Thank you to all my reviewers and especially my superfast beta! Sparks, you rock!
DISCLAIMER: Still not mine!
Chapter 3
Snape was on his knees before the Boy-Who-Lived. Harry let out a bitter snort and briefly wondered if Hell had indeed frozen. The broken whisper that came from Snape distracted him from his musings.
"Harry. I am so sorry."
Did he hear that correctly? Did this bastard who existed to make his life miserable really just offer up an apology? Harry continued to stare at the broken man on the floor, not saying a word. The emerald eyes no longer reflected hurt and confusion, but rather the cold fire of barely contained fury. Harry rose to his feet and stood looking down on Snape. He spoke slowly, in a low, almost even tone.
"Give me one good reason why I should even consider forgiving you."
Snape lowered his gaze to the ground.
"I cannot." Still a whisper, barely audible.
Harry could feel himself losing control.
"You have hated, no, loathed me since the day I was born. You hated my parents. You have gone to extremes to make my life more difficult than it already is. You have insulted me, insulted my friends, insulted a family I never even knew. I tried to show you compassion and you repaid me with violence! And you dare to hope I might find it in my heart to forgive you?"
With every word, Harry's voice had risen in volume and pitch; he could no longer keep the anger from it, even his breathing was harsh and ragged. Snape did not respond, but Harry could see that his normally pale face was absolutely white. He could also see suspicious looking moisture on the man's face.
"Look at me, Snape!" Harry spoke forcefully now, his tone commanding. Snape obeyed slowly.
"I will not forgive you. I hate you. You are a worthless bastard. Never forget that."
Harry stormed out of the office and ran noisily down the stairs.
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Oh Merlin. Now what? I can't move, can't hear anything but my son's voice telling me I'm a worthless bastard, and my own brain telling me he's right. A soft voice breaks into my consciousness.
"Severus? Severus, calm down. Severus!"
Albus. Help me. I can't move, can't talk, can't even breathe. Please.
"Severus. Relax, child. You're hyperventilating. Breathe slowly."
I hear him and try to slow my uneven breathing.
"That's it…take some deep breaths."
I try to do as he asks, but feel my stomach churn into my throat.
"Albus…sick" I hear myself croak.
A bucket appears in front of me just in time. I heave violently, feeling like I'm turning myself inside out. At last, it's over. Without thinking about it, I reach for the knife I keep in my robes, with the intent of causing myself physical pain to distract me from my frenzied emotions. A strong hand grabs mine before I can make the first cut.
"No, Severus. This is not the answer."
The knife is taken from me. I'm becoming fully aware of my surroundings again. Albus raises me to my feet and leads me through a door into his private chambers. As he guides me to a soft bed in the corner, I feel like a child again.
"Albus, I'm sorry. Please, I don't need to stay here. I don't want to impose on you."
He puts a hand up to stop me.
"Hush, child. You are under a great deal of stress and you just pulled a knife on yourself. And, I suspect that if I were to raise up your left sleeve, I would find bandages. Am I right?"
I nod slowly, ashamed.
"Then you do need to stay here. You are not imposing. I don't want you alone right now."
I sigh and obediently begin to change into the pajamas he keeps for such occasions as this. He hands me a potion as I sit down on the edge of the bed.
"A sleeping draught. You need to rest tonight, for we will need to pursue this matter tomorrow."
I take it, groaning both at the foul taste and the prospect of tomorrow. Ugh, I had forgotten how quickly this potion works.
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Getting up was not an option this morning. Harry's blankets weighted him down, making him feel as though he could drown in the heavy, comforting darkness. He dreaded the thought of facing even his friends, let alone everyone else. Ron and Hermione always seemed to sense when he wasn't feeling quite right, and they invariably tried to coax him into talking about whatever was bothering him. Today, he knew he wouldn't be able to tell them. Not that he didn't want to, but how could he explain something he really did not understand himself? No, today he would stay in bed. He could just tell them he was a bit under the weather; the flu had been making the rounds at Hogwarts, so he was certain they would believe that. Sure enough, as he rolled over and snuggled deeper into bed, he heard his curtain being pushed aside and Ron's voice.
"Oy! Harry! Better get up or you'll be late for Potions! C'mon!"
Harry groaned at the thought of that particular class.
"I'm not feeling well, Ron. Going to stay in bed a while. Maybe all day. Tell Snape I died or something, that'll make his day."
Ron looked at Harry with concern.
"You're sure you're alright, mate? Do you want to go to the Hospital Wing or anything?"
"No. I want you to leave me alone so I can sleep."
"Okay then. Uh...I guess I'll see you later. Feel better, Harry."
"Thanks, Ron."
Harry rolled over and lay on his back to stare up at the ceiling. He was still angry with Snape, but he had a strange feeling that there was more going on than he knew about. Snape had looked miserable, almost ill. He knew he had not handled the situation well. Damn, the man had actually apologized to him. Maybe he should at least try and find out the whole story before consigning Snape to eternal perdition. He didn't think he could face him now though. Grabbing a quill and some parchment, Harry quickly inked a brief a note:
Professor Snape,
I want to apologize for my response to you yesterday. It was uncalled for. I am still
angry with you, but I accept your apology, and hope you will accept mine. I'm sorry for
sending a note instead of talking to you, but I just don't think I can face you right now.
Harry Potter
Harry summoned Hedwig, his beautiful snowy owl, and fastened the note to her outstretched leg.
"Take this to Professor Snape, girl. If you can't find him, I guess give it to Professor Dumbledore."
The owl soared out the window silently, and Harry sat back to wait.
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Blurry. My vision, my brain feels fuzzy, almost like a hangover. Hmmm. I appear to be in Albus' chambers. I wonder if I stayed here of my own volition or if I was put to bed here. Since I cannot seem to remember, I would guess the latter to be true. Glancing around the
room, I spy a note on my pillow, in Albus' spidery handwriting.
Severus,
You have the day off. Your classes have been cancelled and the students assigned an
essay. Please stay here until I return, as we have much to discuss.
Dumbledore
Yawning and rubbing my eyes, I emerge from the bed and wander around aimlessly. I
suppose I should get dressed, but I really don't feel like it just yet. A tapping at the window catches my attention. Harry's owl? Letting her in, I discover a note with my name on it. Clever owl, she is. I am, to say the least, shocked when I read it. The note is an apology from Harry for his unpleasant reception of my apology. Personally, I think he has every right to hate me, but I do appreciate the note. Hedwig is staring at me; I suppose she wants to take an answer back to her master. I think of asking him to come and see me, but recall that his note says he's not ready to see me yet. I need to tell him who I am! I certainly can't put that kind of information in a note! I suppose I can tell him I'd like to speak with him and just leave it up to him as to when it will happen. I compose my note and give it to Hedwig to deliver to Harry.
As she leaves, Albus walks in.
"How are you feeling this morning, Severus? You slept well, I trust?"
"Better, Albus. I did sleep well, thank you. Albus, Harry sent me a note."
I hand it to him and he reads it, nodding. Before he can ask, I tell him of my response.
"An appropriate action, Severus, and normally I would agree; however, we can no longer put this off. For his own safety, and for yours, Harry needs to know today that you are his father."
"What do you mean for his own safety Albus? Why can it not wait until he is ready to face me?"
"Severus, you must trust me in this. I will summon Harry immediately and you can tell him in here."
I try to question him further, but he silences me with a look and proceeds to pen a short note to Harry, asking him to present himself immediately after lunch. I sit down and commence trying to figure out exactly how to broach the subject at hand to my son. Albus has a house-elf bring lunch for us, but my stomach complains bitterly at the thought of food. Not a word passes between us until Harry arrives. He looks unhappy, but not angry. I think he suspects that something is afoot. Albus bids him sit down and then looks at me.
"Thank you for coming, Harry. I understand that you did not expect to be having this conversation for some time, but recent events have conspired to make it an immediate necessity. Professor Snape has something to tell you, and I ask you hear him out. This is as difficult for him as it is for you, but as I stated before, it is something you must know today. After he has finished, I shall explain to you the reason for this."
He glances toward me, my cue to break the bad news. I take a deep breath and attempt to steady myself. Harry is gazing at me expectantly.
"Harry. I have racked my mind trying to find a way to break this to you gently, and I cannot. So I will be blunt. I am…I am your true father, Harry."
