Disclaimer: not mine, don't sue

… his reflection in the saucepan.

Gawking at his wonderfully distinguished-looking beard, Gandalf preened, mesmerized as he took the saucepan from the saucepan man.

Leering at himself, he said to himself approvingly, "Looking good!"

*********

A satisfied sigh emitted from a clearing shielded by dense foliage.

"That was incredible," a weak voice admitted.

"I told you dwarfs' heights gave them a natural advantage in doing this," a smug voice replied. "Ready to go again?"

"But don't you want a turn?"

"No," a sexy voice drawled. "I live just to give you pleasure."

********

"Master Frodo, I'm so sorry I turned towards Master Aragorn. It must have been his broad shoulders, his incredible smile, his strong thighs…"

"Sam, you're doing it again!" A reproachful voice rebuked him.

A contrite smile ventured hesitatingly as he started to apologize again. "Master Frodo, I'm so sorry I keep talking about Master Aragorn. It must be his nimble fingers, his full lips, his-"

The voice was cut off as lips latched onto his.

Willingly melting into the kiss, a gratified voice finally remarked, "I finally found a way to make you forget about him."

The only answer was a breathless sigh as they proceeded to completely wash away the memories of Aragorn.

*********

"You're so hot I can't take my eyes off you, you're so hot I want to jump you everytime I set eyes on you, you're so hot I-"

The voice trailed off and was replaced by a gulping sound as the talker struggled not to scream in ecstasy.

"Go on," a melodious voice encouraged him. "I get aroused when you extol my virtues."

"All right," a feeble voice said as fluttering kisses were dropped on his naked chest. "Your eyes are so deep I want to drown in them, they are so soulful I want to stare into them for the rest of my life…"

*********

"I'm hungry!"

"Well, of course we will be hungry after all the exercise we just did," a voice said laughingly.

"Why don't we combine afternoon tea and …" a voice trailed off as an eyebrow was raised suggestively.

"Ooh, strawberries in whipped cream on hobbit?"

A whoop sounded in the middle of a cluster of trees before the speakers remembered a very important fact.

"But we don't have strawberries or whipped cream! We only have lembas!"

********

"You are one sexy beast."

"Oh, wriggle those sexy eyebrows, those sexy hips," a voice crooned to itself as the person began to dance an erotic dance with a staff.