Title: Ribena and Vodka (*shrugs* why not?)

Author: Kitai

Pairings: Piccolo + OC

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't claim to, don't sue. There that was relatively painless, ne?

Feedback: Begged for and craved!!

Notes: The OC isn't really an OC as she's real but uh, for the purpose of this fic I guess she is. Kami and Piccolo are completely OOC but nobody really cares, right? I mean, nobody actually reads this. All thoughts are like this 'thought'

Piccolo paced about his room. This is what she had driven him to; his own home a prison with that hellcat as his warden. If he left the relative safety of his room, the one room that she kept away from on pain of bloody death, he'd be made victim to her teasing. He bit back a laugh which, had it escaped, would have probably sounded slightly hysterical. He was one of the strongest fighters on the planet -- in the universe. People feared him; he'd attempted to take over the Earth, changed sides and had helped save it more times than worth counting and yet he was too embarrassed to leave his room after the events of yesterday.

*flashback*

The day started innocently enough.

After glancing furtively round his bedroom door, Piccolo walked toward the small bathroom grumbling under his breath about 'stupid half-breed Saiyans'. He was so caught up in his tirade that he failed to hear the sound of running water emanating from the bathroom. Wrenching the door open he was assailed by a wave of steam, temporarily blinding him. Blinking to clear his vision, he could make out the form of someone standing in the shower and just as his brain managed to supply him with the information that this was probably Kyonshi, his guest and student, the said someone turned around and noticed his presence.

"Hello?" Kyonshi squinted against the steam, sure that she had heard the door open.

"Uh, hello?" 'Oh yeah, that sounded real intelligent Piccolo'

Frowning slightly, Kyonshi spoke "Piccolo, is that you?"

"No." 'Why did I say that? Who else would be here?'

"Oookay then, well could you leave anyway" Hearing the door shut, Kyonshi sighed 'Freak! He does the same thing every morning; I bet he just wants to see me naked. Pervert. But then again, I am a total bishoujo.'  Kyonshi turned of the shower and quickly dried herself before wrapping a towel around her body and going to find Piccolo.

She walked slowly and carefully down the hallway toward the living room, partly to make as little noise as possible and partly to make sure she didn't lose her towel. Glancing inside and seeing no sign of Piccolo, Kyonshi crept though the room determined to find the Namek. Upon reaching the door that lead to the kitchen Kyonshi peeked through the gap between the frame and the door spotting Piccolo leaning against a counter with his back to her.

"Piccolo?" Kyonshi called out as she walked into the kitchen "Were you watching me in the shower?"

Piccolo turned around quickly when he heard Kyonshi's voice, about to deny that he'd seen her in shower but was quickly silenced by the sight in front of him. Kyonshi was standing in the doorway leaning against the frame, her face a picture of innocence. He blinked slowly, half hoping that when he opened his eyes she wouldn't be there.

No such luck.

Unable to help himself, Piccolo slowly looked from her face and down the rest of her body. Although she had dried herself, water still clung to her hair preventing it from flicking out in its usual Saiyan style and making it frame her face instead. Piccolo's followed a droplet of water as it slowly fell from her hair and travelled down her skin until it reached the top of the towel and disappeared from sight beneath it. Swallowing hard, Piccolo tried not to think of what was hidden below the towel but as dictated by psychology, whatever you don't want to think of is the only thing you can. A blush stained his cheeks as he dragged his gaze back up to her face.

"Did you hear me, Piccolo?" Kyonshi asked, frowning.

Not trusting his voice not to embarrass him further Piccolo just shook his head.

Smiling, Kyonshi pushed herself away from the doorframe and advanced on Piccolo. "I said, were you watching me in the shower?"

Without thinking about the consequences Piccolo answered that he had.

Kyonshi stopped just before Piccolo and looked up at him "Pervert."

Piccolo's eyes widen as he realised what he'd admitted to. "That's not what I-" He was interrupted by Kyonshi.

"Did you get a good look?"

"No! I didn't look at you."

The look on Kyonshi's face quickly changed from mild amusement and she lowered her head "It's because I'm ugly, isn't it?" She slowly raised her head and looked up at him as one tear coursed down her cheek.

Confused by her sudden change and feeling an irrational guilt that he was the one that had caused it, Piccolo stepped forward closing the gap between them. Bringing his hand up to her face he caught the tear.

"Of course it isn't. It's just," he stopped, not knowing what to really say when Kyonshi rested her head against his chest. Believing her to be crying again, Piccolo uncertainly placed his arms around her in an awkward hug.

"Hey Piccolo" Kyonshi said lowering her voice to little more than a whisper. Assured of his attention she leaned in toward his ear before continuing "Underneath this towel I'm naked."

Shocked, Piccolo pulled away from her "What?"

Unable to control herself anymore, Kyonshi's shoulders shook with suppressed laughter before breaking down into giggles. "Oh you are priceless Piccolo. I can't believe that…that-" She gave up talking and just laughed.

Piccolo just stood for a moment before the light of comprehension dawned and he glared at her "You little bitch. I don't believe what you just did. I'm gonna-"

Twisting away Kyonshi just laughed "Whatever it is you're gonna have to catch me first." With that she ran out of the kitchen completely forgetting that she was clad in nothing more than a towel with Piccolo following her a moment later.

As she ran into the living room, Kyonshi glanced over her shoulder to see a pissed off looking Namek close behind her and completely missed the table in front of her.

"Waaaaaaa!" As she fell she twisted round to avoid landing on the table instead falling next to the table on her back. Seeing this Piccolo tried to stop himself but momentum being what it is, he was carried forward and tripped as well, landing on top of Kyonshi.

About to make some wiseass comment about Piccolo being a hentai, Kyonshi remember that she was still only wearing a towel and froze just staring up at Piccolo. When Piccolo noticed Kyonshi just staring up at him he anticipated some form of verbal assault and started to move away. The sudden movement served to startle Kyonshi back to her current situation and she blushed and quickly broke eye contact with Piccolo. Noticing her blush, Piccolo stopped and looked at her.

'Huh? Why would she be blushing, she normally revels in embarrassing me in these situations.' Piccolo frowned and tried to get Kyonshi to look at him but she kept avoiding him and just stared intently at the table leg.

'Stupid table leg, trip me up, make Piccolo fall on me and now he keeps looking at me weird.'  Becoming angry Kyonshi abruptly turned to Piccolo. "This is all your fault, the stupid table belongs to you."

"What?"

Instead of answering him, Kyonshi just pushed at his shoulders "Get off me."

Not quite sure what had just happened, Piccolo moved off of her and just stood to one side as she stormed past him and into the bathroom to get dressed.

'Ok, what just happened?' Piccolo just stood staring after Kyonshi 'Why would she be acting weird like that?'

'Probably because you were lying on top of her and she was only wearing a towel.'

Piccolo frowned at the alien thought "Get out of my head" he growled.

'But Piccolo, I can help you.'

"Get. Out. Kami."

'Fine fine, I can tell when I'm not wanted.'

Piccolo sighed in frustration "Then why haven't you left already?" Sensing Kami about to answer him again Piccolo finally lost his temper with Earth's hentai guardian "Get out!"

"I'm already gone."

Piccolo looked up to see Kyonshi standing in the doorway and before he could say anything she ran past him and out of the house. Before Piccolo could follow her he heard a chuckle inside his head and snarled.

'Looks like you've got a few problems Piccolo.'

With that Piccolo felt Kami's presence leave his mind and it left him wondering if killing Kami would be considered suicide or homicide and that an eternity spent in hell would have to be better than this.