~*~... Heaven Knows ...~*~

by: say-chan

~*~... silent assassin ...~*~

pairing: Koshino / Kourin

genre: hopefully a tearjerker, angst

inspiration: Daijoubu from Boys Be, I Wish & Inoru Aishiteru from Fushigi Yuugi, Carry On from Hunter X Hunter (OAV) and Scarlet from Ayashi no Ceres

Spoiler: This is so crappy. I mean it.

Synopses: Fame, fortune, glory. One thing a geek like her could never have. But why is the world so cruel to her? Why are her loved ones so hard to reach? But it was proved wrong... Everything changed.**Kourin: Is fate playing with my destiny? Or is my destiny supposed to be ruined by fate?**

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehito Inoue and those songs above belong to their respective animes. [pic]



~*~... Dreams ...~*~



**Kourin**

I really didn't care what happened to that stupid damned couple or what became of them. Oh well, I guess I didn't deserve him. Or did I? There was a certain blankness inside of my head--- no in my heart. He was missing. I don't know. But having someone else and not him was so--- different. I used to have real problems about him--- and her. How the hell shouldn't I be?

Love has been so much pain to me. I keep myself from falling ever again. But I still did. I fell for him. Koshino Hiroaki. His brilliant jet-black hair, his beautiful cobalt-blue eyes, his confident smile... He's almost everything I've dreamed about. The way he wore that number 6 jersey and ran around that basketball court, it's like he's the only one there.

I love him. I love him so much. Late at night, as the cold winds shattered upon the windows of my room, I wake up and remember him. I was dreaming of him again.

Once, in a cold night of December. I sat bolt upright, trying to remember my dream. I was alone at the playground, crying and lamenting about my father. Asking all the questions that bothered my simple mind. "Kourin! Kourin!" Suddenly, a voice was calling me. Then I looked up. He was there. Offering his hand to me with a slight gesture. I took his hand in mine.

The scene then changed to a late spring when I was eating my lunch alone on the shade of a sakura tree. Beautiful pink sakura flowers fell from it's branches with their blossoming scent everywhere. Then, there he was again, sitting down beside me, telling jokes and simple stories that made my heart fly.

The scene again changed when I was alone on the park again. Sitting alone when a person suddenly dragged me to the forest. The person started hitting me, scolding me and cursing me. I closed my eyes tighter. The voice sounded familiar. It was my mother.

But then a bright light shone and I saw his smile. Koshino's smile. Koshino then kneeled in front of me and hugged me. My eyes were wet with tears. Nothing could ever explain the feeling of being enveloped in his arms. So warm, so caring. But then everything darkened. All I saw was the evil and laughing faces of my mother and my classmates. Scorning me, taunting me, cursing me.

I opened my eyes with a start. It was all just a dream. My grandfather came in and looked at me. Comforted me as I cried. And just that moment, I felt safe.

But the next day, he died. He died because of a heart attack. I didn't help but cry. There was no one with me again. The only person that loved me and understood me for who I was, died. My grandfather died. God, why do you have to do this to me? I'm all alone. With no one to help me, no one to care for me.

Why did he have to die? Why did he have to leave me? Why? There were so many questions in the depths of my heart that I couldn't even explain what's in it. The feeling of being so alone, The feeling of losing someone that's so close to your heart... I--- I don't want it!!!

Why do I have to lose everything? Why do I have to lose the last person that even cared for me like this? Why do I have to experience so much pain in my heart? Why?! Damn it!

Why do I have to be so forsaken? Why do I have to be left alone? Why do I have to live my life this way? I mean, I'm living a conceited life. I'm living for nothing. What can I do? Unless I complain, I guess I'll just shut my stupid mouth and carry on. Carry on living my life in vain. With nothing to live for. With no cause whatsoever. There's nothing I can even do. Nothing.



A/N: How true and ever so sad... Reviews pleez? And can anyone get me another tissue? *sniff sniff* I can relate to everything Kourin feels.