A Night at the Golden Snail
Chapter 4 – Act One
WARNING: Implied nastiness and two really naughty words (actually, two variants on the same word). The rating is still the same, though.
DEDICATION: This part is Shawna's birthday present, because I didn't buy her dessert or anything. So I would like to propose a toast. *holds up a glass of butterbeer* May your prose be inspired, may your inbox fill up with review alerts, and may the Idea Gods smile down upon you. Happy nineteenth.
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James was scratching madly on his parchment as Professor Binns mumbled his way through chapter seventy-nine. Sirius elbowed Peter, startling him out of a light doze, and pointed at James.
"Did you know it's physically impossible to kiss a ghost's ass?" Sirius said, but quietly.
James turned around and glared at him. "For your information, I'm trying to figure out how many hours of my life I've wasted in this stupid class. Now go stick a quill up your arse."
"Just for that, I'm not going to let you play," Sirius said, pulling several small bottles out of his bookbag and lining them up on his desk.
"Play what?" Peter said.
Sirius smirked. "These bottles are filled with Polyjuice," he said. "The way it works is, we all pick a random hair off the floor, pop it in the potion, and find out whose it is the hard way."
"That's sick," Peter said. "Can I go first?"
"Be my guest," Sirius said, grinning.
Peter ducked under his desk and scuffled around a minute before re-emerging
with a hair, which Sirius and James both inspected to make sure it wasn't
Peter's own.
"You're all clear," James said.
"Okay, here goes." Peter gulped visibly, dropped the hair into the potion and knocked it back in a single gulp.
"You're Minerva fucking McGonagall," James said, snorting slightly with imminent laughter.
"Say something," Sirius begged.
"I hate you two bastards," McGonagall said bitterly, sending half the class into silent convulsions.
"What was she doing in here anyway?" Sirius said, shaking with suppressed mirth.
"Probably persecuting innocent snoggers," James said.
"Okay, smartass, your turn," McGonagall said, glaring at Sirius, which set off another round of silent painful laughter.
Sirius dove underneath his own desk and came up with another hair which, once approved by the other two, went straight into the potion. He drank it down swiftly and this time, there was no holding back, the entire class was in hysterics because Sirius had turned into none other than Albus Dumbledore.
"Oh dear God," James howled, tears pouring down his face, "they must've been boinking each other all this time – so that's why she got promoted to Deputy Headmistress – "
Binns glanced up sharply and spotted the faux professors. "Why, Albus – Minerva – whatever are you doing here?"
"Just a routine inspection," said Dumbledore in a slightly strangled voice. "As you were."
Binns frowned, the ghost of a suspicion plainly troubling his ghost of a brain, but he said, "Very well," and bent his head to his notes again.
"Now you," said Dumbledore, pushing a flask toward James.
"I thought I wasn't playing."
"You aren't chickening out, are you?"
Of course for James it was death before cowardice, so he picked out a hair for himself, which turned out to be Lockhart's.
"You don't mean that he – " Peter began, but was shushed by half a dozen students who didn't want to know.
"Well, that was edifying," James said as class ended. "I do hope you remembered the antidote."
Sirius pulled a vial out of his bag and offered it first to Peter, who guzzled half of it.
"Damn it, you weren't supposed to drink that much," Sirius hissed. "Now there isn't enough for both of us."
He and James traded looks. "You'd better," James said. "You can't go around looking like him."
"Okay," Sirius said. "You should go now, you can't be seen with us."
"Right."
"But don't go to the tower."
"Right. I'm going to Paquerette, see if she can't get me some antidote," James said.
"Great, see you in a while."
James left. Sirius drank down the rest and he and Peter left too; Binns bid them an absent goodbye.
They went back up to their room, where Sirius said to Peter, "Let's see if we can finish this up now, so we can post the results this afternoon."
What had happened was, they'd held the audition on Friday. James and Sirius sat through three hours of auditions before they realized how impossible it was going to be to pick an actual cast out of it. So they came up with a plan. Everyone in Gryffindor house had voted for whoever they wanted to see as Sebastian, Christine and all the rest of them. They were actually about done counting; all they had to do was add in the twenty or so late ballots and that was it.
"Shit," Sirius said. "Why do I have to be Sebastian? Why couldn't someone soulful do it, like Remus?"
Then something occurred to him.
"Where the hell's Remus?"
"Dunno." Peter was already busy drafting a list of the actors and roles. "I didn't see him this morning either."
Sirius didn't want to admit he hadn't missed Remus that morning, so instead he just groaned. "I'm going down to lunch, see if he's there."
"I'll be down soon's I'm done with this."
"Okay," Sirius said, dashing out of the room.
Outside Great Hall he came upon Lockhart.
"James, is that you?" Sirius said.
"Of course it is, you nincompoop."
"I was just making sure," he said in an injured tone. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you you're playing the count."
"Oh," he said.
"I know you'd probably rather be Sebastian, but really, I think you'll do great as the count. Anyway, in case I don't see you, we'll probably have a read-through this evening in the common room, make sure everyone can at least read their parts."
"What's the password again?"
"Oh, you know the password," Sirius said irritably. "It's ape belly, same as it was yesterday. Anyhow, I'm going to lunch, I'll see you later when you're all fixed up."
Sirius proceeded to enter Great Hall, sit down, serve himself and polish off his mashed potatoes before he remembered that he was supposed to be looking for Remus.
"Shit, he isn't here."
"I know," Peter said, sitting down next to him and snagging
the last piece of gooseberry tart. "He's
in the middle of the
"What's he doing out there?" Sirius demanded, completely distracted by this bit of news.
Peter shrugged, ladling himself a bowl of stew. "You want to go ask him, be my guest."
Sirius thought about it. Going out there accompanied by werewolf, stag and rat was one thing, but alone –
Remus went out there
alone and human.
Remus is braver than I'll ever be.
"He obviously doesn't want us to come after him," Sirius said decisively. "He'll be back when he's had enough, which should be as soon as he realizes he's missing Runes."
"He took his trunk," Peter remarked.
"Damn, and we need him for the rehearsal too." Sirius sighed. "Oh well, we'll get someone to read his part. Maybe Viola would do it…"
"James must not be back to normal yet, huh," Peter said, crunching his celery as he spoke.
"What? Oh, no, he's not," Sirius said. "I saw him outside Great Hall not too long ago."
"Probably waiting for Paquerette," Peter said. "I bet he couldn't catch her before lunch. Poor guy."
"Yup," Sirius said, gazing thoughtfully at the High Table. "I wonder if Dumbledore and McGonagall really – "
"Please," Peter said. "You're going to make me nauseous."
%%%
They went to Care of Magical Creatures in the afternoon, and James was not there. After class they went back up to their room, and neither James nor Remus was there. However, when they went down to supper, James was already sitting at the table and scowling heavily at the tabletop.
"How ya doing?" Sirius said cheerily, settling in next to James. "We missed you in CMC."
"Hmph."
"Why weren't you there?" Sirius said, frowning.
"Your precious Paquerette wouldn't give me the antidote," James said bitterly. "I had to wait it out."
"I hope you thought to get him in some trouble," Sirius said severely.
"I tried, but considering how little I had to work with, there wasn't much I could do," James said. "I mean, no one would give me – I mean him any illegal drugs. And that's saying something, because apparently the Slytherins'll even sell the stuff to first years."
"No surprises there," Sirius said.
"So I went and hid in the bathroom until I turned back," James said. "By then, of course, CMC had already started and I didn't want to disrupt things by coming in late – what's wrong, Sirius?"
"You mean you didn't talk to me?"
James frowned. "No," he said. "I think I would have remembered that."
"Oh shit," Sirius said, twisting around and surveying the Slytherin table. "He's still there, at least – damn it, I knew you knew the password – "
"Stop babbling and tell me what you told me," James said.
"Oh God," Sirius said. "I told him you were playing the count and there was going to be a run-through tonight and he knows the password too – "
"Shit," James said. "Come on, we've got to get up there before he does. Maybe we can head this off before all of Gryffindor gets back."
"But I want to have supper," Peter whined.
"Go ahead and drown in your pumpkin juice, we don't need you for this," James said. "Come on, Sirius."
Sirius looked briefly as though he wanted to agree with Peter, but instead he snatched a chicken wing and followed James.
When they got up to the tower, Lockhart was already there, lounging across one of the couches and inspecting his fingernails. He looked up when they came in and shone his extraordinary teeth at them.
"I didn't want you making any artistic decisions without your count," he said.
James stiffened. "How the hell did you get up here before we did?" he snapped. For James, it was a matter of personal pride, since he considered secret passages and other means of transportation to be his exclusive domain.
"That's none of your damn business," Lockhart said cheerily. "How about getting started before the plebeians return?"
"For your information, there was a little mix-up," James said. "This is a Gryffindor production, so you can just get your coiffure out of our tower."
"Oh?" Lockhart raised an immaculately sculpted eyebrow. "Black specifically told me I was playing the count, and even you can see how unlikely it is that he'd mistake me for you."
Talk about me like I'm not here, Sirius thought but didn't say. He didn't want to be ignored any more than he already was.
"If you want to be in it so bad, a little politesse wouldn't hurt," James snapped. "And if you must know, I spent an hour as you today and it is not an experience I want to repeat."
"Illegal Polyjuice, Potter?" said Lockhart. "How pleased the headmaster would be to hear about that."
"I bet you polish his boots with your tongue, don't you," James said.
Lockhart stood up. "You are a vile creature, James Potter," he said. "Give me one more reason why I should leave you alone."
"Because I'm going to hex you into the ground," James said, whipping out his wand. To his astonishment, Lockhart's wand was out just as quickly and there was a calculating look to those baby-blue eyes that made James step back a pace and drop his wand tip slightly. Lockhart did the same, and then holstered his wand, which James was only too happy to do.
"Luckily this is one evening I won't have to drag somebody to the hospital wing," Sirius said.
"I wouldn't be too sure of that." James slumped onto a couch across from Lockhart and eyed him with deep suspicion. "Can you act?"
"Being a Slytherin is acting," said Lockhart.
"Wonderful." James sighed. "I didn't really want to do it anyway. Have you read the books?"
"Have I read them?" Lockhart said dramatically. "I sleep with them under my pillow. But not all at once, you understand. Otherwise my pillow would be too high."
James closed his eyes. "Okay, I guess now the only problem is how I'm going to explain this to everyone."
"Well, as to that," said Lockhart. "I took the liberty of telling a few select people – "
"Meaning most of the school," James said, but he actually sounded cheerful at the prospect. "Lockhart, you may be a pompous git, but you sure do come in handy."
"Thank you," Lockhart said, smoothing out a crease in his robes. "Would you by any chance have an orange stick in this benighted place?"
Gryffindor didn't take the news quite as badly as James had feared. The girls, at least, were all ecstatic. The boys were more resigned, but Potter and Lockhart were apparently in agreement on the subject so there wasn't much more to be said. Then Peter put up the cast list and amid a welter of whispered speculation, the actors and actresses adjourned to Potter and company's dormitory room for the first reading.
The seven of them settled in, chatting and quibbling
good-naturedly about who was sitting where. Sirius, of course, was busy hiding away his Love Potion under the guise
of tidying up the desk. Remus was supposed
to play Christine, but Viola, who was playing the main tango dancer, Orleanne, was reading his part since he was still
presumably sulking out in the woods. Sirius suddenly remembered the map – normally it was on the wall by the
door, but it wasn't now; either Peter or James must have gotten it. Peter was playing Jiggler,
the red-faced mustachioed patriarch of the Golden Snail, and James technically
wasn't playing anyone, but he looked ready to snatch the script out of
Lockhart's hands at the first sign of incompetence. Ellie was there too, cross-legged on the
floor; she was playing the small comical
Things went surprisingly well for the first run-through. Lockhart made a suavely sneering count; all that was lacking was a small curling moustache, which could be arranged easily enough. Viola was flamboyant and Sirius properly reluctant when she pulled him to his feet for an impromptu dancing lesson, to the great amusement of the rest of the cast. Of course, Peter and Ellie were hesitant with some of their lines, but that would come with practice. The only real problem was that Josh Benson had a pronounced lisp.
"Why couldn't he have been
Sirius snickered. "Can you really see Remus saying, you don't have to wear that red dress tonight?"
"He's not exactly the courtesan type either," James was quick to point out.
"Well, we can't do much about it now," Peter said. "We agreed to have an election and we ought to stick to the results."
"If only Benson would come down with something," James said wistfully.
"That can be arranged," Lockhart said.
"What're you going to give him, pneumonia?" Sirius said.
Lockhart shrugged lightly. "I think a couple weeks of the flu would do it. In the meantime, Potter, you can read his part, and with a bit of luck he'll give it up of his own accord."
"It seems I've underestimated you, Lockhart," James said with grudging respect.
"I am a man of many surprises," Lockhart admitted modestly. "Most of which are good." He stood up, sweeping his robes around him, and Sirius noted with disgust that they were covered in glitter – not gaudy, but definitely noticeable. Sirius hoped uncharitably that he'd get busted for it. "Well, good night, gents. Let me know about the next practice, will you?"
"You bet," James said. "Later, Lockhart."
"A demain, Potter." Lockhart gave the room a fruity little bow and sailed out the door.
"Boy have I learned a lesson today," James said once he was gone. "Some Slytherins are actually as sneaky as I am."
Sirius snorted. "If he left any of that glitter in here, I'm putting it in his pumpkin juice tomorrow."
James rolled his eyes. "So he has an unfortunate fixation on himself. It's not as big a deal as some people think."
Gee, peas in a pod, Sirius thought but did not say. "I guess I can get the Love Potion back out now," he said, getting up.
"It's been a good day, chums," James said, folding his arms behind his head.
"Remus is still out there," Peter observed, pulling the map out from under his pillow.
Oh, this is going to be a good one, Sirius thought sourly.
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Their first class the next day was Transfiguration. Sirius, James and Peter took their habitual seats in the back, which usually filled up first because everyone wanted to be as far from McGonagall as possible. This meant that when Remus darted in just before the bell, the only seat left was in the front. He took it without glancing once at his roommates, but they were not similarly insensible.
Sirius poked James urgently in the ribs and hissed, "Look, he's back."
"So I see," James said irritably, batting away Sirius's hand. "Although quite frankly I don't see why I should care. He obviously doesn't give a shit about us, so we might as well return the favor."
"You're such a bastard," Sirius said.
"You're no better," James retorted. "You didn't write that play because you want to be Shakespeare, you wrote it to make Remus think you actually do care about him. And look how that turned out."
"You don't know why he left," Sirius snapped. "It's probably because you're a tactless pig."
At that point McGonagall intervened with offers of detention, and Remus still did not acknowledge their presence.
"He's ashamed of you, loudmouth," Sirius hissed.
"He's probably not too pleased with you either – "
"Shut up," Peter said aloud, "I need to learn this stuff."
"I see at least one of you understands the purpose of this class," McGonagall said dryly. "Ten points to Gryffindor for Mister Pettigrew's stunning observation."
Peter went very red as half the class tittered; Remus, however, did not.
The class seemed much longer than usual but the bell finally rang. When it did, Remus shot out of his seat, only to have Sirius catch him just inside the door.
"Why'd you go?" Sirius said. "Why'd you come back? Why're you acting like we don't even exist?"
"We're blocking the door," Remus observed mildly.
"I want some answers, damn it!" Sirius yanked him into the hall by the sleeve of his robe and said, "What did I do wrong, Remus? Tell me so I can make it better."
Remus closed his eyes. "We need to get to Herbology."
"I don't care about Herbology," Sirius yelled, causing several heads to turn. "I just want to know what you want from me."
"Listen," Remus said, "I don't want to have a blazing row with you and I really don't want to have one in front of the whole school. And I'm sick of you dragging me places." Remus grabbed the sleeve of his robe. "Come on. We're going to Herbology. Do you think you can contain your curiosity until after class?"
"Yes," Sirius said mutinously. "And you don't have to drag me. I know the way."
Remus let him go and stormed down the hall.
"Damn it, Remus, why do you have to make this so hard?" Sirius yelled after him.
It was an awkward day. Sirius and Remus didn't speak to each other at all; during Herbology Remus partnered Peter and Sirius James, and during Defense Sirius and Remus managed to sit on opposite sides of the room. At the end of class, James and Peter fled by unspoken agreement to the library, and Sirius and Remus proceeded to their previously scheduled confrontation.
"Okay," Sirius said, back in their room. "It's just you and me and the Love Potion, now what is your problem?"
"You," Remus said.
"Yeah, but just what do you want from me?" Sirius demanded. "You said I didn't care, so I started caring and now what, it isn't enough? What's wrong with me?" Sirius said and he sounded remarkably like a first year again.
Remus went to the window and looked out, not seeing. "You always know exactly how to make me feel like shit," he said quietly. "Listen, I don't know how to say this nicely, so I'm just going to say it."
"Always go straight for the heart," Sirius agreed.
"Be quiet," Remus said without venom. "Otherwise I won't be able to say it. The problem is you make too big a deal of everything now. Like today, did you really have to rush right up to me at the end of class in front of everybody? And you had to go and tell all of Gryffindor that I thought you were a jerk, and put on a whole entire play when all I really wanted was an apology, and you definitely did not have to kiss me in front of the entire Golden Snail fan club."
"Are you still mad at me about that?" Sirius said, genuinely surprised. "I didn't think it was that big a deal."
"Maybe it wasn't," Remus said. "But God, Sirius, it was really embarrassing. If you wanted to kiss me, you could have at least waited until no one else was around."
"I didn't want to kiss you," Sirius said. "I don't mean it was terrible or anything – " he blushed a little – "but that wasn't the point. It just seemed right at the time."
Remus was still resolutely turned away, his hands splayed out on the ledge like that was the only thing keeping him from tipping out the window. Sirius sighed. "So that's it," he said. "I embarrass you."
Now Remus turned half around, and said quickly, "No, Sirius, it isn't – "
"It's okay," Sirius said dully. "I promise I won't embarrass you ever again."
"Sirius," began Remus.
"I have to go talk to James and Peter," he said. "I'll see you later." He left and behind him the door clicked unobtrusively shut.
Remus sank onto the window ledge. "You even manage to be dramatic about that," he said to Sirius.
Sirius had gotten a glimpse of the Marauder's Map as he left, so he knew to go straight to the library. There he found James and Peter avidly browsing the Metaphorical Quidditch section.
"The play's off," he said dully.
James dropped A Survey of Crude Sexual Symbolism in Quidditch with a thump. "What?"
"I have to stop embarrassing Remus," Sirius said as though that explained everything.
"Oh for God's sake," James said. "Why is it that every time you two talk, you have to recreate the Big Bang?"
"James, I think you're being just a wee bit overdramatic," Sirius said.
"Hold that thought a minute, we're going to come back to it," James said. "Did Remus tell you you had to call off the play?"
"He certainly didn't try to persuade me otherwise."
"Sirius, you're going about this entirely the wrong way," James said. "You're the one who's being dramatic about this. You're just sticking it in Remus's face by being all self-sacrificial, and you know it."
"You bastard," Sirius said bitterly. "I hate it when you're right."
"And if you call off the play, you're damn sure going to have to tell them why," James said. "So my advice is, keep going with it, but forget about it being for Remus. That way, he doesn't have to have anything to do with it."
"Except for the fact that he's playing Christine," Sirius said.
"Shit," James said emotionally. "I'd forgotten about that. Well, we can just have Viola do it and find a new Orleanne – "
"No," Sirius interrupted. "I'll convince him to do it. I know I can."
"Have you gone mad?" James said. "You two talking makes thunderstorms. If you try convincing him, you're going to bring down the plagues again."
"No no no, I know just how to do it," Sirius said. "Bye bye, I'll talk to you later," and he left.
"I have a very bad feeling about this," James said to Peter.
"Forget about it," Peter advised. "We're surrounded by Quidditch literature, it shouldn't be too hard."
"Ah yes," James said, bending down to retrieve his book.
Sirius ran up to the tower and burst into their room. Remus was stretched out on the floor trying to read.
"Remus, I forgot to tell you, you got voted to be Christine in the play, are you going to do it?"
Remus frowned. "Who's Sebastian?"
"James," said Sirius.
"Oh," Remus said. "In that case, I'll think about it."
"Please, Remus, you have to do it." Sirius plopped down in front of him and made a puppy face. Having spent so much time as a dog, he was quite good at it. "Please?" He tried to pry Remus's book out of his hands, and Remus stubbornly resisted.
"I said I'd think about it, okay?"
So three days later Remus was in the common room holding a script wondering why the hell doggy eyes always without fail sucked him right in. The rest of the cast was there, even including Lockhart, and half of Gryffindor was there to watch too.
"Why do we have to rehearse in public?" Remus said irritably to Sirius, who was busy highlighting his own copy of the script. "Say, who're you playing?"
"Act one, scene three," James bellowed; he was acting as director until such time as Lockhart's secret flu bug went into effect. "The elephant scene."
This was greeted with a chorus of snickers.
"Fuck," Remus said quietly. Of course they had to skip the dirty dancing and go straight to the poetry in bed. He reluctantly went over to stand by the fireplace when James beckoned.
Sirius was standing there too.
"What're you doing here?" Remus said.
"Take it from the top, boys," James said.
Sirius caught Remus's expression and said quickly, "No, wait, Remus, I can explain – "
Remus dropped his script on the floor and ran for their
room, Sirius in hot pursuit and James yelling, "Can't those two even stand next
to each other without freaking
Remus was still trying to put a ward on the door when Sirius burst in.
"Go to hell, you piece of shit," Remus said. He curled up on his bed and pointedly closed the curtains on Sirius. "Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to talk to you?"
"Remus, you have to stop running away from things," Sirius said. "Really, it doesn't solve anything."
"I wasn't running away," Remus said. "I was just afraid I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face when you said you loved me, and that would have ruined the entire rehearsal."
"Remus, I didn't mean to lie," Sirius said. "But you know how sometimes you say something when you're supposed to say something else but you don't because you want something else so much? Well, I did that."
"You don't want to be Sebastian?" Remus said.
"No, I want you to be Christine."
Silence on both sides of the curtain.
"Remus," said Sirius, "as long as you're mad at me, I'm going to tell you something else, okay? Well, you know how Sebastian sings that song to Christine during the elephant scene? I figured I'd better start practicing it, so I borrowed your guitar and you're probably going to kill me for this, but I put a charm on it and now I really can't play it at all. I mean, I try but it just plays whatever it wants, and I tried to take off the charm but it won't go. And then I wrote this song, and I want you to hear it. Remus, are you still alive?"
"No," Remus said, but without rancor. "You've talked me to death."
"Oh," Sirius said. "Can I play it for you? I really want you to hear it."
Remus sighed. "Okay."
There were a few obligatory thumps and squawks as Sirius presumably got the guitar out from wherever he'd had it squirreled away. Then there were a few chords, and Sirius started to sing. His voice was fairly bad but the guitar somehow picked him up and took him away with it so that Remus smiled to himself in the warm dark. As for the song, you might have heard it before. It goes like this:
I wrote you this song
So therefore, it's yours
And you can tell everybody
It's not me who snores
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I don't understand
Our lives are so screwed up
'Cause I'm acting mad
It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside
Wish I could ignore it
And God knows, I've tried
But I can't ignore
What you've done for me
And it's not my fault I can't
Just let you be
So excuse my forgetting
I'm no good at this
See I just remembered
How I gave you that kiss
Well the thing is
What I really mean
What on earth was that for
And what does it mean
And you can tell everybody
It's not me who snores
It may be quite drippy but
I guess I'm done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I don't understand
Our lives are so screwed up
'Cause I'm acting mad
Sirius and the guitar faltered to a stop and he said, "Was that okay?"
"Are you kidding?" Remus said. "It was … spectacular."
"Spectacular?"
"You got it."
"Really?" Sirius said happily. "I wrote it myself, you know."
"I couldn't have guessed," Remus said, smiling.
"Does that mean you aren't mad at me anymore?"
"I couldn't be mad at you if you'd killed me," Remus said. He emerged to find Sirius sitting on the edge of his bed, holding the guitar and looking rapturous. "I'll be your Christine," Remus said. "I'll be in your play and I'll wear a dress and I'll be nice to Lockhart too. God help me, I'll even stir your Love Potion if you want."
"It does rather need it," Sirius managed, looking a little stunned and a lot ecstatic. "But you really don't have to."
"It's up to you," Remus said. "I'm just saying, if you want me to I'll go down there and pretend to be a courtesan for a few hours."
"All because of one song?"
"Well, not exactly," Remus said, blushing. "It's just that I realized I was being kind of a baby about this whole thing, because you always want to make things better, and you wrote a whole play for me which not many people would do, and I've really been an insensitive turd and it wasn't that bad kissing you."
"Glad to hear it," Sirius said, grinning. "Because you're going to have to again. In the play," he said, catching the look on Remus's face. "Only we can't be too good at it, or else they might suspect something."
"Listen," Remus said, trying not to smile, "I'm sorry I ever said you didn't care. I was wrong and it was a horrible thing to say anyway."
"Oh, I don't care about that," Sirius said. He looked like he wanted to write another song. "Should we go back down?"
"Are we going to have to dance?"
"Most likely."
"What about singing?"
"I will for sure. I don't know about you."
"And kissing?"
"Yeah, definitely."
"Okay," Remus said. "Let's do it."
They left, together.
%%%
To Be Continued
Acknowledgments/disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe or any of the characters therein. I also do not own the Moulin Rouge. The song is a shameless filk of Elton John's Your Song. I banged this out in four days, so I hope it doesn't show.
Special thanks go out to – thistlemeg for her fabulous reviews. I read them whenever I get sad (or uninspired, or despairing). Shawna for letting me blither excitedly about the story when she probably had better things to do, and Potter skull sessions at dinner. Ruth for being my unofficial beta and best sister.
Please also review and tell me – what do you think of Lockhart? Is he too over the top? And how much tasteless humor is TOO much?
Until next time.
