Disclaimer: not mine, don't sue
…Legolas.
"I never realized we had an angel in our midst!" Aragorn proclaimed dramatically, his eyes fixed longingly upon Legolas.
"Finally!" Legolas said with satisfaction as he benevolently bestowed a smile on Aragorn.
The sheer power of the smile nearly knocked Aragorn senseless but he managed to smile adoringly back at the elf.
"Master, don't forget about your Sam!" A piteous voice piped up, breaking Aragorn's reverie.
"Sam, I don't have time for this," Aragorn said impatiently. "I only have eyes for Legolas, the beauty of Middle-earth."
Seeing Aragorn's besotted, lovesick expression, even the cupid-struck Sam could also see the hopelessness of his situation.
Creeping away sadly, the heartbroken little hobbit sniffled as he went to find a quiet spot to lament over his lost love.
Frodo ran after the anguished little figure, his sweet little hobbit heart overflowing with concern for his lifelong friend.
Mary-sue clenched her dainty hands savagely as she reflected on the fact that, once again, she had failed to shoot the elf.
"Maybe I should just go up to him and stick the arrow into him," she muttered to herself.
Her brilliant blue eyes lit up even more as the idea struck her. Reaching into her gown to grab an arrow that had crystals studded on it, she resolutely stalked towards Legolas who was smugly listening to Aragorn profess his undying love for him.
"My love is as deep as the oceans, as high as the mountains, as wide as the valleys, as hot as fire, as powerful as the ring, as…"
Basking in the glory of being desired by Gondor's future king, Legolas's keen elven hearing failed to detect Mary-sue's silent footsteps advancing behind him.
Fortunately, the two loyal hobbits, Merry and Pippin, were selfless enough to desert their task of making second breakfast and jump on top of Mary-sue.
"Get off me!" Mary-sue shrieked.
"Eek! It's coming off!" Pippin gasped as Mary-sue's shiny, silky hair came off as he pulled at it to keep her away from Legolas.
"I knew hair like that couldn't be real!" Legolas said in satisfaction. "Nobody but me can have hair that shimmery, that…"
"That silky, that pristine, that gorgeous…" Aragorn piped up, gazing at Legolas worshippingly.
"You interfering little hobbits!" Mary-sue screeched. One hand on her precariously unsteady hair, she used another hand to point the arrow threateningly at the hobbits.
As the hobbits ran away with surprisingly swift feet, Mary-sue chased after them, so enraged that she momentarily forgot about the elf.
She then stabbed both hobbits wildly with the arrow, cackling evilly before running back to the elf.
Wincing at the pain shooting through their bodies, Merry and Pippin opened their eyes…
