The Witch from Into The Woods (played by none other than Miss Bernadette Peters) is now directing the meetings for the "Broadway Diva's Club".

WITCH: Order! Order!  This meeting will come to order I say or I shall put a nasty spell on all of you!  Children should listen!

BAKER'S WIFE: I agree.  Now, roll call.

WITCH: First, we'd like to greet our new and younger members of the club.

BAKER'S WIFE:  First from Into The Woods, my personal favorite, Little Red Riding Hood!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD:  Good day everyone!

WITCH:  Next we have Miss Kim Macafee from Bye Bye Birdie.

KIM: How lovely to finally be a woman! Or, diva!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Louise and June from Gypsy.

JUNE AND LOUISE:  Let us entertain you!

WITCH:  Our little GiGi from, er, GiGi

GIGI:  Bonjour!

BAKER'S WIFE: Sandy and Rizzo from Grease.

SANDY: Hallo!

RIZZO: Yeah!

WITCH:  Lucy and Peppermint Patti from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown.

LUCY AND PATTI: Hi

BAKER'S WIFE:  Mary, Mary quite contrary Lennox from The Secret Garden.

MARY:  I hate it when people say that!

WITCH:  Wendy Darling, and Tiger Lilly from Peter Pan.

WENDY: I can fly!

TIGER LILLY: Ugh a wug!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Tracy Turnblad and Penny from Hairspray.

TRACY AND PENNY: Way cool!

WITCH:  Well, that ends all of our new members, now for role call of the others.  Martha and Lily and Rose, also from The Secret Garden.

MARTHA: Aye, I'm here

LILY AND ROSE: (Ghostlike) Come to our Garden!

BAKER'S WIFE: Fantine from Les Miserables.  I don't believe that you were at our last meeting.

FANTINE: I wasn't, I was dreaming.

WITCH:  Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard.

NORMA:  I'm here and ready for my close up darling!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Emma from Song and Dance.

EMMA:  Have a nice day!

WITCH: Mona, Joan and Ruby from Dames at Sea.

MONA, JOAN AND RUBY: All aboard!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart from Chicago.

VELMA: Whoopie!

ROXIE: Hacha!

TOGETHER: Jazz!

WITCH:  Um, this is er, uh, not a human, but I guess you'll work, Grizzabella the glamour cat from Cats.

GRIZZABELLA:  Memory!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Eva Peron from Evita.

EVA: Don't cry for me Argentina!

WITCH:  Mrs. Levitt from Sweeny Todd. I believe you are handling our bake sale?

MRS. LEVITT:  Pies anyone?

BAKER'S WIFE: Dolly from Hello Dolly.

DOLLY:  Hello Dolly!

WITCH:  Mame and Vera Charles from Mame.

MAME, VERA:  Open a new window!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Lucy and Emma Carew from Jekyll And Hyde.

EMMA:  Hello

Lucy:  I don't know who I am!

WITCH:  Belle from Beauty and the beast.

BELL: Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Kim from Miss Saigon.

Kim: Here

WITCH:  Little Sally, Mrs. Pennywise, and Hope Cladwell from Urinetown.

LITTLE SALLY: Too much exposition!

MRS. PENNYWISE: It's a privilege to pee!

HOPE: Bunny's don't drive cars!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Nancy and Bet from Oliver!

NANCY AND BET: It's a fine life!

WITCH:  Cassie from chorus line.

CASSIE: One!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Eve and Yonah from Children of Eden.

EVE, YONAH: Here.

WITCH:  The strippers from Gypsy.

ELECTRA: Twinkle!

TESSIE TURA: Refine it!

MISS MAZEPPA: Bump it with a trumpet!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Narrator from Joseph and the

Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

NARRATOR: Go, go Joe!

WITCH:  Desiree from A Little Night Music.

DESIREE: Send in the clowns!

BAKER'S WIFE:  El Donza from Man of La Mancha.

EL DONZA: I prefer to be called Dolce Nea.

WITCH:  Mary Poppins all the way from London!

MARY POPPINS:  Yes, practically perfect in every way!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Julie from Showboat.

JULIE: Present and accounted for.

WITCH: Dot from Sunday in the Park with George.

DOT: Move on!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Christine from Phantom of the Opera.

WITCH:  Bess from Porgy and Bess.

BESS: Here

BAKER'S WIFE:  The seven brides from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

SEVEN: HERE!!!!!!

WITCH:  Daisy and Violet from Sideshow.

BOTH IN PERFECT UNISON: HERE!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Molly Brown from The Unsinkable Molly Brown.

MOLLY: I don't need you!

WITCH: Polly Browne and Maisie from The Boyfriend.

POLLY AND MAISIE:  Won't you Charleston with us?

BAKER'S WIFE:  Sally and Hattie from Follies.

SALLY AND HATTIE: We're just Broadway babies.

WITCH:  And last but not least, Florence from Chess.

FLORENCE: Here.

BAKER'S WIFE:  Ok, now we can get down to business.

WITCH: Today we are voting on two new members.  Victoria or Victor Grant, from Victor/Victoria and Yentl from Yentl.

BAKER'S WIFE:  The only thing that we are unsure of is if you girls or uh guys, qualify as divas.

WITCH: It is my understanding that you have both been women and men at some point in your life so if you want to be a diva, you have to choose to stay a woman.

(women nod)

BAKER'S WIFE: All in favor of voting them in say aye.

ALL: AYE!

WITCH: Well, that settles it for them, but I'm not completely mollified, before our next meeting you must bring me, a cow as white as milk, a cape as red as blood, a hair as yellow as corn and a slipper as pure as gold.  Only then will you be members of the Broadway Diva club!

BAKER'S WIFE: Trust her!  Meeting Ajourned.