~*~... Heaven Knows ...~*~
by: say-chan
~*~... silent assassin ...~*~
pairing: Koshino / Kourin
genre: hopefully a tearjerker, angst
inspiration: Daijoubu from Boys Be, I Wish & Inoru Aishiteru from Fushigi Yuugi, Carry On from Hunter X Hunter (OAV) and Scarlet from Ayashi no Ceres
Spoiler: This is so crappy. I mean it.
Synopses: Fame, fortune, glory. One thing a geek like her could never have. But why is the world so cruel to her? Why are her loved ones so hard to reach? But it was proved wrong... Everything changed.**Kourin: Is fate playing with my destiny? Or is my destiny supposed to be ruined by fate?**
Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehito Inoue and those songs above belong to their respective animes.
~*~... Pain ... ~*~
**Kourin**
This is too much to take. I don't know. I'm so much confused. I know, I'm making my grandfather happy with those high grades of mine but what about me? It's just reciprocated with so much fear and suffering. Sociability isn't a problem. I know, I have the most wonderful friends ever in my entire life. But when those kind of people turn against you for no logical reason--- it makes me feel so... unwelcome... so--- uninvited. So wrong.
My second year in this plagued high school life made it's way with so much uncertainty. I'm so confused. But people just turn away from me with those threatening eyes of them. Spitting at the mere sight of my shadow--- Vomiting at--- at the very mention of my name. 'Kourin's like this.' 'Kourin's like that.' It's so--- annoying.
It has been distressing me since the first year and I don't think I can take it anymore. I feel like my head's just going to explode at this simple second. I can't take it any more. Why do I have to suffer all the curses that my mother heaved against me when I was so innocent and knew nothing about how this world could be so cruel to me.
Why so I feel so alone? Why do I feel so empty inside? As if there's something lacking, something missing beneath all the suffering I've been feeling. Why does my heart beat so fast when I see him? Why does everything feel so right when he's there? Why does it seem like I've forgotten about everything when he speaks? But--- he's so hard to reach. Oh Koshino, how I wish you would notice me with just one single glance. What am I talking about? This is insanity.
Dreaming of something that's out of my reach is so--- unrealistic. It has always happened to me. But why do we have dreams when they don't even come true? Why does it feel like you have nothing to gain? Why does life have to be this cruel?
Why does the truth hurt? Why do bad things happen when it feels like everything's so great? Why does my heart have to be broken every time I feel this chill run down my spine?
I haven't had enough. I'm like a walking shadow of the past. Returning and haunting every thing that I did before. Killing myself over and over again. I've been hurt by the flame countless times before, but why won't I stop? Why won't I stop being such a fool and enslaving myself in this stupid fire they call love? Why do I have to go back and experience so much pain the second time around?
Is there really a 'they lived happily ever after' in my life? Is there really hope when everything feels so impossible? Is there really a light beneath all darkness? Is there really truth beneath all lies? And will it hurt when I know it? Is there really happiness after all sorrow? Do I really have to experience suffering before contentment?
Everything is so blurred--- so unclear to me. I don't know if I want to quit and die or continue living my life like hell. I know I'm nuisance. I know I'm a burden. But why am I not doing something about it? Is it because I'm too weak to even try? Or too concious to even dare?
Maybe because I'm too afraid to go on. Yeah, that's it. With all the experiences in my secluded life, I don't even want to move. Because I know there's something that will come. Something bad that will happen even with the mere hint of my presence. Why am I like that? Why am I doing this to myself? I don't even know. myself.
A/N: Poor Kourin... But does she really deserve to live? I don't know myself. Please review. Tell me, do I have to continue?
by: say-chan
~*~... silent assassin ...~*~
pairing: Koshino / Kourin
genre: hopefully a tearjerker, angst
inspiration: Daijoubu from Boys Be, I Wish & Inoru Aishiteru from Fushigi Yuugi, Carry On from Hunter X Hunter (OAV) and Scarlet from Ayashi no Ceres
Spoiler: This is so crappy. I mean it.
Synopses: Fame, fortune, glory. One thing a geek like her could never have. But why is the world so cruel to her? Why are her loved ones so hard to reach? But it was proved wrong... Everything changed.**Kourin: Is fate playing with my destiny? Or is my destiny supposed to be ruined by fate?**
Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehito Inoue and those songs above belong to their respective animes.
~*~... Pain ... ~*~
**Kourin**
This is too much to take. I don't know. I'm so much confused. I know, I'm making my grandfather happy with those high grades of mine but what about me? It's just reciprocated with so much fear and suffering. Sociability isn't a problem. I know, I have the most wonderful friends ever in my entire life. But when those kind of people turn against you for no logical reason--- it makes me feel so... unwelcome... so--- uninvited. So wrong.
My second year in this plagued high school life made it's way with so much uncertainty. I'm so confused. But people just turn away from me with those threatening eyes of them. Spitting at the mere sight of my shadow--- Vomiting at--- at the very mention of my name. 'Kourin's like this.' 'Kourin's like that.' It's so--- annoying.
It has been distressing me since the first year and I don't think I can take it anymore. I feel like my head's just going to explode at this simple second. I can't take it any more. Why do I have to suffer all the curses that my mother heaved against me when I was so innocent and knew nothing about how this world could be so cruel to me.
Why so I feel so alone? Why do I feel so empty inside? As if there's something lacking, something missing beneath all the suffering I've been feeling. Why does my heart beat so fast when I see him? Why does everything feel so right when he's there? Why does it seem like I've forgotten about everything when he speaks? But--- he's so hard to reach. Oh Koshino, how I wish you would notice me with just one single glance. What am I talking about? This is insanity.
Dreaming of something that's out of my reach is so--- unrealistic. It has always happened to me. But why do we have dreams when they don't even come true? Why does it feel like you have nothing to gain? Why does life have to be this cruel?
Why does the truth hurt? Why do bad things happen when it feels like everything's so great? Why does my heart have to be broken every time I feel this chill run down my spine?
I haven't had enough. I'm like a walking shadow of the past. Returning and haunting every thing that I did before. Killing myself over and over again. I've been hurt by the flame countless times before, but why won't I stop? Why won't I stop being such a fool and enslaving myself in this stupid fire they call love? Why do I have to go back and experience so much pain the second time around?
Is there really a 'they lived happily ever after' in my life? Is there really hope when everything feels so impossible? Is there really a light beneath all darkness? Is there really truth beneath all lies? And will it hurt when I know it? Is there really happiness after all sorrow? Do I really have to experience suffering before contentment?
Everything is so blurred--- so unclear to me. I don't know if I want to quit and die or continue living my life like hell. I know I'm nuisance. I know I'm a burden. But why am I not doing something about it? Is it because I'm too weak to even try? Or too concious to even dare?
Maybe because I'm too afraid to go on. Yeah, that's it. With all the experiences in my secluded life, I don't even want to move. Because I know there's something that will come. Something bad that will happen even with the mere hint of my presence. Why am I like that? Why am I doing this to myself? I don't even know. myself.
A/N: Poor Kourin... But does she really deserve to live? I don't know myself. Please review. Tell me, do I have to continue?
