her eyes and dosed off.

A/N okay another chapter for those happy readers. I am surprised that I had another one up so soon, though it's off to a slow start so please bear with me...... I'm just getting started. And I am still figuring out where I want it to go.

Ta ta