Author's note: Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Um, lemme think, what do I want to say . . . I do have a point to all this, really. As much as any fanfic can have a point. And I don't own the characters of Final Fantasy 8, but Esarene is mine, all mine! So . . . please keep reading . . . hope you like it!
Chapter Two: Isn't Life Strange
"Bang," Esarene said, sending a stream of water at his chest. He coughed and gasped, pretending he was dying.
"She got me," he coughed.
"Revenge is sweet." Esarene blew across the top of her gun. She looked around at the other children. "Anyone else wanna try me?" She exchanged a smile with Laguna, who was sprawled out on the ground after "dying". He lifted his watergun and aimed for her.
"Laguna?!" Rinoa entered, followed by two men, one rather large, one with dark skin. Laguna jumped up, and Esarene's water gun slid from her fingers.
"I found him," she said.
"Your hair's wet," Rinoa noted, "and you're all wet." She hid a giggle behind her hand as Laguna tried to brush the dirt from his fall off his wet clothing.
"I got a pager," the little girl called Iana said proudly, holding out Laguna's pager. "It's cool, isn't it, Miss Rinoa?"
"So, um, yeah, I'm gonna go try and talk to Irvine now," Esarene said, her face turning red. She rotated her shoulder. I didn't think I hurt it that bad this morning, she thought. Sure is acting strangely.
"Oh, um, thanks for finding him!" Rinoa said. She waved at Esarene as she left. "Um, who was that person, anyway?"
Everyone looked to Laguna, who was off in his own little world.
"Laguna . . ." Kiros began.
"Huh? What?"
"Never mind," Kiros sighed. "Anyway, there's really no point for us to be hanging around Garden any more, right? Cid's already offered to come to Esthar after he's done with his honeymoon, and there isn't much we can do without him. And the phone back at the palace is ringing off the hook. People want something to be done about the monsters."
Ward nodded.
"Yeah, Squall did say he would send some SeeDs to help deal with the monsters and the plans for the new Garden," Kiros acknowledged him.
Laguna scratched the back of his neck. "Then I guess I really should . . .talk to Squall, huh?"
"Don't tell me that you haven't," Kiros groaned.
"Of course I have. Just not about . . . that."
Ward motioned, and Kiros laughed. "That's just like him."
"Well, I guess there's no time like the present. Ack!" Leg . . . cramping . . .
"Are you okay, Mr. Laguna?" one of the boys asked. Laguna grinned.
"I'm just fine . . ."
*
Esarene didn't have any trouble finding the dormitory this time. At this rate, I'll know the place like the back of my hand before nightfall. She went down the girls hallway, hoping to find Selphie's room--and Irvine as well. She could feel her hands shaking, and clenched them into fists, wishing she weren't so nervous.
I'll just say hello. I don't have to tell him--he won't believe me, anyway. I know he won't. But I have to see him . . .man, my shoulder hasn't ached like this since that Estharian soldier dug his hook into it. It's been almost fifteen years, and I can still feel it aching . . .
And he was walking down the hall towards her. She stared at him--Irvine, the handsome young man she'd seen in the newspapers and magazines, the man responsible for saving the world.
"Can I help you with something?" he wondered.
"I don't know," Esarene replied. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."
"Are you all right?" He could see her eyes shining behind her glasses, tears waiting to fall from them. She blinked, and two tears began to run down her face. She pulled off her glasses to wipe them away, and looked up at him.
"It's kind of a long story," she said, "Irvine."
"Who are you?"
"Esarene Malan Kinneas," she replied. "Please understand, I don't expect you to forgive me, but . . ." This was going all wrong. She wanted to run away, far away--she wished she could do things over again. "I really didn't know. When I came back, they told me you were dead--you and mom and dad, the house burned down."
Irvine could remember it vaguely--the woman he called Grandma calling all over for him, the strange smell of smoke in his nostrils. He'd never smelled anything like that--he didn't like it. It was so hot . . .not the orphanage, this was before he went to the orphanage, he knew that for sure. He'd had a grandma . . .
"Esarene." So this was the woman that was looking for him, the woman whom Selphie had met.
So much for just saying hello. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to laugh. "You must think I'm crazy. I probably am."
"So why did you come looking for me, then?" Irvine replied, thinking that he already knew the answer.
"Because I wanted to see you," Esarene replied, "for the first time in fifteen years."
Irvine looked down. "You could be anyone."
"I know." Esarene also looked aside. "I don't expect you to understand," she said, "I know, it's been a long time, and we never knew each other. You don't have to forgive me. I just wanted to see you, that's all. In person, not just the pictures that went everywhere after you became a hero." She tried to smile at him. "But how many Irvine Kinneases can there be?"
Irvine couldn't shove the smell of smoke from his memory. "So . . .you are . . ."
"My name is Esarene," she replied. "We can leave it at that, for now, I suppose."
Irvine stared at her, mixed feelings churning in his brain. Can she really be my mother? I was so small . . .I can barely remember coming to the orphanage, let alone anything before that . . .but--the fire--my grandma--
The woman smiled at him. She reached into a handbag and pulled out a few photographs. "Here, look," she said, giving them to him.
Irvine looked. The first was of a young woman--not much older than himself--with a tiny baby in her arms, smiling somewhat forcedly and standing in front of a house that looked familiar to Irvine. The style of clothing was from a bygone age, but the photograph hadn't faded--it could have been taken yesterday. The young woman had close-cropped curls and glasses . . .he could tell she was the same woman who stood before him.
He flipped it over. Reney and baby Irvy come home.
The next photograph was of two older people, a couple that Irvine recognized, though only vaguely. A woman with red curls just beginning to go to gray held the baby in her arms, and the man beside her had dark brown hair that was beginning to recede from his forehead. They both looked happy. The baby had an odd look on his face, as if he weren't sure how he felt.
The scrawl on the back said, Grandma and Grandpa with baby Irvy, six weeks old.
The next picture had a baby sitting at a high chair, cake smeared across his face and hands. He had hair now, hair the same golden brown as the woman's behind him--she was the one from in the first picture, her hair a bit longer, and looking somewhat exhausted but still happy. Irvine guessed what the back would say before he looked--Irvine's first birthday.
There was a picture framed in the background as well--a picture of two children. One was most likely a younger version of Esarene, and the other . . .
He went on to the next picture. The boy was about two years old, the boy that he knew was himself and yet looked so unfamiliar. A woman in the armor of a Galbadian soldier knelt next to him, the boy clinging to her in a tight hug. It was a sad picture--both mother and son looked so sad--
"Don't go away, Mama . . .please don't . . ."
Irvine blinked back into the present, surprised to feel his eyes stinging. He flipped the picture over. Esarene goes back to the army, it said. Irvy, 26 months.
There was only one picture left, this one older than all the others. Two children--he estimated that they were about twelve and ten--sitting at a piano. The older was probably Esarene, and she stared at the music on the piano in concentration. The younger, a boy that Irvine didn't recognize, smiled at the camera.
Reney and Irvy, summer recital practice.
"That's not . . ." Irvine began.
"That's the only picture I've got of your uncle," said Esarene. "He died before you were born."
"I need to sit down," said Irvine. I need more than that.
Selphie stepped out through her doorway. "Irvine--"
"Sorry I've been so long," Irvine said. "I . . .uh . . ."
"Pictures?" Selphie gasped, walking up to where the two of them stood. "Can I look? Can I, please?"
"Can we go in your room and sit down?" Irvine asked wearily.
"Sure, come on!" Esarene followed Selphie and Irvine into Selphie's room. The two of them sat down on Selphie's bed, and Esarene took a seat at a desk on the other side of the room.
"So you came to show him pictures?" Selphie asked Esarene.
"In a way," Esarene replied. "You're welcome to look."
Irvine gave the pictures to Selphie. She looked at the one of Irvy with his grandparents. "Oh, how adorable! That baby--" She flipped the picture over, and looked at Irvine. "No way!"
Esarene blinked, eyes stinging. "That's Irvine."
"No way, no way!" Selphie gasped. "Oh my god, how did you get these pictures?"
Esarene opened her mouth, but no sounds came out. Selphie flipped to the next photograph, Irvine's first birthday, with Esarene in the background, smiling across the years. "Oh, is that lady your mother?"
She looked from Irvine to Esarene and back to Irvine. Her eyes widened in realization, and she clasped her hands over her mouth. "Oh . . .oh my god!"
*
"Don't tell me you're going to give up the presidency of Esthar and start a day care center," Kiros groaned.
Laguna shrugged. "I'm sorry, it's just that I don't get to see children very often. So what was the call from Esthar, now?"
"A bunch of Elnoyles got into the palace," Kiros explained. "The army pushed them back, but not before they could make a mess of things and put a lot of the staff in the hospital. The secretary of defense says that if we don't get some SeeDs to Esthar for monster control he's going to send a herd of Elnoyles after you, Laguna."
"Crap. I'd better talk to the commander, then."
"And Ward says that they've already sent a plane. They should be arriving in a couple hours."
"So this is it, eh?" Laguna pushed his hair out of his face. This is it. Now or never. Unless . . .
"Are you gonna go away, Mr. Laguna?" The president of Esthar belatedly realized that the children he'd been having a water fight with were still gathered around his legs. He looked down at them and sighed.
"Oh, come on, guys," he said. "You've all got your family and friends to go home to. And I'll come back and play with you guys again. I promise."
"Will you page me?" Iana held up the pager.
"Sure." Laguna rustled her hair. "I'll come back and I'll give you a call."
"But this pager's broken . . ." She looked sad.
"Laguna . . ." Kiros and Ward were smiling, but they looked impatient.
"I bet Mr. Zell can fix it, though!" another boy suggested.
"Yeah, let's go find Mr. Zell!" The children scurried off, calling good-bye to Laguna. He sighed.
"I guess we'd better head up to the main office," he said. "And we'll talk to him, and make arrangements. And then . . .and then I'll talk to him alone."
*
"Irvine Kinneas, please come to the third floor office," a voice said over the loudspeaker.
"Now what is it, Squall?" Irvine asked the intercom. "Come on, I'm busy, Mr. Commander."
"Irvine, get up here as soon as possible."
Irvine shrugged. "I guess I've got to go. Sorry . . .Esarene." He started towards the door.
"Hold on a second!" Selphie jumped up and caught his sleeve. "I bet your mom would like to meet Squall."
"Um . . ."
Esarene shrugged. "Sure, it's fine with me, whatever."
"All right, come on! This is so great! Irvine, I can't believe you got to meet your mom!"
Irvine looked at the ground as they walked towards the elevator. Yes, I got to meet my mom, he thought. But I still don't know a lot of things. Why did she leave? Where was she while I was growing up? She might've given birth to me, but what does that mean, anyway?
Selphie continued to carry on a conversation as the elevator ascended. Esarene didn't have to say much, Selphie was doing just fine on her own. It was a short ride, and the door opened again. Irvine stepped out first. The two women followed him into the office.
Esarene's mouth fell open in shock. "What the heck is that?"
"That's the cockpit," Selphie explained. "That's where they drive the Garden."
Esarene finally took her eyes off the platform as Selphie dragged her over to shake hands with Squall. He's even better looking than his pictures, Esarene thought. And young enough to be my son. She coughed.
"This is Squall Leonhart," Selphie began the introductions. "And this is President Laguna Loire of Esthar and his two aides, Kiros Seagill and Ward Zabach."
"Hi," said Esarene.
"Er, pleased to meet you, but we're kind of short on time," Squall said. What is she doing here? he wondered. "Um . . .Irvine?"
Irvine shrugged. "What did you want to talk about, Commander?"
Esarene turned to Laguna. "So where are your children?"
Laguna turned red. It took him a moment to figure out what she meant. "Oh--oh, they weren't my kids. I don't have any children--well, I don't . . .uh . . .really . . ." He became more and more confused as he tried to explain, and Esarene's eyes sparkled with concealed laughter. The ache in her shoulder was finally subsiding.
"That's pretty short notice," Irvine was saying. "Why can't you do it yourself?"
"Cid left Quistis and I in charge of Garden," Squall explained, "and Zell's going to the conference for the new Galbadian Senate in two days. I figure you and Selphie are the best ones for this job."
"Oh, man . . .of all the days . . ." Irvine leaned in closer to Squall. "First this woman shows up saying she's my mother, now you want me to go off to Esthar? Tonight? Man, I can't take this!"
Selphie put a hand on his shoulder. "I really think they've gotta talk," she said to Squall. "Can't this wait until tomorrow, at least?"
"The plane's already on its way," Squall said. "There's no time. This has been put off long enough."
"Procrastination suits me just fine," Irvine muttered. "When's the plane supposed to arrive?" he asked.
"It should arrive in about three hours," Kiros put in. "We know it's short notice, but we can afford to pay for your inconvenience. I think that's enough time to get ready. You've got to pack up, too, Lagu--"
"They're talking to you, Mr. President," Esarene said, nodding towards Kiros and the others.
"Oh, uh, yeah, of course!" Laguna was blushing again.
Kiros shook his head. "We should be able to take about fifteen others on the plane," he said. "It'll seat twenty."
"Quistis has all the records," Squall said thoughtfully. "Come on, we'll go down and see who's best for the assignment." Squall, Kiros, Ward, Irvine, and Selphie headed for the door.
"So, I didn't catch your name," Laguna was saying.
"Come on, Laguna!" called Irvine.
"Oh, sorry," Laguna replied, and started after the others.
"It's Esarene Kinneas," Esarene said, walking after the rest of them. Squall turned around.
"Kinneas?" he echoed.
Irvine sighed and pushed the button on the elevator for the second floor. "It's not a coincidence," he said. "You didn't give me a chance to explain. She's my birth mother. Are you all right, Mr. Loire?"
Laguna did seem to have turned a strange color.
"We were separated," Esarene said. "It's a bit of a long story."
"Breathe, Laguna," Kiros said, as Ward patted the president's back. Esarene blushed.
"Did I say something--"
"I'm all right," Laguna said. The doors opened and the group piled out of the elevator.
"What the hell, I might as well announce it to everyone," Irvine shouted. He yanked open the door to the classroom where Quistis and Zell were working. "Hello, everyone, this is Esarene Malan Kinneas. She's my mother."
Quistis looked up calmly. "Oh, hello, Irvine. I take it she finally found you, then?"
Zell, on the other hand, was making strange, strangled coughing sounds.
I seem to have that effect on men, Esarene thought. Oh well. Ack! Irvine had grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her out into the hall, shutting the door behind them.
"I want you to explain things to me," he said. "Everything. Since I was born. Where's my father? Why weren't you there while I was growing up? Where did you go? Why did I get sent to the orphanage?"
"Do you remember anything?" Esarene wondered. "You probably would've been four years old . . ."
"Only vague things--nothing important. And I don't remember you."
Esarene closed her eyes. "I met your father when I was in Galbadia's military. He used me, and left me. I had to go back home when they found out I was pregnant--they gave me maternity leave. I was only nineteen, and I was upset at first. I was too young to be a mother. I wanted to give my child up for adoption at first, but I decided against it. I was lonely, I guess . . . my brother had just been killed in the war, and I felt as if I had no one to love. And I learned to love you. When I finally gave birth, I named you after my brother, Irvine.
"And we went home. It was hard, at first--I had no idea what to do with a baby--but my parents were understanding, and they helped me out a lot. Sometimes, I was afraid you liked your grandma better than you liked me. I got used to it, and eventually I couldn't imagine living without you. After my brother Irvine died, I had given up on myself. Now I felt like I could face myself again. I remember when you first called me 'mama'--when you first told me you loved me. At first I had felt guilty and embarrassed--an unwed mother wasn't something to be proud of--but you loved me, and you were, in my eyes, perfect in every way.
"But when you were two years old, I was called back to the army. I was going to come back to you when I was finished, and my parents took care of you while I was away. The war was almost over--I thought it would be a month, at the most, before I could see you again. I had only a few pictures I took with me, the pictures I showed you earlier, but I looked at them every day, and kept them in a bag where they wouldn't get dirty.
"I was hurt pretty bad. You know those strange hook-guns that the Estharian soldiers used to use? My left shoulder got ripped up, my collarbone was broken, and I lost a lot of blood. I didn't get medical attention for a while, and it became infected, and when I finally got to a hospital they thought I would die. I was in there for months before they let me out, and I went home.
"And found that there wasn't a home to come back to. My house had burned down. Our neighbors said that my whole family had died--you, my mom, and my dad. I couldn't believe it, but you already had a headstone in the Deling Cemetery. It wasn't until later that I found out they'd never found your tiny body--but what did that mean? No one had seen you--how could you have survived?"
Irvine's face had remained emotionless throughout the entire story. "Come to Esthar," he said. "There's a woman there with the power to let a person see the past through another's eyes. You say things that I think I should remember, but I can't. All I know is there was a fire. I believe you, but I want to see things for myself."
"Is it all right if I come with you?" Esarene asked.
Irvine shrugged. "It's simple enough," he said. "I'll just tell them that I won't go unless you're allowed to come too. Laguna won't care--he's easygoing enough."
"All right," Esarene said. "But won't the President be upset when he finds out I fought with Galbadia against Esthar in the war?"
"He shouldn't," Irvine replied. "Seeing as he did the same thing."
"What?"
"Irvine, get your ass back in here," Squall said, dragging Irvine back into the room. Squall shut the door. I guess I don't belong in there, Esarene thought with a sigh.
