AN: Dude last time I only got 2 reviews... you people need to help me out by reviewing, because honestly I have no idea where this story is going... so I need to be motivated. I WANNA SEE THE ENDING 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol cheers :)
The doctor sat down in his chair with ease as he listened to Kathryn plead her case. She threw out a number way to big for his taste. He only entrusted her with three, which he sent to her after lunchtime. He knew that anymore than three could be used in an… unfitting matter to say the least.
"You need how much?" He repeated with awe. Kathryn shrugged.
"A weeks worth…" She said, her voice trailing off as if she was embarrassed to ask. The doctor's brow furrowed with thought. Seven times three… 21 pills all at how many milligrams again… he hated this old way of dealing with medicine. He could calculate a hypospray dosage in milliseconds but not this pill business. He knew that the dosage was strong. Enough to possibly cause an overdose if there was an accident, just an accident.
"Why, Starfleet sending you on a mission? If so I wasn't notified." Kathryn shook her head.
"A vacation doctor, not a mission." The doctor sighed with disappointment.
" First off I disapprove…" Kathryn braced herself for a long argument.
"Of course you do doctor." She said with a sarcastic smile. The doctor waved off her comment and continued
"I think if you're to go on a vacation it should be with loved ones like B'Elanna and her family. Or perhaps Harry, hell even seven but not…" The doctor stopped himself there. Kathryn swallowed hard.
"I see them all the time doctor." The doctor rolled his eyes.
"You make a good point, because I can tell you that it will be a long time before you see him again…" Kathryn glared at him angrily.
"What is with this nonsense Doctor? When did you become so involved in my personal life Hmm? When did you become my father?" Kathryn's face became red hot with anger as she roared on.
"I'm old enough to take care of myself if you haven't noticed." The doctor's face equally matched hers as he yelled in return
"THEN DO IT. GO ON. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, BUT YOU DON'T REMEMBER HOW DO YOU?" Kathryn staggered back. The look on her face changed from furious to bewildered and vulnerable. She took a few more steps back before stopping. She replied in a startled voice.
"So all the sudden it's my fault that I can't go but ten minutes in the morning without my pill? Is it my fault that I can't think after lunch without it, that I throw up all that I mange to eat even after I do take it? Is it my fault that if I even want to lay in bed even for a few seconds without experiencing one of the worst feelings I have ever had the horror of experiencing, I have to take my pill at night?" The doctor shook his head.
"Kathryn… I apologize." She shook her head.
"Answer my question." The doctor took a deep breath.
"How? Do you want me to say it's my fault that you visited that planet? Do u want me to say that I told you to talk with the ambassador. Because if you want me too I will, I'll even tell you that it was my fault that your DNA was susceptible to the virus. I'll say anything you want me too but there's one thing that you'll never hear from me. That there is a cure and I hate to breathe those words but its true." Kathryn felt lost in her emotions. She hated thinking about it. She couldn't' deal with the possibility that she might… no she wouldn't ever see all the people who touched her life again. It made her sick to her stomach; then again it could just be one of the other awesome side effects of the pill that kept her from keeping anything down. It had been 8 months since she had eaten a full meal and she never would again. There were a lot of things she wouldn't do again. She sighed, the anger that had been there earlier, had faded to a dull throb. It wasn't the doctor's fault, but it made her feel better to be angry with someone. She ran her hadn't through her hair. After a moment of thinking she headed for the door.
"Forget it… I have enough." She whispered. The doctor watched her walk out of his office.
"You're lying, you only have enough for 3 days… tops." Kathryn smiled half heatedly.
"Then screw the pills… it's gotten to the place where I've had it." The doctor nodded.
"I guess your body will eventually adjust…" Kathryn a laughed semi bitter laugh.
"I hope so doctor." The doctor rang his hands.
"You should remember that the medicine will leave your system in less than an hour after you miss your morning pill." Kathryn smirked.
"I'll never forget. Hell isn't a nice place to be." The doctor half smiled at the thought. That awful day she had forgotten. It was hell all right.
"When you come back contact me… I'll search for an alternative form of treatment." Kathryn shook her had sadly.
"No, an alternative form of life support." She corrected him without a sad look apparent on her face but the doctor could hear the sadness as her voice rasped and he could see the sadness in her oh so blue eyes. The doctor nodded.
"You call it what you want and I'll do the same." Kathryn looked down at her feet pausing thoughtfully for a second before making her eyes level with his.
"Doctor, I want and honest answer." The doctor stood from his chair and approached her carefully. He stopped a few inches from her face before whispering.
"Ask me anything, anything you want." His voice sounded soft on Kathryn's ears. She appreciated his whispering at this moment. She wanted the news to be soft, so it would flicker away easier. So she could erase it from her mind. Then it could no longer plague her. Nothing would longer plague her. It was only that question that was inconveniently fresh in her mind. She wanted to bury it along with an answer.
How long, how long until I…" She felt her voice fade away. The doctor smiled wanly.
"It doesn't matter…" Kathryn looked up at him pleadingly.
"Please, I need to know." Her voice cracked as she whispered. The doctor felt his face feel red with shame. Shame, because this time he couldn't save her. This time she was going to be gone for real, forever. There was going to be no divine intervention, no ship swooping in to save her at the last minute. They were alone, alone in a secret that was slowly killing Kathryn. The doctor closed his eyes tightly. He didn't want to answer her question. As if keeping it from her would actually bring the intervention that he claimed to be non-existent at the moment.
"Why must you know, why must you live under the control of a date which is probably far from accurate. I don't want you to sleep knowing that tomorrow will be closer than today. I don't want to be responsible for your… burden." Kathryn brought her hand up to her face to wipe a stray tear that had escaped her tightly closed eyes and rolled down her ivory cheek. She never managed to wipe the tear away. Her hand felt frozen in place, like it couldn't bear to destroy the tear, like it was a living thing. For the first time in years, she felt that she should have been crying. She didn't punish herself for feeling so. She shivered involuntarily. The doctor saw the goose bumps on her bare skin. He let emotion take over him momentarily and pulled her into his arms. It was at that supposed glorious moment, the moment where he would tell her that it was a dream, when the bottom fell through. He felt the warm body against him as it shuddered. It shuddered with a thousand tears meant to be cried so many years ago. It shuddered with fear and the loss of hope. It shuddered with weakness. Weakness… she was so fragile, so glass like. The doctor rested his chin on her head as she cried into her chest. He spoke ever so softly careful not to disturb her disturbance.
"You know Kathryn… even God has to cry sometimes." He felt the sobs come out even worse than before. Tightening his grip around her he let a few stray tears fall down his face. He remembered the day he was programmed to do so. He wished he could go back to that moment and refuse the installment. A flash of understanding struck him quickly.
"So do holograms." He whispered to her.
"Holograms have to cry to… " It was that instant that he felt connected with her. It was then that he understood that the searing pain rolling down his cheeks was worth it if he could make her feel any better, and all he ever wanted to do was hold her in his arms and stop the pain.
Tell me!!! What are you thinking?
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back to the old home hypnosis...
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hell talk about the weather
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lol
did I leave you "hanging" again... lol
we's ghetto homie, we's ghetto :)
