Chapter Nine: One Reason

Author's ramblings: I actually didn't intend for Laguna and Esarene to end up...ah...romantically involved. Reney wasn't even going to play a large part in this fic, and it was going to be more about the family members of the other characters, exploring their pasts, etc. But Esarene proved fun to write, and she ran into Laguna, and they fell in love with each other. Esarene has become a favorite character of mine, and I'm glad that you readers seem to like her as well. I'd like to thank everyone who has read and reviewed Second Chances. You give me the strength and inspiration to keep writing and brighten my days. I hope to keep writing fic as long as people are enjoying it.

Chapter Nine: One Reason

Irvine was whimpering when Esarene found him. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

"I saw...Valdaeve...on television..." he murmured. Esarene winced.

"Think about who you are, Irvine," she said. "Just because he did that-you're a better person, Irvine, and it doesn't matter who your father is-"

"That's not it," Irvine moaned. "I'm going to go bald, aren't I?"

Esarene blinked. "Normally you get that gene from your mother's side," she said slowly.

"Oh, thank god!" cried Irvine in relief. Esarene raised an eyebrow.

"But my dad's hair was starting to go," she said. "He was fifty, though..." But Irvine wasn't listening, just whimpering again. "So what are they saying on television?" she wondered.

"He and some others of the old Deling crowd have seized power," Irvine replied. "There wasn't much violence; Akito and some of the members of her administration are seeking asylum here. That...that man says he has a plan for restoring Galbadia to greatness, or something...something he won't disclose to the public..."

Esarene bit her lip. "I hate to think," she said.

"We should go there now," Irvine said. "A SeeD special force could take him out of power and put the right president back in power, no sweat..."

"No," Esarene replied. "You understand why we can't do that...he hasn't given us reason to interfere. It's Galbadia's business, not ours. I hate him too, and we've got to watch him and catch him in something unforgivable-something unforgivable not just to you and me." She could feel her hands shaking, and she looked around the room. "Did you already eat all the cookies?"

*

"Laguna, are you all right?" Anita put a hand on his shoulder. After the meeting, he'd gone back out to the park to watch the sunset. He leaned back against the bench, arms stretched out, and watched as clouds drifted lazily along the Esthar skyline.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Anita asked him, motherly as usual. She sat down beside him and waited for him to collect his thoughts.

"You know that I've never been good with this kind of thing," Laguna said. "I always just end up making a fool of myself."

"Oh?" Anita waited for him to elaborate.

"I probably shouldn't even care," Laguna sighed. "Why should it matter what she thinks of me, anyway?"

"Because she's a friend," Anita replied. "You can leave it at that for now, if you like, but there's nothing wrong with caring about her."

Laguna put his hand to his forehead and looked down. "I don't know..."

"I haven't seen you like this in all the time I've known you," Anita said. "The girls have tried to push women on you before, and you've played along, but I don't think anyone's really been able to touch you..."

"Except you," Laguna pointed out. Anita rolled her eyes and smiled.

"There are a million reasons not to get into a relationship, though," Laguna said. "It doesn't feel quite...respectful." He was playing with his ring again. "And I don't think I could handle losing someone, again. The two women I've loved both died young; is it something about me?"

"You know that's ridiculous," Anita interrupted.

Laguna sighed again. "Besides, my life is full enough as it is. I've got my work, my friends...you're all like a family to me. And I have Squall...I already have more than I deserve..."

"Maybe," Anita replied. "But is that the way you feel when you're with her?"

Laguna winced.

"Sometimes, when there are a million reasons to say no, one reason to say yes is enough," Anita continued. "Or maybe the girls have just turned me into a matchmaker. But we all just want to see you happy, and it feels good to see you smiling from the heart."

Laguna smiled. "You don't have to worry. I can take care of myself." Anita hid a snicker behind her hand. "What, what's so funny?"

"Mothering you has been fun," Anita said. "I feel kind of sad about turning you over to another woman. Hate to think how I'll be when Deban grows up and is getting married, huh?"

"He'll probably do that before I do," Laguna protested.

"I doubt it," Anita replied. "Poor Banny is almost as awkward around girls as you are."

"Hey..."

"Think about it. You should probably get to work," Anita said. "Let me know if you need anything." She gave him a hug before she left.

One reason to say 'yes' is enough...

*

Laguna hadn't realized how easy his life had become until things became difficult again. Trouble in Galbadia was threatening the peace of Esthar, and on top of the political problems there was his relationship with his son and with Esarene, who might have been his girlfriend-he wasn't really sure-he felt rather uncertain about everything.

Me, depressed? That's ridiculous. Things could be worse. He looked back into his past, remembering his childhood, his family...running away to join the army to escape being forced into the family business...meeting Ward and Kiros, going to the bar in Deling to watch Julia...

"Um...Laguna?"

Julia? Laguna looked up suddenly, and felt a blush spreading on his face. It was Rinoa who stood on the other side of his desk, not her deceased mother...he really had to pull himself back into the present. She had sounded just like Julia-and for a second, he'd really thought...

"I wanted to talk to you about Squall..."Rinoa continued uncertainly. Laguna nodded. "It's always been hard for him to show his feelings..."

"So I've heard," Laguna replied. "You probably know him better than I do..."

"Yeah, that's why I wanted to talk to you," Rinoa said. "Cause Squall's too much of a wimp to do so." She smiled...she had her mother's smile, Laguna noticed. "I think he's scared to face you 'cause he doesn't know what he's supposed to say."

"I can understand that, I think," Laguna replied. "It's...awkward..."

"But I think it's great," Rinoa interrupted. "I mean, all his life, Squall's felt alone-like he didn't have a family. But now he's got a father, and Ellone's like his big sis again. So I don't want you to feel bad about telling him, or think he hates you or anything. You did the right thing. Squall's just having trouble getting used to it."

"Not exactly my idea of a normal family," Laguna noted wryly.

"I, for one, am glad you're his father," Rinoa replied. "Even if he can't admit it, he does have some fun genes in him. He must get his quiet-ness from his mother."

Laguna nodded. "Raine was rather serious, like Squall," he said.

"At the rate things are going, looks like Squall may be getting a new mother as well, eh, tiger?" Rinoa grinned, and Laguna choked. "Are you all right?"

Laguna tried to regain his balance. "These days," he coughed, "everyone is a matchmaker."

*

Esarene spent the rest of her day fighting monsters. Today she worked with a rifle borrowed from her son, a sort of weapon she hadn't picked up in years. Her aim was slowly improving, but she had several slashes in her left leg when she had misjudged a monster's speed. She cast a healing spell, but it was working slowly, and she had to limp back to the palace sooner than she would have liked.

Damn him, she thought at both Laguna and Valdaeve. I can't concentrate with all these thoughts swimming around in my head. Why do men have to be such idiots, and why do I have to fall for them anyway? Each step jarred her injured leg, and she didn't want to try the stairs up to her room. Instead, she decided to go lie down in the garden and let the healing spell do its work.

She found a dry, comfortable spot in the grass and lowered herself down with a bit of a whimper. Her leg wasn't the only thing that hurt...her shoulder was beginning to ache as well, and she could feel her years as a soldier coming back to haunt her in various aches across her body.

"If I'd have known it was gonna make me sore for years to come, no way would I have become a fighter. No. I'd have found some cozy little job, like a waitress, until I found some guy to marry and live a perfectly normal, peaceful, boring life and have perfectly normal, peaceful, boring children..."

"I don't see you as a housewife, Reney," a voice drawled behind her. Esarene craned her neck to look at the speaker, and wished that she hadn't. It hurt. He came around to sit down in the grass beside her. "Though if fighting hurts you this much..."

"It's not that bad," Esarene replied. "I just got hurt today, that's all. I'm getting better."

"Are you sure you're all right? Your leg's torn up..."

"I'm fine. You should have seen it before I cast the healing spell."

Laguna shuddered. "You're sure?" He reached out to her, then pulled back.

"It's all right," Esarene sighed. "I'm not angry anymore."

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have pried..."

"It's a bit of a sensitive subject."

Laguna nodded. "It's hard for me to talk about my past as well." Esarene snickered. "Well, um, I mean, the painful parts."

"It isn't so much the remembering that hurts," Esarene said, "but the wondering. What if I hadn't done that? What if I did something else instead? I should have..."

Laguna tried to shake her questions off of himself. "Everyone wonders that," he said. "But you can't change anything...what happened, happened."

"I suppose so," Esarene replied. "I mean, I guess things didn't turn out so bad. If I hadn't...made the choices that I did, Irvine wouldn't be here. I love him dearly...but once in a while he'll do something-little, tiny things, or if I glance at him for just a moment-and he reminds me of his father."

"Sometimes it hurts for me to think of the choices I made," Laguna replied softly. "But...I did what I had to, I think...and things turned out...for the best...for this world."

"It must have been wonderful," Esarene sighed, "to be in love and married and everything. Even if it was for just a short time-I used to long for just that feeling." Laguna got a far-off look in his eyes. "I mean, you don't regret a moment of it, do you?"

"It was the happiest, most beautiful time of my life," Laguna replied. "Sometimes it does hurt to remember, but most of the time, I'm just glad I was lucky enough to know her for the time that I did." He looked to Esarene. "You're probably wondering why I didn't go back to her. I never knew that she had a child-our child-but I found out that she passed away. I couldn't bring myself to go back to Winhill, and I threw myself into Esthar. It became my life."

"I suppose I owe you my story, then," sighed Esarene. "It's a pretty common one. Girl falls prey to a boy's promises, ends up left behind with a child. I became the sort of person I had looked down on all my life. I guess it serves me right, but it was the sort of thing I thought could never happen to me."

Laguna scooted closer to her, relaxing back in the grass as she continued.

"It's kind of funny how back then he would always say that he hated his family, that he was different, he didn't care what they thought...lies that made me fall for him. And I wanted so badly to believe him...even after he left me, even after Irvine was born. A part of me hoped that he would come and apologize, tell me that his family had forced him to leave me and threaten me, and then he'd ask me to marry him...I was that naïve. And at the same time I hated him. Sometimes I hated myself, for getting into a situation I couldn't handle. And sometimes I was too busy to worry about anything else."

"Your parents still helped you," Laguna pointed out. "And certainly things came out for the best that you didn't marry Valdaeve, and Irvine never knew his father."

"I guess," Esarene replied. "Don't worry about me, I've learned to look on the bright side of things, most of the time, anyway. I don't feel sorry for myself."

"Your son accepted you so easily..."

"Well, Ellone did send him back into my past..."

"Squall's been in my past," Laguna noted.

"Oh..." Esarene drifted off. She didn't know what she should say. She knew what she wanted to say-Laguna, I think I've been waiting my whole life to meet you, you feel like the other half of me that I've never known-but she couldn't bring herself to say it. There will be time enough, one part of her said. But we're not getting any younger, another argued.

"Laguna," Esarene said softly, "I'm...really glad that I met you." Oh, real slick, a voice in her head intoned sarcastically.

Laguna reached out to put his hand on hers. "I'm, um, really glad that I met you, too," he said, fumbling for words but only repeating hers. And the planet turned as they lay still until the sun set and the only lights were the moon, the stars, and those of Esthar.