Disclaimer: still don't own LotR

*

Ew, Blaire thought to herself the next morning. Ew ew ew ew ew. I slept with the Dark Lord. Ew ew ew ew ew. EW!

She stood in the bathroom brushing her hair. Luckily, she'd showered. Otherwise, she'd be completely disgusted the entire day. Sauron wasn't up yet, so Blaire took advantage of that and slipped out of his private study and went down the three thousand, four hundred eighty nine stairs she'd counted last night and found the kitchen. The orc cook looked at her a little funny, but she glared at him and grabbed an apple, which seemed to be the only edible thing in the entire kitchen. She then went to the Hall, where the orc captains and the Nazgul ate their meals with the Dark Lord.

She took the seat available next to the Witch King. "Good morning," she said pleasantly.

He snickered. "Good morning," he said, trying not to laugh. The rest of the Ringwraiths snorted into their meals.

Blaire narrowed her eyes. "What's your problem?"

"Oh nothing," Ringwraith Number Two said. (A/N: what you can't see in the movie is the large yellow numbers painted on their cloaks. And also, they're not old. They're young.and pretty damn hot. And their voices aren't scary like in the movie).

"What?" Blaire said indignantly.

"Our meeting with Sauron got canceled last night," Ringwraith Number Seven replied with a grin.

"And?"
"Our meetings only get canceled if Sauron has more important business. And the only more important business he's got than us is women," the Witch King informed her.

"Glad to see that I'm a priority," Blaire replied cheerily.

Ringwraith Number Nine was shaking his head. "That's what the last girl said. She only lasted a week."

"I'm only gonna last a night," Blaire muttered, softly enough so that the Nazgul didn't hear her.
When Sauron got downstairs that morning, Blaire was already done with breakfast and was outside dueling with the Ringwraiths. She was doubled over laughing at the Witch King's mock death at her hands.

"Having fun?" Sauron asked menacingly. No one intruded on his territory, and that included the Nazgul.

They immediately stopped laughing and stiffened up under the Dark Lord's intense glare.

Blaire waved her hand impatiently. "Oh come on, we were just having fun. No need to worry," she said. "I don't want any of them."

Sauron raised an eyebrow.

Blaire walked over to him and kissed his cheek. "Come on, let's go for a walk. You can give me the grand tour of Mordor." She turned him around and off they went. She peeked over her shoulder and mouthed at the Ringwraiths, Don't worry! She liked them. They were fun.
The grand tour of Mordor ended with the finale of Mount Doom. Sauron was a little apprehensive (and with good reason) of showing her his mountain, but she threatened that he wouldn't get any that night if he didn't show her.

He readily agreed.

They were standing on the ledge overlooking the swirls of molten rock and lava of Mount Doom. "So," Sauron said, pulling Blaire into his arms and looking her in the eye. "What's your deal with my Ring?"

"I wanted you to prove to me that I'm more important than that silly Ring," she replied.

"Ahh, I see," he said. No, he didn't, but he was a damn good liar.

"But I have to admit, you aren't doing a very good job of it, because I know that you got up last night and went rooting through my clothes for the Ring."

He kissed her and replied, "Oh, I'm sorry dear."

"Are you really?"

"Mmmhmm," he replied and kissed her again.

"Well, I have to tell you that I haven't been completely honest with you either."

Sauron drew back a little bit. Considering the subject, he was a little worried. "You haven't."

Blaire shook her head, then backed out of his arms and reached into the pocket of her favorite pair of jeans. Out came the Ring. It took all of Sauron's might not to reach out and grab it.

Blaire was looking at it thoughtfully. "All this trouble for a little gold ring?"

"It's not so little," Sauron replied, now getting pretty panicky.

"I mean, what could be so important?"

Sauron was getting really close to strangling her and running off with the Ring, his one true love.

"So let's test your dedication." With that, she hauled back and threw the Ring as hard as she could into the fire.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY RING!" Sauron screamed. He reached out to grab Blaire and slit her traitorous throat, but just then the Ring touched the boiling lava below, and he seized, a blinding light rushing into him, then exploding. A great wind blew out, and Blaire was knocked off her feet and nearly fell into the Cracks of Doom herself. Once the wind had subsided, Blaire picked herself up and dusted off her clothes. "Well, that's what you get when you trust an American with the Ring you've bound your life force to," she said sardonically.

And she walked out of Mount Doom. Orcs rushed her, but the explosions of power that kept radiating out of Mount Doom took them all down. Blaire seemed immune, along with the Nazgul, who, instead of attacking her, protected her from the orcs.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked the Witch King.

He shrugged and took down an orc. "Because Sauron was the biggest bastard who ever lived. Because I had no faith in him anymore. And because he wasn't right. Do you have any idea how long I'd waited for someone to be brave enough to do that?"

Blaire was shocked. The shock wore off after a few minutes, and finally they got to the fortress to release her friends. They, along with the Nazgul, mounted horses and headed off to Minas Tirith to spread the good news.