DISCLAIMER: I still don't own them.
Many thanks to all who have reviewed! I think I've figured out the formatting issue, thanks to my brilliant Dima (you know who you are!) I will update as quickly as time allows.
Chapter 2
Harry stood nearly frozen in shock, his hand raised to his tingling cheek. Had his Professor really just slapped him? He looked down at his hand and saw a small amount of blood. Not enough to worry about, but still…Professor Snape had just screamed at him and…hit him. Harry did the only thing he could think of: he ran. He backed away from his apparently insane professor, then spun around and tore madly down the corridor, tears streaming down his face. He had no conscious idea where he was going, he just ran until he dropped to his knees, unable to go on. It was some time before he had enough control over himself to sit up and think about what had transpired between teacher and student.
Not that thinking about it helped; Harry could not for the life of him find a reason to justify Snape's violent action. He wondered if he should perhaps talk to the Headmaster.
Hmm. Big if, talking to Dumbledore; did he really want to get Snape in trouble or just find out what was going on? But Dumbledore would understand; he understood everything! Harry supposed that such wisdom was only one of the benefits of being so old. He stood up, wiped his eyes, and headed stoically to the Headmaster's office, ignorant of the fact that he did not know the password.
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He did it again. I just woke up feeling like I've slept for at least two days, although I know that cannot be the case. I glance at a clock on the mantle; ah, it's only been four hours. I just love Albus' "remedies". I now have all night to sit here and figure out what I will say to my son in the morning. If he'll have anything to do with me, that is. I cannot believe I struck him! Alright, Severus. Take a deep breath and think. Beating myself up over something that cannot be taken back is pointless, as well as useless. I must concentrate on making things right. I told Albus I would tell Harry everything in the morning. He is going to hate me! Oh how I wish I could be a father to him! I love him, and now I'm going to lose him. I have never liked myself much, but right now, I am really starting to hate myself. I can understand why my students call me a bastard when they think I cannot hear them. Damn. I'm starting to feel aggressive again, and restless. I pace around the room like a caged lion, tugging compulsively at my hair. I have to get rid of this aggression! I slam my clenched fist into the nearest wall. Great, yet another hole in the wall to repair. But the pain helps so I repeat the action, a bit harder this time. Albus, I know I told you I would let you know if I felt this way again, before taking rash action, but these are extenuating circumstances, right? I just cannot tolerate this, I'm going to explode! I'm sorry Albus, but I have to do this. I reach for my silver dagger.
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Harry stood before the gargoyle which guarded Headmaster Dumbledore's office. He was quite frustrated, having been standing there for at least thirty minutes spouting off various passwords, all of which failed. He was about to give up and sit down to wait when, with a low rumbling sound, the gargoyle shifted to one side and Dumbledore stepped out, looking curiously at Harry.
"You've been here awhile, have you Harry?"
"Yes, Sir. I, um, wondered if I could talk to you about something?"
Albus noticed the slight tremor in Harry's voice, and saw the bruise on the side of his face. Harry looked beaten down and depressed. Albus draped an arm around the boy's shoulder and guided him up the stairs toward his office.
"Of course you may, Harry. Come in and sit down. Have some tea and tell me what is troubling you."
Harry fidgeted, his eyes darting around the room. Finally he looked up at the Headmaster.
"Sir, um, have you heard anything about where this bruise came from?" he asked, touching the side of his face lightly.
"Harry, my boy, Professor Snape did indeed tell me what happened. He is most regretful of his actions. I think, as difficult as it will be for you, that you need to allow him to express this to you. The time has come, Harry, for you to learn something of who you are and where you belong in this world."
Harry looked up at the last words, wondering at the almost jovial tone that had seeped into Dumbledore's voice. Sure enough, his merry blue eyes were twinkling away over the tops of his spectacles. Harry sighed deeply and nodded.
"Alright, Professor. I'll listen to him. But…"
Harry hesitated, looking at the ground.
"What is it child?" probed Dumbledore.
"Well, do you think…maybe you could stay with me? You know, while I listen to him?"
Harry's voice grew even softer.
"I don't really want to be alone with him."
Dumbledore placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder.
"I shall remain with you for as long as you like, Harry. Why don't you stay in my office and wait while I fetch Professor Snape?"
"Thank you, Sir."
Harry made his way to an overstuffed sofa and sank into it wearily.
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I feel better now. Oh, it still hurts. I doubt that this hurt will ever go away completely, but at least now I don't feel the need to hurl myself out of the Astronomy Tower window, as I did an hour ago. I'd better clean up. No doubt Albus will show up wanting me to talk to Harry; it wouldn't do for either of them to see this bloody mess I've made of my arm. I clean the wounds I inflicted on myself and wrap some gauze bandage material around my arm. I realize I could simply heal them with magic, but I do not wish to waste my magical energy on my own inability to cope. Also, this way the pain lingers. As odd as it sounds, the distraction of physical pain helps to keep my mind clear. I have never done serious damage to myself, only enough to keep me from killing myself. Just as I finish cleaning my dagger, I hear a sharp rap on the door. Just as I expected.
"Do come in Albus. Make yourself comfortable."
He looks at me, his eyes narrowing slightly. I wonder if can somehow sense what I have done.
"Not now, Severus. There is someone waiting in my office with whom you need to speak."
What? Already? I told Albus I would talk to the boy tomorrow! I am not prepared for this! I feel a surge of panic rising within me and swallow hard.
"Severus. Be calm. You can do this, and you must do this. I have spoken to Harry and he is willing to listen to you. I will be there, for both of you."
I look into the older man's eyes. He meets my gaze directly, his blue eyes conveying understanding, comfort, and firmness all at once. He will not take no for an answer. I steel myself for what is to come and draw my cloak about me.
"Very well. Let us go now."
"It will be all right, Severus. You'll see."
The walk to the Headmaster's office has never seemed so long. I march along behind him, wishing I could somehow sneak back to my quarters and knowing that it would never work. Albus says not a word until we reach the stone gargoyle. He turns to look at me and I suddenly realize I am shaking and having difficulty breathing. Albus then does the one thing that never fails to shock me: he draws me into his arms and simply holds me.
"Be strong, Severus. I know you love him, and he will come to know in time as well. You will not be alone."
I lay my head on his shoulder and accept his strength and comfort. All too soon, I hear his voice uttering the password and the gargoyle sliding open. I draw myself up and proceed forth, Albus staying close behind me. I will be strong, for my son and for myself. Reaching the great wooden door at the top, I push it open and force myself to step into the room. Harry is already there. He looks up at me with haunted, wounded emerald eyes, not saying a word. His face is pale and his cheeks are stained with grief. I catch sight of the bruise I left and feel my heart leap into my throat. How could I have done this to my child? I don't notice my knees buckling until I hit the floor, still staring at the boy.
"Harry. I am so sorry."
A/N: That took a bit longer than I anticipated. I got busy, and I also got stuck. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Again, I truly appreciate all who have taken time to review my work; please continue to do so. J Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy your families!
