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Title: Things Unspoken
Author: Keithan
Disclaimers: Lord of the Rings and its characters belongs to their respective owners.
Rating: PG-13
Series: 3/5
Warnings: This fic contains nothing graphic but involves certain matters, such as male to male relationships, that some might find offensive. Thus, this should be read only upon agreeing that one must proceed with an open mind and could accept the things mentioned above.
Summary: Aragorn slowly learns once again of his feelings, pure and untainted, for Legolas, who out of respect and love, stays clear off his path sacrificing his own feelings for both the Man and Arwen.

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THINGS UNSPOKEN__________
part 3: blinding obscurities

My heart was heavy of the grief it carries. A grief so great it pulled me down to the ground and beyond, and continued to do so, because of the great emotions it was calling for. Not even the sight of the sun's light could lift me up from where I'd plummeted with my sorrow and pain.

The light was not very welcomed, as we had thought it would be after spending days in darkness. In fact, our escape from the mines was left ignored as the pain of loss ate us away. What we felt could not be even put into words, for what are they but only a limited way of expressing one's self?

Gandalf had fallen.

The Fellowship once nine, was down to eight. And it brought not only tears to our eyes but sorrow to our soul as well. We'd lost a vital member of the Company: a guide, a companion, and a friend.

I lost a friend so dear to me, and the mere thought of it could bring me to my knees in endless crying had I not lived the life of a Ranger and learned to cope up with things the world throws upon my path.

With all my will power, I stood tall on a rock, overlooking a course that we would have to pass. Silently listening to the sobs of Frodo as he was calmed and comforted by Boromir, and the soft crying of the other hobbits, I mourned with them.

We had stopped there longer than what we thought, for it was only until we were free from the darkness' hold that grief came upon us with a crashing force, leaving the whole Fellowship in silent weeping. Gimli sank down into a rock, unable to stand any longer as I could see despair filled his face. Boromir, a man much like myself, stood behind Frodo in silent agony, head bowed and his eyes were distant. Legolas' face portrayed his sadness as he passed his pain-filled eyes over the Company, before casting them down to the ground and he grieved himself.

With Gandalf's fall, the burden of leadership was upon my shoulders. A burden I would not willingly take if I had a choice. But even then, I still had to. I held a responsibility over them and it was not my nature to shy away from what I was tasked to do.

"Legolas," I called, not looking over my shoulder, for I feared that I might break down in tears once I take one look at them. When I knew he turned to me, I asked him to get the others ready. 

"Give them a moment for pity's sake!" Boromir cried out, his own voice filled with the sorrow each of us shared. Legolas was already getting the hobbits up on their feet, gently comforting them as well. I would have wanted for us to stay much longer, giving each of us time to cope up with the loss. But the light was not going to last forever, and the area wouldn't be safe if we stayed much longer.

I looked at him and said, "Orcs would be swarming these lands by nightfall. We could not risk staying here any longer." I resheathed the sword I didn't notice I was still holding. "Come, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, get them up." The man of Gondor bowed his head in acceptance as he moved to help in getting all of us ready.

The blanket that covered us, once fear, was now overwhelmed by sadness. And I knew that the days ahead would reflect what it was that we held now in our hearts and minds with the loss of a valued companion. Our quest had made a drastic turn from what it was before.

I turned my eyes to the horizon before me. I would have to prepare myself for the journey that we would have to continue. I only prayed that I would be able to lead this quest with enough wisdom for us to choose the right choices and the right paths, or rather the best choices and the best paths.

"Gandalf, give me the strength to continue what you started."

'Everything is ready, Aragorn.' I heard Legolas' voice just behind me and somehow, the smooth flow of Elvish words calmed me. But his melodious voice that once brought joy to my heart every time it reaches my ears, especially when directed at me, was stuck on a tone that could only mean sorrow and grief. And although it brought calmness to my otherwise raging emotions, this only reminded me of my own sorrow, and it nearly succeeded in bringing me down to my sadness.

"I only hope I am as well." I said softly, mostly to myself. I know naught of the troubles we were bound to face, and thinking about it made me hesitant as I already was. I was ready to continue, yes, ready to lead them. But I didn't know if I would be ready to face another loss if it walked to us again. Yet I knew, in this journey, I had no choice but to be ready for all things, be it good or ill.

Legolas took a step to stand beside me, his hand unintentionally brushing mine as he did so. 'You are not alone, my friend.' he said, his voice as soft as the softly blowing wind. His keen eyes were focused on the vast lands that lie before us, seemingly looking for comfort in the greens of the forests. "You have us with you."

I looked at him then, feeling the the grief slowly hiding itself away somewhere within me.

His touch brought back feelings other than grief to my heart and body, and his words brought back strength to my soul like no other could. And I found the courage to hold my head up high again, knowing I stood beside him, beside them all. This event would certainly not be forgotten. We would forever carry the pain of loss with every enemy we slay, and every choice we would have to make.

I looked at him, and he turned to meet my eyes. My sorrow was reflected in his own eyes but I saw there a friend ready to support me through this all. I smiled softly, thankful for his friendship. I looked back at the rest of the Company, and each of them meeting my eyes showed respect for me as their guide, and comfort as their friend.

"Gandalf the Grey, I would try my best to be the leader you would have wanted me to be. Know in our hearts, your memory would forever stay."

The soft cracking of the leaves beneath our feet seemed to be part of a natural orchestra in the lands of Lothlórien. The singing of the flowing rivers, and the delicate melody of nature filled the surroundings.

It brought peace to my troubled soul. This quest had gone on long enough, yet still not halfway through. And as my body released the weariness it carried, the grief of loss slowly took its place.

The faint singing voices of the Elves, sweet and melodious, reached our ears. I turned and looked up to where it was from, as did the others, captivated by such beautiful sounds. It was a song in their own tongue, and I try to listen to its words.

Our own Elf companion, standing a few steps ahead from where I sat, was also listening. After a while, I saw him turn his head away sadly and closed his eyes.

"A lament for Gandalf.." He whispered.

My ears heard the melody and my mind interpreted the words.

"Mithrandir, Mithrandir, O Pilgrim Grey!"

"What does it say?" Frodo asked clearly addressing the question to Legolas. He did not fully understand what it meant. He raised his hopeful eyes to the Elf.

I watched Legolas as he opened his eyes and raised his head to the hobbit. I awaited his answer, for I knew that the song was a song of lamentation, and it neither brought comfort nor peace to him as his eyes show.

Legolas shook his head once. "I have not the heart nor skill to interpret it for you." he said softly. I looked at him intently as sorrow passed through his eyes. I knew fully well that he could interpret the song, but he just refused to do so. He turned back to where the singing came from. "My heart believes 'tis still a matter for tears and not yet for song."

"Can't you even translate a few words?" Pippin asked suddenly without even thinking. I looked at him to silently reprimand him, but I saw it was not needed as Merry elbowed him lightly in the stomach.

"Nay. I cannot. The grief is still too near."

We fell into silence after that. No one had the heart to speak.

I felt the sleep slowly leaving my body as I opened my eyes to greet the darkness still. The sun had not yet risen, and the moon was still in the sky. I looked around and the others were still deep in their slumber.

Legolas was not among them. Instead of being worried of his absence, as I normally would have been for a missing companion, I just wondered where he would be at this time. It was just natural to find him missing for he would probably seek solace in these woods, or with his own kin.

I stood up quietly, rubbing the sleep from my face, and headed out of the pavilion. I needed time to think of everything that had happened. I needed time to fully be aware of the great responsibility that had been passed on to me.

The feeling of the cool night air on my face soothed my rested but still weary body, and calmed my soul. I took in a deep breath, savoring the smell of nature in this peaceful environment.

Leaving the pavilion, I hadn't expected to spot the Elf sitting a few feet ahead on a log, back turned to me. He had his gaze set on something in the distance. His bow and arrows laid beside him yet he seemed to have no intention of picking them up anytime soon.

I was torn between ignoring him and staying with him and keep him company. The thought of him wanting to be alone prevented me from just sauntering over.

But alas! My heart had already chosen even before my mind began the process of thinking.

I walked over and stood behind him but he didn't give any recognition of my presence. Before I spoke, I told myself not to mention any matter that would bring about grief. Thus, our fallen comrade would remain only in my mind and I was sure, in his as well, and would only be uttered when the subject would call for it. I no longer wished to bring grief to him as well as to myself.

"What are you doing here, Legolas?" I asked. "Aren't you going to give your body a rest as well as your mind?" This was our first night within these borders and this was the first night I could drop my guard and be at ease. No evil would come upon us as long as we stayed here, and finding him not resting at all confused me.

He didn't answer, nor did he give me a sign that he had heard what I said. A few moments passed, and he let out a soft sigh. "The trees call for me, and I can do nothing but succumb to their bidding." He finally said. His voice only a whisper, he did not turn to face me. "I find peace here, and peace does not come often in this journey. I wish to experience this night free from troubles with myself aware of it." I smiled slightly. It was just like him to prefer to spend such serenity within these borders awake, rather than sleeping.

I stepped over the log and sat beside him. I turned my eyes to admire the forest before us. "Then allow me to share the peace with you."

I felt him turn to me as he gave me a glance. "If you wish." He said, before looking back. I turned to him this time, and was almost surprised to see his hair flowing freely without any bands to hold them back. The soft breeze caressed his golden tresses and it surrendered to its invisible touch, flowing without restraint.

My breath was caught in my throat in seeing him. Innocence, he showed and beauty, he portrayed.

He turned to face me then, probably feeling my eyes on him. "Is something the matter?" he asked.

Trying not to make a fool out of myself, I shook my head and smiled. "I never thought I'd see your hair unbraided and out of its band," I said instead.

He looked at me in mild surprise, as if realizing that I just saw his hair down for the first time. His hands lifted and stopped. It looked like he planned to fix his hair back, but then just decided to let it be. He smiled softly before turning his eyes to where it was laid before. "'Tis a sign of my unwariness, Aragorn. Be glad you don't see it often in this quest." He said as he raised his hand and combed it smoothly through his hair, which fell back nicely on his shoulders as if it had a will of its own.

"Sign of unwariness?" I asked, surprised at how he could consider the state of his hair as such. But even so, it seemed appropriate, for he looked so innocent as a child, and as fragile as a glass with his hair unbound. Any trace of the admirable fighter and the skilled archer in him had receded deeper into himself, letting the more vulnerable side of the Prince to the surface.

"No one, save the people who raised me, had seen my hair in such state of undress." said he. "I made it a point to keep my hair out of my face every time. I'm an archer, an archer of royal blood, no less. I never let it down in public. So does many other male elves, for that matter."

I smiled, a light of understanding came to me. Although others might not see the connection at all. I was a soldier in a battlefield too, and I also had my own 'signs of unwariness'. And I noticed that most male Elves, especially a warrior and combatant like him, were fond of keeping their hair in such a way it would not hinder any movements at the same time giving the look of nobility and dignity.

Having been raised in the House of Elrond, I hadn't really given it much notice before. But indeed, I rarely saw Elladan and Elrohir's hair undone. I did not know the exact reasons behind, or if there were any. But in Legolas' case, it was his sign of unwariness, a sign that he was letting his guard down for just short moments.

I now knew what he had intended to do when he lifted his hands. He had every intention to put his hair back again upon realizing it was down before someone else. Yet he didn't. He chose to let it be. I felt so trusted. My heart sang its joy for that trust, if there was indeed any. He had allowed me this brief moment to see him not just as the fighter in a battlefield, but everything that was he.

"Then it is to my greatest honor," I said lightly and jokingly to mask the seriousness of my thanks. "To be able to see you right now."

He let out a soft laugh. "Do not push your luck, son of Arathorn, you've learned too much for one night." He said, telling me, albeit not straightforwardly, that he no longer wished to reveal other unknown things about himself. "Braided or not, you'll have an arrow pointed at your throat if you say anything more about my hair." Threatening me good-naturedly, he slightly flipped his hair from his shoulders with a movement of his head.

I laughed myself, joining him. "'Tis good to talk to you of things besides danger and peril, Legolas." I answered, not venturing further into the topic in respect to his privacy. "I hope we could do this more often."

"The road to danger is the path we're taking, and I fear that times like this would be less and less as the days pass by." he said, smile fading from his face and shadowing the light mood in just one swift statement. Then, as if realizing the change, he quickly added, smiling once again, "Though I believe talking about my hair isn't what you meant."

I laughed softly. "Surely, such trivial things aren't as insignificant as we perceived them to be." I said. Truly, the talk about his hair opened doors to a part of his being which I hadn't known before.

"It depends on how such things are discussed, Aragorn," He countered. "Non-trivial matters could be unimportant if the turn of discussion leads them to be so."

Why, oh, why must any private conversation I participated in be turned into something of an intellectual discussion, an exchange of words filled with wit and meaning other than its literal one?

"Yes, but sometimes, such turns are necessary," I answered. "In order to have a wider grasp and understanding of the concept of the reality that's being discussed."

"True," He said, shrugging a bit, letting his body relax in an almost childish manner. "Still, the borders of reality and fantasy are so faint one might miss it if he doesn't give a closer look."

I stopped for a moment before answering. His words were screaming for it to be remembered and understood. It ruled the connection of the mind to the outside world, whether or not we choose to live in fantasy or reality.

"The truth in your words is grave. Such is the way of life." I said, remembering my musings for the past days. "Fortunate is the one who could distinguish where one ends and the other begins, without spending much time dwelling on it." I said, thinking how unfortunate I was if that would be the case, for I had been trying to do that for a while now, trying to see where one ends and the other begins, but I was yet to succeed.

He looked at me and said. "And fortunate is the one who dwells on it to be able to separate one from the other, rather than the one who doesn't even try."

I opened my mouth to answer, but closed it again for no answer was forthcoming. If his words were true, then I'd like to believe I'd be fortunate enough to find light to know where my true-or better yet-greater emotions lie.

"One thing outweighs the other, though knowing which is which is the task that'd eat you from inside out if you allow it."

With the memory of a lost friend's words, I was again pulled back to the uncovered truth of my emotions, too abruptly to my liking.

As Legolas turned his head towards nothing in particular once more, we fell into companionable silence.

It was in the silence, as nature continued to sing its melody, that my mind cried out again, and my heart was seeking out the answers for every question I had, and Legolas sitting beside me didn't help at all.

I knew he would keep his mouth shut on the matter between us as much as possible, not wishing to be a barrier between Arwen and I. But I wouldn't be able to say the same about myself, I couldn't, wouldn't be able to remain forever unspeaking without being true to what I feel, and without being true to them both.

Once again, I missed Gandalf's counsel.

The wizard spoke true, I knew not where I stood with him.

But I was determined to know.

I gave him a side-glance, and unprepared for what I was going to say, though I could say I was prepared for whatever reaction I was going to get, I inhaled in a large amount of air and started, "Legolas, I.."

"The sky is clear above us tonight, and the moon is only faint." he suddenly said, making me look at him immediately. His eyes were raised to the cloudless heavens above.

I sighed inwardly and waited for him to finish.

He didn't say anything more than that, and I, once again, prepared myself to speak, even though I knew naught of the words I was going to say. "Tell me, Lego.."

"A night in Lothlórien almost makes me feel that troubles and peril are but a fantasy."

"Legolas!" I said in no more than a whisper, reprimanding him gently when I realized what he was trying to do. Twice I was cut off, and it was too much of a coincidence. "You do not make this any easier than it already is." I thought I was prepared for any reaction I'd get from him, but I didn't expect him to dance around the subject and avoid it this much.

I heard him sigh, and he bowed his head, running his fingers through his hair once more.

"Please, Legolas.. At least listen.."

I didn't know if it was the tone of my voice, the look in my face or the movement of my body that gave everything I had to say away, though even I was not sure of them. But almost as soon as the first words left my mouth, he had his hand up to stop me, still looking down.

"Ruin not this night, I beg you," his soft voice echoing in my ears.

How could he say such a thing?

"Ruin?" I said, incredulous of what I heard. "You think by speaking sincere words it would bring ruin to this night?" Surprised and offended, I frowned in question at him.

"Nay… It is not that." He answered, shaking his head and raising it to look at me. "There are things when uttered brings nothing but more confusion. I am not making any of this harder, or easier. I'm leaving things as it should be, as it should have been from the start."

"Well maybe some things should not be left alone." I answered, tone still soft yet firm. When he didn't answer, I continued, "You told me once and I tell you now, what is between us is as real as the sun in the day and the moon in the night. Why not give me a chance to discuss matters with you?" I hoped he'd give us the opportunity to figure things out together.

He shook his head. "As sure as the sun rises, it will also set. There are matters which best remain not to be talked about." he said, countering every point that I said. "Let these things remain unspoken."

"You couldn't deny any of this ever happening, son of Thranduil. If that's what you're trying to do." I said, shaking my head, my voice no longer a whisper as I began to feel the sadness covered by anger and annoyance in all this denial. "You could not. And you couldn't deny that there are also things that should not remain unspoken but said and heard."

Legolas sighed, his hair falling gracefully forward, obscuring my view of his face.

"Maybe you are right, but you have a life ahead of you after all this, and I doubt it includes any other Elf other than the fair Lady." He answered, looking straight at me again.

I silently admired him for the way he spoke of Arwen with high respect and reverence. But the thought was quickly pushed in the back of my mind as what he said registered in me.

'Why must you be so stubborn?' I asked in Elvish untintentionally, very much frustrated.

'Why must you be so, as well?' He asked soon after.

Challenging each other with the fire in our eyes, we were both defiant. Not wanting to back down, but willing the other to do so.

Victory was on my side. For a split moment, his eyes shown defeat, along with slightly veiled sorrow and he sighed and looked away.

Going down to a whisper again, he said. "Let's just leave all things as they were. Then no harm will come upon any.."

'Any, but our own selves, Legolas!' I said, standing up. Raising my tone to normal speaking voice, but never to the level of shouting. Somehow, I was able to express more emotion with it in Elvish and even I, was surprised of its intensity. I was unable to control myself any longer.

Standing before him, I looked down at him as he sat there on the log.

Why must he be so unwilling to listen to my side? Why must he be so afraid to step in my life to the point of sheer denial? An Elf of nobility, yes, but how could someone be noble in every sense of the word if he chose to live in blindness?

He did not meet my eyes. "I understand not what you are saying." In a voice too formal and uncaring, he chased the warmth away from my body. The coldness of the night suddenly crept up my feet to my entire being, numbing me and freezing me on the spot. That had hurt.

I thought there was something special between us, yet, it seemed I must had been mistaken.

'You speak words too harsh for me to handle at one time.' I said, voice stripped of any emotions. My vision began to blur, not of tears but of blind emotions, which any moment now, would all be rushing out of me if I would be unable to stop it.

'To which I am sure you'll thank me later.' he said, words hard and bitter to my ears, yet they were spoken with the softness and misery his voice was conveying, which I, in my present state, didn't notice. At this point, I was seeing a foe, and not a friend. He was a wall, a great wall I couldn't destroy.

Anger seized me and I shouted, trying to shout out what my mind and heart exclaimed as one, "I'll be damned, Prince of Mirkwood!! But lord knows that I l.."

He raised his head to me. His eyes bravely meeting mine, and its gaze bore into my heart, challenging me, daring me to continue what I was about to say.

A single movement, and I was lost. My strength had left me.

Stumbling over my tongue, tripping over my words, reality falling hard on me, as all coherent thoughts came back to my mind, I couldn't, for the life of all things on Middle-earth, continue such confession. As quickly as anger took over, it left me again, leaving me helpless as I already was.

He stood up, his eyes leveling mine.

And I realized victory was short lived. I looked away and shook my head. "I'm sorry I bothered you." I muttered out softly.

I took one step back, and another, and over the log. I, struggling to remain tall and proud, turned and walked back to the pavilion, entering it soundlessly as I had exited it, which I now wished I hadn't. For all this would never had happened.

As soon as I was nearing my resting place, I realized the graveness of our exchange, and my body had gone heavy. I gripped the nearest stand I could get hold of. Tall and proud had left me.

'Tis I that was at fault. 'Tis I who was betrothed. 'Tis I who was supposed to be in love with only one. Yet it was also I, who realized his love for another too late.

I was blinded by my hurt I didn't see the reasons behind his actions, his denial. He was merely preventing me from my own fall.

Still, I couldn't deny the fact that I did love him.

But I couldn't even voice that out, voice what my mind had just realized for the past few weeks and what my heart had been screaming for the moment I fell.

...Fell for him.

How could I expect myself to find the courage to realize the weight of my emotions?

Arwen, dear Arwen, what had you got to say for such man as myself?

Gandalf, my friend, I bowed my head in shame.

Once again, my heart was heavy of the grief it carried. A grief so great it pulled me down to the ground and beyond, and continued to do so, because of the great emotions it was calling for.

Grief, for I was given a heart to feel, a mind, to think, and a tongue, to put into words these feelings and thoughts, and yet, I had failed to use all three wisely. 

02.27.02
continued