Chapter 10

Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?

'You never told me!' she spat out, 'You lied to me.'

'Syd, you've…' he began.

'I've what? Just got to let you explain, I don't think I want to listen to this Vaughn. You know damn well what taking them down meant to me!' she yelled. 'Did you even think about me before you just went ahead and did it? I was coming back, and you just gave up on me, just like that, a day after I had gone missing! MISSING Vaughn, not dead, missing….' she trailed off.

'I can't believe you did this to me, that was MY job, I needed to be there when it was finally over and now that has been taken away from me as well. How can I ever trust you again if you would keep something like that from me…' she muttered.

Vaughn had listened to her rant, heard the accusations that flew from her mouth and pierced him through the heart but finally, he had heard enough.

'You are acting just like a spoiled child, do you realize that?' he yelled.

'Of course we thought of you, I have been thinking about you constantly since the day I met you. I am not going to apologize for what I did Syd, that is never going to happen so don't hold your breath waiting. Your father came to me and told me you never returned and that no one could trace you, trust me, I lost it when I heard those words. My first thought was that the other shoe had finally dropped, that you had been taken away like I had been expecting for so long now. The next day Devlin told me that the data collected from another mission would take SD-6 down and I jumped at the chance to be on that op, to make sure the job got done, for you. ' he explained in a controlled voice.

He got up and began to pace, letting those words sink in for her. Finally he couldn't stand the tension anymore so he sighed and continued, 'I give everything for the people I love or I don't give at all, there is no in between on that one. You just said that you love me Syd and if this is going to change that then maybe your feelings aren't what you thought they were. All I know is that I do love you and if that isn't enough for you, then I'm done, I have nothing left to give because you have it all.'

And with that he left the bedroom. She heard the apartment door slam a few moments later and ran to the window. When she looked down all she saw was the man she loved looking so defeated, more so than she had ever seen. He held his leather jacket in one hand and was rubbing his eyes with the other, after a moment or two she saw him straighten and put the jacket on as he strode away. As she fell to the floor, something told her this was going to be bad, that he would not be coming back.

For hours she just sat there playing over and over in her mind the hateful words that she had said to him, and the beautiful words that he had said to her. He was right, how could she profess her love to him one minute, the denounce the whole thing the next? She knew deep down that it wasn't Vaughn she was mad at, he was the one who constantly had her back, who soothed her when needed, who loved her unconditionally, who would put himself in danger time after time just for her, the list was endless. What had she done, accused him of failing her, deceiving her, not loving her, not once through this whole mess had she sat down and thought about what he had gone through, not once! The only person she had been concerned about the past few weeks was herself. Sure, in the beginning, she needed him or else she wouldn't be where she was now, but there was a point where she had become self reliant again but she still took from him and didn't give back. She thought for a long time what she would have done if their roles had been reversed, if he had gone missing and she was left to pick up the pieces and what she came up with scared her half to death. She asked herself one final question before she climbed up into his bed , would she even be here if it wasn't for him?

She knew damn well that the answer was no.