Disclaimer: not mine, don't sue
Author's note: Thanks for the sweet reviews… especially Bayleef14…
Dedication: To Maia, for everything! ^_^
Seeing the strange but utterly beautiful girl draw a bow homicidally at Legolas, Gandalf roused himself from his stupor.
Pointing his staff at the bow, Gandalf smoothly levitated the bow and the arrow from the girl's hands.
Unfortunately, he had not reckoned on the girl being gifted in magical powers as well.
Fireworks erupted from her hands as the girl, with a howl of anger, directed her energies on tussling the bow away from Gandalf.
The rest of the Fellowship began inching slowly away from the two mages that were dueling.
"Shouldn't we help Gandalf?" Frodo asked hesitatingly as they huddled to discuss their plans.
"Well, it wouldn't be very chivalrous to attack a lady," Boromir said gravely.
"But she tried to kill me!" Legolas pouted, outraged that nobody seemed to be concerned that he had nearly been murdered.
"Calm down, laddie," Gimli injected. "Perhaps the lady was scared after her mysterious appearance here and wished to assure her own safety."
Legolas snorted with derision as Aragorn petted his shoulder in sympathy.
"Well then, since we're not going to help Gandalf, shall we have second breakfast now?" Pippin asked sensibly.
Looking at each other's expressions, they finally nodded when Gimli suddenly shrieked with pain and jumped several feet up into the air, not an easy feat when you were a very stout, very heavy dwarf laden down with tons of armor.
Gingerly removing a slightly twisted arrow with a grimy ribbon still weakly fluttering on it from his tender backside, Gimli turned his head towards…
**********
… Boromir who was looking at him in concern.
"My friend, are you all right?" Aragorn asked Gimli worriedly.
"I'm fine!" Gimli answered with a trill of laughter, batting his eyelashes coquettishly at Boromir who started to blink in confusion.
"Do you have something in your eyes?" Boromir asked in a bemused tone as Gimli started to couple the fluttering eyelashes with a come-hither look.
Seizing his opportunity, Gimli nodded vigorously. "Will you help me to blow it out?" Gimli asked Boromir, simpering sweetly.
Not sensing the peril he was in, Boromir readily kneeled down on the moist grass and inhaled deeply.
However, before Boromir could even open his mouth, Gimli enthusiastically latched his arms around Boromir's neck and kissed him vigorously, trying to pry open his tightly shut lips.
"Hmmmm!" Gimli sighed with satisfaction.
"Hmmmm!" Boromir tried to shriek in silent horror, his arms flailing wildly.
Shocked into stupefaction, the rest of the fellowship finally jumped on top of either Gimli or Boromir, trying in vain to separate them.
"I'm completely stunned!" Legolas admitted as he tried to move one of Gimli's arms away from its death-grip around Boromir's neck.
"I know. I had no idea Gimli swung that way," Aragorn agreed, trying in vain to lessen the chokehold Gimli had on Boromir's windpipe, a worried frown creasing his forehead as Boromir's face grew steadily paler from lack of oxygen.
"No, I mean I'm stunned that Gimli picked Boromir when I'm available," Legolas explained, not a tinge of self-consciousness in his words.
To Legolas, it was just stating a fact.
He knew he was gorgeous, the fact that he was exceptionally good-looking had been made known to him ever since he was a mere five hundred year old elf… when female and male elves seemed to mysteriously appear in his path constantly, simpering and gaping in a lovesick fashion at him if he so much as flashed a smile in their direction.
Legolas had been proposed to countless times, propositioned even more. He had been ravished with love poems, serenaded with love songs and lavished with romantic, moonlight rendezvous at least once a day.
He knew the power of his beauty and was careful about when to flaunt it but this time, he was genuinely puzzled as to why Gimli preferred a greasy-haired, horse-faced human over him… not that he wanted Gimli to kiss him.
At that thought, Legolas shuddered and thanked the Valar for whatever trait Boromir possessed that led to the dwarf being attracted to him instead of Legolas.
*********
Seeing one of her personalized, monogrammed arrows with the imported silk ribbon get wasted on the stout dwarf, Mary-sue howled in anger.
Seeing the fellowship recoil in horror, she immediately adjusted her tone, sighing with melancholy sadness instead.
Glaring at the interfering Gandalf, Mary-sue sent him somersaulting away with an elegant flick of her fingers.
Stalking up towards the rest of the fellowship that was trying unsuccessfully to disengage an adoring Gimli from a choking Boromir, Mary-sue squinted her divine blue eyes and released her second arrow that was adorned with rose petals.
Legolas gasped as the arrow came swiftly towards him. Instinctively, he ducked and the arrow flew harmlessly past his head towards…
