Author's notes: Oh yeah! That's gotta be the best title I've come up with in a long time! This took me a while, but it was a fun chapter to write. I like it when Laguna and Reney get introspective (though that's just me…the scenes are a fun challenge to write though). I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 6: Breaking New Ground
"Squall, may I have a word with you?"
Squall just shrugged. The sun was setting over the tall buildings of Esthar, a few birds chirping in the trees around them. A garden was a rare thing in the technological capital of the world, but there was one included in the Presidential Palace complex. He sat down on a bench and looked at Laguna, who sat down across from him. Laguna scratched the back of his head.
"Well, you see, I'm not sure how to say this..."
"You're my father." There was no question in Squall's voice, it was just a statement. "I figured it out already, okay?"
Laguna jerked in surprise, then regained composure. "You...you did?"
Squall shrugged. "Well, it was pretty obvious."
"So...now what?"
"I don't know. Does it really matter?" He stood up and began to pace around. "I'm not mad at you, but you can't just come into my life and expect to be my father. Not when we've never met before. I'm an adult. It doesn't work that way."
Laguna looked down at the ground. "That doesn't change the fact that I am..."
"I know you are. Biologically, anyway. But it really doesn't change anything. Am I supposed to start calling you Dad?"
"Esarene and Irvine..."
"The situation is different." Squall sighed, trying to sort out his own feelings. "Elle really loves you, but I...I didn't know you. I was in your mind, but you're still...a stranger." And a moron, at times, he added silently.
"Well, I feel like I should do something—anything I can for you..." Laguna drifted off.
"I'm all right. Like I said, I'm not mad at you. I mean, you're all right, I guess."
Thanks, thought Laguna sarcastically. And spoke before he thought about it. "I wish your mother could see you."
Squall looked up at the darkening sky, thinking for a long time. "I guess," he finally said, "things are going to be different, after all."
I don't understand...even though we didn't know each other, there's still some sort of bond between us. It wasn't just the hints...I guess I always knew who he was. Doesn't make any sense, how a person like him could produce a person like me. In another world, we might have been...I might have been... Squall pictured himself as a younger version of Laguna, grinning as his leg cramped up while he talked to Rinoa.
Well...maybe not.
"It's not something we have to figure out tonight, I suppose," Laguna sighed, "but I wanted you to know." His throat felt dry as he fumbled for words.
"Yeah," Squall said. "I'm glad you told me," he added sincerely. "Thank you."
"I…thank you, too," Laguna replied.
"Good night…father." Squall tested the word, to see how it would sound coming out of his mouth. It sounded strange, didn't seem to taste right. Laguna found it strange as well, but he appreciated the effort.
"Good night," he replied.
*
"'Scuse me," a soft voice said. Esarene looked up from the box she was unloading to see a boy standing in her doorway. His straight blond hair fell around his face in a bowl cut, and he held a clothes hanger. "I think you dropped this outside." He was fidgeting, his face red.
"Did I? Thank you," Esarene walked over to take it from his hands.
"You're welcome," the boy mumbled. He dashed off before Esarene could say anything else.
There was so little to unload...the suite was far too large for her few possessions. There was a living room, a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom with a shower; everything was spacious, and it looked so bare.
I never did anything to deserve this, she thought guiltily. When I find a job, I'm going to pay him for this room. I can't just live off charity.
She looked at another feature of the room, a computer terminal and keyboard tucked into a corner of her bedroom. She started it up in curiosity, opened a word processor.
I can remember the last time I was alive, she typed, but it was so long ago that I got used to being a ghost. I suppose I can't expect to recover overnight.
"That was easy enough," she said aloud. "I guess…I shouldn't give up yet."
"Hey, Esarene, guess what?!"
Esarene looked up in surprise. Selphie took a step back.
"Your door was open…"
"It's all right," Esarene replied. "You just surprised me."
"Oh, okay. I just had the best idea. You know how everyone's gonna come for the groundbreaking in a couple days?" Esarene barely had time to nod. "We should have a party! A big party, with a dance and food and stuff. I know I can put it together—I love arranging things like this. And it's going to be a lot of fun."
"I bet." Esarene smiled.
"Do you want to help?" Selphie asked.
"I'd like to, but my time would probably be better spent working," Esarene sighed. "Though I don't even know where to start..."
Selphie blinked at her. "Well, what do you want to do?"
"It's not a matter of what I want to do." Esarene looked up at the ceiling. "Writing doesn't really pay well."
"Hey! I don't know why I didn't think of it before. You're pretty good in a fight, and they're always looking for people to go on the monster-killing patrols. Some of the other SeeDs are going out on them when they need to make some money."
"I guess that is an idea," Esarene said. "Thanks, Selphie. I'll try to help you out if I get a chance, but…" She felt her cheeks getting red. "So, Irvine's going to be your date, I suppose?"
Selphie grinned. "I think so," she said. "You know what would be really cute? You should go with Sir Laguna."
Esarene coughed, her cheeks burning. "You…think so?"
"Well, he's about your age, isn't he? And you're both single…"
"He's seven years older than me, I think," Esarene noted.
"Well, it's not that big a deal. He's such a nice guy—really handsome…"
"Did you just call him 'Sir Laguna'?"
"I dunno, I just came up with that when we were in the flashback with him." She smiled. "It would be fun, wouldn't it?"
"Well…yeah," Esarene admitted.
"You're all red," noted Selphie, giggling. Esarene shook her head.
"You're right, you're right, he's nice and stuff…but…you know," she drifted off.
"And you can't say he's not interested. He falls all over himself every time you're in the same room."
"You mean he's not like that all the time?"
"Only around a girl he likes." Now Esarene was laughing, hiding her red face behind a hand.
"We'll just have to see what happens, won't we?"
"Sometimes it's weird to think of you as Irvine's mom," Selphie said. "I mean, am I telling Irvine's mom who she should go out with?"
"It's funny, isn't it?" Esarene grinned. You can always find something funny, if you look for it. And that's what keeps you alive.
*
"I was hoping I'd get a chance to see you again," Edea said. "It's been a while, hasn't it, Ellone?"
"It has, hasn't it?" Ellone replied. "And what's your name?" she asked the girl who stood beside the sorceress. She appeared to be thirteen or fourteen years old, with straight, ginger-brown hair tied into a ponytail.
"Lotus," the girl said. She didn't seem shy, but her voice wasn't strong, and she didn't seem to be as vibrant as Kiros's daughters. She regarded the world with a dispassionate expression.
"Cid and I adopted her while we were traveling. I guess this makes me 'Matron' again." Edea smiled.
"There are a couple girls here your age," Ellone noted. "I'll introduce you to them."
"If you want to," Lotus replied. She reminded Ellone of Squall; they both displayed the same quiet indifference. Comes from a tough life, I suppose, Ellone decided. If I hadn't had Raine and Laguna to love me when I was little…
…Well, if anyone can bring this girl out of her shell, Jochana and Jeina can.
"Ellone was one of the orphans I took care of," Edea was explaining to Lotus. "She was the oldest, so she helped me take care of the others…"
Lotus looked at the woman skeptically. "You still wouldn't understand." She spoke with the rebellious certainty of a young teenager, despite the fact that her eyes seemed far too old for her face. She is like Squall, thought Ellone, suppressing a giggle. Someone has got to introduce the two of them. Squall has to see what it's like to deal with himself… "What's so funny?" Lotus wanted to know.
"Nothing, really," Ellone replied. "You just remind me a little bit of someone I know."
"Whatever," Lotus replied. Ellone pretended to cough. "Matron Edea, isn't it about time we headed for the airstation to catch your husband?"
*
Ugh. All I want right now is to take a nice hot shower, and then a really long nap. Gah, I really earned my gil today. Esarene felt grimy, sweaty, and disgusting, but at least she had plenty of money to show for it. She had taken Selphie's advice to work on one of the monster patrols, and proved that she still had what it took in a fight. But I bet I'm going to hurt tomorrow…best not to think about it now. She felt completely drained, ready to fall down and sleep…but she needed to wash up first. Good thing no one's about at this hour. It'd be so embarrassing if someone were to see me like this, especially, say—
"Esarene?" The woman winced, recognizing the voice as belonging to Laguna Loire. Of all the people…
"Hey, Laguna," Esarene replied nonchalantly, continuing in her weary trek back to her room. Laguna followed, looking her up and down.
"Are those new shoes?" he asked. Esarene just about fell over.
"Um…not really…" she said, making an odd face and wishing she could disappear. "I know I'm a mess, I just got back from working a monster patrol, all right?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out the day's earnings. "Here, rent for the room. I think it should cover about a month." She had received a great deal—they were desperate for warriors, and Esarene had killed a good deal of monsters…
"Don't give me your money," Laguna replied, pushing her gil back at her.
"I don't want to live on your charity," Esarene insisted, pushing her money back at him. "Take it."
"No, it's okay," Laguna insisted. Esarene glared at him.
"Look," she said, "I'm a mess, and I'm exhausted. The last thing I want to do right now is stand here arguing with you. Just take the money so I can get back to my room, all right?"
"Hey," Laguna began. Esarene deposited the cash in his hands and continued walking. "Wait a second!"
"What?" Esarene turned around. Laguna tried to speak, but his throat felt so dry…
"I…uh, well, I…you see…ah…" His leg was cramping, and he couldn't speak. "Um, never mind."
Esarene smiled at him. "I'll see you tomorrow night."
"Um…okay." Esarene headed for her room, and Laguna just stood there. "I wonder what's happening tomorrow night…"
Ward was waving a hand in his face. "What's your problem?" Kiros asked him. "We've got to catch the plane to the construction site…"
"I'm not surprised." The voice belonged to Dania Seagill.
"You're coming too?"
"I'm sick of being left behind," Dania replied. "And something so important shouldn't be left to just him," she added, looking pointedly at Laguna. Kiros and Dania, Ward and Anita were all standing there, waiting for him. Laguna felt strangely…isolated. He sighed.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go break some ground!" Dania shook her head, and Kiros shrugged.
"You're the one who wanted to come along," he said.
*
The SeeDs sat in the waiting room of the airstation while preparations were made for boarding their flight. Selphie had spent her time staring out the window, watching planes take off and land, but when she looked back into the room she saw Irvine making a rather sour face at the papers he was reading.
"Hey, Irvine, what's bugging you?" Selphie asked. Irvine looked up at her.
"Have you seen the latest report from Zell?" he wondered.
"I think so…he said that things with the new president are going good, right?"
"Yeah, but…a new one came to Squall today." Irvine tossed it to Selphie. "Things with President Akito are going fine, but it looks like that man is making trouble."
"That man…?" Selphie echoed, skimming through the report. "Oh." Her expression was serious. "It's all right, he's just being a sore loser."
"I've got a bad feeling about this. I tried to ask my mother what she thought, but she didn't have much to say about it."
"What did she say?"
"Well…her exact words were, 'I can't do anything about it now, so leave me alone so I can get some sleep.'" Irvine shook his head.
"He can't really back up the threats he's making," Selphie said thoughtfully. "And there's really not much we can do about it right now. So let's not worry, all right?" She smiled at him.
"Selphie…"
"Oh, come on," Selphie said. "Zell and the other SeeDs in Galbadia can handle it, can't they? And we've got other things to worry about. Like the groundbreaking. And the party!" She leaned down over him. "So smile, all right?"
Irvine smiled. He reached out to take her hands in his. "Selphie, I…"
"Now boarding Flight 117 Special to Esthar Garden Construction Site. All passengers please proceed to Gate H immediately for boarding. I repeat, now boarding for Flight 117…"
"All right! I really love flying, don't you, Irvine? Although it would be nice if we could do our flying on the Ragnarok again, don't you think so?"
Irvine's face fell. "Yeah. Sure."
*
Snow continued to fall.
Her blood continued to spread. White and red. Was all that blood really hers? How much more could she have left, when so much had already spilled out? She couldn't last much longer…
It may be hard, but you've got to keep on living, insisted the voice. Promise me you'll fight. Promise me you'll stay alive.
"Ugh." Esarene awoke, sat up in bed. "This is no time to be having crazy flashback nightmares…" She rubbed her shoulder, which was throbbing worse than usual. Guess I worked a little too hard yesterday. The pain must've triggered it…I guess I should go take something before it gets any worse. She got out of bed and winced—her shoulder wasn't the only part of her that was sore. Her arms and legs were a bit achy as well.
"I'm really out of practice," she laughed to herself, heading for the bathroom to get some painkillers. She looked at herself in the mirror, her face illuminated only by the moonlight and the light that was always emitted by the buildings of Esthar. She pushed back her hair, and the face wasn't really so different from the young woman who'd lain in the snow fifteen years ago, sure that death was coming to claim her.
But I didn't die. Because…I was asked not to.
And here I am now. Older and perhaps wiser, reunited with the son she had not seen since he was a small child, on the other side of the world, a place she hadn't been since they released her from the hospital and sent her back to Galbadia…
It feels like it's been forever. All those years that I spent alone…but that's over, now. I'm not alone any more. Things have changed. I have changed.
I guess, somewhere along the line, I actually grew up.
*
"Oh, grow up."
"You made me lose concentration," Laguna complained, as the cups he had been stacking on the table toppled to the floor. Dania Seagill rolled her eyes.
"You spend so much time over his shoulder," Kiros complained. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you liked him better than me."
Dania kicked him for that. Laguna picked the paper cups up off the floor and set them neatly on the table, leaving them there. He stared at his own reflection on the polished glass surface.
"We're gonna turn in for the night," Kiros announced. "Get some rest. We start out early tomorrow."
He left with his arm around his wife. Dania and Kiros, Ward and Anita…there should be a third pair of names tacked on to that list, Laguna thought. Raine and Laguna…
I really haven't done so bad for myself. Heck, it can't get much better than this. I'm the President of Esthar. I've got good friends, friends that mean the world to me. The children that I love so much…my own son…
…but when the night comes, I am always left alone. He undressed and crawled into bed. Love isn't everything. Another night doesn't matter.
I wonder what's happening tomorrow night…
