~~~{ Act IV }~~~

Daria crashes Quinn's party

Scene opens with a wide shot of the Morgendorffer house, and the party is in full swing. The ongoing Frisbee game on the front lawn has gone into part of the hedge next to the living room windows. Kids are still milling about, and one student, (the blonde girl identified as the "Burnout Chick" on MTV's website) is leaning on the tree in the yard, smoking a cigarette.

Trent's car pulls into the shot and double parks next to Kevin's red jeep. The scene changed to a medium shot of Daria and Trent in the car. Both of them are eyeing the goings on -- Daria with an angry disdain, Trent with a mild degree of curiosity.

Trent: You sister's having a party?

Daria doesn't bother to answer, she just opens the car door and gets out. Trent winces as she slams the door hard, shaking the car. Trent immediately looks worried.

Trent: Whoa. Not good. (Shakes his head) Not good at all.

Shot changes and follows Daria walking up to her. The "Burnout Chick" is passed in the foreground of the shot, walking Daria walk by. The camera briefly pans to her a she gets an "uh-oh" look on her face and starts to get up.

Shot changes again to the interior of the Morgendorffer living room, the high angle shot. Students are milling around, dancing, sitting on the couches, and drinking things ranging from benign sodas to the more explosive libation that Robert and Evan have brought with them.

Suddenly, the door burst open to reveal Daria, nearly hitting a couple of hapless kids leaning on the wall next to the front door. Camera zooms in on the doorway to reveal a positively livid Daria looking over the crowd.

Daria (angry) : Well, if this isn't just freakin' fantastic. If Mom and Dad don't skin Quinn alive for this fiasco, I just might.

Daria spots someone in the living room and walks in. The shot changes to one of Tiffany, sitting on one of the sofas that has been pushed off to the side. She has a drink in her hand and is staring off into space, looking even blanker than she usually does (if that's possible).

Daria walks up to her and stands right in front of her, glaring.

Daria (angry): Tiffany, where's Quinn?

Tiffany just looks off into space for a second or two, then slowly looks up at Daria.

Tiffany (slurring): Hhhhhuuuhhhhh?

Daria (shakes her head): You're plastered. (louder) Quinn! The idiot that's hosting this mess. Where is she?

Tiffany just looks at Daria, a slight smile forming on her face.

Tiffany (slurring): Whooaa, coooooooolll. Thereee'sss, llliiikeee . . . sssiiixx offf youuu.

Daria (rolls her eyes): Oh, for the love of --

At that moment, Robert collides with Daria from behind.

Daria (sharply): Watch it, you clumsy ox!

Robert: Whoa, sorry hic there ma'am. Didn't see you there.

Daria: Where's Quinn?

Robert: I think she went upstairs, or something hic (looks thoughtful) Don't I know you from someplace? Isn't your name Debbie or Darlene or something?

Daria (snorts): Faugh.

Daria storms off, leaving Robert and Tiffany in her wake.

Robert (after Daria): Hey, I know! hic It's Darci, right?

Tiffany: Wwhhoooo?

Shot changes to Daria heading down the upstairs hall, just as Quinn and Stacy come out of her room. Quinn is carrying her fathers video camera and is experimentally shooting some video. Needless to say, Quinn looks rather perturbed that Daria has shown up.

Quinn: I think I've got this figured --(Sees Daria) Eep! What are you doing here?!

Daria: I live here, remember? Despite your continuous denials of that fact.

Stacy: She does?

Quinn (to Stacy): I've explained all of that before, Stacy. (To Daria) That still doesn't explain why you're back so early.

Daria turns and heads in the direction of her room. Camera angle changes to behind Quinn and over her shoulder.

Daria (over her shoulder): I left the concert early, not that it's any of your business. (Turns around as she gets to her door) When is this thing supposed to be over?

Quinn (shrugs): I dunno. When everybody gets tired, I guess.

Daria (glares): Make sure they get tired. Fast. Or I promise that you will live to regret it for a long time to come. (Grabs the door knob, then looks back at Quinn) Oh, and you might want to think about cutting Tiffany off from whatever she's drinking. She's pickled.

Daria looks at her door as she suddenly hears a familiar giggle, followed by muffled moans emanating from behind the door to her room. It takes Daria about a second and a half to realize what those sounds are. When she does, she spears Quinn on a positively homicidal glare.

Daria (Oh, boy is she pissed!): They're using my bedroom for a make-out room!!??!?

Daria doesn't even wait for Quinn to respond, but just shoves the door to her room open and charges in. The moans are immediately replaced by sounds of surprise and a couple of muffled thuds.

Sandi (o/s, slurred): Hey! What the hell --??

Evan (o/s, also slurred): Hey -- Ow! That hurt!

Evan is the first out of the room, definitely not in control of his exit, and lands on his hands and knees in the hall, all the while trying to pull his pants up. Sandi is next, backing out of the room, stumbling, obviously shoved, and holding her shirt in front of her chest to cover herself. She's also wearing the spiked dog collar that is usually on Daria's floor around her throat.

Shot cuts to the opposite of side of Sandi, with her in the foreground from just below the shoulders up. Sandi looks into Daria's room in disbelief. After a second, Daria's arm reaches out of the still open door and she grabs the collar in her fist, avoiding the spikes. With a yank, Daria pulls the collar off of Sandi's neck, but one of the spikes catches on Sandi's shirt, and it is pulled out of her hands and into Daria's room. Then, the door slams, causing Sandi to flinch backward and trip over Evan, dropping out of the shot.

Sandi: Whoa!!

Evan (o/s): Ouch!! Dammit, watch it!

In the background, Stacy is looking rather panicked while Quinn is quite happily unnoticed and shooting video of the whole thing.

Scene cuts to the inside of Daria's room, where she is leaning against the door, breathing heavily. The dog collar, with Sandi's shirt hanging from a spike, is clenched in her right hand. She looks over at her bed as the shot zooms out to take in the rest of the room. There's an unfamiliar (to Daria, anyway) duffel bag sitting on the floor by her bed.

Daria: Dammit, I liked that bed. Now I'm going to have to burn it.

Daria notices the duffel bag and goes over to the duffel bag, and the camera shot changes to a medium shot of Daria kneeling down and opening the bag. Inside are four large plastic bottles with an apple / berry logo in them, and there is a fifth on the floor, partially full, beside it that can now be seen.

Daria takes the bottle that is on the floor and unscrews the cap. Eyeing the bottle, she takes a cautious sniff of the contents.

Daria (v/o): Phew! Last time I smelled something like this was back in Highland, when someone got Dad plastered on Everclear.

Daria's eyes widen slightly as she realizes the connection she's just made. The camera follows Daria as she stands up and sits on the edge of her bed, looking intently at the bottle in her hand.

Daria Discovered

Daytime exterior wide shot of the front of the Morgendorffer house. Kevin Thompson's red jeep is sitting partway on the lawn, where it was abandoned with the hood up (Mack had indeed taken his distributor cables). Trent's battered car pulls into the empty driveway and stops with a screech and a backfire. Jane gets out of the driver's side, jogs to the door and rings the bell.

Scene changes to an interior shot across living room looking at front door. It looks decidedly cleaner than it was several hours ago, the sofas have been moved back into their usual positions and Quinn is on the couch at left. Doorbell rings a second time, and Quinn gives the door a dirty look as she tosses her fashion magazine aside.

Quinn: (grumbling to herself) Oh, all right. (Louder) Just a second!

Door bell rings again as Quinn gets up and walks across to the door. Switch to a close up on the door.

Quinn (louder yet): I said just a second! (Yanks the door open to reveal a concerned looking Jane. Quinn glares at Jane with hands on hips, and speaks in normal voice) Impatient today, aren't we?

Jane (In no mood): Stuff it, Quinn. Is Daria here?

Quinn: Of course she is. She came home early from that so-called concert that you and that so-called brother of yours dragged her off too. We ran into each other in the upstairs hall.

Jane walks in, her expression softening, but still concerned.

Jane: Disappeared from, you mean. Is she all right?

Quinn: That's what I just said, isn't it? (Turns to heads back towards the sofas, then looking back) What, you mean she finally wised up and ditched you?

Shot changes back to center of living room P.O.V.

Jane: No, she blew her stack about something when we were at the concert, then Trent drove her home. He said that she was pretty torqued off and wouldn't say anything.

Quinn: That would explain some of what happened last night.

Jane (glaring at Quinn): What do you mean?

Quinn sits back on the sofa with her magazine and isn't really paying attention to Jane anymore.

Quinn (not really paying attention): Daria's pulled some thoroughly evil stuff to screw up my parties before, but this time I've got the whole thing on video! Oooooooo, this'll be good for a hundred bucks, easy! And if she ever thinks of blackmailing me again, ha! Oh, will I make her regret it! (Focuses her attention slightly more on Jane) Why didn't you just call her?

Jane looks like she could throttle Quinn on the spot, but she has other things on her mind.

Jane (Up the stairs) Daria, you awake? (Back to Quinn) The phone was busy all morning. (Back up the stairs) Daria!

Quinn: The Fashion Club was holding a conference call to critique last night's party fashions before Daria ruined it, all right?

Jane shoots Quinn an 'Oh, Please!' look, then starts to head up the stairs.

Jane (as she goes up): Daria's normally up before you are, even when she's sick, right?

Quinn (picking her magazine up again): So?

Jane (from further up the stairs): So why the hell isn't she down here?

Quinn flips past a page in her magazine, then looks up, slightly concerned, as the thought finally filters through.

Cut to the hall outside Daria's room. The door is slightly ajar as Jane walks up to it. She knocks quietly. She looks as worried as she did when she came into the house.

Jane: Daria, are you in there? (There's a groan from inside in response. Jane frowns even deeper than before) Daria?

Jane pushes the door open slowly. Shot changes to a tight shot on the door from the inside of Daria's bedroom. The door swings open to reveal Jane's face. When she finally gets a good look into the room, her concerned look immediately changes to wide eyed, open mouthed fright.

Jane (gasps): Oh my god!! Daria?!

The camera rapidly pulls back to reveal the room, with it's normal clutter, plus a new item that has recently been added. A large bottle with an apple/berry logo on it is on its side on the floor by the bed, most of its contents having gone into the stain in the carpet that the bottle is sitting on.

Daria is seen from behind pushing herself up out of bed with her left arm and holding her head in her right hand, and her eyes are screwed shut. Her jacket and glasses are off, and she has a hellacious case of bed-head.

Daria (Whispering very quietly): I'm not talking to you until you quit screaming.

Jane is by her friend's side in a flash, still looking panicked. She pulls the blankets up to cover her friend's shoulders as she gets to the bed. Daria looks like nine miles of bad road.

Jane (extremely worried): Good god, Daria, what happened??

Daria finishes levering herself to a sitting position, ignoring the blanket that Jane is pulling around her and holding her head in both hands. When Daria is covered, the shot changes to an angle that shows the two girls sitting on the bed.

Daria (in pain and not entirely coherent): Jane? What.... I don't ..... last night?

Daria finally opens her eyes and tries to focus on Jane.

Daria (Confused): Where are my . . . What did I . . .?

Jane (worried, but trying to keep her cool): Daria, Are you all right? What the hell happened after you got home last night?

Daria (sniffs and winces): What is that smell?

Jane (confused, not having noticed it yet): Huh?

Camera pans down to the bottle with the apple / berry logo laying on the stain on the floor. Daria makes a choking sound and we see her stocking feet running past the bottle.

Shot changes to one tight view of the door. Daria, both hands over her mouth, wide eyed, running through the door and nearly plowing into Quinn as she finally comes up to her sister's room.

Shot returns to the bottle and pans with Jane's hand as she picks it up and looks at what is left inside.

Quinn (looking very confused and pointing after Daria with one thumb): Jane, why is Daria --

Quinn gets cut off by the off screen sound of Daria vomiting, loudly and rather painfully. Quinn looks panicked and runs after her sister. Jane holds her ground for a moment and sniffs the bottle's remaining contents. She rapidly clamps her hand over her nose and mouth, holding the bottle at arms length.

Jane (from behind her hand): Oh, man, does that reek!!

Quinn (off screen and sounding panicked): JANE!!

Jane sits the bottle on the night stand by the clock radio and heads for the door at a run. Shot focuses on Jane's face as she runs out.

Jane (v/o, looking as panicked as Quinn sounded): What did Daria get into?

Shot changes to the outside of the upstairs bathroom. Jane comes around the stairs and is about to enter the bathroom when, once again, the sound of Daria being sick is heard. Jane skids to a stop and holds her nose, looking into the bathroom.

Jane (disgusted and surprised): Holy Moses!

Quinn (o/s): EEeeewwwww!!! DAMMIT DARIA, THOSE WERE NEW JEANS!!!

Daria (o/s, very weakly): Sorry.

Jane smirks slightly behind her hand, still holding her nose, and walks into the bathroom.

Jane: Come on, Quinn. Let's get Daria and you into some clean clothes. (Beat) Got the "mother of all hangovers," eh, mi amiga?

Daria (o/s, weak deadpan): I thought I told you to quit screaming.

My First Hangover

Scene opens with a shot of the Morgendorffer kitchen, across the room form the dinette that is in the corner. Jane and Daria are sitting at the table, respectively in Jake and Quinn's usual places. Daria is in her pajamas and a large bathrobe, and both are leaning on their elbows on the table, and both of them have large mugs of steaming coffee in front of them.

Daria: I don't remember much of anything from last night, Jane.

Shot changes to a medium close shot of Daria and Jane from the other side of the table. Daria isn't wearing her glasses, but they are sitting on the table next to her mug.

Jane (smirk): Boy, Daria, if I had known what kind of party Quinn's little shindig was going to turn into when you showed up, I would have gone with you.

Daria (with a plaintive look): It's not funny, Jane. That kind of stuff just isn't like me. And letting it go this far definitely isn't like me

Jane (contrite): I'm sorry, Daria. (Quiet for a moment) So, what did you mean by what you said at the concert?

Daria looks at the table surface, her eyebrows slightly raised.

Daria: Uh, what, exactly did I say?

Jane: In a nutshell? Oh, just that you were mad at me for, among other things, running off and hanging out with Tom during the band's time on stage at the concert and leaving you high and dry and covered in paint during homecoming.

Daria sighs and picks up her glasses and puts them back on, then picks up her coffee mug.

Daria (takes a drink): That sounds about right.

Jane (sighs): I wish you would have said something.

Daria just stairs into her coffee cup.

Daria: Yeah, well . . .

Jane: Daria, we've been friends for, what, over a year and a half now? You spend more time with me than you do with your family, not that I'm complaining or that I blame you any. And in that time, we've gotten to know each other on levels that take other people years. (beat) Tom and I have been going out for about four months, and we've been getting to know each other pretty good in that time, (cocks an eyebrow) in lots of ways.

Notices the strange, slightly nauseated look she's getting from Daria.

Jane (continues): But I won't go into that.

Daria (deadpan): There may be a god after all.

Jane: Look, the point is, I'm trying to apologize for making you feel left out. (Looks into her own cup) Up until you and Tom came along, I never made friends very easily, and I guess that I got greedy, or something, and didn't realize what it was doing to our friendship.

Jane looks over at Daria, who is looking intently back at her.

Daria (slowly): Jane, I've got the worst headache of my entire life, and realize that if I didn't, I probably wouldn't be saying this, but you were sort of right. I am jealous. Not of you and Tom specifically, but of your relationship. I started to see it turning into what our friendship is, and it started to get to me.

Jane: Daria, I can definitely promise you this: My friendship with Tom, whatever it turns into, will never be anything like the relationship I have with you.

Daria: Promise?

Jane (holds up her right hand): Swear on my easel.

Daria smiles slightly and both girls start to chuckle a little. Daria breaks hers off, and puts her head in her hands.

Daria (small groan): Thanks, Jane. I just wish I'd lived long enough to have appreciated it.

Jane: It's okay. (Beat) Your first hangover, huh?

Daria (without looking up): How'd you know?

Jane: I thought so. I remember my first hangover.(Looks thoughtful for a moment) Actually, I don't remember my first hangover. All I remember is Trent yelling at me afterwards for getting into his booze. (shrugs) But, I guess if you can remember it, then it really isn't a real hangover, now is it?

Jane and Daria share a smirk as the scene fades out.

I wish I knew what I did last night

Scene opens with the standard wide shot of Lawndale High, then cuts into the lunchroom , where Daria and Jane are walking away form the cashier with their trays. Jane has the usual burger, fries, and fixings, but Daria has only a bland looking sandwich and water bottle, owing to the fact that her stomach still isn't in the best of shape. Camera follows them as they walk over to their usual table.

Jane: So, anything come back from Saturday night?

Daria: You mean other than everything that I'd eaten or, ugh, drank that night? Hardly anything. (sits down) I have noticed that I've been getting a few strange looks from a lot of the other students.

Jane (looks thoughtful for a moment): Hmm, now that you mention it, I did notice Evan from the track team looking at you kind of weirdly this morning.

Jane and Daria take their usual seats at their table. Jodie and Mack are seen walking up to them in the background.

Daria: Just so long as he doesn't ask me to try and join.

Jodie: Hey, guys. Mind if we join you?

Jane: Not at all, pull up a chair.

Daria: Go for it.

Mack: Thanks.

Jodie takes a seat by Daria, while Mack walks around and sits by Jane.

Daria: By the way, Mack, I was wondering if you had some inkling as to why Kevin's jeep was abandoned on our front lawn?

Mack (looking sheepish for a second): Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten. I'd removed his distributor cables just before Jodie and I left your sister's party. Kevin looked like he was on his way to getting pretty drunk, and I didn't want him getting someone killed when he left.

Daria: You're a good man, Gunga Din. So, when will he figure out it's missing? I can't have that thing on the lawn when my parents get back.

Mack: He already asked me about it. I told him that I'd help him fix it after school. We just have to reattach the wires. They're in the back of my dad's car.

The three girls share a smirk at that, then Jodie turns serious.

Jodie: So, Daria, I hear that Quinn's party got pretty, um, 'interesting' a little while after we left.

Daria and Jane exchange a 'What is she talking about?' look.

Jane: Interesting?

Daria: In what respect?

Mack and Jodie exchange a similar look.

Jodie (probing hesitantly): You mean you didn't see Sandi's black eye?

Daria (confused): Huh?

Jane: Um, she was wearing sunglasses when I saw her in the girls' room this morning. She could have been trying to hide a shiner, I suppose.

Jodie is about to say something, but is interrupted by Quinn coming up to the table and getting in Daria's space.

Quinn (angry): Look, Daria, I know you were mad about something Saturday night, but that didn't give you an excuse to wreck my party! It was turning into the biggest party of the season, despite what you did to Sandi and then you had to -- to -- Ooooo!! Now I'm gonna have to do the whole thing over again! Don't you know what a party do-over can do to my popularity? (Leans in closer) But you better not screw the next one up, or else I'm gonna will personally see to it that Mom grinds you into mulch and grounds the bits till you're thirty!

Quinn storms off, leaving an extremely confused Daria and company behind. They watch as she goes over to the Fashion Club's table, on the other side of the cafeteria, and sits down with the other three. Sandi is wearing a very expensive pair of sunglasses and is trying to look inconspicuous.

Daria: What happened to Sandi?

Jodie: You mean you weren't the one who --(oops!) -- uh . . .

Daria (very confused now): 'One who' what? She get drunk and I push her down the stairs or something? What?

Mack and Jodie exchange another look, while Jane seems to have put two and two together.

Jane: Wait a second, you mean Daria . . .decked Sandi?

Daria looks extremely confused, Jane has a smirk on her face that could light up Toledo, and Jodie nods, looking sympathetic. Mack looks at each of the girls in turn with a thoughtful look on his face.

Mack: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Daria, are you saying that you don't remember anything that happened Saturday night?

Daria (raises eyebrows): No! (beat) Well, some. (beat) I remember coming home from the Battle of the Bands concert, and trying to find Quinn at the party. Then I went up stairs and found her coming out of her room. (concentrates) Then I went to my room, and got there just in time to throw Sandi and that goon Evan out before they started doing something I'd really rather not think about. (shudders)

Mack: So you don't remember taking a swing at Sandi?

Daria: No. (frowns) I remember, there was a duffel bag with some big juice bottles in it, and one was on the floor . . .

Mack (winces): Oboy. It wasn't 'Wilson's AppleBerry' was it?

Judging from Daria's expression, that particular brand name has tickled a vague memory in her mind. Jodi and Mack exchange an 'Oh, no' kind of look.

Daria (still thinking): I think so. It must have been laced with something.

Mack (gravely): Yeah, Texas . . .

Daria (finishing for Mack): Everclear. (long pause) Oh, God.

Jodie: Oh, wow.

Jane: Oy.

Kevin and Brittany pick that moment to walk by, carrying their own trays.

Kevin: Hey, Daria! I didn't know you knew how to party that hard! You gotta come to the kegger after next Friday's football game. Evan's gonna bring some more of the good stuff too! It's gonna rock!

Brittany: Yeah, and maybe you can show me where you learned to dance like that!

The two of them walk off, Daria looking after them somewhat wide eyed. Then she turns back to the rest of the table, staring off into the middle distance.

Daria (not wanting to ask, but . . .): Uh, guys? Just what the hell did I do Saturday night?

Scene fades to split of Sandi and Evan being thrown out, and Jane's initial entrance to Daria's room. Music is Fiona Apple's "Criminal."