I'm...fine...

The only thing that took me longer than writing this chapter was coming up with a title for it...well, anyway, it's a story. I don't normally do author's notes. I have nothing to say. You don't care what I have to say. So just read the story.

Chapter 5: Awkward Smile

"Why not now?" Esarene asked herself softly, staring down at the blank page of her blank tablet. She clenched her fist around her pen. "Why...I still can't..."

The room at the inn looked so very bare and uninspiring. Still, for a second, she'd felt so hopeful...

A knock at the door. Esarene put the tablet aside. "I'm coming," she said, looking through the peephole before opening the door.

"Man, I looked all over for you! You could have stayed with us in the palace, you know," Irvine said.

Esarene blinked at him. There was something different about him, now. So-he knew. Now what?

"I was..." Irvine trailed off. To Esarene's surprise, he then engulfed her in an enthusiastic hug. "I'm so glad," he said.

A smile slowly grew on Esarene's face. "I'm still...sorry," she said

"There's nothing to apologize for," Irvine said firmly. "It's that damn Valdaeve's fault. Man, if I ever get my hands on him-"

"Irvine..." Esarene felt her eyes stinging with tears. "It was all a long time ago," she said.

"You didn't have anyone to stand up for you," he said. "From now on, it's going to be different. Grandma and Grandpa and your brother are gone, but you still have me."

Esarene stepped back to sit on her bed. "I..."

"I understand, now," Irvine said. "We're family. I really have a family, now."

They spend most of that night catching up on things, telling stories of the past that they'd missed out on. Esarene told him about the things he'd done as a baby, and Irvine laughed and told her about his experiences from when he'd been at the orphanage, his training as a SeeD, and his mission to save the world. Esarene told him about his family-his grandparents that he vaguely remembered, and the uncle who had died before he was born. There was so much to tell, and each anecdote sparked a new memory to be uncovered.

"Come back with me," Irvine said, as the sun was coming up over the horizon. "You shouldn't have to worry about finding a place to stay."

"So I can hang out with all of your friends?" Esarene asked, a bit quizzically.

"All the guys already think you're hot," Irvine noted. Esarene coughed. "Really, I mean it. I don't want you to have to be all on your own."

"I don't want to be a burden on you..."

"I would just be happy knowing you're safe."

Esarene felt a pang in her shoulder. "And I don't suppose anyone else would object?"

"Well, I am co-commander of this mission. And Laguna wouldn't care if I told him I was using his courtyard to train Malboros, so he won't object."

"So now you're putting your mother in the same category as Malboros?"

"I must say, though, you hide your tentacles well..."

Esarene frowned. "Don't talk to your mother that way."

"So you're going to come stay with us?"

"I suppose I don't seem to have a choice."

*

Laguna walked down the hallway, a large stack of books in his hands, carefully balanced under his chin. "Hey, Mr. Loire."

"Huh?" He lost his balance, and the books fell from his arms.

"What are you doing?" Esarene began helping him pick up the books. She looked at the titles-they were all kid's books. Laguna blushed.

"They're for Deban's birthday, mostly," he said. "He's gonna be eight next week."

"Deban?" echoed Esarene, keeping some of the stack for herself.

"Ward's son. Thank you," he said, as Esarene walked beside him, carrying some of the books for him.

"So, Squall will be getting here tomorrow, right?" Esarene said casually. Laguna froze. Esarene raised an eyebrow.

"You don't need to tell me to do it," Laguna said.

Esarene smiled. "I know." They continued walking. "Sorry," she added.

"Why?"

"For nosing into your business and stuff."

Laguna shook his head. "I'm not upset with you." He smiled. "Quite the opposite, actually. I think it would be harder for me to talk to Squall if I hadn't met you. Well, here we are." He opened the door to his room carefully. "You can put the books down over there."

Esarene put them down and looked around at Laguna's suite. She wondered when the last time he'd cleaned up was, as she stepped over a few discarded plates.

"I'm sorry, maybe you shouldn't look around too closely," Laguna said, stepping in front of her and laughing sheepishly. "I...uh...wasn't really expecting visitors..."

"Oh well. I should probably be on my way, anyway."

"Hey, just a second!" Laguna called after her. Esarene turned around, blinking at him.

"Hmm?"

"I just wanted to say thank you," he said. "And...I...did you happen to hear who won the election in Galbadia?"

"Coray Akito," Esarene replied, after a moment's pause. "Is that all?"

"Um, yeah, I guess," Laguna replied.

"Okay then, see you later." Esarene left him to himself. She thought that perhaps he would have liked to say more, but couldn't manage it. She supposed, whatever it was, he could say it later.

Though, judging from his speed with talking to Squall, it could take him years...

"You're Ms. Kinneas, aren't you?" The speaker was a brown-haired woman on the short side, dressed in Estharian garb. She looked about the same age as Esarene, and had a gentle, elegant air about her.

"Um, yes," Esarene said. Everyone had heard about her relationship with Irvine, now, but it was strange that so many strangers knew her name.

The woman smiled. "I've heard about you from the girls. I'm Anita Zabach." Esarene shook her hand. "Do you know if Laguna's around?"

"Yes, I think he just got back," Esarene replied.

"I'm sure he bought too much again," sighed Anita. "He spoils those children terribly. He loves them, but when the day is over, he still gets to send them back to their mothers." Anita smiled.

"I suppose he's trying to make up for what he missed out on," Esarene suggested.

"I know that," Anita replied. "Well, anyway-you're going to be staying a while, aren't you?"

Esarene blinked. "Well, yes, I suppose...I don't really know..."

"I'm practically everyone's mother around here," Anita said. "If you need anything, let me know. And I'll talk to Laguna about getting you another place to stay. You shouldn't have to be in the dormitory with the SeeDs."

"Oh, no, I'm all right," Esarene insisted. "I . . . thank you, though."

*

"What are you eatin', Irvine?" Selphie asked, leaning around his shoulder. "Crumbs?"

Irvine spun around, his face pink. "I have got to tell my mother to stop telling everyone baby stories."

"Oh, come on, why not?" Selphie teased. "You were so cute! I can just see you, little baby Irvy, sitting on the ground-"

"Jeez, Sefie..." Irvine breathed, looking around. No one seemed to be in earshot, which was a relief. "I'm gonna ask Elle to send me back in your past. And I'm going to get you back. I am."

Selphie backed away at the annoyance in his voice. "What's wrong, Irvine?"

"Oh, nothing. I've just been thinking." He lifted the newspaper off his desk and showed it to her. "Did Esarene tell you about who my father was?"

Selphie shook her head, and Irvine thrust the newspaper in her face. "Akito defeats Valdaeve," she read aloud.

"My father lost the election," Irvine said. "I'm glad."

Selphie blinked at him. "I don't understand. You mean-this Valdaeve guy-"

"How many Darrion Valdaeves can there be?" Irvine shrugged. "Basically, he got my mom pregnant and left her on her own. I really, really hate him."

Selphie sat down beside him. "You know, I'm really glad that you two are getting along so well," she said.

"Why wouldn't we?" Irvine replied.

"I don't know," Selphie sighed. "I wonder if anyone in my family is still alive."

"You know, after I went through my mother's memories, it made me remember some more things. I can remember the fire that killed my grandparents. Matron-Edea-came...she was too late to save them, but she saved me. I was just three years old-almost four. I knew what it was like to have a family. And I didn't really understand it, but they were gone...

"I can remember when we met."

"Oh?"

"Hm." Irvine nodded. "I was scared and lonely. You hated to see anyone sad, so you tried to cheer me up. You told me that you'd be my family, from then on. And after that...well." He grinned. "We were just inseparable, I guess."

"Did I say that?" Selphie was blushing. Irvine covered his hand with hers.

"And it seems like we're going to be inseparable for a long, long time," he said, leaning in to kiss her. This time...

"Sir, Commander Leonhart has arrived!"

"Dammit!" Irvine roared at the messenger SeeD who had just arrived at his door.

"Um...excuse me..."

"Thank you for letting us know," Selphie said, standing up to greet the messenger. Irvine buried his head in his hands, cursing under his breath. "Tell him we'll meet with him shortly." The messenger saluted and jogged off. "Hey, Irvine."

"Hm?" Irvine replied sulkily. Selphie leaned down to place a kiss on his lips. "I guess we should go talk to Squall, huh?"

*

Squall Leonhart, commander of Garden, all around cool guy, raised an eyebrow. "Are you feeling all right, Irvine?"

"I'm...fine..." Irvine replied. Selphie giggled.

"Welcome back," she said. "How is everyone?"

"Fine," Squall replied. Selphie made a face.

"Jeez, is that all you can say?" she admonished him. Squall shrugged.

"We've been summoned for a meeting with the president," he said. "Cid's already there, waiting for us. Oh-and you're supposed to bring your mother, Irvine."

"Huh? Why..."

"I don't know, that's just what I was supposed to tell you."

"Okay. I'll page her and let her know. After this is done, do you want to go get dinner? I just found this great restaurant downtown..."

Squall shrugged. "Whatever."

"Cool," Irvine replied. He fiddled with his pager for a moment, then nodded. "All right then, let's go."

*

"You must be Irvine Kinneas," said a man in Estharian robes. "And Selphie Tilmitt. Pleased to meet you."

"Yes, this is Mr. Arka Pannet," Headmaster Cid put in. "He's the architect we've been working with for the new Garden. And Mrs. Lanalie Harson is in charge of the contractors who will be building it."

"Pleased to meet you," said a dark-haired woman, also dressed in Estharian garb. Irvine and Selphie shook the hands of the newcomers, and Laguna motioned for them all to take seats in his office.

"I believe we can get started, then," Cid said.

"I thought Esarene was supposed to be here," Selphie said.

"That's another matter," Laguna replied. "We can get started, now. Anita?"

Anita pressed a few keys on a remote control, and a screen flashed into life behind Laguna's desk. A three-dimensional rendering of the new Garden appeared on the screen. Mr. Pannet began to give a detailed description of the new Garden, and Irvine zoned out. He looked at Selphie, thought about her kiss. Just a little kiss on the lips...but it had been a nice kiss, nonetheless. He looked forward to their next kiss. And he began to wonder...

"I'm sorry, I hurried over as quickly as I could." Esarene's hair was a bit wild, her cheeks red, and she was breathing heavily, as if she had been running. Everyone turned to look at her, standing in the doorway to Laguna's office. Everyone looked so serious and businesslike, and Esarene's face turned even redder. She tried to tame her curls, feeling everyone's eyes drilling into her. Squall and Laguna's stares were especially conspicuous, and Irvine wanted to smack them for looking at his mother in such a fashion. Never mind that she was wearing a short skirt that emphasized the fact that her legs were far too nice for a woman her age...when had she purchased that?! wondered Irvine.

"Uh..." Laguna said, fumbling for words. Irvine wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. And she doesn't have a clue that she's doing it, he realized. She's really embarrassed about being late-embarrassed! She doesn't even realize-

Would I be doing the same thing, if she weren't my mother? Irvine shuddered.

"Come in, have a seat," Anita said cheerfully. "It's all right, we were just going over the plans for the new Garden."

"Uh...what's that got to do with me?" wondered Esarene.

"It'll just be a moment," Anita said. "Please, continue, Mr. Pannet."

Esarene was very quickly lost by what the man was saying. Irvine went back to daydreaming; Selphie was only half listening. Squall figured it was his duty to pay attention, but he didn't really care. It was a struggle just to stay awake. Arka Pannet had a droning voice that reminded him of one of his professors back at Balamb Garden, an old man who spoke in a slow monotone that tended to put his students to sleep. Laguna seemed to be dozing off at his desk, and Anita poked him to wake him up.

Finally, the discussion was over. Cid, Laguna, Pannet and Harson did some last-minute discussion, and Irvine, Selphie, and Squall were also invited to sign some of the documents cementing the plans for Esthar Garden.

"I'm starving," Irvine noted, stretching. "Let's go eat now. If that's not a problem...?" he looked to Cid and Laguna.

"Go ahead," Cid said. "We're just about done, here."

Irvine, Selphie, and Squall left to go to the restaurant. Meanwhile, Esarene sat almost motionless in her seat. "What am I doing here?" she wondered.

"I talked to Laguna," Anita said to her, taking her by surprise. "I've got to go pick up Deban from school, now. Talk to you later!"

"So, if that's settled, I'm going to go see where Squall went to," Cid concluded. "And then we'll be heading back to Balamb in the morning."

"One more thing--" Laguna began, and Cid stopped. "No, it's all right, go," the president said. "I've just got a question for Ms. Kinneas."

"All right," Cid said. "We're departing from the airstation at 9:30 tomorrow." He left.

"Are you going to leave then, too?" Laguna wondered, pacing behind his desk. Esarene looked at the clock, then at the president of Esthar.

And all of a sudden, her shoulder was aching, and Laguna was clutching his cramping leg.

"Are you okay?" they both asked at once. They blushed and smiled at each other. Esarene realized how hard it was not to smile with Laguna.

"I don't know if I'm going to go or not," Esarene admitted. "I don't know where I'd go, really. And I'd like to get to know Irvine better."

"You're welcome to stay here," Laguna offered eagerly. "You don't even have to stay in the dormitory with the rest of the SeeDs--there's a guest suite here in the palace we could fix up for you."

"I appreciate the offer, but I don't have the money--"

"You don't have to worry about money," said Laguna, limping around his desk and coming closer to her. "You're a guest. We're certainly not hurting for money, and you're welcome to stay as long as you like for no charge."

"That's...a very kind offer," Esarene said, unable to suppress her smile of surprise and relief. "I'm afraid I can't refuse. But what will your aides think of it?"

"I don't know...doesn't make a difference. I'm the president, after all."

"Thank you," Esarene said. "I can't thank you enough, Mr. Loire."

"Laguna," he corrected her. "You don't have to call me Mr. Loire."

"Only if you quit calling me Ms. Kinneas," Esarene insisted.

"Whatever you say, Esarene."