Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except Crauwel and Madam Epdac.
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART
Chapter Twenty-Two: Letting Go
His eyes seemed to open on their own. The dark ceiling of the hospital wing was all that he could see. In the corner of his eyes, Remus could see a flicker of light. Remus slowly turned his head toward the light. It came from a candle on the table that stood next to the sleeping James. Lily stood over him, whispering. Remus tried to get up, but a sharp pain erupted in his gut, and he felt suddenly paralyzed all over. He stopped trying to get up, and the pain subsided.
Remus kept watching Lily, unable to do anything. Lily slowly leaned down and kissed James' still lips. Remus looked away, a lump growing in his throat and his eyes burning. Quickly, Remus cleared his throat and began to breathe slowly. This action calmed the water in his eyes, but also attracted Lily's attention. She walked over to Remus and sat on the edge of his bed.
"How're you feeling?" She asked.
Remus looked her over. Her hair was uncombed and she wore only a bathrobe. Remus supposed that she sneaked down from Gryffindor tower to see James.
Lily set her hands on top of Remus'.
"Are you okay?" she asked gently.
"I have a ghastly pain in my gut when I even try to move," Remus told her.
Lily lowered her head.
"I guess that's my fault," she said. "I was foolish enough to run into danger and force you to save me."
"I would do it again without a minute hesitation," Remus told her sincerely.
Lily smiled slightly.
"What happened after I blacked out?" Remus asked.
"Crauwel just toppled over," Lily explained. "He must have been overwhelmed by all those boils breaking out all over him. I cast a spell on him to knock him unconscious."
"That's good," Remus said.
"Dumbledore returned and I told him about Crauwel," Lily went on. "You're right. Dumbledore's a great man. He sent Crauwel to Azkaban."
"At least we don't have to worry about that anymore," Remus smiled.
Lily smiled too, and then stopped.
"Remus," she began, "I care for you deeply."
If Remus could, he would have jumped from his bed in delight.
"And I know you care for me," Lily went on.
Lily paused, tears gleaming in her green eyes.
"But James needs me."
"Do you love him?" Remus choked out.
Lily nodded slowly.
Remus closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He didn't want to look a her anymore. The pain was too much to bear. He felt like he was choking and drowning at once.
"Remus?" Lily cried softly.
"Please leave," Remus told her, not opening his eyes.
"I'm really sorry," she said.
"I told you to go!" Remus shouted.
It was quiet for a while. Out of curiosity, Remus opened his eyes. Lily still sat beside him. Her eyes were bloodshot and wetness lingered on her eyelashes. Blotches of redness dotted her tear-soaked cheeks. Despite it all, Remus couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked.
"Alright, Remus," Lily sniffled. "I'll leave you alone."
With that, Lily stood up and walked quite dismally out of the hospital wing. Remus felt horrible. What had he done? He just yelled at the Queen of his Heart again. He had hurt her. He caused her to cry. The pain of that was worse than his broken heart.
****************
Remus awoke as the sun rose. Light poured into the hospital wing. He slowly sat up and looked around. James' bed was empty and the sheets were folded up. Remus wondered where he had gone.
"Dear, don't move so much," Madam Epdac insisted, running over to Remus.
"James," Remus muttered. "Where's James Potter?"
"Sorry, dear, but he's gone," Madam Epdac said. "I let him go a couple days ago. He was better and you are not."
"I'm fine," Remus told her, realizing that the pain in his gut was no longer there. "I have to speak to James."
"Can't let you go yet," Epdac insisted. "When was your last transformation?"
"Three weeks," Remus replied. "But I must see James."
"Just a moment," Epdac said, grabbing a brown bottle. "How's your tummy?"
"It's fine," Remus assured her. "Please, can I go?"
"You should take this, just in case," Madam Epdac told him, pouring some into a spoon.
She trusted the spoon into Remus' mouth.
"There you go."
It tasted very much like fish oil.
"Now, you may go," Epdac allowed.
Remus got up from the bed, feeling a little dizzy. He had the suspicion that she gave him that stuff so he would have to stay in the hospital wing. His suspicion was laid to rest when the dizziness wore off. Remus bolted out of the hospital wing and down to the Great Hall. He spotted James, Sirius, and Peter at the Gryffindor table. He approached slowly, trying to think of what to say. Once he was there, Remus just stood. Sirius and Peter glanced at him and then at James. James had his eyes unfocused on his food with a furious expression on his face.
"Finally out," Peter squeaked nervously.
"Yeah," Remus said. "How long was I in for?"
"A week," Sirius replied.
"I guess I was asleep during most of that," Remus said, looking at James.
As Remus sat down next to Peter, James quickly stood up. He gave Remus a hateful scowl and then walked toward the door. This hurt Remus. He saved both James' and Lily's life in the Forbidden Forest. Yet, James couldn't even sit at the same table with him. This could not be stood for. Remus had to explain things.
"I heard that you-" Sirius began.
"Excuse me," Remus interrupted, getting up from the table and running after James.
James was halfway up the main staircase when Remus was just exiting the Great Hall.
"James!" Remus called, catching up with him.
"What d'you want, Remus?" James snapped.
"I want to be friends again," Remus stated truthfully.
James shook his head, saying, "I don't think I could trust you enough to be your friend."
"I know I did a horrible thing," Remus admitted. "I did kiss your girlfriend. I know that I shouldn't have done it. I knew then that I shouldn't have done it. It was the worst thing I could possibly do to my best friend, a friend who has done so much for me."
James didn't respond. He just looked at Remus and waited.
"James," Remus began, "I love her. I have always loved her. I will always love her. I cannot stop it no matter how hard I try. But she doesn't want me. She wants you. She loves you. I have to respect that."
James nodded slowly.
"If I were going to let a girl come between us, then I would hate you for having her. But I don't," Remus explained. "Please don't hate me because I wanted her."
James looked at his feet and then back at Remus.
"Well, I can't blame you for wanting to kiss her," James said. "I've been wanting to kiss her since we started going out. And I didn't even love her until Christmas. I'm amazed at your restraint."
Remus smiled, "Does that mean that you forgive me?"
"Yeah, Mooney, I forgive you," James began, patting Remus on the back. "Just try to keep your mind about you around Lily. Alright?"
"Sure," Remus laughed.
"Have you had breakfast?" James asked. "Of course, you haven't."
James put his arm around Remus and they went back into the Great Hall together.
After breakfast, Remus had to speedily pack before the carriages arrived to take them to Hogsmeade station. Remus didn't have time to talk to Lily. Her and Sarah were already off. Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James crammed into the carriage.
"Another year over," Sirius said, stretching.
"Why didn't you ride with Sibyl?" Remus asked.
"I think I've grown out of her," Sirius mused. "After all, she's a little creepy, don't you think?"
Peter, Remus and James laughed.
"Oh, and get this," Sirius went on. "She said she saw me in her crystal ball behind bars. Can you imagine me in prison?"
They came upon the train station. The Hogwarts Express bellowed steam. The marauders got out of the carriage and blended into the crowd.
"Look, there's Lily!" James shouted, pushing through the crowd.
"Doesn't that make you feel good?" Peter sighed. "James and Lily are going to make up."
"Sure, you girl," Sirius laughed. "I'll pick out a compartment."
Sirius ran off toward the train.
"Lupin?"
Remus and Peter turned around to see little Kari Morgan smiling up at them.
"Hey there, Kari," Remus greeted.
"I heard about the Forbidden Forest," Kari said quietly. "I just wanted to say that was really great what you did. You're really brave, and-"
Kari began to blush.
"You're really wonderful, Lupin," Kari mumbled nervously.
"Thanks," Remus said. "You can call me Remus if you want."
Kari smiled excitedly.
"See you next year," Kari said, running off.
"Mooney," Peter squeaked, pulling on Remus' robes. "It's Lily."
Remus turned to where Peter was pointing. Lily stood in clear view. She took one step at a time as she stared into Remus' eyes, smiling.
"James told me what you said," she told him as she reached five feet away from him.
Remus smiled slightly.
"I'm so glad you two are friends again," Lily commented. "Are..are we friends again?"
"Yeah," Remus began, "we're friends."
Lily threw her arms around Remus and hugged him.
"Oh, Remus," Lily cried, "I'm so glad we're friends."
'Girls cry about everything,' Remus thought. He was glad they were friends too.
As Lily pulled away, she gently brushed her lips against Remus' cheek. Her bright green eyes sparkled with tears.
"Trying to steal my girlfriend again?" James accused jokingly.
Lily laughed, wiping the tears from her eyes. James slipped his arms around Lily's waist.
"See you on the train," James said.
Lily waved her fingers at Remus as she and James turned and walked toward the Hogwarts Express. Remus watched Lily take James' arm. He turned to her. Lily got on her tippy toes and kissed James.
"I don't understand," Peter squealed.
Remus started, having forgotten that Peter was beside him.
"What's that?" Remus asked.
"I don't understand how you can watch them," Peter explained.
Remus looked down at the chubby fellow and smiled.
"Peter, ol' chap," Remus began, putting his arm around his friend's shoulder, "it's very simple. You see, Lily is the only girl that James has ever really been serious about. They love each other. They belong together. One day they'll get married and have a little Potter and he'll remind me of Lily, especially if he has those beautiful green eyes."
"But, Mooney," Peter whined, "you love her."
"Yes, I do," Remus replied. "I will love her until the day I die. And I will always be there for her whenever she has need of me. I am contented with the thought that she is happy and she does care for me."
"I couldn't sit back and watch while the girl I wanted was with someone else," Peter said.
"Could you if it was the girl you loved?" Remus retorted. "When you're in love, Pete, all that matters is her happiness and what she wants. What I want is minuscule compared to what she wants. I would do anything for her. She's the queen of my heart."
"C'mon, you two!" Sirius called from the train. "We're about to depart."
Remus and Peter ran up to the train and Sirius helped them up.
"Farewell, all!" Remus called to the people who remained on the platform. "Have a lovely Summer!"
**cue music**
**fade out**
**closing credits**
Writer: Lina Shay
Characters: J. K. Rowling
Inspiration: The wonderfulness of life and love
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART
Chapter Twenty-Two: Letting Go
His eyes seemed to open on their own. The dark ceiling of the hospital wing was all that he could see. In the corner of his eyes, Remus could see a flicker of light. Remus slowly turned his head toward the light. It came from a candle on the table that stood next to the sleeping James. Lily stood over him, whispering. Remus tried to get up, but a sharp pain erupted in his gut, and he felt suddenly paralyzed all over. He stopped trying to get up, and the pain subsided.
Remus kept watching Lily, unable to do anything. Lily slowly leaned down and kissed James' still lips. Remus looked away, a lump growing in his throat and his eyes burning. Quickly, Remus cleared his throat and began to breathe slowly. This action calmed the water in his eyes, but also attracted Lily's attention. She walked over to Remus and sat on the edge of his bed.
"How're you feeling?" She asked.
Remus looked her over. Her hair was uncombed and she wore only a bathrobe. Remus supposed that she sneaked down from Gryffindor tower to see James.
Lily set her hands on top of Remus'.
"Are you okay?" she asked gently.
"I have a ghastly pain in my gut when I even try to move," Remus told her.
Lily lowered her head.
"I guess that's my fault," she said. "I was foolish enough to run into danger and force you to save me."
"I would do it again without a minute hesitation," Remus told her sincerely.
Lily smiled slightly.
"What happened after I blacked out?" Remus asked.
"Crauwel just toppled over," Lily explained. "He must have been overwhelmed by all those boils breaking out all over him. I cast a spell on him to knock him unconscious."
"That's good," Remus said.
"Dumbledore returned and I told him about Crauwel," Lily went on. "You're right. Dumbledore's a great man. He sent Crauwel to Azkaban."
"At least we don't have to worry about that anymore," Remus smiled.
Lily smiled too, and then stopped.
"Remus," she began, "I care for you deeply."
If Remus could, he would have jumped from his bed in delight.
"And I know you care for me," Lily went on.
Lily paused, tears gleaming in her green eyes.
"But James needs me."
"Do you love him?" Remus choked out.
Lily nodded slowly.
Remus closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He didn't want to look a her anymore. The pain was too much to bear. He felt like he was choking and drowning at once.
"Remus?" Lily cried softly.
"Please leave," Remus told her, not opening his eyes.
"I'm really sorry," she said.
"I told you to go!" Remus shouted.
It was quiet for a while. Out of curiosity, Remus opened his eyes. Lily still sat beside him. Her eyes were bloodshot and wetness lingered on her eyelashes. Blotches of redness dotted her tear-soaked cheeks. Despite it all, Remus couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked.
"Alright, Remus," Lily sniffled. "I'll leave you alone."
With that, Lily stood up and walked quite dismally out of the hospital wing. Remus felt horrible. What had he done? He just yelled at the Queen of his Heart again. He had hurt her. He caused her to cry. The pain of that was worse than his broken heart.
****************
Remus awoke as the sun rose. Light poured into the hospital wing. He slowly sat up and looked around. James' bed was empty and the sheets were folded up. Remus wondered where he had gone.
"Dear, don't move so much," Madam Epdac insisted, running over to Remus.
"James," Remus muttered. "Where's James Potter?"
"Sorry, dear, but he's gone," Madam Epdac said. "I let him go a couple days ago. He was better and you are not."
"I'm fine," Remus told her, realizing that the pain in his gut was no longer there. "I have to speak to James."
"Can't let you go yet," Epdac insisted. "When was your last transformation?"
"Three weeks," Remus replied. "But I must see James."
"Just a moment," Epdac said, grabbing a brown bottle. "How's your tummy?"
"It's fine," Remus assured her. "Please, can I go?"
"You should take this, just in case," Madam Epdac told him, pouring some into a spoon.
She trusted the spoon into Remus' mouth.
"There you go."
It tasted very much like fish oil.
"Now, you may go," Epdac allowed.
Remus got up from the bed, feeling a little dizzy. He had the suspicion that she gave him that stuff so he would have to stay in the hospital wing. His suspicion was laid to rest when the dizziness wore off. Remus bolted out of the hospital wing and down to the Great Hall. He spotted James, Sirius, and Peter at the Gryffindor table. He approached slowly, trying to think of what to say. Once he was there, Remus just stood. Sirius and Peter glanced at him and then at James. James had his eyes unfocused on his food with a furious expression on his face.
"Finally out," Peter squeaked nervously.
"Yeah," Remus said. "How long was I in for?"
"A week," Sirius replied.
"I guess I was asleep during most of that," Remus said, looking at James.
As Remus sat down next to Peter, James quickly stood up. He gave Remus a hateful scowl and then walked toward the door. This hurt Remus. He saved both James' and Lily's life in the Forbidden Forest. Yet, James couldn't even sit at the same table with him. This could not be stood for. Remus had to explain things.
"I heard that you-" Sirius began.
"Excuse me," Remus interrupted, getting up from the table and running after James.
James was halfway up the main staircase when Remus was just exiting the Great Hall.
"James!" Remus called, catching up with him.
"What d'you want, Remus?" James snapped.
"I want to be friends again," Remus stated truthfully.
James shook his head, saying, "I don't think I could trust you enough to be your friend."
"I know I did a horrible thing," Remus admitted. "I did kiss your girlfriend. I know that I shouldn't have done it. I knew then that I shouldn't have done it. It was the worst thing I could possibly do to my best friend, a friend who has done so much for me."
James didn't respond. He just looked at Remus and waited.
"James," Remus began, "I love her. I have always loved her. I will always love her. I cannot stop it no matter how hard I try. But she doesn't want me. She wants you. She loves you. I have to respect that."
James nodded slowly.
"If I were going to let a girl come between us, then I would hate you for having her. But I don't," Remus explained. "Please don't hate me because I wanted her."
James looked at his feet and then back at Remus.
"Well, I can't blame you for wanting to kiss her," James said. "I've been wanting to kiss her since we started going out. And I didn't even love her until Christmas. I'm amazed at your restraint."
Remus smiled, "Does that mean that you forgive me?"
"Yeah, Mooney, I forgive you," James began, patting Remus on the back. "Just try to keep your mind about you around Lily. Alright?"
"Sure," Remus laughed.
"Have you had breakfast?" James asked. "Of course, you haven't."
James put his arm around Remus and they went back into the Great Hall together.
After breakfast, Remus had to speedily pack before the carriages arrived to take them to Hogsmeade station. Remus didn't have time to talk to Lily. Her and Sarah were already off. Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James crammed into the carriage.
"Another year over," Sirius said, stretching.
"Why didn't you ride with Sibyl?" Remus asked.
"I think I've grown out of her," Sirius mused. "After all, she's a little creepy, don't you think?"
Peter, Remus and James laughed.
"Oh, and get this," Sirius went on. "She said she saw me in her crystal ball behind bars. Can you imagine me in prison?"
They came upon the train station. The Hogwarts Express bellowed steam. The marauders got out of the carriage and blended into the crowd.
"Look, there's Lily!" James shouted, pushing through the crowd.
"Doesn't that make you feel good?" Peter sighed. "James and Lily are going to make up."
"Sure, you girl," Sirius laughed. "I'll pick out a compartment."
Sirius ran off toward the train.
"Lupin?"
Remus and Peter turned around to see little Kari Morgan smiling up at them.
"Hey there, Kari," Remus greeted.
"I heard about the Forbidden Forest," Kari said quietly. "I just wanted to say that was really great what you did. You're really brave, and-"
Kari began to blush.
"You're really wonderful, Lupin," Kari mumbled nervously.
"Thanks," Remus said. "You can call me Remus if you want."
Kari smiled excitedly.
"See you next year," Kari said, running off.
"Mooney," Peter squeaked, pulling on Remus' robes. "It's Lily."
Remus turned to where Peter was pointing. Lily stood in clear view. She took one step at a time as she stared into Remus' eyes, smiling.
"James told me what you said," she told him as she reached five feet away from him.
Remus smiled slightly.
"I'm so glad you two are friends again," Lily commented. "Are..are we friends again?"
"Yeah," Remus began, "we're friends."
Lily threw her arms around Remus and hugged him.
"Oh, Remus," Lily cried, "I'm so glad we're friends."
'Girls cry about everything,' Remus thought. He was glad they were friends too.
As Lily pulled away, she gently brushed her lips against Remus' cheek. Her bright green eyes sparkled with tears.
"Trying to steal my girlfriend again?" James accused jokingly.
Lily laughed, wiping the tears from her eyes. James slipped his arms around Lily's waist.
"See you on the train," James said.
Lily waved her fingers at Remus as she and James turned and walked toward the Hogwarts Express. Remus watched Lily take James' arm. He turned to her. Lily got on her tippy toes and kissed James.
"I don't understand," Peter squealed.
Remus started, having forgotten that Peter was beside him.
"What's that?" Remus asked.
"I don't understand how you can watch them," Peter explained.
Remus looked down at the chubby fellow and smiled.
"Peter, ol' chap," Remus began, putting his arm around his friend's shoulder, "it's very simple. You see, Lily is the only girl that James has ever really been serious about. They love each other. They belong together. One day they'll get married and have a little Potter and he'll remind me of Lily, especially if he has those beautiful green eyes."
"But, Mooney," Peter whined, "you love her."
"Yes, I do," Remus replied. "I will love her until the day I die. And I will always be there for her whenever she has need of me. I am contented with the thought that she is happy and she does care for me."
"I couldn't sit back and watch while the girl I wanted was with someone else," Peter said.
"Could you if it was the girl you loved?" Remus retorted. "When you're in love, Pete, all that matters is her happiness and what she wants. What I want is minuscule compared to what she wants. I would do anything for her. She's the queen of my heart."
"C'mon, you two!" Sirius called from the train. "We're about to depart."
Remus and Peter ran up to the train and Sirius helped them up.
"Farewell, all!" Remus called to the people who remained on the platform. "Have a lovely Summer!"
**cue music**
**fade out**
**closing credits**
Writer: Lina Shay
Characters: J. K. Rowling
Inspiration: The wonderfulness of life and love
