'Twas a hot and humid All Hallow's Eve in the fortress city of Tokyo-3. Ghoulish decorations were abound, seeping the atmosphere in spooks and scares. But alas, no trick-or-treaters due to Japanese Halloween focusing more on parties and such. And one such party is currently taking place within the Katsuragi household. Let's take a look at this little get-together, shall we?
"So." Asuka adjusted the brim of her witch hat. "What are you supposed to be Kotone?" Kotone shifted her armor of cardboard boxes and struck a pose.
"I'm a Gundam!" In the midst of her pose, one of her cardboard wings smacked Kensuke in the face, rotating his werewolf mask a full one-eighty, blinding him.
"A Gundam? Wait, we can say brand names without them being altered to a fictional version?" Asuka inquired suspiciously.
"Sure, none of this is canon anyway so it has no bearing on the plot of the main story. I mean look, Enigma is over there talking with Makoto at the punch bowl. And I know he's Enigma despite the fact none of us have even met him yet."
"-So that's the entirety of my plan, my motives, and what I suspect will happen during the course of the Angel war." Enigma explained, his voice free of the usual corruption due to author laziness. Makoto stared at Enigma in abject horror.
"Why…. Why would you tell me that?"
"Because in a few moments the scene will change and we'll effectively cease to exist in this story."
"What?! Wait! Everyone, listen! The secret behind-"
"So yeah. No fourth wall, and no rules. Just us doing Halloween stuff." Kotone explained as Makoto was erased from existence.
"Huh. Neat." Asuka turned to Rei, who was wearing her usual school uniform and brandishing a fire ax, but both were covered in blood. "Nice work on your costume First." Rei blinked in confusion.
"Costume?" Rei inquired as she twirled the ax in her hand, spreading blood everywhere. Asuka returned the confused blink and decided she didn't want to continue this line of inquiry.
"Nevermind. Shinji! How are those sweets coming along?!" Asuka called out to the kitchen.
"I'm working on it! Shiki, add some cinnamon to that cookie dough please."
"Baka." Shiki obliged and added a dash of cinnamon to the Spooky Halloween Cookie Dough (now with ninety-three percent authentic fake pumpkin). Leader returned with the pumpkin-shaped cookie cutters and the both of them began mixing the dough. Suddenly the doorbell rang, its usual chime replaced by a poorly tuned 'Monster Mash', courtesy of Misato's lack of doorbell installation skills.
"I'll get it!" Hikari volunteered, speeding to the door before anyone could object. She opened the door to reveal Touji and Sakura Suzuhara, wearing a Sonic and Tails costumes respectively.
"Hey Class Rep, how's it-" Touji paused as he took in Hikari's costume. She was also wearing a Sonic costume, causing a prolonged, awkward silence. The silence was eventually broken by Hikari.
"One of us is going to have to change, and it's not going to be me." Hikari put her foot down with the unassailable authority of the Class Representative.
"But… me and Sakura 're supposed ta match." Sakura patted Touji on the shoulder and chuckled.
"Oh Touji, by beloved stupid idiot brother-"
"Didja really have ta use idiot and stupid?"
"-I, being the amazing person that I am, thought this would happen, so I brought you a backup costume." Sakura pulled out a red costume.
"That's Knuckles."
"Yes."
"Why Knuckles? Couldn't it have been, I dunno, Shadow?"
"Touji, you aren't cool enough to be Shadow."
"The fact that any of you think Shadow is cool shows your lack of taste!" Asuka shouted from within the apartment.
"Shove it Soryu! Metal Sonic sucks!"
"Does it hurt being so wrong all the time Suzuhara?!"
"Enough!" Hikari demands. "Suzuhara, change now." Touji nods and runs off to the bathroom to change, leaving Sakura and Hikari alone. "Soooo…." Hikari struggled as she tried to start a conversation with her crush's little sister. "Where's your little friend?"
"I dunno. Where's yours?"
"Huh. Now that you mention it, I'm not sure where they are."
"Well don't worry, I'm sure wherever they are they're doing something awesome!"
"Go away." The door slammed shut, leaving the sheet-covered trick-or-treater without any sweets. The mass of Minisukas ripped off their bed sheet with indignant fury.
"Dammit! Why is nobody giving out candy?" One Minisuka screamed.
"Hell if I know, but if they aren't giving treats, then let's give them tricks." A chorus of agreements sounded out as eggs and toilet paper were prepared to give this stingy bastard a reckoning.
"I'm sure they are Sakura." Hikari smiled at the rambunctious eight-year-old as she tried to not think about the mischief the Minisukas were getting up to. Suddenly the doorbell rang once more. "Now run along while I get the door." Sakura went to go bug Shinji as Hikari opened the door once again to reveal quite a surprise. "EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!"
The sounds of the party stopped as the sound of the screech reverberated throughout the apartment. Everyone (except Kensuke due to his continued mask-induced blindness) turned to see Hikari sprint away from the front door, taking cover behind the Katsuragi apartment's mythical Schrodinger's couch. Shortly after, two tall, imposing figures emerged from the entryway.
"Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees?!" Asuka shouted as she backed away from the two masked murderers. "What are they doing here?!"
"Because I invited them?" Shinji added as he tried to keep the cookie dough away from an ignorant Sakura. "Glad you could make it Mister Myers, Mister Voorhees." The two killers nodded at Shinji, before lumbering over to the refreshment table, everyone else trying to put as much distance between themselves and the murderers as possible. Except for Rei, who didn't know enough about horror to consider them a threat, and Kensuke, who was still walking around blindly.
"Shinji!" Asuka hissed as she grabbed his collar. "How do you know two of the most famous slasher movie villains ever?!"
"We take the same knitting class together." Shinji explained as if that didn't raise more questions than it answered. Sakura meanwhile had used the distraction to snatch the cookie dough, and was trying to fight back Shiki's attempts to reclaim it.
"Of course! What, is Freddy Kruger coming too?!"
"No, Mister Kruger is in jail for drug possession."
"What?! Why?! What drugs did he have?!"
"Nyquil." Asuka opened her mouth and then closed it in rapid succession, attempting to process the information she just received.
"Nyquil is illegal in Japan?" Asuka's eyes suddenly became very shifty.
"Yeah? Why?"
"No reason. On an unrelated note, I need to dispose of something really quick." Asuka bolted towards her room, nearly knocking Touji over as he exited the bathroom.
"Alright, I'm Knuckles now." Touji scanned the apartment before noticing something amiss. "Sakura!" Touji brushed past Michael Myers' hulking form as the killer was retrieving a beer to snatch the bowl of cookie dough in Sakura's hands. "No cookie dough. Don'tcha remember what happened last time!?"
"No." Sakura pouted as her hard-won sweets were stolen from her.
"Exactly. Our family is still banned from that hibachi grill." Touji handed the bowl to Myers who in turn handed it to Shinji. "Now, let's leave Ikari to his cookin', ya can have some cookies later when they're baked." Touji dragged the grumpy eight-year-old to the main area. Shinji set the bowl down and scratched his head.
"Is this what it's usually like to have siblings?" Myers gave a so-so gesture before returning to the party. "Hmmm. Well, no use thinking about that now." Shinji, Leader, and Shiki began setting up the cookies for baking. "By the way, I wonder where Misato is?"
"Anta Baka." Leader answered.
"You're right, she'll probably be here soon."
"I hate this." Misato grumbled as she was stuck in traffic.
"Look on the bright side Katsuragi, at least you're not alone." Kaji adjusted his James Bond costume.
"That's why I hate this. I'd rather be alone than with you." Misato scratched at the fake mustache of her John Wick costume.
"Well, how about we listen to some music to pass the time?" Kaji turned on the radio, setting it to a random station.
"Hey there my fellow Tokyo-3ers! Welcome to Tokyo-3's only radio station, where we're playing Halloween music all day, every day!"
Spooky Scary Skeletons-
Misato quickly shut the radio off and affixed Kaji with a glare. Kaji could only return a sheepish smile.
"I can't wait to get drunk and not deal with you."
"Ah, so like back in college." The only response was Misato smacking Kaji upside the head.
"Finally!" An hour later, Misato was approaching her apartment. "Remind me never to go last-minute costume shopping again."
"I could but I doubt you'll listen to me." Kaji squinted as he eyed something in the distance. "Is it just me or is your apartment complex on fire Katsuragi?"
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Misato peeled into the parking lot to see a small crowd of the Pilots, their friends, and her coworkers staring at the blazing complex. "Shinji!" Misato burst out of her car like a bat out of hell. "What happened?!"
"Misato! The oven exploded!"
"The oven ex-" Misato face-palmed. "Did you use the oven?"
"Yes?"
"I was hiding my pumpkin spice rum in there! No wonder it exploded!" Misato sighed as she looked around. "Wait, where's Asuka?" Shinji looked ready to answer before a slightly singed German redhead in a witch costume fell into his arms.
"Oh." Asuka blinked as she found herself hanging onto Shinji's neck. "Thanks, Shinji."
"You're welcome?" Shinji blinked in confusion. "Are you okay Asuka?"
"That depends. Do you think that fire is hot enough to destroy evidence of illegal narcotics?"
"Maybe?"
"Then I'm fantastic. Just keep holding me, just in case my legs aren't working." Shinji nodded as a blush grew on his face. On top of Shinji's head, Leader held out her hand to Shiki, who grumbled as she slapped a wad of tiny bills into the waiting palm.
"Welp." Misato stared at the blazing inferno that was once her home. "Who wants to go to Chuck-E-Cheese?" Misato asked as she tried to hold onto some semblance of sanity. Fortunately, there was a unanimous agreement from her party guests to that suggestion. They all began walking to the nearest chain as Misato stared blankly at her former complex.
"You alright there Katsuragi?" Kaji put a hand on her shoulder, and she surprisingly didn't shake it off.
"Mmmm. I'm going to get shit-faced tonight and worry about getting a new apartment tomorrow." Misato walked off to join everyone. "Wait, where's Pen-Pen?"
"Wark!" Pen-Pen stared at Kensuke as the both of them huddled within the Penguin's refrigerator as the inferno surrounded them.
"Not sure what you said but if it's a plan to get out of here I wholeheartedly agree." Kensuke had ditched the traitorous mask at this point, as it only brought darkness and the smell of latex.
"Wark." Pen-Pen pulled a lever, which opened up a wall panel to reveal a slide.
"Huh. Well, uncertain death is better than certain death I suppose." Kensuke dove down the slide, the journey seemingly lasting for an eternity before he hit a floor. His eyes adjusted to the light to reveal he was now surrounded by penguins with spears, all pointed at him. "Well. Can't say I'd thought this would happen." Suddenly something bowled into his back, and he was knocked prone.
"Wark." Pen-Pen ordered from atop Kensuke, causing the other penguins to be at ease. One penguin gave Pen-Pen a large cloak and a cigar, which the penguin mastermind equipped immediately.
"Am I in a supervillain lair? Are you a supervillain?" Kensuke boggled at the surrounding tech and gadgets, trying to figure out what was going on.
"Wark." Pen-Pen flourished his cloak, as Kensuke was introduced to a whole new world.
I would like to reiterate, none of this is to canon the main Minisukas story. This is a dumb little crack oneshot that you shouldn't take seriously. Your irregularly scheduled Minisuka shenanigans will return. Until then, hope you enjoy this little holiday special, leave a review if you can, and have a happy All Hallows Even/Halloween/Samhain.
