Thank you bunches betas and reviewers!!!!!!!  Without going into detail and thus, giving away the plot, development of a particular character  is in honour of Phoenix Angel.

Rah: Harry's appearance really is not pertinent to this story, but since you asked, I hold

genetic variation responsible. If you don't like that, feel free to imagine that              Severus and James are distantly related.  If you have questions about the          possibilities of genetic variation, feel free to email me; I love genetics! J

DISCLAIMER:  I have not magically acquired the characters or places in this story.

Chapter 5

            I freeze as my child sinks to the floor. What do I do now? Should I hold him, or just let him lay there? I settle for shoving open the door and yelling for Albus.  By the time I look back at Harry, he is already coming around. I maintain my distance but continue to watch him.

"Harry? Are you all right?"

He looks at me fuzzily.  "I suppose, considering that I just found out that my parents are not only alive, but hate me more than anyone except Voldemort." He shakes his head slightly, presumably to clear it.

I open my mouth to say something, I'm not sure what, and discover that there is nothing for me to say.  I have given Harry the biggest shock of his life and I must let him decide how to handle it.

"Um. Professor, thank you for being straight with me. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but I think I need some time to, er, sort things out." He stands, looking at me for a moment longer, then turns to leave just as Albus walks in the door.

"Severus? Harry?"  Albus looks from me to Harry and back to me again. 

"I told him everything, Albus. I think he needs some time to himself to think about it all."

Harry glances at me. "Thanks, Professor".  He turns away again.

"Harry, wait.  Before you go, I need to tell you one thing."

He looks quizzically at me. 

"I don't hate you, Harry. I promise you, I don't hate you."

The boy nods and leaves.  I sink back into the chair I had previously occupied and drop my head into my hands.  Maybe we both need time. I feel Albus' eyes on me and lift my head.

"It was hard on both of you, wasn't it Severus?"

Not trusting myself to speak without breaking down, I nod. I rise with the intention of heading down to my chambers in the dungeons. 

"Severus." 

"I'll be fine, Albus.  I just need to figure out what happens next."

"I'll be here if you need me, Severus."

Like Harry, I nod, then take my leave.  Even from here, I can hear a bottle of Fire Whiskey calling my name and I have every intention of answering. 

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            Albus sat down wearily at his desk.  What a day this had been, and it wasn't even time for supper yet!  Thank Merlin it was Friday; he had a strong suspicion that Severus would be well and truly intoxicated before the evening was out. The worst of it was, there was still more bad news to be brought to light.  He hadn't had a chance to tell them about Voldemort.  He was surprised Severus did not already know that the evil wizard knew of the relationship between him and Harry.  It seemed as though Voldemort was keeping this knowledge as some sort of trump card, to be played when it would do the most damage possible.  He would have to find a way to protect them both. Severus in particular, as he lived in a most precarious position of spy.

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            Ugh. I have managed to put away an entire bottle of this swill and am diligently working on a second.  Albus disapproves of my "drowning my sorrows" in this manner, but right now, I really do not care.  My mind insists on reliving some rather painful memories and if I did not numb myself with alcohol I would probably have to resort to suicide.  I promised a long time ago that I would never do that, so I must settle for this instead.  Not that suicide would honestly be a better option; it would only deprive Harry of yet another parent. Just what he needs, I'm sure. At least he had one year with James and Lily; one year in which he was loved as every child should be loved.  I don't know, perhaps I can make amends.  Merlin help me, I do love my son.  All I have to do is convince him. I chuckle to myself.  I have a unique ability, when I am inebriated, to maintain coherent thoughts and speech, even when I cannot stand up on my own and said speech is slurred I grimace. Nasty stuff, this Fire Whiskey.  I would never drink it for pleasure.  Keeping the half-empty bottle with me and grabbing a third for good measure, I attempt to stumble across the room to my favorite chair by the fire.  Hmmm. Well, I'm close. I find myself on the floor by the sofa instead.  Feeling memories crash over me like a wave, I drain the rest of my bottle and throw it across the room, where it shatters against a wall.  The tinkling of glass gives me a moment's satisfaction.  I stare into the fire, mesmerized, and allow my muddled mind to drift until one clear thought invades my consciousness and refuses to leave.  My decision is made.

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            Harry sat quietly, picking at his supper as Ron and Hermione talked over and around him.  He was too preoccupied with his thoughts to notice when they both fell silent, staring at him in consternation. Finally, Hermione spoke.

"Um, Harry, is something bothering you? You haven't said a word all night.  Do you want to tell us what happened in Dumbledore's office?"

Harry clenched his teeth slightly, trying to decide if he should tell them. He was pretty certain that Ron would keel over at the news, but Hermione would probably take it in her usual levelheaded manner.

"Later. I'll tell you both when we have some privacy."

Hermione looked doubtful.

"Really!  I promise, I will!"

Ron and Hermione nodded and attempted to join in the casual conversation around them.  Harry tried to eat and look normal.  Risking a quick glance toward staff table, he saw that Snape was conspicuously absent.  He nudged Ron.

"Let's go now, Ron. I want to get this over with."

Ron nodded and got up as Harry pulled Hermione up by the wrist.  They followed Harry as he practically ran toward the Astronomy Tower.  All three were panting by the time they finally reached their destination.

"Alright, Harry. What is going on with you?"  Ron managed to gasp out.  Hermione just looked at Harry with wide eyes.

"You guys have to promise me you won't freak out.  What I have to tell you is weird, really weird."

His friends nodded their assent.

"Okay.  Here it is. My mum is my aunt, or, my aunt is my mum…"  Harry was shaking slightly, rapidly losing his composure.  "No, I said it wrong. Lily and James Potter were not my parents.  Petunia Dursley is my mother and –", he hesitated, "Snape is my father."

He waited for the reaction he was sure would come and was not disappointed.  Ron flew into a nearly apoplectic fury while Hermione settled for sitting down hard on the floor. Harry decided to go ahead with the entire story while he had their attention. That way they could deal with it all at once and have it over with.  When he finished, the room was filled with stunned silence.

"You do know that you cannot tell anyone what I just told you, right?

"We won't." Ron and Hermione said together.  Hermione gently touched Harry's hand.

"And you know, Harry, that if you feel like talking about anything, we're both here for you, right?"

Harry smiled weakly.  " Yes.  I do know that. Thanks, Ron, Hermione. I think I'm going to head to bed a bit early; I'm exhausted."  Harry's words were punctuated by a mighty yawn.  He and Ron headed for the boys' dormitories and Hermione for the girls'.

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I storm into Albus' office without even knocking; I need to tell him of my momentous decision before I have a chance to change my mind.  Fortunately, Albus is accustomed to my graceless manners.  He looks up, completely unruffled, as I barge through the door.

"Ah, Severus. I was hoping to see you this evening.  There is something you should know.  Voldemort has found out that Harry is your son."

I feel the blood drain from my face.  This could put a serious damper on my plans.  No, I have set my course and I will not turn back.  I steel myself to the news and tell myself that I am not surprised.  I do not respond to what he has just told me and proceed with my prepared speech.

"Albus, I can no longer do this." The slight, almost unnoticeable furrow of his brow tells me that there is no question in his mind as to the matter of which I speak, yet he will ask.  He will want to hear me say it. I decide to satisfy him before he can ask.

"I can no longer spy for you, Albus.  I have a son now. How can I be a father if  I am constantly running off to Voldemort and returning nearly unconscious?"  I fall silent, hoping against hope that the response I get is not the one I fear.  Albus gazes at me, his expression inscrutable.

"Severus. I am not sure what to say."

How about saying that of course I cannot be expected to put myself at such risk with a child to care for now? How about telling me I will have my hands full being a father for the first time and that Harry and I will have all the protection we need?  I groan inwardly, knowing that this is not what I am about to hear.  I somehow feel, deep inside my dark soul, that he will have no use for me if I refuse to spy.  I meet his ice-like eyes, knowing that the next words he utters could well mean my end. He opens his mouth to speak.

"Severus, I wish I could tell you that there are other spies, that you are free to devote yourself to fatherhood. I can certainly understand why you would want to change your  lifestyle, but the truth is, I need you.  Without you gathering information from Voldemort, I would be unable to adequately maintain the defenses at Hogwarts, and more importantly, I would be unable to effectively protect your son.  If you choose to withdraw your assistance, I will have to find another to replace you, and for that reason I will be forced to withdraw the protection Hogwarts has offered you."

He looks at me, waiting for it to sink in.  I can hardly believe what I am hearing, even though I secretly suspected it! The bloody fool is threatening to dismiss me from my position as Potions Master if I quit spying for him! 

"So you are saying that if I wish to care for my child properly, and give him the love he has never known, I will be dismissed?"

"I would hardly put it so cruelly, Severus, but yes. You will have to leave."

"Albus! You know that if I leave your protection I am as good as dead! Why would you do this to me? You have always told me that you love me as a son, but it was a lie, wasn't it? I am merely a tool, as is Harry, to serve you until we are either killed or live out our usefulness."  I close my eyes briefly against  the rising flood of panic I feel.

"I am sorry, Severus. I am well aware of the ramifications of this decision, especially now that Voldemort knows about you and Harry.  Be assured that, even should you choose to leave here, Harry will still be protected."

I am at a loss for words. I feel a red haze of fury settling over my heart.  How in the name of all that is good can I be a father to Harry and a spy for Albus?  I voice this concern once I have regained control of my tongue.

"That, Severus, is a question only you can answer.  I agree that would be nearly impossible to be a father and a spy. Especially considering the condition in which you so frequently return and the risk you take each time of not returning at all." Albus sighs.

I see a possible out and pursue it.  "Perhaps a compromise could be reached?"

His eyebrows raise; good, he is at least listening.

"Perhaps I could take a break from my spying duties, just until Harry and I have had a chance to acclimate."  I realize I am very close to pleading, but it cannot be helped. Desperate times call for desperate measures, as the saying goes.  Albus appears to be thinking it over. How I despise that man right now!

"Perhaps, Severus, perhaps.  I will consider it and give you my answer within a fortnight."  He folds his hands on his desks, signifying that he is ending the conversation.

As much as I hate to accept this answer, I really do not have much of a choice, considering my only other option is to leave Hogwarts tonight.  I have nowhere to go and he knows it.  He speaks one more time.

"In the meantime, Severus, you will continue to teach, and until I give you my final decision, you may cease your extracurricular activities.  I would also ask that you not tell Harry anything of this conversation."

I am trapped and I know it. I can do nothing but agree to his "requests". I nod and take my leave, heading down to the comforting darkness of my dungeons, knowing that I will not sleep this night.