~*~... Heaven Knows ...~*~

by: say-chan

~*~... silent assassin ...~*~

pairing: Koshino / Kourin

genre: hopefully a tearjerker, angst

inspiration: Daijoubu from Boys Be, I Wish & Inoru Aishiteru from Fushigi Yuugi, Carry On from Hunter X Hunter (OAV) and Scarlet from Ayashi no Ceres

Spoiler: This is so crappy. I mean it.

Synopses: Fame, fortune, glory. One thing a geek like her could never have. But why is the world so cruel to her? Why are her loved ones so hard to reach? But it was proved wrong... Everything changed.**Kourin: Is fate playing with my destiny? Or is my destiny supposed to be ruined by fate?**

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehito Inoue and those songs above belong to their respective animes.





~*~... The Cause ...~*~





**Kourin**

One day, like the any others, I was sitting alone at the porch, with no one. Dried leaves fluttered everywhere at the deserted dojo. The wind was playing with my jet black hair. I remembered my grandfather. It has been 2 months since he died, but I still can't forget him. Tears trickled down my face as he entered my mind again.

Why does everything feel so blank? Why do I feel so despised? Why do I need to feel this way? Why do I need to suffer these kinds of consequences? Why does my life have to be this cruel? Why do I have to be so alone? GOD, DAMN IT!!! I feel so much hatred like I want to rip my heart out this very instant and die. But I don't have enough courage to even dare. Why do I feel like almost everyone's taking all the strength in me? Why do I feel so weak when I see their faces? Why am I so afraid when someone stared at me? Why does it have to crush my spirits and minimize my courage? Why do I have to feel like this? Is this a curse that I have to burden my life with? Why is it when everything seems so close, they're too far for me to reach? Is fate playing with my destiny? Or is my destiny supposed to be ruined by fate?

*No my dear.* I heard his calm voice again. My grandfather's. *It is called life. If you let those people crush your spirits then you don't deserve to live... But you do.*

What if I really don't? What if I'm destined to have the world's cruelty on my back? Why do I hurt other people when I don't even mean to? With just a simple stare? Why is it when I don't even give my own opinion they think I'm mad? Why does this hell they call life hurt so much?

*Of course it hurts... You're not the only one who lives to survive... Some live on people's hatred, pain and loneliness... You just have to go on with you so-called destiny and live your life as you see it.*

I don't feel like I want to live in this kind of environment. Everything feels so blank, so empty. I feel so alone. As if everyone wants me to die. As if everyone wants me alone to suffer. Oji-chan, I want to die.

*Aren't you afraid of hell?* The question made me quiver and sent me thinking. I am not afraid of hell because I'm living like it now. *You'll never imagine.* I have experienced. *Stop living like this, Kourin.* What am I to do? *I have to go now.* Wait! Oji-chan! I want to go with you! Let me die! Don't leave me alone! Oji-chan!

I stood up. My mind was playing tricks with me again. Stop living like this, Kourin. Those words were echoing in my mind. Ringing over and over. What did my grandfather mean? What was I to do about it? I sighed. Is it really okay for me? Is it really okay if I let myself be destroyed by those people? But that was my life. It was everything I've hated. Now it's coming to me. Why?

A few weeks after, someone came with a knock on the door. A young gentleman was standing on the door, carrying a bouquet of roses. Brilliant azure blue eyes and radiant jet-black hair. I looked up. My black hair clinging onto my tear-stricken face. Then--- I fainted.

I woke up some time later. It was about midnight. I saw a very blurry sight of him. Koshino Hiroaki. Tending me and taking care of me. I felt the touch of a cold, moist towel hit my forehead. My jade green eyes glistened in the darkness as crystal tears fell from it. 'Are you an angel? Am I in heaven?' I asked. Koshino looked at me with a smile on his face. 'This is not heaven yet. And I'm no angel.' 'Oh, so It's still the plain old Ningenkai is it? So then, who are you? I haven't got any food or money. Take all you want.' 'Is that what you think I am?' 'No one really cares for me, who would?' 'Someone you really don't know yet.' 'The devil? I've known him all my life.' 'Why are you like that Kourin? Why do you hate the world so much?' 'Because the world has been bringing me nothing but suffering since I knew it.'

Koshino stopped at my words. 'It's not like that...' he began to say. 'Then how is it? Koshino, I won't fall for any of your practical jokes or anything. Please just go.' I said, pointing out to the door. 'I won't go.' he said firmly. I stood up but dizziness still overcame me. I fell down in his arms.

There was silence for about 10 minutes. Then he broke it when he said 'I know it's really like that Kourin, but is it really okay that they do those things to you?' 'No, you don't know half of it.' 'I have known, Kourin, believe me.' 'Why would I?' 'I care for you, Kourin, open your heart. There are a lot of people who do.' 'You're joking Koshino.' 'I'm not.'

It was the first time I ever heard those words come out from anybody's mouth. I thought nobody cared. But here he was. The guy I least expected to care for me, to even know me, telling me he cares. Koshino. 'So you really...?' I asked. Koshino didn't reply. But unexpectedly, he hugged me.

The feeling was incomparable. Nothing could ever replace what I was feeling now. The warmth of care, the tenderness of love, the sweetness of concern. It was all I could ever imagine. All I could ever dream about. All that I could ever desire.

And for the first time ever in my entire life... I felt that chill down my spine that I was waiting for. That feeling that makes my heart beat fast. He gave it to me. Koshino Hiroaki.

A/N: Fine, fine. Is this the end? Nope. Happiness doesn't last forever. Or does it? Await Kourin's fate in the epilogue. Yeah, Koshino's, too. Credits to Kuroro for doing the dialogue of 'oji-chan'. ^-^ Do I really have to continue this? *scratches head* Reviews pleez?? Oh, yeah. The next chapter will probably be the last. --say