The Witch from Into The Woods (played by none other than Miss Bernadette Peters) is now directing the meetings for the "Broadway Diva's Club".
WITCH: Order! Order! This meeting will come to order I say or I shall put a nasty spell on all of you! Children should listen!
BAKER'S WIFE: I agree. Now, roll call.
WITCH: First, we'd like to greet our new and younger members of the club.
BAKER'S WIFE: First from Into The Woods, my personal favorite, Little Red Riding Hood!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: Good day everyone!
WITCH: Next we have Miss Kim Macafee from Bye Bye Birdie.
KIM: How lovely to finally be a woman! Or, diva!
BAKER'S WIFE: Louise and June from Gypsy.
JUNE AND LOUISE: Let us entertain you!
WITCH: Our little GiGi from, er, GiGi
GIGI: Bonjour!
BAKER'S WIFE: Sandy and Rizzo from Grease.
SANDY: Hallo!
RIZZO: Yeah!
WITCH: Lucy and Peppermint Patti from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown.
LUCY AND PATTI: Hi
BAKER'S WIFE: Mary, Mary quite contrary Lennox from The Secret Garden.
MARY: I hate it when people say that!
WITCH: Wendy Darling, and Tiger Lilly from Peter Pan.
WENDY: I can fly!
TIGER LILLY: Ugh a wug!
BAKER'S WIFE: Tracy Turnblad and Penny from Hairspray.
TRACY AND PENNY: Way cool!
WITCH: Well, that ends all of our new members, now for role call of the others. Martha and Lily and Rose, also from The Secret Garden.
MARTHA: Aye, I'm here
LILY AND ROSE: (Ghostlike) Come to our Garden!
BAKER'S WIFE: Fantine from Les Miserables. I don't believe that you were at our last meeting.
FANTINE: I wasn't, I was dreaming.
WITCH: Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard.
NORMA: I'm here and ready for my close up darling!
BAKER'S WIFE: Emma from Song and Dance.
EMMA: Have a nice day!
WITCH: Mona, Joan and Ruby from Dames at Sea.
MONA, JOAN AND RUBY: All aboard!
BAKER'S WIFE: Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart from Chicago.
VELMA: Whoopie!
ROXIE: Hacha!
TOGETHER: Jazz!
WITCH: Um, this is er, uh, not a human, but I guess you'll work, Grizzabella the glamour cat from Cats.
GRIZZABELLA: Memory!
BAKER'S WIFE: Eva Peron from Evita.
EVA: Don't cry for me Argentina!
WITCH: Mrs. Levitt from Sweeny Todd. I believe you are handling our bake sale?
MRS. LEVITT: Pies anyone?
BAKER'S WIFE: Dolly from Hello Dolly.
DOLLY: Hello Dolly!
WITCH: Mame and Vera Charles from Mame.
MAME, VERA: Open a new window!
BAKER'S WIFE: Lucy and Emma Carew from Jekyll And Hyde.
EMMA: Hello
Lucy: I don't know who I am!
WITCH: Belle from Beauty and the beast.
BELL: Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour!
BAKER'S WIFE: Kim from Miss Saigon.
Kim: Here
WITCH: Little Sally, Mrs. Pennywise, and Hope Cladwell from Urinetown.
LITTLE SALLY: Too much exposition!
MRS. PENNYWISE: It's a privilege to pee!
HOPE: Bunny's don't drive cars!
BAKER'S WIFE: Nancy and Bet from Oliver!
NANCY AND BET: It's a fine life!
WITCH: Cassie from chorus line.
CASSIE: One!
BAKER'S WIFE: Eve and Yonah from Children of Eden.
EVE, YONAH: Here.
WITCH: The strippers from Gypsy.
ELECTRA: Twinkle!
TESSIE TURA: Refine it!
MISS MAZEPPA: Bump it with a trumpet!
BAKER'S WIFE: Narrator from Joseph and the
Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
NARRATOR: Go, go Joe!
WITCH: Desiree from A Little Night Music.
DESIREE: Send in the clowns!
BAKER'S WIFE: El Donza from Man of La Mancha.
EL DONZA: I prefer to be called Dolce Nea.
WITCH: Mary Poppins all the way from London!
MARY POPPINS: Yes, practically perfect in every way!
BAKER'S WIFE: Julie from Showboat.
JULIE: Present and accounted for.
WITCH: Dot from Sunday in the Park with George.
DOT: Move on!
BAKER'S WIFE: Christine from Phantom of the Opera.
WITCH: Bess from Porgy and Bess.
BESS: Here
BAKER'S WIFE: The seven brides from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
SEVEN: HERE!!!!!!
WITCH: Daisy and Violet from Sideshow.
BOTH IN PERFECT UNISON: HERE!
BAKER'S WIFE: Molly Brown from The Unsinkable Molly Brown.
MOLLY: I don't need you!
WITCH: Polly Browne and Maisie from The Boyfriend.
POLLY AND MAISIE: Won't you Charleston with us?
BAKER'S WIFE: Sally and Hattie from Follies.
SALLY AND HATTIE: We're just Broadway babies.
WITCH: And last but not least, Florence from Chess.
FLORENCE: Here.
BAKER'S WIFE: Ok, now we can get down to business.
WITCH: Today we are voting on two new members. Victoria or Victor Grant, from Victor/Victoria and Yentl from Yentl.
BAKER'S WIFE: The only thing that we are unsure of is if you girls or uh guys, qualify as divas.
WITCH: It is my understanding that you have both been women and men at some point in your life so if you want to be a diva, you have to choose to stay a woman.
(women nod)
BAKER'S WIFE: All in favor of voting them in say aye.
ALL: AYE!
WITCH: Well, that settles it for them, but I'm not completely mollified, before our next meeting you must bring me, a cow as white as milk, a cape as red as blood, a hair as yellow as corn and a slipper as pure as gold. Only then will you be members of the Broadway Diva club!
BAKER'S WIFE: Trust her! Meeting Ajourned.
