Chapter 9

For the next couple of weeks they both fell into a type of routine. Vaughn ended up going back to work after he knew that Syd would be ok by herself and Syd went to regular sessions with Dr. Barnett to try and work through her demons, try as they may though she was no where near to what she had been. One night after Syd had returned from an appointment with Dr. Barnett she disappeared on Vaughn after they had dinner. When he finally got up the courage to go and look for her, he found her in his room staring at a picture that he kept beside his bed.

'She used to sing you that song didn't she?' Syd asked without even looking up.

She always had that way of startling him with her ability to know whenever he walked into a room without her actually seeing him. He was confused as well wondering what she was talking about but he quickly realized that she was looking at a picture of his mother and thinking about the lullaby he had sung her weeks before. He walked over to the bed and sat down beside her, stretching his legs out in front of him.

'Yeah, she loved that song. I think she loved it even more though when my Dad died.' he explained as he took the picture from her and stared at it thoughtfully.

'Vaughn?' she asked quietly.

'Hmmm...' he replied deep in thought.

'I need to get something off of my chest. Dr. Barnett suggested that I do this...' she said trailing off.

'Okay, I....' he began.

'No. Let me just say it or I will never have the courage to say it later. I have been keeping something from you for a long time now and you have a right to know because it affects you as much as it affects me. The main reason I need to tell you any of this is because I will never be able to move on from here if I don't make my feelings known. When you were a field agent, they trained you for the possibility that you would be captured and tortured right?'

When he nodded, she continued.

'They tell you to displace, split your focus. I wonder if they know how impossible that is when you are in the middle of Chinese water torture or being hung upside down so the all the fluid in your body collects in your joints. Did you know that when that happens, it hurts to even breathe?' she asked.

When she looked over at him, his eyes were closed tightly and tears were slowly making their way down his face. She reached out to take his hand, she knew that he was doing everything in his power to stay in control.

'Nothing that I ever learned from the CIA or SD-6 helped me over there, nothing. I started to envision what I wanted my life to be like and all I could think of was you. Suddenly the pain went away and I felt as though I had something to live for. Before I ended up over there, everything back here seemed so hopeless, SD-6 would never go away, I would always be alone, I would never be able to tell you how I feel and worst of all, we would never be able to be together the way I want us to be. Do you realize that you are my best friend Vaughn? For God's Sake, just the thought of you and what I might have was enough to save my life!' she said with conviction.

'When I met with Dr. Barnett a couple of weeks ago, she made me realize so many things. Most of what she drilled into to me I already knew but I just wasn't acknowledging any of it especially your feelings for me.' She stopped and looked over at him. He had a wry smile on his lips but looked so defeated like he had already made up his mind about something. Several minutes passed before she spoke again.

'I love you with all of my heart Vaughn. You are the peace that I have been looking for all of my life but what really hurts is that I can't ever have you, not really.' she said quietly.

Out of nowhere he spoke not caring that what he said next could have a devastating impact on everything.

'You are so wrong. You really can have me because SD-6 was destroyed the day after you went missing.' he explained.