Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings!





Sauron heard the kicking and shouting all the way up the stairs. He wondered what kind of human actually made all that racket, and wasn't sure he wanted to meet her. After all, she had put Saruman through his paces.

"Get your hands off me, you slimy, disgusting things! Ew! Your slime is getting all over me! Gross!"

The orc guards reached the door and threw the struggling human to the floor. She executed a perfect dive fall and came up in a fighting stance, looking fiercer than anything Sauron had seen in a long time.

Sauron motioned for the guards to leave, then turned to the teenage girl. She brushed her hair out of her face and snarled at him.

"Hello," he said cautiously.

She glared at him, but dropped out of her fighting stance.

"Do you know where you are?" Sauron asked. It was normally a silly question, but this girl obviously wasn't from around here. She certainly wouldn't be treating Sauron like this.

"Judging by the orcs, the fortress of Barad-dur, and the scary guy with long white hair who could only be Saruman, I'd say I was in Middle Earth," the girl said sharply.

Sauron raised an eyebrow. "How did you know all that? I mean, you don't seem to be.a human from this world," he said with surprise.

The girl waved a hand dismissively. "I've seen the movies. It wasn't hard to make the connection."

Sauron was confused. "There are movies?"

She peered at him. "Yeah," she said matter-of-factly.

He looked at her a little closer, then noticed what she was wearing. Her clothes looked like pajamas, but weird ones held together with a black belt. The belt had some sort of gold lettering on it. He pointed at her and asked, "What is that?"

She looked at herself and replied, "What is what?"

"What you're wearing. What is it?"

"Oh. This is my karate uniform."

"What's karate?"

"Self-defense, martial arts. That sort of thing. This is what I wear. My top, my pants, and of course my belt." She paused for a minute and said. "So.if this is Middle Earth, and I'm at Barad-dur, then who are you?"

"I thought you would have known. You've seen the.movies, or whatever they're called."

"Well, one would conclude that you're Sauron-"

"That's right."

She stopped dead. "But.but you can't be! After Isildur cut off your fingers and took your Ring back in the Second Age, you were reduced to a single flaming eyeball with no eyelashes!" she said vehemently.

Sauron stared at her for a moment or two, then burst out laughing. He laughed himself to tears before he realized that the girl was glaring daggers at him. "How old are you?" he choked out.

"Sixteen," she replied icily.

"Well even for a sixteen year old, you have a really good imagination," he said, trying to stop laughing.

"Well if that's not what happened, then how did you lose the Ring?" she asked.

Sauron put on a straight face (even though he was still thoroughly amused), and replied, "Isildur and I got into a fist fight back in high school, and we'd bet that whoever lost would get to keep the Ring. I've been trying to get it back since."

The girl stared at him for a moment, then let out a really loud wail and began banging her head against the nearest wall.

Sauron jumped out of the chair he'd been sitting in and ran over to her. "No no no! Don't do that! What's the matter with you?" he cried as he pulled her away from the wall.

She went completely limp in his arms as he dragged her over to his armchair. He put her down and backed away warily, not sure what to do next.

She sat up in the chair and closed her eyes. "When I count to three, I'm gonna open my eyes and I'll be back at the karate school, and I'm going to laugh at myself for thinking that I actually went to Middle Earth." She opened her eyes, looked around, and wailed again.

"This is not supposed to be happening! I'm sixteen! I'm supposed to be driving around and going to school and dating, not disappearing from the karate school and being transported to a made up world written by an old dead guy!" She huffed (and puffed) for a minute, then looked plaintively at Sauron and asked, "Can I go home?"





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