Title: In Dreams
Author: Wordless_angel
Author email: wordless_angel @hotmail.com
Disclaimer: None of this is mine. No offence is meant to the creators and
no money is being made from this work. The song isn't mine either.
A/N - Okay, I'm going to finish it here seeing as the response has been,
well, negative. I'll stick to things no one will read. So, here goes.
I was alone in the silence
'Til I was hearing your voice
I couldn't see my way clear until you parted the clouds and you gave me a choice
I couldn't pick up the pieces
'Til I was falling apart
I didn't know I was bleeding 'til your love fixed this hole
Baby here in my heart
Chapter 5: A new Chapter begins
Aragorn listened with growing concern as Legolas told of his hunt for the Orcs. The news was distressing. A band of wild, dangerous Orcs running about Middle Earth didn't inspire confidence.
As Legolas spoke, his eyes never left Iliayana. She stood across the room from him, beside Arwen. He watched as Iliayana's gaze shifted from the ceiling to floor and back again. He saw her bit her knuckles and thumb nail. He noticed the slight shaking of her hands. But when she began to scratch at the self-inflicted scars on her arms, Legolas made it across the room in three strides. He gripped her wrists in front of her. She looked up into his face. Her eyes spoke to him.
"It hurts." They seemed to whisper.
"I know." The elf's light blue eyes answered in response. Iliayana nodded slowly and her shoulders slumped. Legolas released her wrists and moved till he stood beside her, one comforting hand, resting on her lower back.
Arwen and Aragorn watched this interlude with interest. Neither could read what was being said between the two, but both knew they were communicating in some way. Once it was over, Aragorn spoke.
"What do you propose we do?" he asked Legolas. Legolas glanced at Iliayana, then back at Aragorn. He shrugged.
"We can do nothing. Nothing until they re-appear?"
"Re-appear?" Arwen asked.
"These are Orcs. They will be back. Of that, there is no doubt." Legolas answered.
"Then we can but wait." Aragorn sighed. "Thank you, Legolas." Legolas bowed his head slightly to the Mortal King and left the room, leading Iliayana with him.
"What was that about?" Aragorn asked his wife.
"I don't know. But what ever it was, Legolas knew what he was doing. And it worked."
(
After Legolas had left with Iliayana, he had forced her to eat. She had sat silently, picking at the food, eating barely enough to satisfy Legolas. Once it was obvious she would eat no more, he had given her warm tea, and sent her to bed.
Now he sat before the small fire in Iliayana's rooms. A book was opened on his knees, but he stared into the fire, his thoughts far away. Legolas was, however, drawn back into the present when his sensitive elfish ears picked up the sound of thrashing. He put the book aside, stood and made his way to Iliayana's room. He quietly opened the door, not wanting to wake her.
Legolas watched, unsure what to do, while Iliayana tossed. Suddenly she gave a yell and sat bolt upright. Her eyes meet his and he saw the tear track on her cheeks. He made his way into the room and sat on the bed beside her. Legolas gently brushed sweat streaked hair away from her face.
"It was a dream." He whispered. "It's all over." Iliayana whimpered softly. "What happened in your dream?" Legolas asked.
"Always the same thing." Iliayana's voice was hoarse. "I'm in the Orc lair. I'm chained in a dark room and I can feel pain, like fire prickling under my skin. And there's an Orc standing over me, holding a dagger. It's plain, but there's this pattern on the handle. Like spears. And the Orc is, he's." Iliayana closed her eyes in pain. She said nothing more.
"It's alright now. No one is going to hurt you here. Not while I'm around. Just try to sleep." Iliayana nodded and lay back down. Legolas continued to stroke her hair, watching as her eyes slowly closed and she drifted back into sleep. Legolas sighed and gently kissed her forehead and rose. He moved until he sat in the chair by the bed. That was where he remained that night, watching over Iliayana.
At one point, she cried out and shuddered. Legolas simply reached out and took her hand. She made no other sound after that.
(
Iliayana awoke at dawn. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times, dislodging the sleep. Slowly, she rose, releasing Legolas's hand. He was at present asleep, his own eyes wide and staring.
She moved to the bathroom, where she washed and dressed. Arwen had provided her with plenty of gowns, one of which Iliayana wore now. It was a simple white flowing gown. The sleeves were long, but opened at the elbows to provide extra movement. The gown sat snugly on her hips and chest, giving her a beautiful shape. The neckline was not too low, but it hinted. Iliayana brushed and tightly braided her long hair. Once done, Iliayana made her way back to the bedroom and made her bed. As she did so, Legolas awoke. He watched her work for a few minutes, marvelling at the change a dress could make, before speaking.
"Morning." He smiled. Iliayana jumped. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you." She turned to look at him.
"It's alright. It's just that when you spend time alone, you become used to the silence in the mornings."
"That is something you should never have to get used to." Iliayana smiled slightly.
"But you do."
"You look beautiful." Legolas complimented her. She pursed her lips slightly.
"You don't have to tease."
"I wasn't."
"Really?"
"I just said so, didn't I?" Legolas regarded her for a few minutes before asking: "Have you ever seen the city of Gondor?"
"No," Iliayana said, a bemused expression on her face.
"Then I'll have to show you." With that, Legolas grabbed her hand and led her outside.
It was a charming day with the sun bright and warm overhead. It was also the perfect day for exploring. Legolas showed Iliayana around the bustling city.
As the sun was setting, they returned to the palace. Together, they walked to the bridge that crossed the stream that ran through the gardens. Halfway across, Iliayana stopped and lent on the cool stone railing. Legolas halted beside her. They looked across the water in which the rising moon was reflected.
"It is beautiful." Iliayana sighed.
"That is it." Legolas agreed.
"But not quite the equal of Mirkwood."
"Nothing is that beautiful."
"No, home was more beautiful. On a clear night, you could lie in the grass and stare up at the stars. Or go walking under the moon." Iliayana smiled and laughed softly. Legolas turned, leaning against the railing on his side, watching her. Light was burning in her eyes as she stared across the water. "Father used to get so angry when I slipped out to go walking. Mother would simply laugh and tell me how she used to do the same thing. In autumn, the leaves were gold and red. It was like a sunset everyday. When it snowed at night, my friends and I were always the first ones outside. Just to feel the crisp morning air and see the untrammelled snow. Like a blanket over the morning. And when the snow finally melted, the most beautiful flowers would emerge. I loved it. They used to call me a dreamer." The peace disappeared from her eyes, to be replaced with sorrow. "Now I can no longer dream."
Legolas watched her for a few more seconds before reaching out. He turned her to face him, hands resting on her hips. Slowly, he brought her in, wrapping his arms around her waist. Her arms went around his neck and her forehead rested against his. Raising one hand, Legolas stroked her cheek tenderly.
"You will dream again," he whispered.
"No I wont." Iliayana said softly. She didn't cry. That wasn't what she needed. She just needed to be held and wanted. She needed to know she could still be the same person she once was. That she was still the person she had enjoyed being. Not quite sure how he did, but Legolas understood this and tried his best to provide it. Her eyes searched his for an instant before she moved and rested her head against his shoulder. Legolas's hand travelled from her cheek to her hair.
From the shadows, Arwen watched, not prepared to intrude. Aragorn had sent her to fetch Legolas and Iliayana. He had said it was urgent. But no urgency could force Arwen to interrupt. She waited until Iliayana drew back and smiled lightly at Legolas. Then she moved in.
"Legolas, Iliayana, Aragorn asked that you come to see him." Legolas glanced at her sharply.
"Did he say what it was about?" he asked.
"I can only guess. Come." Again, the two found themselves following Arwen.
Aragorn was standing over a plan when the three entered. He looked up, his face haggard and worn.
"You were right Legolas, they are back." Beside him, Legolas felt Iliayana stiffen. He found her hand and squeezed it.
"Where are they?"
"They hit Yulithia two nights passed. Same as last time. Burned the town to the ground, no evidence of a struggle at the gates. "
"What?" Iliayana's harsh voice interrupted. "What did you say?" she repeated more quietly. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment. It was Legolas who spoke.
"The gates weren't forced. Someone let them in."
"You said, same as the last place? Why?" Now it was Legolas's turn to sigh.
"Because it was the same."
"And you didn't tell me?" Iliayana said angrily.
"We felt it wouldn't be."
"You thought I wouldn't be able to cope?"
"Could you?" Legolas asked truthfully. Iliayana turned away from him.
"It wasn't your decision to make." After that, she fell silent. Legolas turned back to Aragorn.
"Where are they headed?" he asked.
"Kulthis."
"Then we must go there." Aragorn nodded at Legolas's statement.
"I will come with you this time." He said.
"So will I." Iliayana interrupted.
"No." Legolas stated firmly, turning to look at her. She met his eyes determinedly.
"I have to." She said silently.
"You can't." Legolas insisted.
"I can." Iliayana was calm and firm. Aragorn glanced at his wife. Arwen nodded.
"Iliayana will come." He interrupted the silent argument. Legolas spun around, ready to argue.
"She cannot protect herself."
"I can use a bow. My brother taught me. I may not have the marksmanship of an elf, but I am not incapable."
"It is settled then. I will find Iliayana a bow and she can go with you." Arwen finished the conversation. "Now, you will need to leave early. So I suggest that everyone gets some rest."
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you Forgetting all I'm lacking. Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation. You take all of me
now. I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running, not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm stepping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you There's nothing else to lose. There's noting else to find
There's nothing in this world that can change my mind
Chapter 6: Loving you, loving me
Legolas returned to his rooms and packed. He checked over his own bow, making sure no strings were frayed. Then he tested the arrows. Finally he was left with nothing to do but sit. However, Legolas could not feel comfortable. Frustrated, he rose and left the room.
Iliayana didn't hear when he knocked on her door, so he opened and entered. Her things were ready and waiting by the door, a bow and quiver among them. Legolas made his way through the rooms searching. He found her, elbows resting on the balcony railing.
He knew she could tell he was there, because she head turned slightly to the side. He joined her. The sight of her caught his breath. She had released her dark hair and now it fell in sheets down her back, in stark contrast with the pure white of her dress. No longer was she the scared, lost child he had first seen. Iliayana had grown and aged. She was truly beautiful.
"You should have told me." Iliayana said finally.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was just worried."
"I know. But you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'll be fine."
"I'll always worry about you." Legolas said softly. "Do you have to do this?" he asked eventually. Iliayana turned towards him.
"Aren't you the one telling me I need to face my fears, to meet them head on? Not to run away from them?"
"No," Legolas said desperately, putting one hand to her check. "From this you can run." Iliayana gripped the hand against her cheek and kissed it softly.
"I can't run from this. If I do, my nightmares will always hold me." Her face was calm.
"Please?" Legolas whispered.
"I'll be fine. This is what I need to do."
"Nothing is to happen to you." Legolas said determinedly.
"Nothing will." Iliayana promised.
"I can't know that."
"You can. Do you remember the time we spoke by the lake?" Legolas nodded. "And you told me everyone needs to love?" Again, he nodded. "You were right. No one can survive without it. But as hard as I fought it, I have it, so now I can survive." Legolas searched her eyes and took her hands.
"I also said that everyone needed to be loved. You have that too." Iliayana smiled. It was a different smile from all the ones Legolas had seen before. It was pure and sweet with no trace of bitterness of sadness. With it returned the light to her eyes. Legolas also smiled and gently brushed his lips against hers.
"Then you are safe as well." Iliayana whispered. "For you also have both." Legolas laughed softly, not wanting to disturb the moment. And standing there in the moonlight, arms around the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, Legolas kissed Iliayana again.
(
Legolas woke hours before dawn. He rose on his elbows and looked down at Iliayana's peacefully sleeping face. Despite her words of the night before Legolas found it difficult to believe that his love alone could save her from what awaited. In her love, he had no doubt, but in his own.
No. Iliayana must always be safe from pain and loss. He would keep her safe. Gently, Legolas lent down and kissed the soft skin at the base of her throat. She smiled in her sleep and reached out for him. He came willingly, positioning her sleeping form so her head rested on his shoulder. Legolas wrapped both arms around her waist and smiled as she moved closer. One of her hands rested gently against his chest, the touch of her fingertips butterfly soft. It was lying like that, that Legolas succumbed once more to sleep.
When he again awoke, Iliayana was not beside him. He sat up, panicked, then relaxed. He could smell her, hear her, feel her. She was still here somewhere. Legolas rose and dressed, before walking into the kitchen.
Iliayana stood at the counter top, humming off key softly. She was dressed for riding and her hair was damp. Legolas moved up silently behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. He kissed her shoulder. She smiled.
"Morning." She greeted, prying one of his hands away from her waist. She held it up and compared it to hers. Her hands were slightly tanned, while his were white. His fingers were longer, while hers were more slender. "So different..." She whispered.
"And yet the same." Legolas finished, brushing hair out of the way so he could whisper in her ear. Iliayana let his hand go and turned in his arms to face him. He kissed her tenderly.
"We have to leave soon." Iliayana smiled in his hold.
"You have to leave now." A soft voice came from the entrance. Arwen stood there, stunning in pale blue. Iliayana smiled at her and pried herself away from Legolas. She walked from the room to collect her things. Arwen eyed her old friend impishly. "You do her good. I have never seen her smiled like that."
"Good is all I could ever wish to do her." Legolas answered truthfully. Arwen laughed gently.
"Come, you must go." She said finally.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
Chapter 7: Truth speak
It was midday when the hunting party rode past the burned out shell of Hulitim. Iliayana stared from her place in the saddle out across the town that was once her home. She could still see the fierce hungry flames, consuming all that lay in their path. The bitter, pungent smell of burning wood and flesh still hung in the air. Even the horses kept their distance, unprepared to go anywhere near the foul place.
As they passed by, Iliayana refused to turn back. She didn't need to look on that place again to know what happened. She knew that there was nothing left for her there. Nothing.
Her salvation was before her.
Not behind.
Legolas, on the other hand, glanced back many times. Iliayana rode behind him, her head held high and stiff. Her eyes glowed with a strange light. And it wasn't the last time they sparkled like that. When they rode past Yulithia, Iliayana fingered her bow dangerously.
The dark was falling once they reached Kulthis. Everyone dismounted and prepared for battle. The residence of the town would put the hunting party up in their houses. Tents might warn the Orcs that something was wrong.
Iliayana found herself in a small, five-room cottage, much like the one she had been born into. A family of four occupied to house. A mother, father, brother and his younger sister. It was so like her own family that it brought back painful memories. The daughter was younger, around ten and curious. She kept glancing at the female stranger over a silent meal. She was too young to understand what was going on, just that her mommy and daddy were upset about something. She watched as the male stranger with long hair joined them. He sat with the other stranger, talking. Eventually, the youngster's curiosity overcame her.
She walked over to Iliayana, dragging a teddy bear by an ear. She stopped in front of her and Legolas.
"Excuse me, but are you what makes mommy sad?" she asked.
"Kelarndra!" her mother exclaimed, shocked. "Please excuse her, she is young." She apologized. Iliayana waved her off and beckoned to Kelarndra. Kelarndra came hesitantly. Iliayana smiled at her.
"We're not the ones making your mommy sad."
"You're not?" Iliayana shook her head.
"No. We're here to stop your mommy being sad. We've come to protect her." Kelarndra tilted her head to the side, thinking. While she did so, she tugged one shiny brown curl.
"Why aren't you protecting your own mommy?" she asked eventually. Iliayana lifted Kelarndra up and positioned her on her lap.
"Because my mommy's not here."
"Where is she?" Kelarndra asked. Legolas watched Iliayana with interest, wondering what her response would be. He was not the only one. Kelarndra's own mother had seen the flash of pain on Iliayana's face.
"She's gone away." Iliayana answered simply.
"Where."
"I don't know." Iliayana smoothed Kelarndra's curls down.
"What about your daddy?"
"He's gone to."
"Why don't you try and find them?"
"I did." Iliayana's eyes went to the scars on her arms.
"Did you cry when they went away?" Kelarndra's childish voice asked. Iliayana's eyes darkened, remembering those first few days. There had been no tears. Pain, but no tears. But Legolas's coming had changed that. He had opened a wound, and it had bleed salt tears.
"Yes." Legolas understood what she was thinking. He reached out and rested his hand on Iliayana's shoulder. She smiled sadly at him.
"Don't you miss them?"
"I miss them everyday."
"I'm sure they miss you too."
"I'm sure they do." seeing that Iliayana no longer wanted to talk about it, Kelarndra's mother took her child from Iliayana.
"It's time for you to sleep kitten."
"I'm not tired." Kelarndra yawned. Her mother smiled and carried her to her room, leaving Legolas and Iliayana along in the room. Iliayana stood.
"I need some air." She said. Legolas frowned.
"You take your bow, and I come with you." Legolas was firm. Iliayana glared at him.
"I need no protection."
"You're too stubborn for your own good. Either I go with you, or you don't go." Iliayana glared at Legolas again before sighing and collection her bow and quiver. Legolas followed her outside, his own bow in hand.
The night was chilly and dark. Dark clouds overshadowed the mood. They foretold rain in the near future. Not that the light drizzle gave that hint. The couple walked in silence, Legolas watchful, Iliayana thoughtful.
The call of an owl stopped Legolas in his tracks. He reached out and gripped Iliayana's forearm. She halted.
"What? It was an owl."
"No, that was the signal. They come." Iliayana stiffened and notched an arrow to her bow. "Wait." Legolas instructed. "We want to know how they get in undetected." Moving into the shadows, Iliayana and Legolas watched. They did not have long to wait.
From out of the gloom slid a figure. The dark prevented them from seeing features, but they could guess by the walk and stance that the person was male. Unnoticed, the rest of the hunting party joined Iliayana and Legolas. Iliayana could vaguely make out Aragorn on her right.
With little difficulty, the person swung the gates open. They heard grunts and someone talking. Legolas felt Iliayana freeze. She knew that voice.
The Orcs entered, baring rough weapons and burning torches. The leader signalled for the others to spread out.
Aragorn gave the signal.
From the shadows burst forth the hunting party. They attacked the Orcs, using their advantage of surprise.
Iliayana, however, stayed away from the main fighting. She followed the shadow that tried to disappear into the darkness. No one saw her leave.
But someone felt it.
Legolas jerked around, the Orc he had been fighting dead at his feet. He saw Iliayana fading form and moved to intercept her. But an Orc got in his way, forcing the frustrated elf into swordplay.
Iliayana followed closely, keeping to the shadows cast by the walls. The figure lead her to an open space not far from the main fighting. She could still hear the sound of steel clashing against steel.
"I have a shadow." The figure said, keeping his voice low. Iliayana closed her eyes briefly. The rain began to splatter harder; the drops still light enough to pass unnoticed
"I was always your shadow, Zackery." Zackery spun around and his eyes searched the dark.
"Iliayana?" Iliayana emerged from the shadows.
"I'm here."
"Why aren't you...?"
"Dead? Please, you know me better than that." Zackery smiled. "Do you think fire and torture could kill me?"
"You? Maybe. I always thought that strength was a joke."
"It wasn't."
"Are you so sure. You're not the same Iliayana you once were. Something about you is different." Iliayana didn't notice Zackery reaching for something at his belt.
"Lots of things about me are different."
"You're not the dreamer anymore."
"My dreams are gone."
"That's sad, Iliayana. Really sad. You know, they say dreams can come true."
"Maybe they can. But so can nightmares." Zackery slowly began to circle Iliayana, a hand still at his belt. Iliayana's eyes followed his movements. "Why'd you do it?" she asked. Zackery shrugged.
"Do you need an answer?" Iliayana's face-hardened. Why did she want an answer? So she could try and make an excuse for this, this murder. No, she didn't need a reason feel sorry for him. He took her life.
'He gave you another life, a new life. With Legolas.' Another sneaky voice in her head whispered.
"We played together as children. You were one of my best friends. Your sister was supposed to marry my brother. Our mothers would talk for hours while we played. My father helped yours to build your home. We were there at your mother's funeral. I don't want to know why. I have to know." Again, Zackery shrugged.
"Because I couldn't stand any of you."
"What?"
"Your whole family. Your perfect life! Your sickeningly brilliant world." Zackery's eyes flashed. "You had it all. You never knew what it was like to lose someone. So I showed you. I showed all of you."
"You had your family and friends slaughtered, so they would know what it felt like to lose someone they loved?" Iliayana was disgusted.
"Maybe. But after home, it was just fun. The screams, the fire, the begging for mercy, the."
"The power." Iliayana ventured. "You let others kill so you can watch and feel powerful?"
"Why have blood on my own hands?"
"You do, Zackery. Your hands are stained with blood." Iliayana raised her bow and prepared to fire. In an instant, Zackery was inches away from her. In his hand he held a dagger. It was plain steel, but the grip bore the markings of two crossed spears.
It was her dagger. The one that woke her night after night. The one she remembered being in the Orcs lair. The skies rumbled, releasing still more rain, soaking Iliayana's hair and clothes.
"More blood than you can imagine, little Ilia." Zackery whispered, using her old nickname.
"Oh Valar!" Iliayana cried in her head.
(
Standing in the midst of the fighting, Legolas heard her silent cry. He looked over to where he could see two figures, standing close together. Moving as fast as he could. Legolas ran to Iliayana, ignoring the rain that soaked him.
(
"You know the dagger, don't you?" Zackery asked, turning it.
"Well enough." Iliayana answered, trying to keep fear from her voice. "Legolas, were are you?" her mind screamed.
"Oh, I don't think so. See let me show you.." before Iliayana fully knew what was happening, Zackery had plunged the dagger into her chest.
Iliayana's breath caught in her throat, her mouth opened slightly and her eyes went wide. She stood still, her mind catching up with her body.
"Legolas." A small, soft voice cried in her head. She could barely hear the voice herself. It was like it spoke through a haze of pain.
(
From ten feet away, Legolas halted, rain cascading down his face. He saw Iliayana's body tense and stand still as if frozen. In his head, he heard a faint voice calling him. The voice was fading and in agony. He saw Iliayana slip to her knees, the stranger standing over her. As if released from paralysis, Legolas sprang forward, his bow ready.
He released three arrows, all hitting the intended target. Zackery had no chance. He died instantly with a look of satisfaction on his face and the dagger still clutched in his bloodied hand.
Legolas pushed him out of the way and knelt beside Iliayana. He didn't notice the puddles that had been stained red as her blood mixed with the rain and he didn't see the blood that stained his own clothes as he pulled her into his arms. He head lolled against his arm.
"Iliayana?" he called, desperation cracking his voice. She made no reply. "Iliayana?" he cried again, tears mixing with rain on his cheeks. He felt for a pulse.
When the cold of winter comes, Starless nights will cover day. In the veiling of the sun We will walk in bitter rain. But in dreams, I can hear your name And in dreams, We will meet again.
Chapter 9: Sweet Dreams
The brightly shinning sun glinted of the water.
Legolas stood on the bridge that crossed the stream and wondered how day could possibly be so dark. Where once he had held Iliayana in his arms, he now stood alone, watching as his world slowly crumbled.
Legolas had watched as his lover was laid to rest. His beautiful raven haired angel, with her ice blue eyes. Never again would he speak to her, never would he hold her.
He felt his chest tighten as he thought of Iliayana, fallen early. Iliayana had died as anonymously as she lived, fighting death till the end. Her last few struggled breaths had been torture to watch, blood dripping from her mouth as she coughed, her whole body shaking in his arms. She had tried to speak, calling his name though a fog, clinging tightly to him. Her voice had been urgent, desperate, frantic and insistent.
But she had quietened eventually.
Legolas had watched, helpless, as the woman he had promised to protect with his love, had died. He had seen the life fleeing her body. And he had died along with her. In the rain-drenched night, two souls had escaped. One to a place of eternal light, of love and joy. The other to a cold, dark place, where lonely souls walked.
A life of eternity was a curse. A barrier that prevented him from being with Iliayana.
But she had given him something. Something more precious than anything he had ever known. She gave him memories. And in the depth of the night, those memories would become dreams. And in his dreams, Legolas would never be alone.
At least his dreams would be sweet.
I was alone in the silence
'Til I was hearing your voice
I couldn't see my way clear until you parted the clouds and you gave me a choice
I couldn't pick up the pieces
'Til I was falling apart
I didn't know I was bleeding 'til your love fixed this hole
Baby here in my heart
Chapter 5: A new Chapter begins
Aragorn listened with growing concern as Legolas told of his hunt for the Orcs. The news was distressing. A band of wild, dangerous Orcs running about Middle Earth didn't inspire confidence.
As Legolas spoke, his eyes never left Iliayana. She stood across the room from him, beside Arwen. He watched as Iliayana's gaze shifted from the ceiling to floor and back again. He saw her bit her knuckles and thumb nail. He noticed the slight shaking of her hands. But when she began to scratch at the self-inflicted scars on her arms, Legolas made it across the room in three strides. He gripped her wrists in front of her. She looked up into his face. Her eyes spoke to him.
"It hurts." They seemed to whisper.
"I know." The elf's light blue eyes answered in response. Iliayana nodded slowly and her shoulders slumped. Legolas released her wrists and moved till he stood beside her, one comforting hand, resting on her lower back.
Arwen and Aragorn watched this interlude with interest. Neither could read what was being said between the two, but both knew they were communicating in some way. Once it was over, Aragorn spoke.
"What do you propose we do?" he asked Legolas. Legolas glanced at Iliayana, then back at Aragorn. He shrugged.
"We can do nothing. Nothing until they re-appear?"
"Re-appear?" Arwen asked.
"These are Orcs. They will be back. Of that, there is no doubt." Legolas answered.
"Then we can but wait." Aragorn sighed. "Thank you, Legolas." Legolas bowed his head slightly to the Mortal King and left the room, leading Iliayana with him.
"What was that about?" Aragorn asked his wife.
"I don't know. But what ever it was, Legolas knew what he was doing. And it worked."
(
After Legolas had left with Iliayana, he had forced her to eat. She had sat silently, picking at the food, eating barely enough to satisfy Legolas. Once it was obvious she would eat no more, he had given her warm tea, and sent her to bed.
Now he sat before the small fire in Iliayana's rooms. A book was opened on his knees, but he stared into the fire, his thoughts far away. Legolas was, however, drawn back into the present when his sensitive elfish ears picked up the sound of thrashing. He put the book aside, stood and made his way to Iliayana's room. He quietly opened the door, not wanting to wake her.
Legolas watched, unsure what to do, while Iliayana tossed. Suddenly she gave a yell and sat bolt upright. Her eyes meet his and he saw the tear track on her cheeks. He made his way into the room and sat on the bed beside her. Legolas gently brushed sweat streaked hair away from her face.
"It was a dream." He whispered. "It's all over." Iliayana whimpered softly. "What happened in your dream?" Legolas asked.
"Always the same thing." Iliayana's voice was hoarse. "I'm in the Orc lair. I'm chained in a dark room and I can feel pain, like fire prickling under my skin. And there's an Orc standing over me, holding a dagger. It's plain, but there's this pattern on the handle. Like spears. And the Orc is, he's." Iliayana closed her eyes in pain. She said nothing more.
"It's alright now. No one is going to hurt you here. Not while I'm around. Just try to sleep." Iliayana nodded and lay back down. Legolas continued to stroke her hair, watching as her eyes slowly closed and she drifted back into sleep. Legolas sighed and gently kissed her forehead and rose. He moved until he sat in the chair by the bed. That was where he remained that night, watching over Iliayana.
At one point, she cried out and shuddered. Legolas simply reached out and took her hand. She made no other sound after that.
(
Iliayana awoke at dawn. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times, dislodging the sleep. Slowly, she rose, releasing Legolas's hand. He was at present asleep, his own eyes wide and staring.
She moved to the bathroom, where she washed and dressed. Arwen had provided her with plenty of gowns, one of which Iliayana wore now. It was a simple white flowing gown. The sleeves were long, but opened at the elbows to provide extra movement. The gown sat snugly on her hips and chest, giving her a beautiful shape. The neckline was not too low, but it hinted. Iliayana brushed and tightly braided her long hair. Once done, Iliayana made her way back to the bedroom and made her bed. As she did so, Legolas awoke. He watched her work for a few minutes, marvelling at the change a dress could make, before speaking.
"Morning." He smiled. Iliayana jumped. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you." She turned to look at him.
"It's alright. It's just that when you spend time alone, you become used to the silence in the mornings."
"That is something you should never have to get used to." Iliayana smiled slightly.
"But you do."
"You look beautiful." Legolas complimented her. She pursed her lips slightly.
"You don't have to tease."
"I wasn't."
"Really?"
"I just said so, didn't I?" Legolas regarded her for a few minutes before asking: "Have you ever seen the city of Gondor?"
"No," Iliayana said, a bemused expression on her face.
"Then I'll have to show you." With that, Legolas grabbed her hand and led her outside.
It was a charming day with the sun bright and warm overhead. It was also the perfect day for exploring. Legolas showed Iliayana around the bustling city.
As the sun was setting, they returned to the palace. Together, they walked to the bridge that crossed the stream that ran through the gardens. Halfway across, Iliayana stopped and lent on the cool stone railing. Legolas halted beside her. They looked across the water in which the rising moon was reflected.
"It is beautiful." Iliayana sighed.
"That is it." Legolas agreed.
"But not quite the equal of Mirkwood."
"Nothing is that beautiful."
"No, home was more beautiful. On a clear night, you could lie in the grass and stare up at the stars. Or go walking under the moon." Iliayana smiled and laughed softly. Legolas turned, leaning against the railing on his side, watching her. Light was burning in her eyes as she stared across the water. "Father used to get so angry when I slipped out to go walking. Mother would simply laugh and tell me how she used to do the same thing. In autumn, the leaves were gold and red. It was like a sunset everyday. When it snowed at night, my friends and I were always the first ones outside. Just to feel the crisp morning air and see the untrammelled snow. Like a blanket over the morning. And when the snow finally melted, the most beautiful flowers would emerge. I loved it. They used to call me a dreamer." The peace disappeared from her eyes, to be replaced with sorrow. "Now I can no longer dream."
Legolas watched her for a few more seconds before reaching out. He turned her to face him, hands resting on her hips. Slowly, he brought her in, wrapping his arms around her waist. Her arms went around his neck and her forehead rested against his. Raising one hand, Legolas stroked her cheek tenderly.
"You will dream again," he whispered.
"No I wont." Iliayana said softly. She didn't cry. That wasn't what she needed. She just needed to be held and wanted. She needed to know she could still be the same person she once was. That she was still the person she had enjoyed being. Not quite sure how he did, but Legolas understood this and tried his best to provide it. Her eyes searched his for an instant before she moved and rested her head against his shoulder. Legolas's hand travelled from her cheek to her hair.
From the shadows, Arwen watched, not prepared to intrude. Aragorn had sent her to fetch Legolas and Iliayana. He had said it was urgent. But no urgency could force Arwen to interrupt. She waited until Iliayana drew back and smiled lightly at Legolas. Then she moved in.
"Legolas, Iliayana, Aragorn asked that you come to see him." Legolas glanced at her sharply.
"Did he say what it was about?" he asked.
"I can only guess. Come." Again, the two found themselves following Arwen.
Aragorn was standing over a plan when the three entered. He looked up, his face haggard and worn.
"You were right Legolas, they are back." Beside him, Legolas felt Iliayana stiffen. He found her hand and squeezed it.
"Where are they?"
"They hit Yulithia two nights passed. Same as last time. Burned the town to the ground, no evidence of a struggle at the gates. "
"What?" Iliayana's harsh voice interrupted. "What did you say?" she repeated more quietly. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment. It was Legolas who spoke.
"The gates weren't forced. Someone let them in."
"You said, same as the last place? Why?" Now it was Legolas's turn to sigh.
"Because it was the same."
"And you didn't tell me?" Iliayana said angrily.
"We felt it wouldn't be."
"You thought I wouldn't be able to cope?"
"Could you?" Legolas asked truthfully. Iliayana turned away from him.
"It wasn't your decision to make." After that, she fell silent. Legolas turned back to Aragorn.
"Where are they headed?" he asked.
"Kulthis."
"Then we must go there." Aragorn nodded at Legolas's statement.
"I will come with you this time." He said.
"So will I." Iliayana interrupted.
"No." Legolas stated firmly, turning to look at her. She met his eyes determinedly.
"I have to." She said silently.
"You can't." Legolas insisted.
"I can." Iliayana was calm and firm. Aragorn glanced at his wife. Arwen nodded.
"Iliayana will come." He interrupted the silent argument. Legolas spun around, ready to argue.
"She cannot protect herself."
"I can use a bow. My brother taught me. I may not have the marksmanship of an elf, but I am not incapable."
"It is settled then. I will find Iliayana a bow and she can go with you." Arwen finished the conversation. "Now, you will need to leave early. So I suggest that everyone gets some rest."
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you Forgetting all I'm lacking. Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation. You take all of me
now. I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running, not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm stepping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you There's nothing else to lose. There's noting else to find
There's nothing in this world that can change my mind
Chapter 6: Loving you, loving me
Legolas returned to his rooms and packed. He checked over his own bow, making sure no strings were frayed. Then he tested the arrows. Finally he was left with nothing to do but sit. However, Legolas could not feel comfortable. Frustrated, he rose and left the room.
Iliayana didn't hear when he knocked on her door, so he opened and entered. Her things were ready and waiting by the door, a bow and quiver among them. Legolas made his way through the rooms searching. He found her, elbows resting on the balcony railing.
He knew she could tell he was there, because she head turned slightly to the side. He joined her. The sight of her caught his breath. She had released her dark hair and now it fell in sheets down her back, in stark contrast with the pure white of her dress. No longer was she the scared, lost child he had first seen. Iliayana had grown and aged. She was truly beautiful.
"You should have told me." Iliayana said finally.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was just worried."
"I know. But you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'll be fine."
"I'll always worry about you." Legolas said softly. "Do you have to do this?" he asked eventually. Iliayana turned towards him.
"Aren't you the one telling me I need to face my fears, to meet them head on? Not to run away from them?"
"No," Legolas said desperately, putting one hand to her check. "From this you can run." Iliayana gripped the hand against her cheek and kissed it softly.
"I can't run from this. If I do, my nightmares will always hold me." Her face was calm.
"Please?" Legolas whispered.
"I'll be fine. This is what I need to do."
"Nothing is to happen to you." Legolas said determinedly.
"Nothing will." Iliayana promised.
"I can't know that."
"You can. Do you remember the time we spoke by the lake?" Legolas nodded. "And you told me everyone needs to love?" Again, he nodded. "You were right. No one can survive without it. But as hard as I fought it, I have it, so now I can survive." Legolas searched her eyes and took her hands.
"I also said that everyone needed to be loved. You have that too." Iliayana smiled. It was a different smile from all the ones Legolas had seen before. It was pure and sweet with no trace of bitterness of sadness. With it returned the light to her eyes. Legolas also smiled and gently brushed his lips against hers.
"Then you are safe as well." Iliayana whispered. "For you also have both." Legolas laughed softly, not wanting to disturb the moment. And standing there in the moonlight, arms around the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, Legolas kissed Iliayana again.
(
Legolas woke hours before dawn. He rose on his elbows and looked down at Iliayana's peacefully sleeping face. Despite her words of the night before Legolas found it difficult to believe that his love alone could save her from what awaited. In her love, he had no doubt, but in his own.
No. Iliayana must always be safe from pain and loss. He would keep her safe. Gently, Legolas lent down and kissed the soft skin at the base of her throat. She smiled in her sleep and reached out for him. He came willingly, positioning her sleeping form so her head rested on his shoulder. Legolas wrapped both arms around her waist and smiled as she moved closer. One of her hands rested gently against his chest, the touch of her fingertips butterfly soft. It was lying like that, that Legolas succumbed once more to sleep.
When he again awoke, Iliayana was not beside him. He sat up, panicked, then relaxed. He could smell her, hear her, feel her. She was still here somewhere. Legolas rose and dressed, before walking into the kitchen.
Iliayana stood at the counter top, humming off key softly. She was dressed for riding and her hair was damp. Legolas moved up silently behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. He kissed her shoulder. She smiled.
"Morning." She greeted, prying one of his hands away from her waist. She held it up and compared it to hers. Her hands were slightly tanned, while his were white. His fingers were longer, while hers were more slender. "So different..." She whispered.
"And yet the same." Legolas finished, brushing hair out of the way so he could whisper in her ear. Iliayana let his hand go and turned in his arms to face him. He kissed her tenderly.
"We have to leave soon." Iliayana smiled in his hold.
"You have to leave now." A soft voice came from the entrance. Arwen stood there, stunning in pale blue. Iliayana smiled at her and pried herself away from Legolas. She walked from the room to collect her things. Arwen eyed her old friend impishly. "You do her good. I have never seen her smiled like that."
"Good is all I could ever wish to do her." Legolas answered truthfully. Arwen laughed gently.
"Come, you must go." She said finally.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
Chapter 7: Truth speak
It was midday when the hunting party rode past the burned out shell of Hulitim. Iliayana stared from her place in the saddle out across the town that was once her home. She could still see the fierce hungry flames, consuming all that lay in their path. The bitter, pungent smell of burning wood and flesh still hung in the air. Even the horses kept their distance, unprepared to go anywhere near the foul place.
As they passed by, Iliayana refused to turn back. She didn't need to look on that place again to know what happened. She knew that there was nothing left for her there. Nothing.
Her salvation was before her.
Not behind.
Legolas, on the other hand, glanced back many times. Iliayana rode behind him, her head held high and stiff. Her eyes glowed with a strange light. And it wasn't the last time they sparkled like that. When they rode past Yulithia, Iliayana fingered her bow dangerously.
The dark was falling once they reached Kulthis. Everyone dismounted and prepared for battle. The residence of the town would put the hunting party up in their houses. Tents might warn the Orcs that something was wrong.
Iliayana found herself in a small, five-room cottage, much like the one she had been born into. A family of four occupied to house. A mother, father, brother and his younger sister. It was so like her own family that it brought back painful memories. The daughter was younger, around ten and curious. She kept glancing at the female stranger over a silent meal. She was too young to understand what was going on, just that her mommy and daddy were upset about something. She watched as the male stranger with long hair joined them. He sat with the other stranger, talking. Eventually, the youngster's curiosity overcame her.
She walked over to Iliayana, dragging a teddy bear by an ear. She stopped in front of her and Legolas.
"Excuse me, but are you what makes mommy sad?" she asked.
"Kelarndra!" her mother exclaimed, shocked. "Please excuse her, she is young." She apologized. Iliayana waved her off and beckoned to Kelarndra. Kelarndra came hesitantly. Iliayana smiled at her.
"We're not the ones making your mommy sad."
"You're not?" Iliayana shook her head.
"No. We're here to stop your mommy being sad. We've come to protect her." Kelarndra tilted her head to the side, thinking. While she did so, she tugged one shiny brown curl.
"Why aren't you protecting your own mommy?" she asked eventually. Iliayana lifted Kelarndra up and positioned her on her lap.
"Because my mommy's not here."
"Where is she?" Kelarndra asked. Legolas watched Iliayana with interest, wondering what her response would be. He was not the only one. Kelarndra's own mother had seen the flash of pain on Iliayana's face.
"She's gone away." Iliayana answered simply.
"Where."
"I don't know." Iliayana smoothed Kelarndra's curls down.
"What about your daddy?"
"He's gone to."
"Why don't you try and find them?"
"I did." Iliayana's eyes went to the scars on her arms.
"Did you cry when they went away?" Kelarndra's childish voice asked. Iliayana's eyes darkened, remembering those first few days. There had been no tears. Pain, but no tears. But Legolas's coming had changed that. He had opened a wound, and it had bleed salt tears.
"Yes." Legolas understood what she was thinking. He reached out and rested his hand on Iliayana's shoulder. She smiled sadly at him.
"Don't you miss them?"
"I miss them everyday."
"I'm sure they miss you too."
"I'm sure they do." seeing that Iliayana no longer wanted to talk about it, Kelarndra's mother took her child from Iliayana.
"It's time for you to sleep kitten."
"I'm not tired." Kelarndra yawned. Her mother smiled and carried her to her room, leaving Legolas and Iliayana along in the room. Iliayana stood.
"I need some air." She said. Legolas frowned.
"You take your bow, and I come with you." Legolas was firm. Iliayana glared at him.
"I need no protection."
"You're too stubborn for your own good. Either I go with you, or you don't go." Iliayana glared at Legolas again before sighing and collection her bow and quiver. Legolas followed her outside, his own bow in hand.
The night was chilly and dark. Dark clouds overshadowed the mood. They foretold rain in the near future. Not that the light drizzle gave that hint. The couple walked in silence, Legolas watchful, Iliayana thoughtful.
The call of an owl stopped Legolas in his tracks. He reached out and gripped Iliayana's forearm. She halted.
"What? It was an owl."
"No, that was the signal. They come." Iliayana stiffened and notched an arrow to her bow. "Wait." Legolas instructed. "We want to know how they get in undetected." Moving into the shadows, Iliayana and Legolas watched. They did not have long to wait.
From out of the gloom slid a figure. The dark prevented them from seeing features, but they could guess by the walk and stance that the person was male. Unnoticed, the rest of the hunting party joined Iliayana and Legolas. Iliayana could vaguely make out Aragorn on her right.
With little difficulty, the person swung the gates open. They heard grunts and someone talking. Legolas felt Iliayana freeze. She knew that voice.
The Orcs entered, baring rough weapons and burning torches. The leader signalled for the others to spread out.
Aragorn gave the signal.
From the shadows burst forth the hunting party. They attacked the Orcs, using their advantage of surprise.
Iliayana, however, stayed away from the main fighting. She followed the shadow that tried to disappear into the darkness. No one saw her leave.
But someone felt it.
Legolas jerked around, the Orc he had been fighting dead at his feet. He saw Iliayana fading form and moved to intercept her. But an Orc got in his way, forcing the frustrated elf into swordplay.
Iliayana followed closely, keeping to the shadows cast by the walls. The figure lead her to an open space not far from the main fighting. She could still hear the sound of steel clashing against steel.
"I have a shadow." The figure said, keeping his voice low. Iliayana closed her eyes briefly. The rain began to splatter harder; the drops still light enough to pass unnoticed
"I was always your shadow, Zackery." Zackery spun around and his eyes searched the dark.
"Iliayana?" Iliayana emerged from the shadows.
"I'm here."
"Why aren't you...?"
"Dead? Please, you know me better than that." Zackery smiled. "Do you think fire and torture could kill me?"
"You? Maybe. I always thought that strength was a joke."
"It wasn't."
"Are you so sure. You're not the same Iliayana you once were. Something about you is different." Iliayana didn't notice Zackery reaching for something at his belt.
"Lots of things about me are different."
"You're not the dreamer anymore."
"My dreams are gone."
"That's sad, Iliayana. Really sad. You know, they say dreams can come true."
"Maybe they can. But so can nightmares." Zackery slowly began to circle Iliayana, a hand still at his belt. Iliayana's eyes followed his movements. "Why'd you do it?" she asked. Zackery shrugged.
"Do you need an answer?" Iliayana's face-hardened. Why did she want an answer? So she could try and make an excuse for this, this murder. No, she didn't need a reason feel sorry for him. He took her life.
'He gave you another life, a new life. With Legolas.' Another sneaky voice in her head whispered.
"We played together as children. You were one of my best friends. Your sister was supposed to marry my brother. Our mothers would talk for hours while we played. My father helped yours to build your home. We were there at your mother's funeral. I don't want to know why. I have to know." Again, Zackery shrugged.
"Because I couldn't stand any of you."
"What?"
"Your whole family. Your perfect life! Your sickeningly brilliant world." Zackery's eyes flashed. "You had it all. You never knew what it was like to lose someone. So I showed you. I showed all of you."
"You had your family and friends slaughtered, so they would know what it felt like to lose someone they loved?" Iliayana was disgusted.
"Maybe. But after home, it was just fun. The screams, the fire, the begging for mercy, the."
"The power." Iliayana ventured. "You let others kill so you can watch and feel powerful?"
"Why have blood on my own hands?"
"You do, Zackery. Your hands are stained with blood." Iliayana raised her bow and prepared to fire. In an instant, Zackery was inches away from her. In his hand he held a dagger. It was plain steel, but the grip bore the markings of two crossed spears.
It was her dagger. The one that woke her night after night. The one she remembered being in the Orcs lair. The skies rumbled, releasing still more rain, soaking Iliayana's hair and clothes.
"More blood than you can imagine, little Ilia." Zackery whispered, using her old nickname.
"Oh Valar!" Iliayana cried in her head.
(
Standing in the midst of the fighting, Legolas heard her silent cry. He looked over to where he could see two figures, standing close together. Moving as fast as he could. Legolas ran to Iliayana, ignoring the rain that soaked him.
(
"You know the dagger, don't you?" Zackery asked, turning it.
"Well enough." Iliayana answered, trying to keep fear from her voice. "Legolas, were are you?" her mind screamed.
"Oh, I don't think so. See let me show you.." before Iliayana fully knew what was happening, Zackery had plunged the dagger into her chest.
Iliayana's breath caught in her throat, her mouth opened slightly and her eyes went wide. She stood still, her mind catching up with her body.
"Legolas." A small, soft voice cried in her head. She could barely hear the voice herself. It was like it spoke through a haze of pain.
(
From ten feet away, Legolas halted, rain cascading down his face. He saw Iliayana's body tense and stand still as if frozen. In his head, he heard a faint voice calling him. The voice was fading and in agony. He saw Iliayana slip to her knees, the stranger standing over her. As if released from paralysis, Legolas sprang forward, his bow ready.
He released three arrows, all hitting the intended target. Zackery had no chance. He died instantly with a look of satisfaction on his face and the dagger still clutched in his bloodied hand.
Legolas pushed him out of the way and knelt beside Iliayana. He didn't notice the puddles that had been stained red as her blood mixed with the rain and he didn't see the blood that stained his own clothes as he pulled her into his arms. He head lolled against his arm.
"Iliayana?" he called, desperation cracking his voice. She made no reply. "Iliayana?" he cried again, tears mixing with rain on his cheeks. He felt for a pulse.
When the cold of winter comes, Starless nights will cover day. In the veiling of the sun We will walk in bitter rain. But in dreams, I can hear your name And in dreams, We will meet again.
Chapter 9: Sweet Dreams
The brightly shinning sun glinted of the water.
Legolas stood on the bridge that crossed the stream and wondered how day could possibly be so dark. Where once he had held Iliayana in his arms, he now stood alone, watching as his world slowly crumbled.
Legolas had watched as his lover was laid to rest. His beautiful raven haired angel, with her ice blue eyes. Never again would he speak to her, never would he hold her.
He felt his chest tighten as he thought of Iliayana, fallen early. Iliayana had died as anonymously as she lived, fighting death till the end. Her last few struggled breaths had been torture to watch, blood dripping from her mouth as she coughed, her whole body shaking in his arms. She had tried to speak, calling his name though a fog, clinging tightly to him. Her voice had been urgent, desperate, frantic and insistent.
But she had quietened eventually.
Legolas had watched, helpless, as the woman he had promised to protect with his love, had died. He had seen the life fleeing her body. And he had died along with her. In the rain-drenched night, two souls had escaped. One to a place of eternal light, of love and joy. The other to a cold, dark place, where lonely souls walked.
A life of eternity was a curse. A barrier that prevented him from being with Iliayana.
But she had given him something. Something more precious than anything he had ever known. She gave him memories. And in the depth of the night, those memories would become dreams. And in his dreams, Legolas would never be alone.
At least his dreams would be sweet.
