Vincent:  *pauses as he spots a gold chocobo standing tied by the waterfall*  Hmm.  I wonder who else is here?

Tifa: *frowns* That's a good question. Couldn't that just be Lucrecis's, though?

Vincent:  We are not that lucky.

Tifa: . . . . . . . . . right . . . . . And would you PLEASE stop singing that song, Sephiroth!

Sephiroth:  *stops singing and pouts*  What's wrong?  I thought up more words!

Tifa: . . . . . It's just wrong, okay? Next time summon Meteor or something, okay?

Sephiroth:  Okay!  *pulls out Black Materia*

Tifa: . . . . . . . Please stop him, Vincent.

Vincent:  Sephiroth, if you summon Meteor your I will never take you out for ice cream again.

Sephiroth:  *saucer eyes*  . . . . No more double chocolate fudge ripple . . . . . . ?

Vincent:  *nods gravely*

Sephiroth:  *gasps and puts materia away*

Tifa: *smacks her forehead*  Oh my god . . . .

Sephiroth:  I tried to be a god!  *frowns*  It didn't work.

Aeris: *steps out of the cave and blinks at them before smiling serenely* Hello! You're just in time to have tea with us!

Tifa: *leaps back and screams* B-b-b-but you're DEAD!!!

Sephiroth:  *whips out Masamune and lunges at Aeris, only to have Vincent pull him back by his hair*

Aeris: *frowns at this* So is Sephiroth if you want to go into all the picky details.

Vincent:  *pulls him back*  Now, now, be good Sephiroth.  *eyes narrow*  Or no more ice cream!

Tifa: *slaps forehead* Enough with the ice cream!

Aeris: *smiles* Come inside for tea! *goes back in the cave*

Sephiroth:  *whimpers*  Okay Vincent.  *puts sword away and sits down, examining hair*  My beautiful hair . . . . . *sniffles*  . . . . You pulled my hair!

Tifa: *slaps her forehead again and goes inside after Aeris*

Lucrecia: *sitting on the cave floor at a pink, flowery tea table that looks like it was made by Fisher Price* Oh! More people for the party! How splendid! *pours more tea*

Sephiroth: . . . . . . . Mother?

Aeris: Sit down! Sit down! *sits down, grabbing a cup of tea and a cookie*

Sephiroth:  *sits obediently*

Vincent:  *does the same*

Tifa: *sniffs 'tea'* . . . . . . Is this Cool Aid?

Sephiroth:  *drinks it*  Cherry!  My favorite!

Lucrecia: *scowls* No, it's tea. *smiles at Sephiroth* Oh, hello sweet heart! How have you been? I assume Hojo has taken very good care of you!

Sephiroth:  *shakes head*  He's an evil bastard.

Lucrecia: Well, he always has been. Has he kept up with his research these days?

Sephiroth:  *shrugs*

Lucrecia: Oh dear. It seems I may have to get him back on track and come back t the company.

Sephiroth: . . . . . . . Aren't you marrying him?

Lucrecia: *blinks* Oh, goodness no! Why would I do a thing like that?

Tifa: *blinks up from her cookie* Aren't you his mother?!

Sephiroth:  He said he was marrying my mother.

Lucrecia: *blinks* . . . . . . Oh my goodness. *turns to Vincent* And you told him I was his mother?!

Vincent:  It seemed logical to look here first, seeing as you are the only lead we possess, dear sister.

Tifa: *saucer eyes* WaitwaitwaiwaitWAIT JUST A MINUTE!!! Weren't you IN LOVE with Lucrecia?!

Vincent:  Of course I loved her.  But we were not in love, no were we lovers.

Tifa: And to think I felt SORRY for you!

Aeris: *frowns* But, if Lucy isn't Sephiroth's mother . . . . . who is?

Vincent:  I do not know.  Dear sister, do you have any ideas?

????: *evils, maniacal cackle echoes through the cave* THAT! You shall NEVER find out!

Sephiroth:  *jumps and whirls around, Masamune in hand*

Cloud: *standing on some high ledge in the cave, hand over his mouth, laughing horribly so the walls are shaking* I have rigged the cave with explosives! It will explode in 5 seconds and YOU will be no more!

Aeris: *gapes* Cloud?! What are you doing?!

Tifa: IDIOT!!!!

Sephiroth: . . . . . Most of us are already dead.

Cloud: *laughs manically then stops when he realizes the truth in Sephiroths words* . . . . . Oh.

*Cave explodes from some high point on the ceiling, only for ever boulder to fall on top of Cloud, crushing him into a icky red smudge*

Sephiroth: . . . . Dumbass.

Lucrecia: *screams* I JUST HAD THE WALLS PAINTED!!!

Vincent:  I shall help you repaint if you like.

Lucrecia: *sighs* Alright, and while we do that, they can continue to search for clues to his mothers identity.

Vincent:  *nods*

Tifa: But where?! We have no CLUE as to who it could be!

Lucrecia: *frowns* . . . . . . . . . . . . I believe he once had an affair with Scarlet on the 60th floor.

Sephiroth:  *screams*  NOOOOOO!!!  No No no no no NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tifa: *grabs Sephiroth and drags him off* Come on! We have to explore ALL possibilities!

Sephiroth:  *to Lucrecia*  If she's my mother, will you adopt me?  PLEEEEEASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jenova: *sobbing endlessly over a photo album of Sephiroth's baby pictures, hitting Hojo over the head* HOW! COULD! YOU!!!!

Hojo:  It was for the sake of science!

Jenova: *slaps him with a tentacle* THIS is what I think of your SCIENCE! *starts to wreck the highly expensive laboratory with a frying pan*

Hojo:  *screams*  NOOOOO!  My scrambled eggs!!

Jenova: *knocks him unconscious with the frying pan before dropping it and storming off down the hall* I shall make this up to my son . . . . . I PROMISE!!!