A/N: Because I didn't know how to incorporate this, I would like you to know that this chapter takes place several days from the last chapter. This is a short chapter compared to some of the others.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except Crauwel and Madam Epdac.

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART

Chapter Eighteen: Repressions and Confessions

Remus leaned against the hearth, looking down into the dancing flames. The heat burned his eyes yet he continued to look.

"Remus, what will we do?" Lily whispered from the couch.

"I guess we'll just have to intercept the portkey," Remus muttered.

"Are you suggesting we take on Professor Crauwel?" Lily gasped.

Remus looked over his shoulder at her, saying, "Nothing like that. I think we should follow Crauwel into the forest and let him set up the portkey."

"So you want us to battle Voldemort?" Lily said, looking at him as if he was mad.

"No," Remus grumbled. "We let Crauwel think he had succeeded and wait for him to leave. After that, we disengage the portkey and tell Dumbledore everything."

"D'you think he'd believe us?" Lily questioned.

"You'll find that Dumbledore knows people," Remus told her. "He'll know we're telling the truth. Let's just hope he'll be back by that time."

There was a long silence, in which Remus played out in his head what would happen in the forest. He would have to read up on portkeys and how to disengage them.

"Remus," Lily began quietly.

Remus turned to her. She had this odd worry in her eyes and something told Remus it wasn't due to Crauwel.

"About what happened in the wardrobe," Lily continued uncomfortably.

Remus let out a breath. Yes, the kiss. He had been dreading this conversation. That kiss was the most wrong thing he had ever done. He had kissed the girlfriend of his best friend. How could he really say he was James' friend after such a heinous crime?

"I'm sorry," Remus muttered, "it was very wrong of me to do such a thing."

"I am just as much at fault as you are," Lily insisted.

"What should we tell James?" Remus asked, feeling utterly guilty. "He comes back tomorrow."

"Nothing," Lily suggested. "It won't do any of us good to tell him. It will only hurt him and hurt us for hurting him."

"So, you just want to pretend like nothing happened?" Remus asked, surprised.

"What would you suggest?" Lily retorted.

Remus tried to think of a better idea. His mom had always taught him that truth was the best choice. Of course, no one ever saw Remus running through the halls, shouting, "I'm a werewolf!" Sometimes it's best for all the parties involved to withhold destructive truths.

"Alright," Remus agreed hesitantly, "we will tell James nothing and act like nothing happened. I guess we just forget what happened in the wardrobe."

"We still need to intercept that portkey," Lily reminded, skillfully changing the subject.

"Fifteenth of February," Remus defined, letting out a breath.

"It seems like a long time away," Lily commented, worried.

"It'll come faster then we realize," Remus assured her.

**************

All the students that stayed at Hogwarts over Christmas met in front of the castle to greet their friends and classmates. Lily and Remus kept meeting gazes and then retreating their eyes uncomfortably. The horseless carriages came through the wrought iron gates, all occupants making a big deal of coming back. They waved, whooped and hollered. Remus spotted Sirius, Peter, and James waving at him. They were accompanied by the tall gangly Sibyl Trelawney.

"Hello again," James called as he got out of his carriage door. "It seems like forever since I had last seen you guys."

James ran up and hugged Lily. As he did so, Lily shot a quick glance at Remus.

"Guess what I got for Christmas," Peter squealed excitedly as he ran to Remus as fast as he could on such stumpy legs. He held up a string of blood sausage.

"That's great," Remus said wryly.

Sirius and Sibyl exited the carriage hand-in-hand.

"They made-out on the train," Peter whispered to Remus. "You'd think they'd pick a less private place, like a closet or wardrobe."

Remus smiled nervously.

"C'mon, guys," Sirius began, smiling, "let's all get up to Gryffindor common and enjoy the last of holiday before tomorrow."

"What would you suggest?" James asked, his arm around Lily's waist.

"We could take our chicks and do some snoggling," Sirius said, pulling Sibyl close to him.

"That won't be fair!" Peter complained. "Mooney and me haven't nobody to snoggle with."

"That is unless Remus did some snoggling over the holiday," James accused, raising his eyebrows at Remus.

"What makes you think that?" Remus asked, glancing at Lily.

"Oh, c'mon, Mooney," James laughed. "You had to have met someone. I can see it in your eyes."

"Honest, I did not meet anyone," Remus assured.

"Lil, you should set him up," James suggested, tickling Lily's side and causing her to flinch and giggle.

"I really don't know what kind of girl Remus likes," Lily admitted.

"Just anyone," James went on, pensively. "Find a girl who's sweet and stuff, like my sweet stuff."

James kissed Lily's neck. She smiled, but it did not look like a very happy smile.

"What about me!" Peter exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"Yeah," Sirius laughed. "Find Pete a girl while you're at it, Lily. I'm sure he'll take any one that's breathing."

Everyone laughed, even Peter. Remus looked at Lily. She was looking back. She wasn't smiling or frowning. She just looked afraid more than anything.

*************

Remus and the gang had Charms the next morning. It was just as it normally was. Sirius, Peter, Remus, and James sat together. James sat on the opposite side of Sirius and Peter than Remus did. Lily sat next to him, while Sibyl was placed on Sirius' lap. Remus crouched down in his chair to stop himself from continually looking at Lily and James. It was killing him inside to see them together and for James to not have the slightest idea of what Lily and Remus had done. Lying to a friend wasn't real friendship, was it?

Through the corner of his eye, Remus caught Peter staring at him. He looked over at his short friend expectantly.

"What's up with you and Lily?" Peter squeaked, trying to be quiet.

"I don't know what you mean," Remus lied, sounding quite convincing.

"You know what I mean," Peter accused. "You two have been awfully friendly for quite some time. Now, all of a sudden, you two hardly talk. What happened over holiday?"

"We just had an argument," Remus fabricated. "Things are a little tense now."

"What did you fight about?" Peter asked, suspiciously.

"Something personal," Remus shot at him. "Why are you being so nosey?"

Peter quickly turned his attention to the teacher. Professor Flitwick was showing them the proper wrist action for doing a shrinking charm. Remus looked at Peter. He looked uncharacteristically mad. Would it hurt too much to tell Peter? After all, Peter would never tell such a secret. He was a good friend. Besides, Remus was dying to tell someone.

"Talk to me after class," Remus whispered to Peter.
As the group left for double potions, Remus and Peter hung behind. The others had asking them what they were doing. Remus just replied that they wanted to ask Professor Flitwick something.

Peter stared at Remus expectantly as Remus paced. He stopped and turned to Peter.

"I didn't mean for anything to happen," Remus assured. "Neither of us planned anything. Lily and I just found ourselves alone. It just happened."

"What?" Peter asked.

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I kissed her," he whispered.

Silence. When Remus opened his eyes, he saw the most shocked look on Peter's face. His eyes were so wide they could have popped right out of their sockets.

"Mooney," Peter gasped, "how could you?"

"You better not tell anyone," Remus warned. "I told you this in strictest confidence. You can't reveal this to anyone."

Peter nodded vigorously, his eyes still wide with shock.

"Now you know," Remus sighed, dropping into a sitting position on the ground.

"Mooney," Peter squealed, "she's James' girl."

"You don't think I know that," Remus grumbled.

"Why did you?" Peter demanded.

"I love her, Pete," Remus admitted. "I have always loved her, and I love her more everyday. She's the most wonderful person in the world. I have never wanted anyone so badly. Sometimes I stay up all night just thinking about how sweet she smells, the beauty of her voice, and how soft her skin feels. It drives me crazy to be around her so often but not be able to have her, to hold her."

Peter just stared.

"But you set them up," he reminded, confused.

"She wanted me to," Remus explained. "I would do anything for her. She's the queen of my heart."


A/N: OK, I don't know if Professor Flitwick was still a teacher in that time, but I think he might be old enough.